Tag Workmanship

Not Doing It Ourselves

Michael Leave a comment

As homeowners we are quite used to doing things ourselves.  If we didn’t we’d get very little done around our houses.  Our DIY projects save money, recycle material, and usually end up well done and proud to put on display.

We like to think we’re pretty diverse in our projects.  We’ll remodel a room, refinish a floor, decorate a front yard, and hang a sink or two.  Usually we get our ideas from home shows, newspaper articles, or an on-line post.  We’ve been known to lift ideas from advertisements though not necessarily for something we’re looking to buy.  When He of We was looking for inspiration for his very small bathroom he found it in an ad for an air freshener.

But one of our classic go-to sources, the magazine article, might be going away.  Yes, we still read hard copy magazines.  But we might be losing them as inspiration not because the genre is becoming obsolete but because the genre is pricing us out of their market. 

We both saw a great topic in one of our subscriptions this month, how to landscape a sloping yard.  Both of We have back yards that are anything but flat, level, and regular.  Thus most anything we ever read in a gardening magazine or learned at an adult education class is lost on our properties.   But here we thought we had something.  And to make it even more interesting, we each saw the headline separately, read the article separately, considered the information separately, and came to the same conclusion.  Forget about it!

If we were going to follow the advice of the “homeowner” who took this on we’d be the proud owners of back yards that cost more than the houses that front them.  It’s becoming a common problem.  The do it yourself magazines, the home decorating magazines, and the yard and garden magazines have all gone daft.  No more how to extend your deck to add room for outdoor seating and eating.  Now it’s how to turn your backyard into an outdoor kitchen complete with appliances, storage, and fine linen.  What used to be how to’s for a budget are now how to bust a budget.  The particular project we saw would have run about $75,000, without the furniture.  Of course we can only guess at the cost based on our own experiences because the source list listed everything but prices.

We may have to publish our own magazine for real do it yourselfers.  One that has real life do-it-yourself projects for do-it-yourself peoples.  One that prices out material.  One that illustrates varying grades of material.  One that includes time lines and maybe a couple of good drink recipes for the really challenging days.  Stuff a real do-it-yourselfer needs to really do it yourself.

Anybody know where we can learn how to do that ourselves?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

The Love Boat That Wasn’t

Michael 1 Comment

Over forty years ago a ship was built that would change the world.  The Queen Mary?  Nope.  The QE2?  No, but she came to her rescue once.  The Nina? Pinta? Santa Maria?  No, no, no.  It was the Pacific Princess, better known as television’s Love Boat.

Cheesy, campy, fluffy, goofy.  All apt adjectives for this show.  But it managed to stay on the air for ten years and for all of them the opening credits featured Princess Cruise Line’s Pacific Princess.  How the show stayed afloat for 10 years is easy to answer.  It was a feel good, don’t have to think about it, everybody lives happily ever after fantasy.  How the ship stayed afloat for so long isn’t that hard to figure out either.  She was built as a boat that happened to entertain people.  Not as a skyscraping hotel that wanted to get its feet wet.

The ship built in 1971 for Flagship Cruises to sail the Bermuda cruise circuit as the Sea Venture was sold to Princess in 1975.  In 1977 she landed the title role in “The Love Boat.”  She continued to sail for Princess Cruises until 2003.  Again rechristened as the Pacific, she sailed for Pullmantur Cruises until sold to Quail Cruises of Spain.  In 2009 the ship was seized by the Italian Coast Guard in Genoa after the owner failed to pay for repairs.  Recently this former television star was sold for scrap.  

That’s a forty year history on the seas for a ship that topped the scales fully loaded at 19,000 ton and hosted only 600 passengers.  Compare that to the other ship still making headlines in Italy, the Costa Concordia.  Weighing in at over 114,000 tons and able to transport over 3,700 passengers, the 950 foot boat is still on its side and may itself end up sold for scrap.  What’s the difference between these two boats?  About 35 years, 10 decks, and 20 million pounds (that’s weight, not English money).

The former Pacific Princess looks like a boat.  A big boat, but a boat.  She measures 550 feet overall and four of her eight decks rise from the center of the ship.  The Costa Concordia looks like a small apartment building, 950 feet long overall with 14 decks, almost all of them spanning most of 900 feet.  And cruise ships are getting even bigger.  Disney’s two newest ships, the Fantasy and the Dream measure 1,120 feet long and hold 4,000 passengers on 14 of their 16 decks.

