Tag Shopping

Shopping Math Again

Michael 9 Comments

I’ve written a couple of times about shopping math problems. They started here. If you have a minute, bounce over there and refresh your memory. I’ll wait.

Back so soon? Now you have an idea of what I faced again, not once, but twice last week, the one week in the year when I really want to give my brain some time off. I mean I had already gone through a harrowing experience trying to decide if a wine bottle gift bag that comfortably holds a 750 ml wine bottle, will it accommodate a 32 ounce emotional support water bottle. (It doesn’t and it won’t.)

I was in the pet supply aisle of the local super-duper market (one notch below mega-mart) trying to determine which doggie doodoo waste bag offering was the best buy. It brought back visions of those toilet paper math fevers I used to experience. (I’ve since rid myself of the need to do toilet paper math shifting to Who Gives a Crap mail order toilet paper. Good stuff and I don’t have to figure out nothing because it’s on auto-order) (Not an ad but if they want to thank me with a complimentary case or two, I have closet space.)

But back to the bow wow bags. I could get 120 bags for $15 or 270 bags for $14. Something didn’t seem right there. Did the cheaper bags have holes in them? On the other hand, at better than a dime a bag it seemed like a lot just to hold you-know-what. Here’s 4 rolls of 15 for $7 and they are compostable. That seems important considering what’s going in them is future compost. What about the purple ones? Their cheaper still but wait, they’re 2 rolls of 25. Hmm…

Why did I ask my daughter if she needed anything at the store? It’s her dog. Let her figure out toilet paper math for canines. But she was doing dog math of her own. And when I finally settled on a leash attachable dog waste carry-all (the multicolor, compostable, unscented 4 rolls of 30 for $8), I was asked to help settle her current conundrum.

You recall Jungle, her canine companion of the recent cancer diagnosis and front leg amputation. He’s doing as well as he can be but is beginning new drug therapy which like all things pet related, costs more than what everyone I know spends on their children today. Anyway… the question was does she spend $X on a bottle of 15 tablets, a 5 week supply  from a mail order pharmacy who doesn’t take her dog’s insurance (yes…) but will reimburse her 50%. Or should she spend $1.75X on a bottle of 30 from the local pharmacy, who take her insurance but her copy is $1.2X. Then we also took into consideration that the mail order pharmacy will take gift cards that she can buy at the local super market and get shopper points that will turn into discounts totaling X/10 that she can use to buy dog food (or dog waste bags if she wants a really really large number of them.).

We never did come up with a good answer to that question and decided to use the mail order pharmacy because it involved the most steps so by logic it had to be the right choice.

All things considered, it was nice to do something together for an afternoon.

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Are you looking for ways to spend time with loved ones. The new year is a good time to resolve to do just that. You can join in with us at ROAMcare as we prioritize sharing  our most positive moments with our loved ones. Read how we’re doing that in the latest Uplift.

 

Get your extra savings!

Michael 16 Comments

Last Thursday I went to go to the grocery store. Technically I went to the supermarket. I don’t think there are any just grocery stores left. Wherever I went I thought I’d take a look at the weekly sales circular to see if what I needed was on sale. As I was taking the look I indeed noticed a few items and even a mention to “check the app for extra savings with a digital coupon!”

I used to use coupons. I really did. I wasn’t like those guys on television who shopped with all their coupons in a three-ring binder and a small, personal computer to calculate what combination of coupon, product, and luck would allow them to shop for a family of 12 for a week on $1.78. I was like if I needed something, and I had a coupon for it [ding! ding! ding!], I saved a quarter, fifty cents if it was double coupon day.

Another thing about those coupons, they made sense. They made cents, but yes, they made sense too. When I went to look for the digital coupon for my extra savings I happened to notice 4 different coupons for dishwasher soap tablets. The same dishwasher soap tablets. Too confusing. Not like the old days. One coupon. One product. One saving. Except for pizzas.

