Tag Vacation

Too Much of a Good Thing

Michael Leave a comment

Don’t you just love it when one of life’s questions finally gets answered?  When that thing that has never been at the forefront of thought but always hovering around the subconscious is finally resolved? When you can finally say, “Oh, yeah.”

Both of We have three children.  All three of the Little We’s are in their 20’s, gainfully if not ideally employed, with their own cars, clothes, gym memberships, monthly bills, and spending money.  Three children, two families, one burning life’s question.  Do we do too much for our children?  Sit back and let us tell you She of We’s story.

Number Two Son of She was at the airport.  Just a matter of days ago he was flying west to embark on a weekend away as young ones are now so inclined to do to visit strange cities where the strange inhabitants have a curious habit of dying their river a strange green.  But that’s a tale for a different day.  This one begins and ends at the airport.  Our airport.  The departing city.

This story began several trips ago that Number Two Son of She takes with some regularity.  They are almost always by plane and almost always end up with him missing the last leg of his journey leaving whoever (three guesses) was assigned to collect him at the local airport stranded at the airport.  But it was a habit and one that that seemed would forever end with whomever (three guesses) stranded at the airport or waiting for the call that he is finally about to board a plane home and would be there sometime within the hour or two.  So it wasn’t that He of We would not have expected Son of She to be calling She of We, but not so soon.

But sooner rather than later the call did come and with it came our life’s question, do we do too much for our children. A call that began sort of innocently with a seeming innocent question.  Did She of We have Son of She’s spare car key?  No, but why?

It seemed that after years of explaining, rationalizing, cajoling, complaining, and persuading, She of We convinced Son of She to drive himself to the airport and deposit his car in one of the long term parking lots ($8.00 per day, no hourly rate).  So convinced was Son of She that he actually discovered another traveler among his friends to the very same destination for the very same duration and offered him a ride to and from the airport.  Presumably for the low price of $4.00 per day.  No hour rate.  And off for the airport they set, their sights set on the gate labeled Extended Parking.  They must have not set their sights so high as to see the overhead sign not reading Extended Parking, rather they entered the parking mecca at the gate labeled Short Term Parking ($2.50 per hour, maximum daily rate $25.00).

Yes, he finally was convinced.  Son of She, finally convinced that he could drive himself to the airport did just so, and shortly after his arrival there made the call to She of We.  It was the call from the airport relating this very tale.  But the tale was not told just for its entertainment value.  It concluded with a request for her to drive 20-some miles to the airport with his spare key so that she could move his car into one of the long term lots that she had so often spoke of. And shortly thereafter was the call from She of We to He of We with that question, do we do too much for our children?

Do we?  Daughter of He still lives at home in the very room she shared with her childhood stuffed animals.  And is still sharing.  Number One Son of She resides in a second house of hers that could be rental income but is serving much better as Son Cave as he manages his own growing contracting company.  Number Two Son of She recently purchased his own house, able to convince the mortgager that he was good for it because he is one of the gainfully employed, his gainful employment at the favor calling of She of We who realized long before he what kind of job he would otherwise land with an undergraduate political science degree.

And still they ask.  And still do we.  Do we do too much for our children?  For the record, She of We did not make that journey yet we still wonder.  And we wonder that it is a wonder that someone thought it was quite reasonable even just to ask.  And there probably is the answer.  Maybe.  Possibly. Sort of.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

A sucker and his money are soon strangers

Michael Leave a comment

P. T. Barnum said “There’s a sucker born every minute.” W. C. Fields said “It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money,” then went on to say “Never give a sucker an even break.” Well, we seem to be two of them even though born about 400,000 minutes apart, who willingly handed over our hard-earned money, and couldn’t have gotten a break even if we tried. We’ll be happy to explain.

You’ll recall we recently took a mini-vacation to Niagara Falls, the ones on the New York side of the river. It was there, in the Niagara Falls State Park, inside the conveniently located NFSP Visitors’ Center, that the State of New York recognized us and another 10 or 12 visitors as the suckers we so clearly must be. After visiting their facilities and sharing a $4.00 soft drink we decided to view the IMAX film, Niagara Legends of Adventure at the Niagara Adventure Theater. Thanks to all the Niagara myths and legends and spirits, and that it was winter, we got to take advantage of the low, low, half-off the regular admission winter rates. If we had to pay the full price to see a re-enactment of the legendary Seneca wedding featuring a runaway bride, a runway barrel with a runaway teacher and cat contained therein, a runaway steam boat chugging downstream, and a runaway family afternoon in the park ending with the runaway Seneca bride hanging out under the falls while all around her fall over the falls, we’d have felt dumb. (There’s more to the story than that –well, actually, no, there isn’t.) And once the 30-some minute show was over we got to exit. And so we did, directly into the visitor center gift shop. And it was there than we did what any self-respecting visitors do. We bought overpriced souvenirs and marveled at the deals we were getting.

