The Associated Press published an article yesterday, “Teens say they are turning to AI for friendship.” Teena quoted in the article indicated that the use of AI for help with schoolwork is nearly universal, nearly 70% of them at some point, and half of them regularly have used an AI Companion as a “digital friend.” A survey cited in the article determined “31% of teens said their conversations with AI companions were “as satisfying or more satisfying” than talking with real friends.”
As the story was picked up by local papers and news outlets, comments on it picked up, many of the “that’s scary” type. I think what’s scary is how this demonstrates how bad teens are to other teens, especially as other surveys have noted how bullying is skyrocketing, not like we’re seeing it among adults more than ever and coming from the Oval Office on a daily basis.
The survey studied the AI habits of 1,000 teens over two months. The researchers were taken back by their findings, concerned that teens will not be able to assimilate into society without having peer to peer interaction. They didn’t see then when one 18 year old said, ““AI is always available. It never gets bored with you. It’s never judgmental. When you’re talking to AI, you are always right. You’re always interesting. You are always emotionally justified,” he was describing a companion to replace the real ones who were always judgmental and emotionally damaging.
A person, even a teen, wants to feel valued. In the social media blurb to yesterday’s Uplift we began, “Nobody likes to be taken advantage of.” That’s the bully’s prime motivator – to take advantage of others’ insecurities and take without concern. Although our discussion revolved around misappropriated gratitude, we can say from personal experiences that when others perceive us as valued contributors, our self-esteem grows. As self-esteem grows, the need for validation from others decreases as we can provide our own validation.
This is what teens need. People to see them and thank them for being them. Not to have on a friend they created from a companion bot.
That Gratitude Attitude suggests some basic ways to recognize and show appreciation to people for being themselves. We even dove into the family setting. Take a look, practice daily gratitude, and save a teen from having to build a friend.
Tag Self Esteem
Corrected: Take a peek – Heal Thyself
Darn, did it again A bad kink in the first email and I checked them too!
Hi dear readers. It’s time again to take a peek at the latest ROAMcare Uplift post, Heal Thyself.
When we suffer a scrape or cut our bodies heal themselves. When we suffer a disconnect from positive feelings and emotions, we can still heal ourselves.
Heal Thyself
Posted November 6, 2024
3 minute Read
The day after Election Day in the U.S. is probably a good time to talk about healing. No matter who won and lost, there will continue to be anxiety and divisiveness, and people will look to others for hope and healing. They will be looking in the wrong place.
True healing comes from within. We previously quoted Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous words, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” There is a corollary to that. No one can make you feel whole without your participation. …
Read the full blog at Heal Thyself, on Uplift at ROAMcare. As always there is no fee to read, nothing to join, no catches, no kidding.
While you are there, consider joining the ROAMcare community and have Uplift delivered to your email as soon as it hits the website. In addition to an Uplift release every Wednesday, you will also receive weekly our Monday Moment of Motivation and the email exclusive Blast from the Past repost of one of our most loved publications every Friday. All free and available now at ROAMcare.org.
A word of caution: Some physical injuries are too severe for our bodies to repair themselves and require the attention of healthcare professionals. If you are suffering significant emotional or psychological distress, please consult a mental health professional to help with your healing process.
Take a peek – Heal Thyself
Hi dear readers. It’s time again to take a peek at the latest ROAMcare Uplift post, Heal Thyself.
When we suffer a scrape or cut our bodies heal themselves. When we suffer a disconnect from positive feelings and emotions, we can still heal ourselves.
Heal Thyself
Posted November 6, 2024
3 minute Read
The day after Election Day in the U.S. is probably a good time to talk about healing. No matter who won and lost, there will continue to be anxiety and divisiveness, and people will look to others for hope and healing. They will be looking in the wrong place.
True healing comes from within. We previously quoted Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous words, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” There is a corollary to that. No one can make you feel whole without your participation. …
Read the full blog at Heal Thyself, on Uplift at ROAMcare. As always there is no fee to read, nothing to join, no catches, no kidding.
