Tag Work

Happy New Years +1

Michael 11 Comments

Happy New Year’s Day everybody. Oh, wait. Happy New Year’s Day everybody in the gold old U.S. of A! Yep, that’s what the calendar says. Oh it makes perfect sense. Because the real January 1 falls on a Sunday this year, and horror of horrors and woe to those who would dare to cheat the hardworking citizens of a day off, they “shifted” the holiday to Monday. Of course, those hardworking citizens who now have Monday off all went to work yesterday, which as we now know, was not a holiday. Right?

I’ve railed about Monday holidays before. I don’t know why I find them so distasteful, but I do. Almost as much as the insistence that if a holiday has the nerve to show up on the weekend (talk about anthropomorphizing), it owes those people who are already not working on that day, another day off sometime during the week, preferably at the beginning or end so they can benefit from multiple, consecutive days off. And then there is the worst part about it – it is system that was created by people who barely work at all, politicians(!).

I recently saw a Twitter thread started by an American visiting relatives in England that there it is “illegal” to work more than 48 hours a week. “How does anything ever get done?” queried the Tweeter. The responses ran the gamut from in same countries you don’t even think about working extra to “I work every extra second I must until I know the job is done!” (Yeah, right, and probably sucking up all the overtime possible.) When did going to work, or not going to work, become so competitive?

Look, I know it’s important to have time off and recover and refresh yourself. I also know it’s important we honor certain people and events and to that end we have anointed certain days as special, as holidays. You can have one and still have the other but you don’t have to shift the whole calendar around to accommodate- who? Certainly not everyone.

Maybe I’m just cranky already. In round figures, 2022 was basically a not so happy year. And now I’m figuring if it’s already going to start off bowing to the privileged, this year isn’t going to be any better. It shouldn’t matter to me who gets when off. I worked an entire career when even Sundays were just regular old work days, and I started work back in the day when Sundays were pretty much days off for everybody. Some fields know at some time you’re going to have to work every hour of the day, every day of the year. Not “emergency” calls or responses, but on the schedule, doing the same things you’d do on any random Wednesday.

Today, many of the rest of working humans have caught up with us although there are still a handful of people whose work emails do not end in .gov who will benefit by today’s declared holiday. If you are one of them and you feel a need to go see a movie, fly to some far-off destination, buy a head of romaine or a bottle of aspirin, listen to the radio, report a fire, or visit a friend in the hospital, be nice to the people wearing the uniforms and name tags. To them, it’s just another Monday.

The Fruits of Our Labor

Michael 2 Comments

Hello! I would say “Happy Labor Day” but to those who know the origins of the day that would be just as offensive as wishing those who understand the meaning of that spring holiday a “Happy Memorial Day.”

I wonder if even the organizers of big labor know why we have today. Last month a new group voted to be represented by a labor union in their quest for more equitable treatment in the workplace. Those were the local librarians. They are now represented by, and pay their dues to, the same union protecting the interests of that other maligned worker, the part time graduate assistant. No, I’m not making this up.

According to the U. S. Department of Labor, “Labor Day is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.” Noble sounding. Actually Labor Day is a commemoration of when 10,000 workers took unpaid time off to march from City Hall to Union Square in New York on September 5, 1882. They weren’t looking for lower deductibles for their health insurance or a guarantee 5% raise every year without a corresponding 5% increase in productivity. They were protesting 12 hour workdays over 7 day work weeks with preteen co-workers. They were protesting violence in the workplace ending in deaths of employees and employers over working conditions that would have resulted in their deaths anyway. They were protesting not having a life while at the same time not making a living. They were truly under appreciated, maligned, and frankly endangered.

Please take a moment today to pray for those killed in the 1800s so 59% of the American workforce can have today off with pay. Just don’t try to return a book to the library.

(In case you’re wondering, the union representing graduate assistants and librarians – the United Steel Workers. I guess even union officers have to find creative ways to continue living the life to which they’ve become accustomed.)

 

Saving Congress

Michael 1 Comment

Did you get your deal on Amazon Prime Days. Maybe you picked picked up a special price on a Summer Black Friday at Best Buy. Or maybe you’re still cashing in on the Christmas in July savings at Target. As a consumer nation we are nothing if we aren’t a bunch of sheep.

