Tag Shoelaces

Fit to be untied

Michael 14 Comments

It’s been a year and 2 months, roughly 14 months, almost exactly 1 year, 2 months, and 2 days depending on if you consider the day that you start counting day 1 or day 0. No matter which way you want to count it, it’s been a while since I brought this up here. Why does one shoelace always come untied while you’re walking? Or sometimes even just sitting. Of course, if that happens while you are sitting, I suppose it really matters on how actively you sit that could determine just how often “sometimes” might be. Or is it just me?

Surely you remember the quandary I expressed those 429 days ago (or 428). If not, allow me to summarize. Both feet are going the same place and at the same pace. Both shoes and both laces are made of the same materials. The temperature and humidity at my left foot are pert near identical to those at my right. All things being equal, why aren’t the laces? Why does one shoelace always untie itself? And in my case, it’s always the left shoe. With one exception.

This might be why I started thinking about this all over again. That one exception is with my newest pair of footwear, which actually are slippers. (Is slippers?) (Hmm) Yeah, yeah, go ahead and question it. Why do slippers even have laces? In the world of are you a “shoe person” or a “socks or barefoot person” at home. (Bare feet?) (Bare foot?) (No, barefoot but definitely with no space.) (Whew!) And yes, feel free to question that also, although I can assure you that a detailed examination of this hypothesis revealed that the vast majority (over 50% at least) of those questioned answered one or the other. (Now where was I?) (Oh yes…) In the world of are you a “shoe person” or a “socks or barefoot person” at home, I fall squarely in the center. (Middle?) (Center?) I fall right in between. I am a “slipper person.” (Or “slippers person” if you prefer.)

I have several pairs of slippers. (several pair?) (Whatever!) I have my “nighttime walk around the house when I can’t sleep slippers.” I have my “to and from the shower so I don’t get the carpet all wet slippers.” And now I have my “wear during the day at home but look more like casual shoes but are actually slippers for a little more formal look slippers.” (I see where this post is starting to get a little personal but at least I can say I don’t have any “these are really too racy to discuss in public slippers” so you can be comfortable sticking around for the rest of the story if there are children (or not) about (or around).) And that’s how I came to have slippers with laces. Faux laces because they really don’t do anything but sit there and look lacy. (Not that kind of lacy. I said this post wasn’t racy and if it was racy lacy I wouldn’t have even brought it up.) And those are the exception. If you’ve forgotten what they are the exception to, please feel free to go back and re-read the first, no second paragraph. (I did.)

So among the shoes with laces that untie the left foot (left shoe?) (left foot shoe?) themselves… So among the shoes with laces that all by themselves untie the shoe that goes on the left foot, there is one exception, those slippers, and they untie both left and right foot. (Feet?) It totally defeats the purpose of getting slippers that look like shoes (sort of) when you end up walking around with your slippers (that look like shoes) untied. Like how is that formal? The only thing I can think of that looks less formal is walking around in a tuxedo with your left shoelace untied. (And those little waxed laces they put on shoes they expect you to wear with your tux are the worst! (worse?) (worst!)) (Hahaha. I just thought of something funny. There really are places that expect you in formal wear that let me in! Sometimes even by invitation!!) (Heeheehee)

Anyway, If anybody has any hints as to how you keep your shoelaces from untying themselves, please feel free to comment.

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Try to remember

Michael 12 Comments

I often amaze myself at some of the things I remember and some of the things I forget. I reminded myself of the odd things I recall over the weekend while putting on a pair of walking shoes. I have always, or for at least  since I was 5 or 6, put both shoes on then tie both shoes. I know some people will don one shoe and tie it, then do the same with the other. (Can you actually “don” a shoe or does don imply something going over you rather than something you put yourself into? Hmm. I’ll look that up sometime and probably turn it into a blog post.) (Anyway…) I also always put the right shoe on first. I wonder if that’s because I’m left handed, but maybe not because I’m not exclusively left handed. I write, eat, and paint with my left hand but I play sports right handed. I can bat in baseball either left or right handed but it doesn’t much matter because I’m not that good at it from either side. My forte on the ball field was behind the plate, and there I wore my catcher’s mitt on my left hand and threw with my right. Things with a racket like tennis, ping pong, badminton, and probably pickle ball if I ever took that up, I play right handed, but I wonder like with a baseball bat, if I could handle a racket in either hand. I golf right handed but since I really don’t see the point of golf, that was very seldom and very long ago. Of course the piano is played with both hands so I fit right in there. Where was I again? Oh yes….