While you are there, consider joining the ROAMcare community and have Uplift delivered to your email as soon as it hits the website. In addition to an Uplift release every Wednesday, you will also receive weekly our Monday Moment of Motivation and the email exclusive Blast from the Past repost of one of our most loved publications every Friday. All free and available now at ROAMcare.org.
A word of caution: Some physical injuries are too severe for our bodies to repair themselves and require the attention of healthcare professionals. If you are suffering significant emotional or psychological distress, please consult a mental health professional to help with your healing process.
Better late than hurried
I’m late with this week’s post. I was heeding my own advice and after all, it’s not like I’ve a contract with anyone other than myself to put any of this drivel out into the – what’s this week’s buzzword? – metaverse. (Words are interesting only to the point that people can make such a big deal out of them. In their own right, words, even buzzwords, are merely tools. The right strings of words conveying thoughts, hopes, promises, dreams, fantasies, humor…those are interesting.) (But I – all together now – digress.)
I was heeding my own advice to take time at the start of December and see where the year has taken me, or started me toward, and what is left to do or want or need before this year becomes last year and next year turns into now. It’s my idea that the beginning of December should be a time spent reviewing the year, clarifying unmet goals, tidying loose ends left by the current year so we can meet January and the new year with the gusto they deserve! (Yes, those we my exact words. More on that in a few sentences.) We more often rush through December as if running away from the carnage left by the preceding eleven months. (More of my words. I like the carnage reference, particularly to address this year.) (Sorry, once again, I – say it with me – digress.)
As yesterday was the first of December (First of December?) (no, that would make it more special than it is, like the Fourth of July – just first of December), I looked back at my goals for 2021 and pondered what I could do in the remaining 31, now 30 days to exit this year on a high note. Yesterday was also a Wednesday and I usually write out my thoughts for the post and schedule it so they are there waiting to share your morning coffee or tea or juice with you. Isn’t that a pleasant thought? Anyway, yesterday’s Wednesday I was busy contemplating my year in review. (I also spent a couple hours in a dentist’s chair but that’s beside the point.)
I’m not sure I’d call my 2021 a rousing success, but I don’t think it was the downer many people may have experienced. Knowing what I know about worldwide pandemics, “return to normal” was not on my list of things to do for 2021, figuring to hold that for another 2, possibly 3 years. Not that I’m clairvoyant, but I was forced to study such things in school and even though school was (wow!) over 40 years ago, viruses haven’t changed. Well, actually, they have, and that’s why I didn’t figure to be completely normal this year. Not that I’m ever completely normal but that “things” would return to normal. (And again, I digr……) (Moving on!) My expectations for 2021 were modest and still I haven’t satisfied them all. The trick now is: which will be deferred to next year, which will be kicked to the curb, and which will be the focus (or foci) of intense and unrelenting effort at completion before the clock strikes midnight on the last day of the year.
What the goals are is not important. That there is a plan to deal with them is. Why now? Who cares? Does it matter and will it make a difference? In order, why not, more than you know, more than you know again, and it sure will!
You may think, and I am right there with you, that December’s concerns should be centered around shopping, wrapping and baking for the upcoming holidays, school concerts, football playoffs, and holiday parties. But, particularly for those working, December days are also filled with short staffing periods, overtime requests, year-end reports, and demands from “upstairs” that this, that, or something else get done, written, and “by on my desk” by tomorrow! Even at home there are demands as decorations don’t hang themselves, dinners don’t cook themselves, holiday linens don’t freshen themselves and festively decked out trees don’t grow on trees. All of this is packed into a month that those whose only jobs are to opine and posit tell us is for family, positive work/life balancing, and retaining (or regaining) our mental health. (Here’s a little trivia for you regarding December. Although crime in general typically peaks during the summer months, most murders are committed in December (U.S. Justice Department).) So would it kill you to spend some time deciding how you want to spend your December.
And so this is why you didn’t get to read this with your morning coffee, tea, or juice.