I’m talking about paper coupons, so you know whatever just jogged my money wasn’t of something that happened last week. No, this is a little older. Nine years older. Almost ten. It was that long ago that I wrote a post about…are you ready?…pizza shop coupons! Really. And last week’s mini-excursion into the world of digital coupons reminded me of it. Let me remember some if it for you.

From: It’s a Pizza Revolution, err, Resolution, January 5, 2015. (When you see those prices, remember, this was 2015.)

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While cleaning out the old coupon keeper and unpinning overflow restaurant coupons from the coupon board, a myriad of pizza coupons bit the dust – expiration date speaking. Besides the fact that it is remarkably easy to make your own pizza, it is remarkably hard to figure out pizza coupons. Even the big national chains are getting into the “let’s make this so confusing that nobody will ever want to redeem our coupon or take advantage of our special” craze. And that’s just plain crazy.

Let’s start with those national chains. Two pizzas at $5.99 each. What a deal. Oh wait, only Monday through Thursday. Still a deal. And it comes with two toppings. On two pizzas. Now hang on. Just to whom are they marketing this great special of theirs? How often does a family of one want two pizzas? How often does a family of four want two pizzas? While we’re hanging out with that family, have you ever tried to get four people to agree on two pizza toppings? Sometimes you can’t get one person to agree on two toppings! So let’s cross the street to the other chain. Any large pizza for $7.99. But we’re back to two toppings. Unless you want bacon. Then it’s $12.99 for one topping. Don’t confuse that with the “Any Pizza for $11.00” deal. That all depends on do you want carry-out or order online. While we’re at it, do you drive to work or carry your lunch? Sheesh.

Since those guys are no help let’s visit a local shop. I have a coupon from one for a large pizza with one topping, a twelve inch hoagie, an order of breadsticks and a bottle of cola. Too much for your family of seventeen? Another shop has one large pizza with one topping for only $10. If it’s Thursday you can get two toppings on that large pizza for the same $10. And if you like that you can super-duper size it to five large pizzas with one topping for only $45. You can use the savings for your co-pay at the cardiologist.

An interesting thing about these specials is that all of the coupons specify no substitutions and to mention the coupon when ordering.  Why? It’s not like these are secret savings to special card carrying members of the “I Like Your Pizza Parlor” club. These come every week in every newspaper, hard copy mailings, e-mail blasts, on the Internet, on their Facebook pages, and taped to the top of the box when you actually do order something. Substitutions? Who understands the offer to begin with!

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Thanks for walking down Memory Lane with me. That was fun. That’s why I still make my own pizza however I want it. Thursday through Wednesday only. (Bonus: Follow the link to the original post for my pizza dough recipe. No coupon required.) 

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The words you pick and how you say them can drive you toward the positive or leave you with negative memories. One is more fun. Your mindset matters. That’s what we say, and we said it in the most recent UpLift. Read it here. Read it now!

 

It’s that time again

Michael 12 Comments

It’s that time again. You have one person on your list and after a month’s worth of early holiday sales, you still don’t have anything for her. Or him. Or them. Not even an idea.

Fortunately, you’re in luck. We’ve entered that no man’s land of take no prisoners marketing blitz that falls between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Get ready for it. Every day will bring a new email from some company you bought one thing from 18 years ago before you even had an email address. Your physical mailbox will be bulging with sales flyers for stores around the corner than you thought closed last April. Television and radio will exchange political ads for “The very very last chance at Black Friday savings!” sale ads. And even the grocery stores will line their entrances with poinsettias, wreathes, and 6 foot inflatable Santa and reindeer yard balloons.

Speaking of yards, I was amazed at how many yards were over-the-top decorated for Halloween this year and the number of huge (like 10 foot tall huge) skeletons and Jack Skellington replicas. I am happy to report that many of the people in my neighborhood who spent hundreds of dollars on these monster size monstrosities have repurposed them for Christmas by soliciting their giant skeletons to help string lights across the front of the house. Very festive.