That’s really not a horrible thing. I picked up a collector edition of a book I’ve been eyeing on a Thrift Books this week while grabbing a couple kitchen gadgets at Macy’s.com. Following the path of a bunch of other bargain hunters chasing sales thought up by other companies at another time of the year saved me over $70. That’s a month Internet service.

Unfortunately as a nation we are still a bunch of sheep when it comes to things like political alliances. I’m sure other than for George Washington and probably Gerald Ford, political mudslinging at our highest offices has been going on since the 1700s. (George and Jerry get excluded because neither one really had aspirations of becoming President as much as just were the benefactors (or victims) of circumstances. Recently though through the “miracle” of social media can the common man act as stupid as the ones we elect to office. In the years that started with a “1” it took organized efforts and multiple layers of volunteers to get people to believe their preferred politician was one miracle short of sainthood. Today that happens with blinding speed matched only by the efforts to convince followers that their least favorite politician is two steps ahead of the devil for the race to evil emperor.

We no longer care about right or wrong, truth or lie, sense or nonsense. If we read it on-line, particularly if it was posted by somebody we know well to have had a drink with or want to know well enough to buy a round of drinks for, we eat it up like sugar coated, double dipped, sprinkle laden ice cream in a waffle cone. I’m quite convinced many of not most of us know the tenets of the political party with which we identify or the actual background of its “stars players.” In my state a bill passed by the state legislature that, among other reforms including the purchase of new voting machines (which it could ill afford financially) was vetoed by the governor because it also called for the elimination of the single lever straight party voting option. Considering how Congress has itself voted with a straight party mentality for this century that shouldn’t have been a surprise coming from a politician.

I think I have a solution that can actually result in more amicable relations among all parties (apparent there actually are more than two), eliminate party voting mentality, and save us enough money to actually pay for things like health care, infrastructure, or education.

First we eliminate Congress. That’s not exactly right, we eliminate the Congressional presence in Washington. Since they have clearly demonstrated since 2001 that our elected officials – Representatives and Senators – vote en bloc however the leaders want them to vote there is no need for them in Washington. They can stay in their districts were they can actually serve the people by helping with disability forms, selecting Medicare supplement plans, and going to the occasional Fourth of July picnic. Back in Washington each house gets two representatives, one from each party who can hash out their own deals and compromises without the distraction of party rhetoric.

Second we forbid all elected officials from using social media and prepared press releases. If anybody wants to communicate with their constituents, and it is only their constituents they should be communicating with, they must do it in person. Because all but four representatives will be in their home districts that will not pose any burden. Further, if somebody already elected to an office wants to give up that office to run for another office, then he or she or other must actually give up their office. No ignoring their work so they can apply for another job.

Now here’s where the real fun stuff happens. Did you know the average average salary for the rank and file Congressman is $174,000. Majority and minority leaders of the House and Senate make $193,400. The Speaker of the House is the highest paid member of Congress at $223,500. (These are 2016 figures. A handful of websites reporting these salaries mention these salaries are comparable to mid-level managers in the private sector. They go on to say that Congress has not accepted a raise since 2009. I was firmly in the middle of mid level management and I can tell you I would have had to work almost two full years before I made $174,000 in 2009 dollars.) In addition, Congressmen are permitted to make up to 15% of their salary from outside salary sources like with the law firm they all seem to still belong to. There is no limit on non-salary sources of income such as interest, dividends, and honoraria. And of course they all get money to run their offices.

The staff allowance for members of the House of Representatives depends on the size of his district which is determined by the official U. S. Census but in 2016 the average allowance was $1,268,520. That’s not the total. That’s per representative. That’s almost 1.3 million dollars. Times 435 representatives that’s $551.8 million dollars. That’s over a half a billion dollars. For office expenses. Per year. Senators in 2016 averaged $3,306,570 allowance per Senator. The math here is pretty simple. That comes out to $330,657,000 for the full senate. Every year we spend over $882 million to staff representatives’ offices. If we eliminate half of their offices by limiting Congressional work to the local office that will save us $441 million.