To read how to prioritize, please visit my work site and the blog post, “Epilogue.” It opens with “If the year was a book, December would be its epilogue. Epilogues summarize and clarify, often wrapping up those loose ends in the plot the action left in need of tidying, or of characters’ untold dispositions.” That’s what I want December to be, or at least the beginning of the month – a time to summary the year and clarify our actions to come.
And finally, since I’ve already thrown your day off schedule, let me ask you to visit the rest of the web-site when you get there. Some of you may recall I mentioned the education foundation ROAMcare I partnered with a friend and former colleague to establish last year. We began the foundation to instill enthusiasm and energy in the workplace, particularly pharmacies and health care systems given that was our background. As we reviewed our material and considered comments, we determined the concepts we are presenting are suitable for everybody and have refocused our efforts to the general public. We are in the process of removing specific pharmacy references from the site and that’s actually one of the goals I want to satisfy this year. On our home page we encourage all visitors to “Express your resolve, refresh your enthusiasm, add passion to your purpose, and put more care into everything you do in your personal life, your professional life, your family life, and everywhere they meet.” I invite you to visit ROAMcare.org, read our blogs, listen to our podcasts, or visit our Motivation Moments and let me know if you found them useful or at least not a waste of time. Thanks!
If Not For Bad Luck
A recent Reuters news article reported that 65% of cancers can be attributed to physiological bad luck. Some 22 of 31 identified cancer types were traced to unexplained, random cell mutations. These cancers included leukemia, pancreatic cancer, and ovarian and testicular cancer. The other nine types which included lung, skin, and colorectal cancers, could be attributed to environmental or hereditary changes. One of the researchers whose work was examined for the article was quoted saying the real reason that people get cancer in many cases, “is that person was unlucky. It’s losing the lottery.”
Well, that’s a relief. I thought I had done something wrong to earn my cancer. Fortunately now I know that it was just plain old bad luck. It was probably bad luck that I had a surgical wound open up after the operation to remove that fluke. That was compounded by more bad luck when the infection popped up. And let’s not forget the bad luck of the revisions to the original surgery that had to be performed, all of that keeping me in the hospital some six months out of the past eighteen.
And it was during those same eighteen months that the company I was contracted to sold off the facility I was assigned to dropping me into the ranks of the unemployed as well as those of the unlucky. The unlucky circumstances thus continued when all of the treatments and therapies though quite effective in keeping me alive couldn’t keep me with enough stamina to work a full business day so I continue to be unemployed while searching for an employer compassionate enough to understand that someone who has been extremely effective can still be so while working only half days at a time.
Of course there was the additional unluckiness of not being a child, a single mom, a returning veteran, a celebrity, a politician, or a television or movie character that may or may not be based on an actual person. Nobody was submitting my name to any foundation to cover the expenses of a trip to Pisa or to Punxsutawney while arranging for free housekeeping, a new suit, and an interview on the late show thus garnering enough new found publicity that the previous paragraph’s ill fortune was quite handsomely negated.
So now I spend most days filling out insurance forms and sweepstakes entries with about the same odds of success, job applications with even longer odds, or call an old colleague to see if he or she has any spare hours or opportunities with the longest odds of them all. On the bright side, I have been catching up with my reading and writing. Seriously, on the bright side…come on, seriously a bright side?
Imagine playing the lottery with a 65% chance of hitting. Oh wait, the researcher said that was like losing the lottery. I manage to do that every week, twice a week. That is ok. If I hit the lottery I’d probably just squander the winnings on things like food and mortgage payments. What a relief that choice doesn’t have to be made! And here I thought I was just plain old unlucky.
Sorry, not every post is going to be up-beat. Just real.
Now, that’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?
You Gotta Trust Somebody
This is local news but we’re willing to bet something similar has happened where you live provided you live in the United States of America. Seems other countries already have this figured out.