I often amaze myself at some of the things I remember and some of the things I forget. While putting on a pair of walking shoes I suddenly, without warning, reminded myself why I put both shoes on then tie them. Years and years and years and years and years ago (I am getting up there!) as I was putting on the right shoe and then tying it, then the doing the same with the left shoe, an older, wiser one told me I shouldn’t do it that way. I had never thought of it and by then I probably had no preference, being only 5 or 6 at the time. But the older brother of the boy across the street who I always played with cautioned us against such reckless dressing. I can still hear him. “What happens if you get halfway through and a fire starts right behind you. You’re going to run out of the building and into the street with just one shoe on. If you put both shoes on and then tie them, if you get halfway through when that fire starts and you run out of the building, you’ll have both shoes on. But you better stop to tie them as soon as you can or you might trip.” Now, he was all of 10, maybe 11 years old, twice as old as we were. How could we not heed advice like that for a lifetime. And I still don(?) both my shoes then tie them.

On the other hand, last week I was in the store in front of the light bulb display. Lightbulbs are getting very complicated. There are fluorescent, halogen, HD, LED, and very once in a very great while, an old fashioned incandescent. I needed to replace a bulb in a lamp that I would typically put a 60 watt bulb into. Bulbs today don’t come in those old standard wattages we learned as youngsters. 100 watt for reading, 25 for appliances, 5 watt for night lights, 60 for everything else except the three way bulbs which never seemed to work anyway. Now they are odd numbers like 17 and 23 watt when they’re even marked in wattages. More often, light bulbs now are labeled in something called lumens. What’s a lumen anyway? Spellcheck doesn’t even know from lumens! When that trend started a few years ago, I took the time to learn the equivalent desired luminosity for each typical lamp and its intended use. But now, standing in front of rows and rows of light bulbs, could I remember what number I needed in lumens? Nope. All I could hope for was that one of the cartons would say “60 watt equivalent.” Seeing none that were, I moved on to the next item on the list. Shoelaces.

Now, did those shoes have 3 or 4 holes?

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No Business Like Shoe Business

Michael 2 Comments

Have you ever had a day when to want to say something but are sure it will unwarrantedly ruffle someone’s feathers? You don’t mean to. You really just have a thought you want to express but, particularly in the now when every thought, let alone action, regardless of intent is either forgiven or vilified depending on the political affiliation (real or perceived) of the thinker and/or actor, you hesitate. So I’ve been very concerned about bringing this up but I just can’t hold it back any longer. Where the hell are all the brown shoelaces?

I don’t need new shoelaces right now but there is a pair (are a pair?) (no, is a pair) fraying and will surely and shortly break. I’d like to be proactive and have the replacement on hand if not actually on shoe before that happens but I can’t find laces for brown dress shoes. White for athletic shows yes. Hundreds of any length and thickness imaginable. Thick black laces in lengths clearly for boots most probably fitted with steel toes are everywhere. Those rawhide looking things for hiking shoes hang on racks by the score of scores. Some places seem to begrudgingly devote a hook, maybe two, to black laces appropriate for dress shoes, but brown…um, nope. Not out there.

I think it started with Casual Friday. I never understood that. Why should somebody making an appointment with a banker, broker, car dealer, or human resource manager on the last day of the week be made to feel like the appointment maker has already started on his or her weekend? Why do Tuesday appointments get treated more formally than those who scheduled on Friday? I guess others felt the same way because it seems there is no more Casual Friday. It is now Casual Week. (I think I also once mentioned an off shoot of this. That is, why everybody who has anything remotely to do with medicine now feels the need to wear scrubs. If I hit the next billion dollar Power Ball jackpot and feel the urge to endow a hospital nephrology department, I do not want to meet with an administrator in a Looney Tunes scrub top to discuss my multimillion dollar gift. Just putting that out there.) Anyway, that’s how it all started – when men shed their suits and ties.

Women can be just as casual but a woman knows there are times when “dress” means more than the garment. And still have them in their closets. The garments that is. (That are?) I am certain if women’s dress shoes required laces there would be sufficient stock from which to choose.

BrownShoesI guess we men just lost our will to dress up. And stores responded. The Men’s Department yielded space to The Active Male, Sports and Leisure, and You’re Only as Young as You Feel departments. And the space they gave up used to be occupied by shoelaces for dress shoes. Even brown. Well I want it back! I want that space that used to hold tie bars and pocket squares. I want a belt that isn’t reversible. I want shoes that need polishing. And I want brown shoelaces!

I sincerely apologize for feathers that have been ruffled and trust this won’t result in some social media frenzy. But one last thing … if you should happen to have knowledge of brown shoelaces appropriate for a men’s dress shoe with 4 eyelets please email me their location. I will not share your information.

Thank you