And finally, because they all like to remind us of what our founding fathers meant when they said something, they should be paid like them. Not in 1789 dollars. That would be cruel. In 1789 a Senator only made $50 a day and had to cover his own expenses except for postage for official correspondence. They did get lunch though. Note that salary was not per year or per session, it was per day. Today’s Congress should be paid likewise. When a member shows up he or she or undecided can punch a clock and get paid for the days worked. Assuming 225 working days per year. That’s $773 per day. I think that’s more than fair. But since 2001 Congress has average only 138 legislative days per year the average Congressman can expect to take in about $107,000 per year. This will save us $35,845,000. Added to the $441 million we already saved we are now $477 million ahead.

That’s close enough to a half a billion for me. That’s about as much as the CDC gets for immunization research. Congress  might not still be worth the trouble they cause but maybe now we can find a cure for them!

Coming soon…Fixing the Presidency.

Capitol

Acts of Love

Michael 4 Comments

Over the last two or three weeks I’ve seen at least a half dozen TV shows and movies that featured a scene where a parent treated a child to a lunch, a shopping day, or some trip or event that ended with the child asking, “Seriously, why are you being so nice to me? You want my kidney!!!” I mentioned this to my daughter on our way out to lunch. She didn’t comment. Hmmm.

If you don’t know or don’t remember reading it, my daughter is one of those being evaluated as a potential kidney donor for me. She didn’t have to be asked and I treated her to many lunches before my body demonstrated a need for spare parts. Likewise are my sisters going through the evaluation process and I’m not sure I’ve ever treated either to lunch, maybe an occasional birthday brunch or holiday dinner but not a random, middle of the day, full on lunch. Even a friend of my daughter has said he would be willing to go through the process when he found out I was in need. And not one of them was asked.

The story is actually one years in the making. I had been teetering on poor kidney function for a few years. The Wegener’s granulomatosis (GPA) had over a dozen years to work on marginalizing those organs. Drugs and diet had been keeping me functional. Unfortunately function slipped to the unreasonable level and I entered dialysis about 2 years after I had been diagnosed and treated for bladder cancer. The rules at the transplant center called for a 5 year cancer free window before I would even be considered for a transplant.

HeartAndKidney

Image: National Kidney Foundation

Everyone knew the date I had been declared “cancer free” and as the 5 year anniversary approached they seem to take for granted that they would celebrate by scheduling donor evaluation appointments for themselves. No bribing needed.

I think of all this today, Valentine’s Day. This is love. Love isn’t a card, a greeting, or a thought. Love isn’t a saying or a feeling. To truly love someone we must do for one. Love is an action. Love is in doing. Love is in the work.

I love how these people are working for me. I know I’ll never been able to work as hard at loving them.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Give Me a Break

Michael 2 Comments

Everything starts to run slower every now and then and can be fixed if you unplug it then plug it back it. Even you. This sage advice is brought to you by the people who marketed the first home computers way back in the dark ages, like 1970something. That it’s still true today isn’t surprising. That you need to unplug even from unpluggedness isn’t something I would have before imagined.

When I was working I always looked forward to time off. Not a day or a weekend. Not a week around the holidays when you worked harder at cooking and cleaning and then celebrating and recovering than you did before taking the time off. Real time off. A week on a beach on an island that has spotty cell coverage and Wi-Fi is something you ask when questioning the use of the 21st letter of the Greek alphabet. That kind of time off.

If you’re still of working age I strongly urge you to consider using some of your time for actual time off. Even if it is just a day or a weekend, make it a day or a weekend of unpluggedness. Maybe you can use it to come up with a better word than unpluggedness. Lexicologists excepted. And if you’re still working then by all means take a break from not working.

Here’s my logic. As I said, when I was working I looked forward to my time off. I also looked forward to going to work. Yes, I was one of those people who loved my work. I didn’t mind if I was in early, worked through break times, worked late, worked extra, or covered others. Preferably not all in the same day but if it happened I still made the best of it. But even though I was doing what I loved I wasn’t going to be fooled into believing that sampler waiting to happen “when you love what you do you’ll never work a day in your life” resembles truth. Doing anything well, even something you like, takes work. That’s how you get good at it. And work, even at doing something you like, is tiring. Exhausting even.