Earlier this week the local county council that counsels those who live in the county where we live voted to not include the phrase “In God We Trust” among the other cute sayings along the walls of the room in the county courthouse where the council lives and works on the days they bother to go to work. It seems they trotted out that old argument, the separation of church and state, once again. (They realize that the Congress of the United States begins each session with a prayer, don’t they?) The County Executive made it even worse by trying to explain that even if the council passed that resolution he would have vetoed it since not everyone who lives in the county is a Christian. Now there’s one soul who needs a lot of remedial Sunday school.
We’ve tried fighting that one with the clear language of those who wrote that Constitution that they meant freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion. Since they never do listen to us we thought we’d at least help them along. If they aren’t going to trust in God, let’s come up with someone everyone can agree is worthy of our trust.
It seems these guys like other elected officials. They like to quote predecessors and sometimes even each other during spirited debates. It sounds too self-serving to put up a banner that says “In County Council We Trust” so we’re going to look at some other elected ones. School boards are supposed to be above politics and take an oath to be leaders to the children they ultimately serve. That would be a good choice. No, wait a minute, it was just a couple of days ago that the president of a local school board was arrested for assault stemming from a bar fight in which an instructor in her school district was hit over the head with a beer mug by his wife – neither teacher nor board member, whew. And just a couple days before that another school district’s board member was hauled off to jail on charges of assault and public drunkenness after a fight at a wedding reception. “In School Boards We Trust” is out.
Judges. They are fair, honest, impartial. Yes, we can live with “In Judges We Trust” carved in stone. Except for the ones who have recently been paroled for everything from taking bribes to using judicial resources to finance re-election campaigns. Now there is that one judge who gets all the big trials and is pretty fair. Why it was only two days ago that he wouldn’t allow a deliberating jury from reviewing an exhibit saying they have to rely on their collective memories. We can change the carving to “In Judges’ Memories We Trust.” No, that sounds too much like a memorial.
How about we move up the ladder. If County Council wants to be somebody when they grow up it would be state representatives. “In the State House We Trust” is a little wordy but it gives people enough time to not worry about the eight of them that are due to be released from prison before the end of this year. Most of them already have their paperwork in to become registered lobbyists. We’re certain we can get them to agree to be trustworthy if we can get their names inscribed along with the major catch phrase. Or not.
Looks like we’re down to our last two suggestions. There is a local bathroom remodeler whose motto is “A Company You Can Trust.” We’ll just take a still from one of his television ads, blow it up, and post it behind the county council dais.
Our last suggestion is just to make certain the county council doesn’t ever have to deal with the phrase again and purge it from all of their records. Once they can figure out how they’d like to get paid, since it is on all of our money, they should be happy as clams. Or just as steamed.
Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.
You thought that was politically incorrect?
Over the years we’ve rarely made specific observations of those people that we might feature in our posts. There have been many of them but we’ve always spoken to what they’ve done, not who they are.
Our first mention of a real other person came in November of 2011. We detailed the exploits of a shopper who startled She of We by screaming across a rather large store to a companion shopper. We mentioned the shopper was screaming in a foreign tongue but we didn’t identify it and didn’t have to. That wasn’t the story as much as the volume and not knowing the language therefore not knowing whether the scream was because Shopper #1 found a real bargain or a raging inferno. (See “Clean Up on Aisle Ten,” November 10, 2011)
Throughout the next three years we visited waiters and waitresses that made our day (our favorite can be found at “How would you like your toast?” August 2, 2012), engaged couples becoming married couples in various culture settings (“Weddings Gone Wild…well, sort of,” July 1, 2013), and plane-mates with oversized (!) carry-ons (“We’re On Vacation, Part 1,” September 3, 2012).
In none of these stories did we consider the featured guest’s ethnic or racial background. It didn’t seem to matter to the story. And if you speak to most people in the world, it doesn’t matter to them either. Oh but when it comes time to complete a survey or an application for something, those authors delve into backgrounds that would be challenged as politically incorrect if they were to speak thusly in a lunch room of a company doing business with the government.