We seem to recall as children playing with boats and things that float in bath tubs and swimming pools, the more you had above the water the sooner the whole kit and caboodle was going to be under water.  Height plus weight plus waves equal instability.  And not just in the ship’s captain.  Did somebody change the laws of physics over that past forty years?  You can try this experiment at home.  Take a plastic cube or wooden block.  A frustration causing Rubik’s Cube will work.  Load 3,500 very tiny people on it.  If you don’t have that many small people you can use ants, rice, dust particles, or nothing at all.  Toss cube in bathtub.  Remove cube, fill bath tub with water.  Now toss cube in bathtub.  Come back in 15 minutes to rescue survivors.

So one ship now docked in Italy, that many say is responsible for increasing interest in ocean cruises and sparking the cruise industry, its maiden voyage in May of 1971, will soon make its last trip, towed behind a tug to the big boat version of a cutting torch.  Another ship, also in Italian waters, that many say is responsible for the cruise industry’s most sluggish summer since the Love Boat was on TV, its maiden voyage in July 2006, isn’t going anywhere soon.

Our advice to the cruise curious.  The former Pacific Princess sister ship, the Island Princess, which on occasion acted as stand-in for the Pacific on the Love Boat, is still in operation as the Discovery, sailing for England’s Voyages of Discovery alongside their other small ship, the Voyager.  Could there still be another run?

          Love, exciting and new
          Come Aboard. We’re expecting you.
          Love, life’s sweetest reward.
          Let it flow, it floats back to you.

          The Love Boat soon will be making another run
          The Love Boat promises something for everyone
          Set a course for adventure,
          Your mind on a new romance. *

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

(By the way, we’ve in no way been compensated to say anything nice about Voyages of Discovery or to entice you to sail with them.  However, if they’d like to show their appreciation in any way we’d be happy to talk about it.  Have your people call our people.) 

(We have people?)

* The Love Boat theme written by Paul Williams and Charles Fox, 1977

 

For Your Protection

Michael Leave a comment

Not long ago, She of We remodeled the bathroom in her house.  The bathtub was still in good shape but dingy.  Rather than replace a good strong cast iron tub with a new and improved cheap imitation she had the tub refinished.  When the work was done the refinisher presented her with the warranty and list of “don’ts.”  High on the list was not to use a specific array of cleaning products.  If she failed to heed this warning, her actions would (ominous music, please) void the warranty.  It made sense.  It’s a process to refinish a bathtub.  Acrylics, bonders, polymers and other magic stuff went into making a 60 year old cast iron tub look new and improved.  And it’s an expensive process.  If one of those bonders or polymers or other-ers came loose and the finish became unfinished it would be just as expensive to refinish it all over again.  That is good advice, there for her protection, and a good warranty. 

As the project moved on, new mirrors and floor and fixtures found their way to the remodeled space.  When all the rest of the pieces were in place the plumber presented her with, among other things, instructions for the toilet.  Don’t use any cleaning solutions in it or you will (once again please, some ominous music) void the warranty.  Good advice for the — for the what?  Toilet?  We aren’t speaking of the valve that lets water in or the flush mechanism that lets water out.  Toilets don’t even come with those necessities.  You buy them separately.  We’re speaking of the white thing upon which you sit.  After you buy a seat.  They don’t come with those either. 

That big white thing that takes up a whole corner of the room – the throne, the chair, the real man’s recliner – has a warranty.  And in order to preserve it you cannot use toilet cleaners in the toilet.  We have to ask, with what does one clean a toilet if not with toilet cleaners.  You would certainly want to clean a toilet every now and then.  Wouldn’t you?  We do.  But wait yet another minute.  A warranty?  From what?  One would think if a toilet did not hold up its end of the bargain and hold up he or she while he or she is…well, if the toilet broke and that person crashed to the floor, the warranty would be the last thing that the state attorney general or consumer affairs commissioner or whomever would handle the complaint would request to act upon the complaint.

There once was a day when warranties weren‘t commonplace for everything from toilets to shampoo.   There once was a day when workmanship was so good nobody thought of a warranty.  It just worked.  Even toilets.  No, that toilet warranty isn’t there for her protection.  That warranty is there for the protection of the company that realized it has created a new and improved cheap imitation of what once was genuine and solid needing neither newness nor improvement.  If it was any good the manufacturer would have hung a tag on it that reads, “Good luck with your new toilet.  It will give you years of enjoyment.  If you have any problems, give us a call.”  Instead the manufacturer tries to impress the purchaser with promises that it will repair or replace any defective part that one can prove was a defect in manufacturing and not subsequent handling including transportation and installation and that no mishandling after installation up to and including cleaning with cleaning solutions has occurred.  Words we never thought would accompany a toilet purchase.

Our advice to you if you find yourself in a similar situation is to clean the toilet.  It’s for your protection.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?