You need that break from work to recharge so you can do it again. That’s why so many companies have a “use it or lose it” policy regarding vacation time. No, it’s not so they can work you to death and then not give you what (you think) you’re entitled to. They have it so you’ll be forced to take time because so many seem to think that by denying yourself time off you’ll make it look like you’re such a great worker they can’t do without and you’ll never get let go. Actually, not taking time off only means you get burned out, end up doing a half-assed job, and get let go. That’s why I insisted those who worked in my department took their time off even if I had to schedule it for them myself. That’s also why, having managed to work myself up to a position of getting rewarded with 5 weeks of available time off each year I took as many of them as I could, often within a day or two of all five weeks. It might be why I enjoyed what I did. Because I took the time to recharge. Even when I was just starting and got all of two weeks vacation, between taking time off for the holidays and family activities, I always tried to take a couple of days off to just be off.

Now that I’m not working every day should be a holiday, right? Well, not so. You know that not working was not originally my idea. Those guys called doctors as well as those body parts called mine got together and decided it was better for my health, wellbeing, and continued living to start taking time off on a more or less permanent basis. Not working has not been fun, and I was sure it was because I wanted to work.  Ah, but I was wrong.

Perhaps at the beginning of not working, not working was not fun. But I’ve been not working for 3 years now. I should be used to it. Used to it I am. Enjoying it I am not. That is until I “took time off” from being off and started doing new things out of the routine that I had established in lieu of working. It really doesn’t matter what the routine is; what matters is that it is a routine. It was going to work at not working. But in the last 2 months I took a break from that. I didn’t a adhere to the routine, and I feel more refreshed, more positive, and more anticipating of returning to, you guessed it, my new old routine.

If I can keep taking some time off from myself like that more often, I might get used to this not working thing.

 

Life Needs a Soundtrack

Michael Leave a comment

Do you know a problem with real reality? There are no clues to what’s coming next. Life needs a soundtrack.

Watch any movie or television show, even the so-called “reality” shows, and you see that they all have musical accompaniment. It’s quite clear when someone or something is to be happy, sad, humorous, suspenseful, romantic, mysterious, thrilling, or chilling. Just about the only time the background is silent is when the director intends for extreme drama. Even commercials have background music. Everything from auto insurance to male erectile dysfunction therapy has an associated tune. Why can’t we.

It sounded like a good idea when it popped into my head. Heaven knows there’s enough music up there. I’m always mentally humming a tune, a jingle, a theme. How hard would it be for that to be amplified and spill out around me so I know for sure what mood I’m in – not to mention everyone else who might be in the area?

It’s hard enough to get through a day without being misunderstood. Think of all the relationships that could be saved if there was a full orchestra ready to turn despair to hope, hope to thought, and thought to action. Imagine the peace people could experience if daily routines were spiced up with a bluesy southern anthem or smoothed out by a soft jazz composition. Think of your daily commute to the tune of a driving chorus instead of the tune of blaring horns and mufflers in need of repair.

If you really want to explore this idea, can we consider making life a musical? On second thought, I don’t know if I can handle a sudden eruption of song and dance while standing in line at the deli counter. “You’re the ham that I want. Ooo, ooo, ooo honey,” doesn’t run trippingly off the tongue even if you are looking for that tasty lunchmeat. No, just a soft background perhaps of Dave Matthews Band’s Pig song.

Like I said, it sounded like a good idea when it popped into my head.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Strike Three

Michael Leave a comment

Twinkie, Twinkie, little cake
No longer now will you bake.
The salaries were much too high.
The union said pay up or die.
Twinkie, Twinkie, little cake
How much did they think they’d make.

Unfortunately there are over 18,000 workers with nowhere to go on the next regularly scheduled business day and who knows how many investors (you remember investors, they are the ones who actually put up the money) have no next regularly scheduled business.

