Tag Sports

‘Tis The Season

Michael Leave a comment

Play ball! It’s time for America’s pastime to join apple pies and Chevrolets for another round with the boys of summer. It’s baseball season!

We know it’s only March but you have to get started early so you can fit all the regular games, all the playoff games, and all the championship games and still finish up before it starts snowing again.

No, we’re not going to whine and whimper about how long the season is. If that’s what they want to do, let them do it. It’s not a crime for a business to make money. You have to keep your product in front of the consumer to do that. What we find a little amusing is how much all of the seasons now blend. And we don’t mean winter and spring!

If you live in the right city you can right now see major league baseball, hockey, basketball, indoor football, soccer, professional golf, and tennis. Horse racing and boxing are always available. Nascar is in high gear. (Sorry, we couldn’t resist.)

If you expand your sights to include college you can pick from the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, Women’s Basketball Tournament, and Men’s Hockey Tournament. We just missed the Women’s Hockey Tournament (Clarkson beat Minnesota for the championship last weekend). And then there is the NIT Basketball Tournament.

If you can’t find a sporting event on TV this week it’s because you don’t have a television. Is that a bad thing? (Umm, all the sports, that is. Not, not having a TV.) Probably not. Finally a time of year when one gets to watch, follow, and cheer for what he or she wants to watch, follow, and cheer for. A time of year when all sports are created equal. Everything except football.   But that’s a wimpy sport anyway.

We’re going to go check out the ponies.   We’ll see you at the Seventh Inning Stretch.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Our New Favorite Sport

Michael Leave a comment

For another four years the Olympics are over.  Well, four for the Winter Games.  The summer Olympiad will be around in just a couple.  One of the best things about the Olympics, winter or summer, is that we get to see sports that we’d never see anywhere else.  There are some sports we suspect that are designed specifically for the Olympics.

Some competitions you aren’t going to see anywhere else without doing some hard digging.  How often do you get to see curling, the biathlon, or the skeleton.  In the summer you could look for a while and not find competitive badminton, judo, or canoe slalom on a Saturday afternoon sports show.   Our favorite new sport (or new to us) is the Snowboard Cross.

You all know Snowboard Cross.  It’s Motocross without the trail bike.  Six Snowboarders come down the mountain at the same time, over bumps and lifts, around bends and turns, and try not to wipe out thus sending themselves and half of the remaining field into the side barricades.  That part always happens.  We didn’t see one heat, men or women, that saw the entire field make it to the finish line standing up.  Now that’s competition!

We’re not quite sure how this got added to the Olympics.  There are other snowboard events that seem to tie in very well with the “faster, stronger, higher” image of the games.  For example, the Parallel Slalom pits two snowboarders together in a snowboard version of the Super-G.  Very civilized as far as “falling off a mountain” event can be.  Then there are some events like the half-pipe that are reminiscent of the junior high school boy’s dream of winning the Olympics by being the best skateboarder in the neighborhood.  But the Snowboard Cross, that’s the right cross between mayhem and competition that makes you sit on the edge of your seat simultaneously wondering, “How do they do that?” and “You’ve got to be nuts to do that.”

One of the local sports commentators moaned on the opening day of the Winter Games that they should do something about the sports choices and put in more competitions that people care about like hockey and get rid of the ones that nobody wants to see like curling.  What he really was saying is that he has no imagination and no respect for anybody who dares like something that he doesn’t.  If he was a true sports “expert” he’d have been in front of his television every broadcast minute and drunk in the variety of competitions presented at the Olympics and no place else.

Perhaps your favorite new sport isn’t one of the Olympic events either.  But maybe it’s influenced by what’s happened over the past two weeks. The luge reminds us of an old fashioned snow shovel race.  Sort of.  And there are lots of things you can do with a snow shovel besides ride on one.  There could be competitive snow throwing – how far, how high, high flat, and/or how even can you make your driveway lining snow piles.  Or maybe you’re more influenced by the bob sled.  Dig out that old Flexible Flyer, find three of your closest friends, and see how fast you slide off your roof, over the front lawn, across the street, through the neighbor’s freshly made snowman, and into his garage.