And there seems to be no consistency to their descriptions. They may ask the survey taker if he or she is African American, Hispanic, or White. That gives us one in an uncertain familial background, one as cultural descriptor, and one that’s a race identifier. What does the white South African who grew up in Chile answer? Is someone from the Black Sea village of Poti in Georgia just as Asian American as someone who grew up in Da Nang overlooking the South China Sea? There is no good way to answer.
Is the term White used for those one cannot readily discern an ethnic background? European American brings us back to a non-descript description but how much difference is there between an Italian American, a French American, and a German American other than what side of the Alps are the coffee shops? And do any of these people get to use the description if they themselves actually spent no time in the called upon country or is that only available for continents?
We think we have the best idea. If one is living in America one gets to be an American. If you’re living somewhere else please check with your country’s version of the ACLU for guidance, then ignore them and do what we say instead. When you read one of our posts you can’t tell if of whom we are speaking has a particular color skin, speaks with a certain accent, or is good at making ravioli at home. You can tell if of whom we are speaking makes us smile doing the things that race, color, or national origin can’t control. Like asking, “How would you like your toast?”
Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.
Outscored, Not Outclassed
This week is high school football week number 7 in our part of the world. Yes, we know. If you check your calendar that means they started playing football before they started classes. It’s ok. Here, high school football (which should be capitalized but we have to draw the line somewhere) is a cross between a religion (please don’t tell the atheists) and life’s greatest lesson learned (please don’t tell the religious). We suspect “here” is a lot of places across the country. It’s a strange, strange thing.
We have nothing against organized competitions for high school and younger children. As long as one can tear oneself away from that crazy notion of “everyone’s a winner” that we try to foist on the youngest ones, any kind of competition is healthy and a necessary part of growing up. Here they not only tear away the football players from the idea that “everyone’s a winner,” they rip it apart, crush it, stomp on it, burn it, then bury the remains.
Last Friday night we were watching the 11:00 news. She of We watches so she can be attuned to the happenings of the world. He of We watches so he can read the football scores across the bottom scroll. “There’s another, 41-9! That’s the third 41 to something in single digits this week! Woah, look at that, 50 to 2! I bet the coach is going to have something to say about allowing a safety! 17-14? What kind of score is that? That’s better? Did you see that one? 64-12!”
Maybe that sounded a little more exuberant than it actually plays out. What amazes us about scores like that is not that there are so many of them but that there are any of them. School sports is a place to teach the children about competition and that indeed the world is a place where everyone is not a winner. But what happened to sportsmanship? What happened to “win with class, lose with grace?” For the winning team it’s just another version of “everyone’s a winner” only this version is “you’re always the winner.” It has the same end results. We’re creating a world where these young children when they become young adults are unprepared for conflict, discipline, and getting things right because they never had to. (See Your Turn to Keep Score, Jan. 16, 2012.)
In a sound bite world He of We heard the ultimate sound bite about all of this. In that same news cast with the scroll filled with winning scores in the 40’s and 50’s and the losing scores in single digits was one of 14-3. The two teams are “perennial powerhouses,” one a twice in a row district champion and on a 23 game winning streak, the other the runner-up for those two years. The winning coach was interviewed and asked what it was like after five weeks to finally have to make a decision in the fourth quarter? (Arrogance alert #1) He responded that he knew it would come back to him “when they got to play a good team.” (Arrogance alert #2)
We hope the players in the five teams previously beat by that “perennial powerhouse” go on to learn that not always being a winner doesn’t always make you a loser.
Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?
Baseball, Hotdogs, Apple Pie, and “Batter Up!”
It’s almost our birthday, that’s our country’s birthday, and we’re still trying to figure out what makes us Americans – the good things, the bad things, and the things no other country wants to admit to doing.
Last weekend we were in a restaurant for a late dinner when a family of Mom, Dad, and four children ages 8 months to 11 years old take the table next to us. We said it was a late dinner. For us, 9:00 qualifies as late and that’s what time we were seated. These folks came about ten minutes after us. What could these six people ranging in age from “not yet a year” to “should know better” be doing on a Saturday that they hadn’t yet had dinner at that hour? What else? Baseball.
