Tag Uniforms

They’re All Mad -or- How to enjoy March Madness even if you don’t like basketball

Michael Leave a comment

Today starts a new season.  No, not Spring.  Well, Spring does start today but that’s not it.  The new, big season is college basketball championship time, AKA March Madness.  Between now and April 8 (that’s the day after the championship game), every local newscast, every national newscast, every newspaper, every Internet news site, and every sports outlet will have at least one story about the NCAA basketball tournament even if there isn’t a participating college within hundreds of miles of the reporter.  Why?  Why not?

The thing about the NCAA tournament is that it pervades all of America.  It goes on forever.  Underdogs win games.  One bad night can send home the tournament favorite.  Four good nights can put a nobody on the college basketball map.  Everybody talks basketball for these three weeks.  But you don’t like basketball, don’t understand basketball, and can’t tell the difference between a Gonzaga and a Hoya.  What are you to do?

Here are our suggestions on how you too can enjoy March Madness without knowing anything about basketball.

You have to have a bracket.  Everybody needs a bracket.  It is the starting point for all discussions between now and the championship game.  We hear you now.  What’s a bracket and where do I get one?  Find any sports site, click on NCAA (they all have it somewhere on a navigation bar) find Bracket Challenge, Bracketology, Tournament Challenge, or something that looks like that.  Print that out, fill it out, and post it on your wall, in your cubicle, alongside your computer monitor.  Make it prominent in your workplace.  It doesn’t matter who you’ve picked, it matters that you’ve picked.  Now you’re in the game.

There are so many teams, so many games, how do you pick the winners?  This is the easy part.  Nobody picks winners.  The discussions are all about how the discussers are disgusted because their teams lost.  You can pick losers just as easily and have fun with it.  Here are some ways to pick your winners (or losers) even if you know nothing about basketball – like most people but who are afraid to admit it.

Pick your cities.  You may not know the colleges but you probably know where they are.  Often their locations are right in their names.  Cincinnati is right there.  Milwaukee still has snow.  Can’t narrow it down to a city?  Eastern Kentucky is close enough.  Find the location you’d rather be and there is your winner.

Pick your mascot.  Sometimes this takes a little research but a few clicks on the mouse and you’ll soon find that there are panthers, wildcats, and gators.  Pick your favorite animal.  Maybe you’re more into people or occupations.  Choose from among lumberjacks, colonels, or corn huskers.  Then there are those that defy definition including the shockers, aggies, and orange.  Which reflects the true you.  There’s your winner.

Go for the underdog.  Every bracket you can download includes the teams’ seeding or ranking for the tournament.  The higher the number less favored that team is to win that game.  Go big.  Pick nobody but the underdogs.  If you want to cut right to the chase, find at least three experts on three different expert sites.  Find the common team that those experts are appalled that the college actually made it into the tournament.  Any team that is so bad that nobody can say anything nice about must really belong.  Pick that team as your overall winner.

Work the color pallet.  A couple of clicks to get some pictures or video clips and you can get a good read on what colors a team’s uniforms are.  Pick the ones that match your mood, match your style, or match your kitchen.  Sounds like a winner to us.

So there are our picks on how to pick your picks.  Of course it isn’t scientific.  Neither is trying to pick a winner based on this season’s performance.  Get into the game.  This is going to be fun.  Or at the very least, maddening!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Calling 911

Michael Leave a comment

We are very grateful to the many emergency service employees out there.  Without the police, fire fighters, EMTs, and other crisis responders we really would be in a crisis.  But every now and then we have to wonder how they get through a day without being mistaken for normal people just like us.

We started wondering about this a couple days ago when a news report flashed on a police cruiser dangling over a bridge guiderail like the cartoon versions we’ve seen so often waiting for a bird to land on the half of the car hovering over nothing but air.  How did they get that way?  The good news is that even though the police officers had to climb out through a window, a quick stop at a nearby emergency room confirmed nothing was hurt more than their egos.

Speaking of emergency rooms, He of We was at a stop sign ready to pull out into traffic on the main street when an ambulance, without lights but moving quickly enough that one would pause to make sure it passed by without challenge, passed by.  It wasn’t until it was all the way by that it revealed its rear doors open and swinging with every bend in the road.  It eventually rolled its way out of sight so we aren’t sure if somewhere somebody pointed out the unsecured door.  We’re certain it was empty when it started that run.  Yes, certainly certain.

Then there was the fire truck flashing its many red lights yet rolling somewhat slowly down a city side street, a helmeted head sticking out of the passenger side window of the forward cab looking for all the world like he was looking for an address.  The faint wiff of smoke rising from a car in the next block finally got someone’s attention as the engine sped up and moved to task. 

And surely someone would be along shortly to assist the tow truck on the side of the road with its hood up in the universal sign of “somebody call the wife and tell her I’m going to be late for dinner.”

We guess they all really do put their pants on one leg at a time.  Even the uniform pants.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

The Agony of Defeatism

Michael Leave a comment

You know that we have never told you what to do or think or say.  Thinly veiled otherwise strongly worded suggested we have, but outright told, no.  We are now.  We are going to ask you to do just what we do and find all your Polo cosmetics and fragrances, dig out all your Lauren accessories, rummage through the closets and take out everything that has Ralph Lauren on the label, and burn them all.  If your local municipality prohibits open flames we will accept repeated slashes and then bury the remains.  And then don’t ever ever never buy any of his stuff again.  Ever.  Never.

Yes, we’re a little upset about the Chinese made U. S. Olympic Team uniforms.  There are so many other things that have hit the news wires this week, why of all things would we take such a drastic stand over clothes?  It’s the Olympics.  It is the ultimate in competition.  This is America.  We are nuts about competitions.  Put it together.  The ultimate in reality shows is about to take place and we’re sending our representatives there in somebody else’s clothes.

Nobody asked us but what we would have done was not even turned the design to a professional.  We would have taken advantage of those reality competition shows out there and let the “Project Runway” or similar contestants design the uniforms.  The Olympics are the grandest of all contests and should be represented by the best of the best.  We don’t pick our swimmers by holding open bids.  We don’t select our archers through a series of contract negotiations.  We don’t choose our sprinters based on who did good before.  Before they get to be competitors, they compete for the privilege.

If we had let the design of the uniforms to true competitors we’d probably have something uniquely identifiable.  Has anybody looked at these things?  There’s no mistaking them for anything other than Ralph Lauren designs.  He made sure of that by the size and placement of his logo exactly as it is on his U. S. Golf Open, U. S. Tennis Open, and Open Championship uniforms.  And you’d think somebody so American with so many U. S. credits would realize we haven’t worn berets in this country since Annie Hall premiered (and even she knew better than to wear one on screen).

Since we can’t go back and have the uniforms re-designed, let’s at least get them re-made.  Ralph Lauren has already said he will have the 2014 uniforms made in the USA.  That’s nice.  But we’re still letting the 2012 team go to London with zippers sewn in the shadow of the Great Wall.  Let’s face it, there is enough money in his various companies’ accounts and among several of the USOC members’ households that Lauren, et.al. could say, “We screwed up.  We’ll fix it and have the uniforms all re-made here and we’ll pay for it” and not notice the bill.  The amount spent on redoing the uniforms might be enough advertising for his companies that it would offset the bad publicity he has already received. 

Frankly, we don’t care why he doesn’t.  There’s 10 days to go before anybody has to see the Asian varieties and it can be done.  So just do it.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?