Tag T-Shirts

Summer Fashions, Summer Rules

Michael 1 Comment

The first day of summer is just a few days gone and it’s time to revisit our summer fashion rules.

For Women:

Most men won’t admit it.  Most other women won’t say it.  the bottom line is we don’t want to see you half naked in public.  Check your hems, watch your buttons.  Unintentional flashes of skin is sexy.   Intentional undressing is slutty.

Swimsuits are for swimming, or for backyard tanning.  Nobody would go to a production of the local symphony wearing a tankini?  Just because a quart of milk is the entire shoppingn list, it isn’t a reason not to get dressed before heading off for the store.  A cover up over a swimsuit works for being at or going to the pool but not in the actual acts of swimming or tanning..  Grow up, wear clothes. 

High heels and short shorts don’t go together.  Period.  Not even if one works with a brass pole nearby.  A business suit and flip flops don’t go together.  Period.  Not even if one works at the beach.  Keep styles stylish.

We know that women don’t want to be encumbered by big bags or totes exept maybe at the pool.  But don’t succomb to the urge to snug your cell phone under a bra strap.  There, we said it.

For Men:

Sleeves are mandatory.  Not areas formerly occupied by sleeves, the entire sleeve.  They are the cross pieces that put the T in T-Shirt.  They are needed.  They are required.  As are the shirts they accompany.  Come on men, the shirtless look hasn’t worked since the opening scenes of Bay Watch flickered across television screens.  Then it wasn’t the best of look even for those on the screen.  It is the worst of looks for those who are in the process of upgrading the six pack they really never had for the quarter keg they have every weekend.

Hair long enough to be in a ponytail on a male only looks good on a male pony.  This seems to be more an old man issue.  The young ones have discovered the ease that comes from buzzing hair down to a bit less than a quarter of an inch.  For the others, you’re old, you’re gray, and you’re balding.  No, you’re bald.  Don’t add to the insanity by having hair halfway down your back and certainly not in braids!  Shave it off, put on your shirt, and move along. 

Flip flops are not shoes.  Leave them at the pool, with your shirt.  Mandals are fine, but like the rest of you, grooming is essential.  Just because your feet are the farthest away from your brain, don’t be brainless about your feet.  Well groomed, trimmed, washed, and buffed feet are also healthy feet.

It’s hot out there.  You can be too.  Pay a little attention to the person in the mirror and watch how many pay attention to you on the outside.       

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

A sucker and his money are soon strangers

Michael Leave a comment

P. T. Barnum said “There’s a sucker born every minute.” W. C. Fields said “It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money,” then went on to say “Never give a sucker an even break.” Well, we seem to be two of them even though born about 400,000 minutes apart, who willingly handed over our hard-earned money, and couldn’t have gotten a break even if we tried. We’ll be happy to explain.

You’ll recall we recently took a mini-vacation to Niagara Falls, the ones on the New York side of the river. It was there, in the Niagara Falls State Park, inside the conveniently located NFSP Visitors’ Center, that the State of New York recognized us and another 10 or 12 visitors as the suckers we so clearly must be. After visiting their facilities and sharing a $4.00 soft drink we decided to view the IMAX film, Niagara Legends of Adventure at the Niagara Adventure Theater. Thanks to all the Niagara myths and legends and spirits, and that it was winter, we got to take advantage of the low, low, half-off the regular admission winter rates. If we had to pay the full price to see a re-enactment of the legendary Seneca wedding featuring a runaway bride, a runway barrel with a runaway teacher and cat contained therein, a runaway steam boat chugging downstream, and a runaway family afternoon in the park ending with the runaway Seneca bride hanging out under the falls while all around her fall over the falls, we’d have felt dumb. (There’s more to the story than that –well, actually, no, there isn’t.) And once the 30-some minute show was over we got to exit. And so we did, directly into the visitor center gift shop. And it was there than we did what any self-respecting visitors do. We bought overpriced souvenirs and marveled at the deals we were getting.

Except for the extremely hokey and overpriced movie, the visitor center was what we’ve come to expect from the average tourist attraction. The truth is, including the extremely hokey and overpriced movie, the visitor center was what we’ve come to expect from the average tourist attraction. And we ask, why?

This isn’t the first hokey movie we’ve seen on vacation. (See “We’re On Vacation, Part 3.” In fact, see all three parts of “We’re on Vacation” under the Travel tab.) And it’s not the first time we’ve been unceremoniously dumped into the gift shop after a hokey movie. But it was the first time that we stopped ourselves from grabbing at the gaudy-colored, poorly screened t-shirt that proclaims to the world that we are living proof that P. T. Barnum was right. Who decided that every vacation must end with a purchase of the vacation spot emblazoned across a t-shirt. They are like the designer bag for the vacation set and say, “I have arrived,” or “I have been taken.”  Other souvenirs are at least useful.  Shot glasses and coffee cups can hold coffee and shots, bumper stickers and decals can be pasted to car bumpers or other places, magnets can be stuck on refrigerators. Hoodies keep out the chill. Sleep shirts keep in the warmth. Plates commemorate. Thimbles decorate. Post cards enunciate. But T-shirts? Twenty-nine dollar t-shirts?  They just get dusty in drawers until they get to become dust rags.

So we got to see a magnificent natural sight. And then got taken in a typical man-made fright. It’s all in a vacation. By the way, did you know you can get commemorative mittens? Now that’s practical.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?