Baseball? At 9:00. At night. Really? Yep, the oldest child just finished up his weekly baseball game. We recall when we and ours were of little league age that we had one game at 1:00 and one at 2:00. It didn’t take long to play Little League baseball then. Three outs often came on 3 pitches assuming somebody could manage to get the ball anywhere near first base where 3 other defenders had rushed in to back up the first baseman ready for him to miss the throw to first. The longest play in Little League then was the high pop up when everybody, including the batter, turned to look at the umpire (often somebody from the American Legion league who played on the same field at 4:00) to tell them fair, foul, safe, or out. And then to explain what to do next.
But today, in the spirit of every one’s a hero, games take hours to play. There are no outs, you just keep getting up to bat until everybody has had a turn. There are no runs, you just keep going around the bases to make room for whomever is up next. There are no strikes, or balls, or foul balls, you just keep throwing until the little snot finally connects with the ball and remembers to run to first base instead of to the bathroom like last week.
This isn’t our first post about the insanity of trying to build a world with no losers. (See “Your Turn to Keep Score,” Jan. 16, 2012 and “There Is No Crying,” April 26, 2012.) Somewhere along the course of trying to take the pressure of winning off our children we’ve also taken the joy of winning from them. We’re also taking the discipline they will need to be productive adults from them.
When the authors of the Declaration of Independence wrote that “all men are created equal” and that we are endowed by our Creator with those famous unalienable rights of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, they didn’t mean there will never be any losers. If they did, they would have let King George take one more at-bat.
Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?
Baseball, Hotdogs, Apple Pie, and “It’s a Shame.”
We’ve been taking a post or two as we approach the Fourth of July holiday to see what’s out there that makes us uniquely Americans – including the bad things, while trying to find the good things about us.
In our last post we took our first look at how the country is doing and remarked on the bullying of the now famous bus monitor and the remarkable response people had to her plight. Much of that remarkable response might have been American, but since that time we found out that the instigator of the good is a Canadian. Thank you Mr. Norther American for showing us below the 49th parallel how it is to be good.
Unfortunately there are still many bad examples. Sometimes, not only do we have a hard time admitting that the bad are the bad, we go the extra step to assume the bad is actually an example of good behavior, just gone wrong. One morning this week the local television news had a piece about three teenagers that were killed two years ago right after attending “an alcohol fueled graduation party.” The parents wanted to remember them so they created a memorial with plaques, benches, and pictures overlooking the site of the accident. Had we not done a little research it would have been just three kids who died. Other than that one phrase quoted above, the morning news story said nothing about the car’s occupants being drunk. And being drunk isn’t something one should be memorializing. It’s a shame.
But research it we did and that research uncovered a longer piece that was run during the evening newscast the day before. In that version one of the mothers told those who attended the memorial to do whatever it takes to not drive after drinking. It also mentioned that the alcohol was provided by a parent. As we continued to dig we uncovered another article and video of the sentencing of the woman who bought a half-keg of beer for the graduation party from two years ago (one year of house arrest, 3 years on probation). But we didn’t uncover scores of articles addressing the core problem. There are people out there, sometimes children, who drink to impairment and then try to pilot a speeding vehicle. We found no organized outrage at public drunkenness or at children drinking, no support of underage drinking laws, and no response from MADD, SADD, or the District Attorney. Perhaps nobody wanted to hurt the survivors more than they were, and still are. It’s a shame.
A day later the same television station ran a story about the arraignment of a man who during a drunken driving rampage injured 10 people in what police described as a “bumper bowl game.” This young man hit at least six cars, one head on, before running into a guard rail that stopped his onslaught. His blood alcohol was three times the legal limit.
He probably missed the story from the day before and didn’t get a chance to do whatever it took to not drive after drinking. What a shame.
Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?
The Real Reality Show Blog 