Tag Rant

Strike Three

Michael Leave a comment

Twinkie, Twinkie, little cake
No longer now will you bake.
The salaries were much too high.
The union said pay up or die.
Twinkie, Twinkie, little cake
How much did they think they’d make.

Unfortunately there are over 18,000 workers with nowhere to go on the next regularly scheduled business day and who knows how many investors (you remember investors, they are the ones who actually put up the money) have no next regularly scheduled business.

Nobody wins win you have to strike for money.  You can strike to prevent workers from entering dangerous conditions.  Back when mine workers had to send in birds then wait to see if they died from methane gas exposure there were dangerous conditions one should strike against.  Back when seamstresses were locked in textile mills and not permitted to leave until an arbitrary but always high number of garments were finished regardless of a workers physical condition there were dangerous conditions.  When delivery personnel had to handle unbroken horses pulling unarmored wagons across often violent territory, there were dangerous conditions.

Because a worker wants more money is not a reason to strike.  Everybody wants more money.  Even the President of the United States wants more money but he doesn’t go on strike, he gets another job.  For him it was part time author while he wasn’t busy dong presidential things.  If the bakers at Hostess wanted more money, they could have worked harder.  Instead, they were sold a bill of goods by a union (whose officers and employees still have jobs to go to) that if they paid their union dues the union would get them more money.  We don’t recall ever seeing a news article that a union has offered to reduce their dues for workers who have been asked to work for less than what the union demands.  

As a matter of economics, and recognizing that owners are just as greedy as workers, those who lose the most during union negotiations are, well, everybody.  Take this example.  Let’s say that it takes $100 to build a chair. The chair company has 10 workers and each builds 10 chairs a year.  The workers each get $50 a chair and the company spends $5,000 on salaries.  They also pay $3,000 on health insurance.  Electricity costs $1,000 and the wood, glue, and nails cost $1,000.  That’s $10,000 for that company to build those chairs this year.  The owner who puts up all the money sells each chair for $125.   And he makes $2,500 a year if he sells all 100 chairs.  In year 2, the chair makers go to the owner and ask for 10% more this year raising their salary from $50 per chair to $55 or $550 per worker or $5,500 in total salaries.  The owner asks how many more chairs the workers will make.  No more chairs, just the same 10.  So at the end of the year 2, if the owner sells all 100 chairs he will lose $500 from his previous salary.  Instead of risking that, he’s going to raise his chair prices to $130 to make up the $500 difference.  Across the street at the table factory the workers are demanding more money this year.  Why?  Because the cost of living is going up.  Have you seen how much chairs cost nowadays?

It’s a very simple example but it’s the core problem with unions.  Every time someone gets more, somebody else needs more just to keep up.  All for money.

Someday somebody will buy the trademark and rights to the Twinkie name and the world will be happy again.  Except for those workers who will now want more money because the price of milk just went up.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

(For more of our thoughts on unions, See Union Made, June 18, 2012 in Humor.  Yep, in Humor.)

 

 

Murder is Insulting

Michael Leave a comment

Muslims are insulted by the anti-Islamic film that an ex-con, anti-Islamic extremist produced and posted clips of to YouTube.  To demonstrate their chagrin they felt justified in burning down the American embassy in Libya and killing the American ambassador there.  Americans in 20 countries in the Middle East and elsewhere where Islam is practiced have been victims of abusive attacks over the past week.

There have already been hundreds of thousands of words published condemning the killings and these other aggressive acts.  Our few hundred words here won’t add any clarity to what is a mounting sentiment to use any excuse to attack and kill Americans.  So we won’t decry the Muslims’ retaliatory actions.  God will see they don’t get their 700 virgins or their entry to paradise or their first taste of a hamburger or whatever they think will be their reward for killing Americans even though it was one of their own who smeared Mohammed then ran and hid behind our First Amendment.

No, what we are going to say is what parents throughout America should be telling their children when they do something terribly, horribly wrong.  You’re going to bed without your dinner.  Let us explain.  The United Sates directly provides over 40% of the food bought and sold in the Middle East.  When considering re-exports of American goods by other countries to this area, over 90% of their food comes from the United States.  Other than Iran and Sudan, the United Sates has no restrictions against exporting to Middle East or North African countries.  Yet these are the very countries where Americans are being attacked because the populace perceives that the USA insulted them through an amateurish film posted on an Internet site where anybody can upload video files.  Well, we’re insulted also. 

If there is not enough outrage in our leaders to send in whatever troops are necessary to neutralize those who are killing Americans, then send in whatever troops are necessary to destroy what food stores are present in those countries.  Then there should be embargos instituted against them and against all other countries that allow re-export to these American haters.  After a few months of having nothing to eat maybe they will understand our outrage when we open our morning papers and find out that one of our ambassadors was murdered because somebody’s feelings were hurt.