It’s hard to imagine that with so many different sports at the same time that one cannot be fascinated with the sport itself.  Is it something completely new – or new to you?  Is it something that reminds you of your youth?  We know we’ve been moved by what we’ve watched during these competitions.  They gave us the opportunity to look at other parts of the world and see what those people think of when they think “faster, stronger, higher.”  We’re certain that with an open mind even Mr. Cynical Sports Show Host would have discovered a new favorite sport.  Maybe even Snowboard Cross.  After all, how often can you find a junior high school boy’s fantasy come true complete with real gold medals?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Misunderstood Olympics

Michael Leave a comment

The winter games of the Olympics are almost over and we realized something the other day that we hadn’t given much thought.  As we were watching the women’s bobsled competition we decided that we have no idea what the people in the bobsled actually do.  We’re certain that it takes skill, stamina, and strength, but that’s about it.  Does the brake man (or perhaps the brake person) have to do any braking along the way or is her job just to keep a low profile and stop the sled when it gets to the bottom.  Does the other person (and we don’t even know what to call the person who sits in the front) actually steer the sled or is it more like the sleds of old where one just torques one body and the sled goes in that general direction.  It all looks like fun – perhaps at half the speed they are travelling – and we enjoy watching it but we really aren’t certain of what we are watching.

There are other winter events that have us scratching our heads.  Take the various relays.  In the summer games, a relay has a clear handoff.  In track the hand off is quite literal as the runner of one leg passes the baton to the runner of the next leg.  In the pool, the swimmer must clearly touch the wall with everybody watching before the next swimmer is off for his or her leg.  But in winter there seems to be less formal transitions.  In the cross country skiing relay the skier finishing up a leg slaps the back of the next skier.  What if it’s a miss, not a hit?  And through all of the winter gear and bibs and what have you that they are wearing, are we even certain that the slappee feels the slapper’s slap?  The speed skating relays are just too chaotic to even think about.  It looks like every skater from every team, and maybe even a few extra, circle the track waiting for a push on the backside.  That’s when they know to get into gear and spend a couple laps figuring out who gets pushed next.

We understand snowboards and half-pipes.  We were a little confused when we saw the competitors on actual skis on the half-pipe.  Where were we when they invented that game?  We missed the memo or surely we would have commented on the relative dangers of flipping and twisting while wearing five foot long skies just waiting to get hung up on the rim on the way down.

We love the grace of anybody doing just about anything on ice.  Yet even though we hear the explanation every 4 years we still don’t know why there is pairs skating and ice dancing.  Something about lifts and turns and syncopated motions.  They are both beautiful but can you really take something seriously when it has a compulsory movement called the “Twizzle?”

Regardless if we understand them all or we don’t, we’re still watching and we’re still enjoying and we’re still rooting for our team.  Someday we’ll figure them all out.  It only took us 12 years to be able to watch curling with the confidence that we actually know what they are doing out there.  If we can mentally master curling we can certainly figure out a twizzle.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

The Boo Birds of Paradise

Michael Leave a comment

Major League Baseball begins games that count shortly.  The MLB is a hotbed for Boo Birds.  Baseball is a natural for fans who want to show their displeasure with an opposing player doing particularly well.  Sometimes for a home player not doing so well.  All that time between pitches, as the batter steps to the box, as the first baseman plays with his glove, or as the catcher stretches his calves are made to order opportunities for expressing displeasure.

We thought about boos and booing during a recent somewhat faster sports offering – a hockey game.  There’s not much downtime in hockey.  When a particularly egregious act results in a visiting player being sent to the penalty box there will be a few moments for the home crowd to whistle up the boos.  But for the most part, if you’re going to boo in hockey you have to be ready at any instant.

(We’re not so certain about football.  Football moves a little slow for us so we’ve not been to many live games and booing at a television set is about as lame as whatever the player being booed did to get booed.  In any case, we’re not going to the gridirons today.)

Ok, now you’re really wondering, where are these two going with this.  We think it was She of We who asked during a particularly healthy boo session during a quick stop in action at a hockey game last week, why do people think booing is impolite.   It is just as called for as expressing pleasure with wild shouts of approval.  After all, we are talking about a sports event.  Those guys skating up and down a couple hundred feet of thin ice at speeds approaching a hybrid SUV on the Interstate aren’t known for their manners.  They’re a tough crowd and those watching them can be just as tough.  The well-placed boo can have a dramatic effect on the momentum of the game as much as crazed cheering.  If a crowd is really going to be the sixth man on the ice then it better learn to play both ways.  You have to have a balanced attack of offense and defense if you expect to win.  Cheers and jeers are the fans balance.

With all that said we want to make certain that nobody takes displeasure cavalierly into other arenas.  Regardless of how poorly the leading man at the local community theater resembles the suave movie star in the adaptation and even if his singing doesn’t have the range of a professional vocalist, you should never boo your brother-in-law.  When the lady at the local council meeting questions why there are so many handicapped spots at the borough building when she knows everybody in town and none of them can’t walk, keep those catcalls to yourself.  And when your boss doesn’t appreciate you as much as you appreciate you during your annual performance appraisal, you might want to restrain from public heckling.