Back to business though, you can also count on your sleepy neighborhood hardware store to fill their parking lot with every Christmas character from Santa and his sleigh to a life size nativity set all in inflatable forms, and a special section inside devoted to “As Seen On TV” leftovers.

Excluding paper routes and summer grass cutting/winter snow shoveling gigs, the first real job I had was working for Gimbels department stores during college semester breaks. Admittedly that was in a different century, way way back in a different century when the day after Thanksgiving was just the day after Thanksgiving, no fancy name to it other than the “official” start of the Christmas season and sales were still four weeks away. You wanted door-busters back then, show up at 7 on the morning of the day after Christmas. Now those were sales! Anyway, I still recall being told I was not only there to run the cash register and suggest our gift wrapping services available at the service desk. I was also there to help, make suggestions, and see that the customer found what he, or she (those were the only choices then) wanted.

If you haven’t had any luck shopping for that elusive perfect present for your special him or her or it while shopping over the previous week’s many iterations of Pre-Black Friday, Every Day is Black Friday, Black Friday, Black Friday Weekend, and Cyber Monday, and toss in Small Business Saturday, you aren’t going to get it now, so don’t bother to look any more. Instead, maybe check out the crafts aisle in the dollar store, spend a ten spot and make something personal for the one person in your list you can never buy anything for.

She or he or they probably won’t like it, but they’ll love you for trying because after all that is what the season is all about. And don’t bother with a gift receipt. It won’t be returned.

Especially during this season, we know we can never say it enough. Read why we say saying thank you for the little things in your life makes a big difference to it. We can never say it enough is our most recent Uplift! article, and did we thank you for reading it yet?

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Ad Wars – Holiday edition

Michael 7 Comments

I am so looking forward to tomorrow, it is palpable! Feel it in the air! Capture its essence on the wind! Yes, I’m talking about Holiday Advertisement Armistice! We can all breathe a sigh of relief!! For a day or two.

I know I’m not the only one who can tell the season by the ads on TV and now on line too. Fragrances? If it’s snowing outside we must be coming up on Christmas. If there are birds singing it’s getting close to Mothers Day. Otherwise, you better have a good deodorant if you want to smell good. Televisions, really big televisions and power tools? Fathers Day will soon be here with the tools needed to build a world class man cave and the electronics to fill it. Caribbean resorts flooding the airways? We must getting close to Thanksgiving so we can plan for some warm sunny days on white sand and leave the white snow behind. And jewelry? Clearly Valentine’s Day approaches. Oh there might be some token pieces in May for Moms Day, and Christmas is always good for a nice necklace, but they pale to the brilliance of the gems you find on air during the first two weeks of February.

Personally, I’m getting sick of finding pictures on diamonds the size of baby heads mounted on rings of the shiniest metals retouching can allow in my Instagram feed. Maybe I’m in the minority but I wouldn’t even consider proposing, or want to be proposed to, on February 14, January 1, December 25, or my intended’s birthday. Show a little originality! Make it a moment that will always be remembered for the special occasion that it is. It should be a special day only those two share. In 40 years when she turns to he and says, “Do you remember when you asked me to marry you?” the answer shouldn’t be, “Duh, yeah…Valentine’s Day. I remember cuz it was right after the Super Bowl. That reminds me. We’re out of beer. [Burp!].”

But then what do I know. I’ll be the one spending Valentine’s Day with my therapist and then going to the neighborhood pub for the Tuesday hamburger lunch special before heading home to check and make sure the ring I bought back then is still in its case, in the back of the sock drawer, just in case someday (but not Valentine’s Day) she changes her mind.

And I’m looking forward to a few days of respite before images of green milkshakes clog up Instagram.

We all owe something to someone for our existence. We explore how we repay them in Uplift! On ROAMcare.org.

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Brain Dump – Again!