Nobody wins win you have to strike for money.  You can strike to prevent workers from entering dangerous conditions.  Back when mine workers had to send in birds then wait to see if they died from methane gas exposure there were dangerous conditions one should strike against.  Back when seamstresses were locked in textile mills and not permitted to leave until an arbitrary but always high number of garments were finished regardless of a workers physical condition there were dangerous conditions.  When delivery personnel had to handle unbroken horses pulling unarmored wagons across often violent territory, there were dangerous conditions.

Because a worker wants more money is not a reason to strike.  Everybody wants more money.  Even the President of the United States wants more money but he doesn’t go on strike, he gets another job.  For him it was part time author while he wasn’t busy dong presidential things.  If the bakers at Hostess wanted more money, they could have worked harder.  Instead, they were sold a bill of goods by a union (whose officers and employees still have jobs to go to) that if they paid their union dues the union would get them more money.  We don’t recall ever seeing a news article that a union has offered to reduce their dues for workers who have been asked to work for less than what the union demands.  

As a matter of economics, and recognizing that owners are just as greedy as workers, those who lose the most during union negotiations are, well, everybody.  Take this example.  Let’s say that it takes $100 to build a chair. The chair company has 10 workers and each builds 10 chairs a year.  The workers each get $50 a chair and the company spends $5,000 on salaries.  They also pay $3,000 on health insurance.  Electricity costs $1,000 and the wood, glue, and nails cost $1,000.  That’s $10,000 for that company to build those chairs this year.  The owner who puts up all the money sells each chair for $125.   And he makes $2,500 a year if he sells all 100 chairs.  In year 2, the chair makers go to the owner and ask for 10% more this year raising their salary from $50 per chair to $55 or $550 per worker or $5,500 in total salaries.  The owner asks how many more chairs the workers will make.  No more chairs, just the same 10.  So at the end of the year 2, if the owner sells all 100 chairs he will lose $500 from his previous salary.  Instead of risking that, he’s going to raise his chair prices to $130 to make up the $500 difference.  Across the street at the table factory the workers are demanding more money this year.  Why?  Because the cost of living is going up.  Have you seen how much chairs cost nowadays?

It’s a very simple example but it’s the core problem with unions.  Every time someone gets more, somebody else needs more just to keep up.  All for money.

Someday somebody will buy the trademark and rights to the Twinkie name and the world will be happy again.  Except for those workers who will now want more money because the price of milk just went up.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

(For more of our thoughts on unions, See Union Made, June 18, 2012 in Humor.  Yep, in Humor.)

 

 

Union Made

Michael 1 Comment

The news is such a great source of comedic anecdotes.  Here’s one we couldn’t resist.  The adjunct faculty of a local college has asked for a mail ballot to determine if they should be represented by a union.  An adjunct faculty member is one who is not on a tenure track and is usually part time.  He or she often applies to a college to instruct in a specific class based on his or her life experience rather than based on his or her academic research that tests the tenets of the material.  These are the teachers that have other “real jobs” on the outside.

This particular college is a Catholic institution and petitioned the National Labor Relations Board for an exemption to the regulation that allows faculty to organize.  The union says the faculty needs them “to improve job security, pay levels and working conditions” and that the college’s attempt to block them from organizing is “legally and ethically offensive.” 

Oh yes, we can see the arguments from both sides.  Certainly someone has to look out for the faculty.  Teaching one, or possibly two classes a week, in air conditioned discomfort, having to share offices with other part time faculty members while still getting free sporting event tickets, free parking, free lunch.  Yes, those are terrible working conditions.  And of course the college has to look out for itself.  Its average tuition brings them a mere $10,000 a year for each student.  Not much revenue at all. 

Indeed, both sides need specialized representation.  We’re certain that the college has an attorney well versed in arguing exemptions for private institutions.  You’d not want to go before a federal agency with an attorney who specializes in copyright infringement to argue labor issues.  And the teachers will have their experts when the union presents its argument that the professors of higher education deserve to have their interests looked after by . . . the United Steelworkers of America?

Yes, the USW wants “to improve job security, pay levels and working conditions” for these college teachers.  After all, they have a lot of experience making certain that no teacher is forced to work more than 40 hours a week wielding a cutting torch while smoothing the cut end of seamless steel pipe or that any teacher is coerced into accepting a lower paid laborer position in the sheet mill when there are open inspector positions in the wire mill. 