Except for the extremely hokey and overpriced movie, the visitor center was what we’ve come to expect from the average tourist attraction. The truth is, including the extremely hokey and overpriced movie, the visitor center was what we’ve come to expect from the average tourist attraction. And we ask, why?

This isn’t the first hokey movie we’ve seen on vacation. (See “We’re On Vacation, Part 3.” In fact, see all three parts of “We’re on Vacation” under the Travel tab.) And it’s not the first time we’ve been unceremoniously dumped into the gift shop after a hokey movie. But it was the first time that we stopped ourselves from grabbing at the gaudy-colored, poorly screened t-shirt that proclaims to the world that we are living proof that P. T. Barnum was right. Who decided that every vacation must end with a purchase of the vacation spot emblazoned across a t-shirt. They are like the designer bag for the vacation set and say, “I have arrived,” or “I have been taken.”  Other souvenirs are at least useful.  Shot glasses and coffee cups can hold coffee and shots, bumper stickers and decals can be pasted to car bumpers or other places, magnets can be stuck on refrigerators. Hoodies keep out the chill. Sleep shirts keep in the warmth. Plates commemorate. Thimbles decorate. Post cards enunciate. But T-shirts? Twenty-nine dollar t-shirts?  They just get dusty in drawers until they get to become dust rags.

So we got to see a magnificent natural sight. And then got taken in a typical man-made fright. It’s all in a vacation. By the way, did you know you can get commemorative mittens? Now that’s practical.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Over a Barrel

Michael Leave a comment

We went away last weekend.  We’d have loved to have gone to a South Pacific island, inhabited or not, but we went about 200 miles and that was still covered in snow in many places.   That sounds familiar.

We did say last week that we were going away.  It’s a little different for us to be travelling in late winter but not unheard of.  We spend most every year right around the Spring Solstice at one or another of our local maple festivals.  We’re urban enough that to find an area with enough sugar maples to be of commercial interest we have to travel at least one overnight.  But that’s not far and it’s for a particular event.  This last weekend we went to an honest to gosh tourist attraction that probably 85% of its tourists are attracted to in the three summer months of each year.  Still we had a great time.

It is a natural wonder and the wonder of nature is that it’s open year round.  We wondered why more people don’t visit in the winter months.  You’re having a little trouble following us.  Let us explain.  We spent the last three days at Niagara Falls, New York.  Both of us have seen the Falls from the Canadian side though not together.  There is no question the view from Canada is spectacular, pulling in almost all 3,500 feet of water spilling into the Niagara Gorge from the three drops, Horseshoe, American, and Bridal Veil Falls in a single head-on view.  But there are sights seen only from the American side for which we were completely unexpected.

From the American side one can approach to within feet of the America Rapids as the river increases to speeds of up to 30mph before tumbling 100 feet into the lower river basin at a rate of 75,000 gallons per second.  At the crest of the falls the rock beneath the water is clearly visible to those standing not much more than a yard away from the rushing water.  We spent some time on Goat Island separating the American falls pair from Horseshoe Falls.  On the Island we were able to see the almost constant rainbow that seems to appear above the mist at the American Bridal Veil Falls.  A short walk away and we were able to see some of the famous horseshoe’s mist hovering higher than the fall’s crest.  Because it is still the winter off-season we were unable to visit Luna Island and stand between the American Falls and the Bridal Veil Falls literally within feet of the Niagara River on either side.

All this can be seen winter or summer and we wonder why more people don’t seem to speak much of the American side when considering a vacation to the border cities.  But then as we did our own tour of the New York city we wondered ourselves what we were ever going to do when the thrill nature was providing stopped and we still had time to go before check-out.  We wondered as we passed closed tourist shops, empty small convention capable buildings, and even a tourist information center posted “for sale by owner.”  But between a bit of shopping, a little gambling, and a lot of sight-seeing, we managed to fill the weekend.  And we filled a binder full of ideas for some great stories.

So as we did last summer we’ll invite you now to stay tuned while over the next few weeks we’ll sneak in a story or two of our winter wonderland mini-vacation.  And we’ll start with a thank you to She of We’s collective offspring who gifted us with this unusual, but enjoyable late winter get-away.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

We’re On Vacation, Part 3

Michael 1 Comment

You’ll recall in our last Vacation installment we didn’t turn down the free excursion.  Never turn down the free excursion.  We could have turned down the free excursion.

We were on the island of Puerto Rico, home of, among other famous things, Bacardi Rum. For our excursion we selected one that included a tour of the Bacardi factory.  He of We had been to the island many years before and had the opportunity then to tour the distiller’s plant.  He more than once tried to describe to She of We the ever present scent of molasses, a result of distilling sugar cane on its way to becoming rum, throughout the building.