Michael Leave a comment

Welcome to a new edition of “Let’s clear those brain cells!” or “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”

IMG_2117Stay in your lane

Well, this fellow actually found his own lane to hang out in. I’m not sure what the laws in your state are but here, that much yellow paint in unmistakable diagonal lines means “no parking.”  This isn’t so bad. At least he isn’t parked in the diagonal blue lines next to a handicap space.  [sigh]

Shopping math, cyber edition

If you haven’t read any of my posts on toilet paper math, go there first. My daughter brought this one to my attention. So many discount, rebate, and coupon sites now are online, and all of them offer to find you the absolute best deal available – compared to regular posted prices. When you load multiple versions you are apt to find one offering you 5% of the regular price but only if you shop at the store with a coupon, another with 2% off the sale price but only if you shop online, or another offering free shipping but only if you buy it in magenta and are willing to answer a 45 question survey first. On a Tuesday. This all started when I mentioned I bought a new iPad last week from Amazon but I could have gotten the same deal at Target and saved 5% with their Red Card. I was all set to do that when it dawned on me that I was using a couple hundred dollars in gift cards that I had gotten by answering a variety of 45 question surveys and that beat 5% any day! [duh]

IMG_2029Old enough to drink

Last month my little car hit a milestone. It turned 21. Actually, It’s nearly 23 now but I don’t count the years before I adopted it. In honor of it’s birthday I had it retitled as a classic vehicle. As a classic I was able to negotiate a replacement price with my insurance company which is a good thing because given its condition, it’s worth more than 2-1/2 times the actual “blue book value.” Oddly enough, now that it is insured for 3 times what it was two months ago, the annual rate dropped by exactly half. I know the insurance company isn’t going to lose money on this deal. Hmm. I wonder if those guys ever took toilet paper math.

samsung-and-apple-logoBrand Disloyalty

I mentioned a few brain cells ago that I recently purchased a new iPad. It replaced a Samsung Galaxy tablet which itself replaced a Nook e-reader, which replaced a Bookman. (If you don’t recognize Bookman, you aren’t missing much. I don’t think it has been around since sometime in the 90s.) For some people, the thought of switching operating systems is absolutely unheard of. Families have been torn apart because someone dared stray from whatever everyone else had. Not me. I can flex. Right now I have an Apple phone and tablet, a Dell laptop and an HP desktop running Windows. The old tablet could mirror with the laptop but the desktop is so old it’s more of a paperweight right now and it only mirrors my reflection in its almost always darkened screen. It’s only the third desktop I’ve owned, the previous was a Gateway (wow, remember them!?) and before that, an Apple. Yes, in 1984 I bought my first Apple which was probably before some of the people who are running that company now were born. I doubt I’ll ever replace the desktop with another Apple. I doubt I’ll ever replace the desktop. When the laptop goes (and boy do they go – I can’t keep track of how many laptops I’ve had), I’ll figure out who has the best deal for what I want to use it for, of there are any deals available, and who has the best coupon code to use. But only after I review my post on toilet paper math.

That’s it for now. See you later!

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Blog Art (14)Did you stop by ROAMcare last week to read our take on “Special are those who plant trees knowing that they shall never sit in their shade,” the counterpoint to my post here last week? If you missed it, you can check it out now at www.roamcare.org. (Later this week we explain the meaning of life in five words! That posts Wednesday, July 20. You’ll want to read that one for sure!)

No muss, no fuss, no parking

Michael 4 Comments

The last couple of years have been hard on many people. Contrary to some of the posts you may see on Facebook, everybody was affected, and some good things actually came of these years. This is one I have enjoyed a lot and I hope it doesn’t disappear as we approach the end of the pandemic*.