Come on guys, the real story here is that the steelworkers union is losing membership.  All those steelworkers who lost their jobs in the 80’s but have still been paying their dues because the union was working hard to get them their jobs back have either retired from their mall security guard jobs or have moved on to the great blast furnace in the sky.  The union’s revenue stream is drying up and their office employees are at risk of having to find gainful employment while actually doing something for their 40 hours every week.

Maybe if the USW wants to find new members they should look at the workers who are employed by labor union offices.  They should be able to find unfair labor practices there.  Nepotism, favoritism, and a few other -isms are probably common place in a business that’s basically all executive, and no laborers.  But they better be careful.  If they win the election to represent themselves the only benefit they might end up providing is the right to pay dues.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

You want fries with that?

Michael 2 Comments

Another Saturday night was in full swing.  Even though it was the coldest night since Thanksgiving and one of only two shopping  Saturdays left until Christmas (no, we don’t count Christmas Eve as a shopping day – sheesh!)  the stores were full, the parking lots were full, and . . .  yes, the restaurants were full.  We will wait for almost anything worth that wait – good music, good hockey, good movies, good plays – but food, nope, we just aren’t going to wait for that.  There are too many restaurants with the same offerings to wait 45 minutes at one restaurant when a similar entrée is beckoning you from across the street.  And thus we were led astray by our rumbling tummies and fell into the abyss that was once a stalwart of family dining in our part of the world.

It’s our go-to restaurant when everything else is packed, when we can’t agree on where to go, or when we want that “you’ll never get a bad meal there” and we don’t want “there” to be home.  What it turned out to be was the exception to the rule.  First we got led to a sticky table with a crumb festooned banquette right off the open doorway to the kitchen.  The waitress was quick enough to come for a drinks order but that was the last time we saw her that evening.  No, that’s not true.  We did see her again 20 minutes later when she brought out the drinks.  That was however the last time she brought a correct order to us. It wasn’t a hard order – She of We ordered the meatloaf and He of We was having a pot roast sandwich with fries and gravy over everything.  Fattening, yes.  Difficult, no.  After making the 45 minute wait at the restaurant across the street seem speedy she came out with the correct but quite cold orders.  When she returned for the customary “how is everything?” we told her of our cold food, which by now could have chilled fresh brewed iced tea.  She stormed off in a huff, our former plates balanced precariously on her forearm, declaring “I’m never working a Saturday again!”  After only a moment away she returned again to ask if we wanted our meals re-prepared and simply heated.

To make a long story short, after three more trips to the kitchen, two additional exclamations of “I’m never working on Saturday again!” two visits by the restaurant manager, and an impromptu dance routine just inside the kitchen doorway,  we left with “We’re never going there on a Saturday again.”

But wait, should we strike an otherwise enjoyable rest stop from our list of acceptable establishments because they no longer hire professional waitresses?  Nobody hires professional waiters or waitresses any more.  There seems to be some backlash against professionals in the service industries.  We don’t understand why.  It takes a particular skill to handle a handful of restaurant tables each with a handful of diners even on a not particularly busy night.  The fault isn’t that of the misguided woman who thinks waitressing is a piece of cake.  It’s not even the fault of the manager who hires people who show contempt for their busiest night.  It’s the fault of the people who patronize these restaurants and stores but don’t complain when served up shoddy service.  It’s the fault of those who won’t return on a Saturday night but not tell anyone why.

We think something has to be done.  The only way we are going to get skilled and practiced service is to demand it.  Waiters and waitresses have to understand that if they do a mediocre job they get a mediocre tip.  When asking how everything was at the end of the meal they should expect, and want a critique of their service.  If the service is so bad that the manager is waiving the check, the waitress’s first thought should not be “there goes my tip.”  Managers have to know that the answer to every service complaint is not free dessert.  If a problem means meals will be delayed bring out some appetizers while the delay is happening.  Owners have to know that competent training and honest evaluations go a long way in making an establishment a continued stalwart in the field.   