So early one morning instead of deciding between pool and beach we assembled with 2 other couples, climbed into a surprisingly comfortable van where we were the charge of a very enjoyable tour guide and driver.  He regaled us with stories of real life on the island, his life.  We saw his home town, heard tales of his family, were told of his wife’s cooking, saw his favorite beach.  It was a most enjoyable and revealing 90 minutes that passed more quickly than it had to.  A stop here, a photo op there, and before we knew it, we were pulling into the parking lot outside the Bacardi welcome center.  A complimentary rum punch, then the tour, a quick dash through the gift shop, another hit of the free punch and then on to the day’s next destination.  This was going to be great!  

After our first free drink we climbed into one those trams that you never see anywhere but at some tour.  We drove across the compound and were let off at a recreation of a Spanish influenced Caribbean courtyard.  A few minutes for more pictures and then the guide was with us.  He spent some time explaining the company origin, how it came to the island, and how they make the rum there.  And then, it was really time.  We knew so because we were told once we go through that door there will be no more pictures.  And then we went through that door.  And got to watch a movie.

That was it.  A movie.  After that we saw a replica of the first factory and then we got to smell some rum, learned how to make a couple of cocktails and that concluded the tour.

What a letdown.  Years ago the tour went through the factory, the real factory.  And years ago we actually got to see how Hershey’s made chocolate, Busch made beer, and Heinz made ketchup.  Today those iconic factories are off limits to tour groups but tours continue with the help of movies, animations, and gift shops.  Why no more real tours?  They were fun, they were educational, they made us feel like part of a select group.  We weren’t going to steal company secrets or complain if we got squirted by sugar cane juice. 

We miss factory tours.  But we relished the deals we found at the company stores.  And the drive to that one on that day was pretty good.   On second thought, we were right the first time.   

Never turn down the free excursion.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

For more of our vacation, see We’re On Vacation, Part 1 and Part 2

 

 

We’re on Vacation, Part 2

Michael 1 Comment

We stepped out of the shuttle in front of our hotel and drank in the tropics.  It was our first real vacation in years.  No meetings, no computers, no cell phones with the office set on one touch dialing.  A vacation!  Eight days in paradise.

We checked in and gazed out the 3 story high picture windows that framed the beach, and beyond that, the ocean.  Postcards fight over that scene.  That’s when the nice gentleman came over and asked if we had just arrived.  After establishing we had, he invited us to breakfast the following morning and in exchange for an hour of our time we could select an excursion of our choice during our stay.  Ah, the pitch.  Well, we’d been to time share sales pitches before and it seemed an innocuous way to get us up early on our first full day when we figured our biggest decision would be pool or beach.

The following morning we were up and met our hostess at our appointed time.  During a little chit chat before the hard sell commenced we discovered that this day was among her first days on the job.  So new was she that during the presentation she continuously referred to her lap where her script resided.  It was difficult to take someone speaking to her lap seriouslyas she tried to convince us to part with $20,000 on a lifetime of dream vacations.

We answered her questions between bites of powdered egg, heard of the benefits of the hotel chain’s “vacation club” sipping on cold coffee and tea, and expressed our reluctance over frozen concentrated orange juice.  “Thank you but we don’t think we travel enough to take advantage of such an expensive program.”

If we had only left it at that.  What exactly didn’t we like about paying the equivalent of a compact car at an interest rate that was illegal not too many years ago for an unspecified number of “points” that could be traded in for an unspecified amount of time at an unspecified location?  “Well, I think a big issue,” He of We began, “is not knowing exactly what we’re buying.”

If we had only left it at that, again.  “I understand.  It’s an investment.  Let me get my manager and he can explain it better.”  And off our hostess went in search of — da, da, da dum — The Manager.  We should have snuck out. 

“What can I help you with,” and The Manager was off and running.  He repeated the entire presentation in 7 minutes, explained he’d knock off a couple percentage points on the interest and bump our points purchase from a lowly 84,000 points to a total of 300,000 points.  “It’s not a deal I offer just anybody but you two look like you need the President’s Package.”  We knew we should have taken more vacations.

“What I don’t understand is exactly what your points get us.  What are we buying?” He of We asked innocently. 

The Manager was not backing down.  He sputtered a bit and tapped the proposal sheet Sales Rookie printed out with the basic costs and financing.  After takng a deep breath he began, “You’re getting the VIP Silver package of 300,000 points but you’re only paying for 84,000 points at the today only discounted price of 10% off at only $199 per 1,000 points and, again for today only, I’ll let you finance the down payment for six years so the total package comes to just $17,049 plus the deposit finance wrapped up into one payment for both loans with no early penalties, and you can upgrade as much as you want at the then current price after only two years.”  Throughout his explanation The Manager circled each number on the page and added his own notes ‘zero deposit,’ ‘two years,’ ‘no prepay penalty’ in his own handwriting facing himself so they were upside down to Both of We and upside down on the page.