Curbside pick up. CSPU to afficionados. I am loving this concept. Everybody from grocery stores to garden supply sellers to liquor stores to warehouse clubs. Just as Zoom spawned a mini-trend of the meeting mullet (business on top, pajamas on the bottom), curbside shopping has turned shopping into an ultra-casual activity. To be sure, “buy online, pick up in store” has been around for years, decades, stretching back into the last century even, but the process always involved some time spent in the shop. It’s right there in the name – “pick up in store.” Let’s face it. If you’re going into a store, you’re going to have to put pants on. The signs may say “no shoes, no shirt, no service” but they’ll stop you from going in trouser-less too (or skirt-less or dress-less even though we’ve seen how close some people can get in those “People of Walmart” pics and videos). But with curbside pickup, as long as you have an internet connection, a means of electronic payment, and an inside trunk or tailgate release, you can go shopping in a bathrobe if that suits you. It’s not just comfort that has me so enamored of CSPU (and I’ve yet to participate in a pick up in just a bathrobe), but the convenience and the savings. Yes, the savings!

Convenience is obvious. You sit in your favorite chair, put up your feet, and stroll through the aisles. You see that 84 inch OLED smart TV you’ve been waiting to go on sale. It is, and it’s time to buy, and it doesn’t matter that it’s over your doctor-ordered weight limit by 50-some pounds. Someone else will wrestle it off the shelf and into your car. Need a new pair of jeans. No problem. Buy them with confidence because almost everybody has a ‘buy now, try on’ at home policy easing returns for those brands that run small when you get them home. Need to do toilet paper math? You have a calculator, all the time in the world, and nobody trying to get around you while you calculate. So convenience is a given.

How can CSPU be a money-saver? You might think being able to click you way to a full shopping cart would lead to unchecked, indiscriminate buying, but nay I say! You can always stop and check the shopping cart (or the cuter shopping bags and baskets) for your running total, and even at checkout you get the opportunity to delete something. How often have you ever done that in real life? But the true genius to CSPU (and its older cousin OOLPUIS as long as you’re careful) is NO IMPULSE BUYING! No tunnel of candy and cold drinks, magazines and lunch size bags of chips, nail clippers and rolls of mints, key chains and energy drinks to pass through on the way to the final check out. No endcaps filled with unadvertised specials (that never are that much) or overstocks and clearances (that are there for a reason). No electronics counters filled with car chargers, charging cables, and brochures for cell plans, all trying to wrestle away more of your spending dollar (and/or your favorite local currency). Oh some e-tailers have tried to emulate the impulse buy with “people who bought this, often add this” or “don’t forget the…” and “would you like to add…” throughout the shopping experience, but those intrusions are easier to ignore that the constant barrage of political ads that pop into your text messaging app nearing general election time.

Yes, of all the benefits being locked down, quarantined, socially distanced, and generally wanted to stay off the streets, I hope curbside pick up is here to stay.

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* People keep saying we’re getting close to the end of the pandemic but there is no end to the pandemic, or more accurately, the Covid virus has not waved a white flag, agreed to peace talks or will quietly leave the planet. It is like your favorite Russian autocrat.  There will be a point that we may (may with a capital M and an exclamation mark) not experience worldwide stoppages of life as we know it no even country wide interruptions. But the virus will still be out and about and we will still be susceptible to it and its periodic annoying intrusions on intelligent life on earth, much like your garden variety politician.

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I’m older and have better insurance

Michael 3 Comments

I’m sorry I’m so late today. I don’t imagine there were many of you heartbroken over not being able to share your morning coffee and reading time with me but apologize I will anyway. As much as it may seem these meanderings appear to be quite spur of the moment in composition, grammar, and spelling, I give a lot of thought to them. Sometimes minutes! Often they are ready to post the day before you read them which for today would have been yesterday. Now that I think about it, you could say that about any day that happens to be today. But as luck would have it, and lucky for me that luck was there to have it, yesterday I was busy buying a car.