When confronted with poor service we often ask ourselves what workers at these places expect.  It’s work.  But it’s work that’s been done for years by competent, yet still pleasant professionals.  We say bring them back.  And put them in charge.  And if it means we have to pay a little bit more for the service it will be worth it.

Even just for the meatloaf and a pot roast sandwich with fries and gravy over everything.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Fire Them All

Michael 2 Comments

Those who have spent any amount of time around He of We have heard his plan for workplace efficiency, effectiveness, and cooperation.  Fire them all and start over.  When you spend most of your time at work you want to spend it with people who are efficient, effective, and cooperative.  You wouldn’t think so but sometimes that’s a tall order.

The problem nowadays with many co-workers is that they want to be friends.  That’s not meant to be sounding harsh.  Indeed we should be friendly to our co-workers but not necessarily with them.  They make great acquaintances but when you stop and think about it, pretty lousy friends.

On any given workday we’re probably at work or getting to and from work for over 75% of our waking hours.  That’s a lot of time.  That’s probably why someone had to come up with the phrase “quality time” when you try to explain the type of time you want to be spending with those you love.  Quality, certainly not quantity.  So we want that part of our life to be as stress-free as possible.  No problem, with only a couple hours for close friends and family, where could stress hide?  Oh yeah, that other 75%.

It’s bad enough that sometimes work itself can be stressful.  We’ve managed to work our work lives in work places that we know how to work.  We’ve both been at our respective professions for lots of years and we’ve gotten used to the vagaries of what it is that we do.  There is stress, but it’s not overwhelming.  It expands, deflates, multiplies, settles, mushrooms, and eventually resolves sometimes several times a day, sometimes several times an hour.  But it’s work.  It happens.  And we deal with it.

But the wild card our day, in any workers workday is the dreaded co-worker.  We’re certain they come in a variety pack!  Some really aren’t a bad distraction while you’re trying to start the engines.  There’s the proud parent who starts the day with last night’s game winning free-throw or potty time success (age depending) but then moves on.  There’s the secret shopper who found the greatest buy at the most unusual store on the way home.  A little exasperating but after the first 15 minutes it’s business as usual. 

But then we start encountering the stress builders.  There’s the “Can you help?” worker.  We know he or she wants anything but help.  The help wanted is volunteering to do the whatever.  How easy it is when we’re busy to fall into “it’s easier if I do it myself.”   Mr. (or Ms.) Let-Me-Run-This-Past-You needs our review before it goes out to the boss, customer, or next level review.   Here we encounter two versions. Model #1 is a dolt but knows we’ll get him refocused and he’ll do such a great job (now that he knows what his job is) that he’ll get a bonus, raise, and prime parking space.   Model #2 is actually the model employee but paranoid as all get out and needs our reassurance that everything will be ok.

The most stressful, the dreaded-est of the dreadful is the Work Friend.  This person really takes on the persona of a friend.  Hanging out in the doorway, tales of last night’s life gone wrong, we might have felt honored when it began that this person trusts our opinion.  Then we start remembering the encounters.  There was the quarrels at home, the “did you see how early she left yesterday” comments, the rundown of every meeting the boss had that will result in more work but never more money, the itemization of every penny spent (translated to wasted) by everybody in the office but us two, and the leaky plumbing, noxious fireplace, cracked steps and useless cable company at home.  Each day there’s a new (or not so new) concern, a new worry in his or her life that we’re now going to solve and move on.  This person isn’t looking for a friend.  This person is looking for free therapy!

Do you want to be a good co-worker?  Come in, smile, say good day, bring a surprise once in a while (donuts are good), keep your conversations bright and have them in the lunch room, and do your job.  Learn your job.  When you want help, ask with the intention of actually learning a new how to.  Remember, it’s a job, it’s not supposed to be the happiest time of your day.  Learn a little workplace etiquette and when you get home your quality time will have meaning and you won’t need our help getting through life.  And then our quality time will be better and maybe we won’t mind so much the occasional detour to the therapist’s office.  Just not every day!

It beats the heck out of starting over every couple years.  And you know how HR hates it when you fire them all at once.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?