“Uh huh.  But what are we buying for that $17,000?”   

The Manager didn’t look well.  His natural dark coloring took on a shade of red not seen in nature.  “Didn’t she show you the chart?” The Manager asked gruffly, spittle foaming at the corners of his mouth and glaring at Sales Rookie with that We’llTalkLater look.  “This explains it all.”  And he flipped open to The Chart.  It listed each of the 4,500 properties available, the number of days we want, the time of year, the upgraded packages, and the number of points it “costs” as long as Venus isn’t in a lunar eclipse.  He actually seemed agitated that we didn’t grasp that during the initial presentation. “Did I mention that we can add the monthly maintenance fee to your monthly payment so you only have to write one check?  No extra charge,” he hissed.

“But what are we actually buying?  For instance, if we want to buy this week for the whole week at this resort how many points is that?”  We think that’s when The Manager went over the edge.  It could be he hadn’t had anybody actually ask questions before.  It was either “Yes, where do I sign?” or “No, where do we sign up for our free excursion?”  We didn’t mean to raise his blood pressure.  After all, we were on vacation.  We’re the ones that should have been getting agitated.   We’d been there less than 18 hours and we were being asked to spend over twenty times the amount we spent on this vacation after a 90 minute presentation and a bad meal.

“Think it over!  Come back tomorrow!  I shouldn’t do this but I’ll give you an extra 24 hours to make up your mind!  Twenty-four hours!” 

That sounded fair to us.  We didn’t want to make any decisions (other than beach or pool) on the first day of our vacation anyway.  “By the way, where do we sign up for our free excursion?”

“Free what? We’ll take care of that tomorrow.”  The Manager took on a decidedly unhealthy rasp to his voice.  “Oh, never mind.  Stop at the desk on your way out.”

Never turn down the free excursion.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

We’re On Vacation, Part 1

Michael 2 Comments

You recall the scene in “City Slickers” where Billy Crystal is being dragged behind a galloping horse holding on to the reins, looking to the camera and shouting, “I’m on vacation!” almost as much to convince himself as to inform the world of his status.  We just got back from ours and although we had a wonderfully restful time, we also occasionally had to convince ourselves that we were indeed on vacation.

We don’t get to take a break often enough and nobody was going to take away from our leisure.  We’ll do a day trip or a weekend, but to take 10 days off for either of us and then to coordinate schedules for both of us is hard.  When we saw we would be able to do it this year we jumped at the chance to do it in a big, relaxing way.  Even so, every now and then we had to voice our mantra, “We’re on vacation.”

Neither of We travels much by plane.  He of We does a business trip every once in a great while; She of We has averaged one roundtrip per year for the last three years.  When it came to packing we were pretty careful to keep our checked bags to one each and thus the checked bag fee equally to one each.  Both of We packed our carry ons quite sparingly.  He of We used his classic pilot case and a smaller shoulder bag with net-book, e-reader, and some snacks. She of We carried a quite attractive leather tote with her reader, a few pieces of jewelry, and a matching purse.  All would easily fit “in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you” as the gate agents announced several times over.

Unfortunately, not everybody obeyed that travel law.  While we were at the gate we saw many future plane-mates wheeling quite overstuffed, oversized cases that would no more fit into the overhead bins than those wheeling them.  About 5 minutes before boarding began the agents announced to the gate lounge, “We have a full flight today and as the plane fills we will most likely be asking people to check their carry-ons.  If you’d like to save some time you can bring your bag to the podium now and we’ll check it through for you to your final destination at no additional charge.”  Not only were these wheelers with the not so carryable carry ons breaking the carry on law, they were getting paid for it and payment was the equivalent of what it cost us to check our bags when we first walked into the airport.  But that was ok.  “We’re on vacation.” 

When we got to board, which was sometime after the first class passengers, those needing assistance, the gold members, the platinum members, the plutonium members, the friends of the chairmen, the preferred select group, the regular select group, the airline credit card holders, and those travelling with young children, we noticed there were still those with the monster carry ons that wouldn’t fit into the overhead compartments.  We observed one fellow drag his not so mini-suitcase from bin to bin, hoist it to overhead bin level, and attempt to force it into the compartment. Either he didn’t realize that each bin was the same height or he thought his case was losing weight from the jumping jacks it was doing.  “We’re on vacation.”

Eventually the flight attendants gathered up all the oversized carry ons and checked them through to their final destinations (at no additional charge) and we made our way to the runway where we were number three to take off.  Six hours and one airport later we emerged onto a palm treed, sun drenched some 2,000 miles from home.  “We’re on vacation!”

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?