To buy a car is an event for me. Like the cicadas, there is a long time between my appearances at a car dealership. My last purchase was 7 years ago. Things have changed in seven years! Particularly for confirmed used car buyers like me.  I think perhaps it’s the influence of outfits like Carvana, Car Shop, and CarMax, that for what they lack in company name originality they make up with simplified car shopping. One no longer has to travel from car lot to car lot to explore options. If a local dealer leaves their website incomplete of all offerings thinking the few advertised selections will entice the buyer to visit them personally to see their complete inventory as would they had done in the days of print ads in the Sunday newspaper want ads section, that dealer probably closed up or was absorbed into a mega-dealership shortly after Sunday newspapers joined the endangered species list. No, today, if it’s for sale, it’s online. The only walking necessary while narrowing down the choices is back and forth to the kitchen to refill the ice tea glass and the bridge mix dish. 

thumbnail_IMG_0101 (Just out of curiosity, am I the only person left in the world who keeps a dish of bridge mix on the coffee table?) (Am I the only person who still keeps bridge mix?) (Am I breaking etiquette having bridge mix yet never having played bridge?)  So I did my research, narrowed my choices, and what usually would have taken me 3 to 5 weeks of intense searching took me 3 days.

Now believe it or not, car buying is not the focus of this post. (Meanderings, remember?) It did provide the impetus for it. Naturally when you change vehicles you have to update your insurance. I don’t think of insurance very often. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I had to use my insurance other than to prove I have it so I can register the cars and keep them on the road. And so I can put the new to me one on the road, I had to dig up my insurance information for the transfer. The person handling the paperwork for the registration asked me if I was happy with my current provider and I said they seemed to be fine, they take a little of my money every month and give me a little peace of mind in return, mission accomplished. And she got me wondering if they are taking more than just a little of my money.

It’s been years since I ever considered a different insurance provider. Those of you with the longest memories will remember six years ago plus a couple of months, I wrote a post on how to make money by switching insurance companies. What with all the “rates as low as” and the “save as much as” claims back then, if you were shrewd in your choices and diligent in your switching, you stood to save up to $4000. And that was in 2015 money, who knows what it could be today! (No, don’t try it! It’s satire. But then again…)  Well, they are at it again, and bigger this time! Insurance companies are making claims that make those of a certain recently ousted lying President sound reasonable.

The company with the commercial that features the car with the singing hood ornament opens with a shot of the driver’s phone ostensibly opened to their app proclaiming he saved over $700. I don’t know what he is insuring but I don’t pay that much for a full year and I have as full as coverage can be, right down to rental car reimbursement. All I can take away from that commercial is that if you have a car with a singing hood ornament, the replacement cost must be astronomical! Either that or I’m older and can get better rates.

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So that’s my long winded story to get to a rather trivial point. Now aren’t you glad you didn’t hold breakfast for me.

By the way, I’m continuing my experiment on this WordPress/Anchor partnership. They’ve managed to get Don’t Believe Everything You Think on several platforms. With links to the menu page they are:

Spotify BreakerLogo PocketcastsLogo RadioPublicLogo

And of course, at Anchor:

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Please let me know what you think. So far I’m still mostly just recording the blog posts but eventually there will be more than that. We might even get into a discussion about how we all got into blogging. 

Shopping Math Revisited

Michael Leave a comment
In the past I bemoaned the lack of government oversight for toilet paper roll sizing and the resultant consternation from attempting to determine which is the better deal, the 9 mega-rolls of 438 sheets per roll or the 12 double-rolls of 306 sheets per roll if your coupon covers the mega-roll multipak but not the megapak of double rolls, super soft but not super strong. (If you don’t recall that discussion it may be beneficial to review it here.) You would think the turmoil of the TPS (toilet paper shortage) we experienced at the beginning of the CoViD crisis (heretofore referred to as the CVTPS) would have solidified the need for regulatory intervention. Instead the situation has worsened. Regardez vous:
 
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As they would say in France, sacred blue! Maybe not, what do I know, I haven’t used French since high school when things were neat, people keen, and we said “ah, gee,” a lot. The point is, those tubes are both from rolls of toilet paper, not from the same package, but of the same brand. Same iteration also, double-roll ultra soft, and purchashed from the same store. The difference? One, represented by the longer roll, was part of a 4 roll pack which is plenty for a single person with limited storage space. The other shorter roll is from an all that was available 24 roll pack more likely to go home with a family of 6, somebody looking to fill storage space in the unused corner of the garage, or a single person whose diet is chiefly canned chili and beer, probably home brew. 
 