Other than those, if you see something you don’t like, knock yourself out.  Boo, hiss, jeer, and hoot to your heart’s content.  Baseball’s just around the corner.  The Stanley Cup playoffs aren’t far behind.  And don’t forget, the World Cup opens in June.  Now there are some high flying boo birds!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Hooked on Fonics

Michael Leave a comment

We were sitting at a bar nibbling on appetizers and reading the closed captioning on the television above it.  We’re not certain how many hearing challenged individuals use closed captions but it is a boon to the bar industry.  Anyway, we were watching the printout and wondering if they use real people with court reporter skills or computer voice recognition software.  Certainly if it is software the mistakes are understandable since English so rarely looks like it sounds.  But then again, it seems that lately it so rarely sounds like it sounds also.

It wasn’t too much before we were sitting at that particular bar on that particular day that we were sitting on He of We’s sofa watching the season’s long overdue first hockey game (we won, yippee!) and the post game show that followed.  It was during that particular post game show after that particular game on that particular day that we decided we will never ever watch that particular sports anchor again.  He couldn’t even get past the intro without stumbling over the words that marched across the teleprompter.  Remember, this was after a win.  The intro could have been, “The long awaited first game brings home a win.  Details after these messages.”  We could have come up with that!

He wasn’t one of the weekend fillers who might have been a little nervous over the extended exposure that post game anchor duty would bring to him or her.  No, here was the channel’s number one sports guy.  So we gave him the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps he hadn’t gotten his contact lenses in the correct eyes.  Perhaps the teleprompter went on the blink and translated everything into Latin.  So we waited until after these messages to hear the recap of the game we just spent three hours watching.  Three “ahs,” four “umms,” one complete stoppage in the middle of a sentence, and a feeling he was seeing the video clips for the first time were enough for us to change the channel, never to go back when he is in front of the camera. 

The only task this man had to do to perform his job, one for which he is quite handsomely recompensed, was read.  He didn’t have to write the copy, he even didn’t have to understand the copy.  He only had to read it.  And he couldn’t pull that off.  Was he blinded by new spotlights?  Were his contacts really not in correctly?  Was he as drunk as the post game interviewees appeared to be?  Was he completely clueless about hockey?  We’ll never know.  And now we don’t even care.  Although we do often wonder why the post any kind of game interviewees all seem to be drunk as lords.  But that’s a post for another day.

This whole event reminded She of We of a telephone solicitor who called her and then couldn’t get her name right.  She of We has a very simple name.  It has only six letters in the perfect ratio of vowels to consonants.  It is a classic English-speaking American name.  Yet not only did the solicitor not pronounce it correctly, when She of We brought this to the solicitor’s attention, she became arrogant and demanded to know why she was being disrespected when she was just trying to do her job.

There aren’t that many jobs where all you have to do to execute them successfully is to read out loud.  You’d think if you got one of them, you’d take a little time to, umm, practice.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

The Sport the Olympics Didn’t Think of

Michael 2 Comments

We happen to be on vacation this week (we’re sorry if it sounds like we’re bragging, we are) in a Caribbean island paradise.  As we were wandering the grounds we passed what could have been croquet balls.  “But where are the wickets?” She of We asked, surprising herself that she knew what those little wire things are called.   He of We thought perhaps they were bocce balls but were missing the little target ball.  Neither of We were surprised that neither of us knew what that is called.  As we headed down the lane trying to decide if we should lounge on the beach or at the pool we debated if these could become new Olympic sports.  (You debate what you want on vacation, we’ll debate what we want.)

After several false starts, underwater hand standing among them, we settled on bocce.  We were looking for something that had an even playing field and decided that, a la the Winter Olympics’ curling, almost nobody across the globe really knows much about bocce.  You can’t get much more even than that.  Next on our criteria list was a sport, again similar to curling, that the rules don’t help in understanding. Scoring was also a factor.  A quick trip through the Internet revealed scoring to be both complicated and confusing involving measurements, location, and order of play. We also decided that it should be a game that can be played over several days.  Since a single game of bocce can take an entire afternoon to play (we confirmed this by channeling dead Italian relatives), an entire tournament can last the entire 17 days of competition.  This is important since the scoring will be explained on television by commentators who know nothing about it and thus will give them ample opportunity to contradict themselves, once again not unlike those who comment on curling.  And finally, we decided that it was very important to select a new game that can be played rip roaring drunk since it will sprout bocce clubs all over the United States by the guys at the local bars who stayed up all the night before studying it in minute detail so they can be the bar expert on bocce.  These chosen ones may or may not be the same hardy souls who sprouted a curling club two years prior after the winter games.

And thus we present to the International Olympic Committee a sport that will keep television viewers up into the very early hours of the morning all over the world transfixed by the event nobody ever knew existed.  Ladies and gentlemen, we give to you the summer version of the winter signature event curling, Olympic Bocce!

Now, what is that little ball called?  Mario?  Giovanni?  Irving?  We’re going to have to read up on that.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?