I wish I could tell you more but I had already discarded the wrapping from the “long roll,” “double roll” is no longer an adequate modifier, and only had both emptied rolls show up side by side because my daughter has a dog and I have a poor memory. I can see some of you are puzzled. Well, you take some small dog treats or bits of kibble, pour them into the tube, crimp or fold the ends, then let the dog puzzle how to get to the treats on his or her own. Yes, it is awkward construction but “they” is plural no matter what which style book says otherwise. Oh, the roll? No that’s not at all awkward. It’s quite fun for the dog and can keep it (the dog) (quite appropriate for animals even if somewhat cold) occupied for from seconds to hours (okay, almost always seconds). However, because the makeshift treat holder is destroyed in the game a constant supply of emptied rolls is necessary once the dog becomes hooked on the fun. As daughter and I each have a diet consisting of all the major food groups, neither of us are buried under a mountain of emptied cardboard tubes. Often I forget to pass along those I have saved and end up with 2 or 3 of them hanging out with my full rolls. There they undoubtedly regale those rolls of unused sheets yet to be wrestled from their plastic encased world of tales of adventures yet to come on their journeys from closet to holder to spinner to… but I digress. 
 
Now armed with this new knowledge, shopping will be even more mentally laborious. No longer is simple arithmetic comparing sheets per roll to rolls per pack to price adequate to determine value in the paper products aisles of the mega marts of the world. Square footage (which I previously wondered why it was included on the package label) has to be considered if one expects to maximize our constantly weakening purchasing power. Now we must be armed with the ability to solve simultaneous equations, something I haven’t done since the advent of multifunction calculators. No longer is shopping math missing from the core curricula of American education. No, now we need … Shopping Calculus! 
 
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Farm to Fable

Michael 3 Comments
Now things have gone too far! Oh, hi. Sorry. I seem to have started in the middle. Let me back up.
 
As I approach the Doddering Years I have three joys. A good long chat with a dear friend, Sunday dinner – cooking and eating – with my daughter, and a few hours spent each week fondling ripe produce. (Fondling ripe other stuff is pretty much now confined to unconscious sleep time activities and with much thanks to dreams that forever live in the pre-doddering years.) [Sigh] Now where was I? Right, doddering.
 
Phones calls, text messages, emails, and a video now and then contribute to maintaining contact with those not with you during this time of not allowing those to not be not with you. I don’t know what others think but I find the art of phone calling rebounding. For a while text messages and direct contact through the various social platforms seemed to have phone calls going the way of pay phones. I believe the desire to hear another voice is driving an increase in calling minutes. Regardless of how much we’ve retreated into a world of contact by social medium, social media isn’t all that social. But the tone of a familiar voice, the lilt of emotions not requiring emoticon augmentation, or the thoughtful pause of reflection contribute to the experience of communication that go so much beyond “on my way, there in 10.” Even isolated I continue to experience the joy of a good long chat with a dear friend.
 
For some time now every Sunday my daughter packed up her dog and his toys, occasionally added an onion or select chicken parts to her parcels, and made her way to me for a day of cooking, eating, and reporting of the previous week’s activities and upcoming week’s plan. Although we have both been careful with our contact with everyone just about to the point that there is almost no contact with anyone, we have suspended these food fests for the duration or until whenever we say “oh enough of this already!” But still she brings me groceries every 2 weeks and we still cook a big meal each Sunday in our own kitchens and share our results electronically. It’s not perfect but it works for us and keeps some version of Sunday dinner in the joy category.
 
Our Sunday cooking extravaganza always left me with enough meals and meal compontents that I could spend a good part of the following week just reheating. Several days each week though I still had to construct a full dinner on my own. These days were always such fun. I would rarely wake and say today “I want [insert specific food here]” but would often wake and say “I wonder what looks good at the store today” and then plan a trip to the market to critically examine meats, sniff fish, and squeeze produce. I am very fortunate that I have a small Italian market within walking distance of my kitchen (and uphill only in one direction!) where you are encouraged to use up to four senses before adding a purchase to your basket. (You could sometimes use the fifth after asking.) (Yes, you do know which one I mean!) In the absence of the little market, and it is now absent since the owner decided he would be happier staying alive than staying open, the nearest supermarket has an excellent produce section, a well stocked and maintained fish counter, and a butcher ready to butcher on request. One way or another I had sufficient opportunity to find something that looked good with which to build dinner.
 
But now I’m stuck at home and the only tomatoes I get to choose from are those my daughter had the pleasure of putting under her thumb – so to speak. No sniffing the blossom end of a cantaloupe, or peeking between the leaves of an artichoke. No examining the fat marbled through a New York strip or glistening in a filet of salmon. No losing oneself in the intoxicating aroma of cheeses and sausages ready to be sliced or portioned to my specifications. [Sigh] [Again] 
 
Bad as that is, its going to get worse, even as it appears it may be getting better. Last week the pronouncement came down from on high. No farmers’ markets this year. Farm markets to be sure. You can still go to them, but no weekly gathering of all the local farms at a convenient park or parking lot with their most recent hauls of fruits and vegetables, their just baked breads and pastries, their hand cut cuts of beef and pork, their eggs and chickens, or even their kitsch and tchotchkes. [Big sigh]
 
No, even if I get the chance to go out and shop on my own this summer it won’t be the same. The joys of fondling fresh fennel fronds straight from the farm are just not to be. [Sigh] [Still] But al least I can still dream.
 
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Cleaning Up

Michael 2 Comments
I hope there are some really clean people out in my neck of the woods. They must be because they have all the soap. Not just sanitizer and hand soap. Not just bleach and alcohol. Not just detergents and wipes. But the most critical of cleansers, body wash! Specifically, my body wash.
 
steam-300x336Years of prednisone use has thinned my skin so much that removing a bandaid usually means removing the top layer of skin with it. As a result I don’t use many bandaid but I do use a lot of moisturizers. Years ago I discovered a version of Dove body wash with a deep moisturizer that complements its cream moisturizing lotion and ever since I’ve been happy in my skin. Normally I have several containers or the stuff but I found my cupboard bare and on a recent attempt to restock all that was on the store shelf in its usual spot was dust. Not only was my cherished deep moisture version gone, so were the light moisture, sensitive skin, gentle exfoliating, and something called “cool moisture” varieties, and also missing were the store brand copies of all the ones apparently considered fit to copy including the decent copy of my deep moisture. What to do?
 
I needed something so I scanned the equally empty shelf locations of Dove’s competitors and found nothing except the odd designer wash priced to impress. (I wasn’t.) That left only one option…the men’s section.
 
I don’t know if any of you have ever tried to buy “men’s” soap. Where TV sitcoms would have you believe men typically shower with one all-purpose jug-o-clean combining soap, shampoo, conditioner, and deodorant, the reality is that the men’s toiletry section presents more options than the soft drinks and water aisle. It is possible to find a men’s soap that includes a decent moisturizer. What isn’t possible is to find a men’s body wash that isn’t scented. And they are all weird scents.
 
Men’s soaps and washes, along with the shampoos and conditioners that really do come in separate bottles, have scents not found in nature. To go along with the train of thought they have names that describe nothing. Clean. Fresh. Sport. Energizing. Invigorating. Active. Quench. Now what hell does “Quench” smell like. Actually it doesn’t matter. They all smell the same, menthol. Just different intensities of menthol.
 
It’s a good thing I keep bar soap in my socks and underwear drawer as my “men’s sachet.” It was either that or order some cedar and fir scented Spit and Polish (honest, look it up) which at least are two real things I might recognize when I smell them.
 
And don’t forget to wash your hands.
 
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