If someday there should be a very large contingent of apologetic, hungry people in Egypt, Libya, Indonesia, Afghanistan, or any other part of the world where ‘Death to America’ is scrawled on the sides of what used to be American consulates and embassies, perhaps our answer should be “Gosh, we’re sorry.  We were insulted and since you set the appropriate retaliation for insults at murder we figured it was time to play by your rules.  Too bad.   Go to bed without your dinner.”

And to those bleeding hearts here in our country who feel bad for the poor little fire starters, feel free to join them living in dirt, filth, and squalor.  Maybe while you’re busy badmouthing us, they’ll be happy for the chance to burn you alive too.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

What’s a Covet?

Michael Leave a comment

My there are certainly a lot of them.  So many you’d swear (or affirm) that they are even somewhat religious in their beliefs.  Of whom are we speaking?  The atheists.   And they’re at it again.

A school district in Pennsylvania has a monument outside the doors of its Junior High School that someone supposed violated the tenant of the separation of church and state.  You’ll recall we debated where that separation is specified in our Constitution, Bill of Rights, later amendments, or earlier Declarations and couldn’t find it anywhere.  (See We Hold These Truths (Jan. 13,2012) and Liberty and Justice for All (March 26, 2012).)  Obviously the people who are threatening lawsuits didn’t read our posts.  Neither did the school district because they are planning to comply with the requests to remove the four foot tall work that has been guarding the school doors since 1957.

A judge in Virginia must has thought he possessed the wisdom of Solomon when he came up with the bright idea of removing the first four commandments since they are the ones that are most religious.  This came up while trying to negotiate a settlement between a Giles County school district and the ACLU.  It seems the CLU claimed that their Americans were miffed over the district having the 4 + 6 Commandments in a hallway where a picture of them was posted for a year and a half as part of a display of American government and morality.  We certainly don’t want to mistake those two for each other.

Back North, another Pennsylvania school district that has a plaque of the Ten Commandments at the entrance to its high school has also been threatened with a law suit if it doesn’t remove the material within 10 days of the threat’s delivery date.  The school board president said they have to wait to construct a response regarding the fate of the monument that has stood since 1955 until a meeting with the district’s attorneys later this month.

Unfortunately we can’t say this is anything new.  It was in 2003 when workers removed 800 pound granite tablets listing the Ten Commandments (Moses would have had a hard time with those himself) from 4 schools in a suburban Cincinnati school district.

We say let it go.  Clearly we don’t need them anymore.  They are as obsolete as killing, stealing, patricide or matricide, adultery, and wholesale deceit including perjury.  You can tell by the way these offensives as almost never ever committed anymore.  Coveting is so obsolete the average high schooler probably doesn’t even know what it means and it almost never shows up in spelling bees.  But the aetheists still have some work to do because we have firm proof that there are some people who still won’t work on Sunday. 

At least they won’t until after the Super Bowl.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

The Agony of Defeatism

Michael Leave a comment

You know that we have never told you what to do or think or say.  Thinly veiled otherwise strongly worded suggested we have, but outright told, no.  We are now.  We are going to ask you to do just what we do and find all your Polo cosmetics and fragrances, dig out all your Lauren accessories, rummage through the closets and take out everything that has Ralph Lauren on the label, and burn them all.  If your local municipality prohibits open flames we will accept repeated slashes and then bury the remains.  And then don’t ever ever never buy any of his stuff again.  Ever.  Never.

Yes, we’re a little upset about the Chinese made U. S. Olympic Team uniforms.  There are so many other things that have hit the news wires this week, why of all things would we take such a drastic stand over clothes?  It’s the Olympics.  It is the ultimate in competition.  This is America.  We are nuts about competitions.  Put it together.  The ultimate in reality shows is about to take place and we’re sending our representatives there in somebody else’s clothes.

Nobody asked us but what we would have done was not even turned the design to a professional.  We would have taken advantage of those reality competition shows out there and let the “Project Runway” or similar contestants design the uniforms.  The Olympics are the grandest of all contests and should be represented by the best of the best.  We don’t pick our swimmers by holding open bids.  We don’t select our archers through a series of contract negotiations.  We don’t choose our sprinters based on who did good before.  Before they get to be competitors, they compete for the privilege.

If we had let the design of the uniforms to true competitors we’d probably have something uniquely identifiable.  Has anybody looked at these things?  There’s no mistaking them for anything other than Ralph Lauren designs.  He made sure of that by the size and placement of his logo exactly as it is on his U. S. Golf Open, U. S. Tennis Open, and Open Championship uniforms.  And you’d think somebody so American with so many U. S. credits would realize we haven’t worn berets in this country since Annie Hall premiered (and even she knew better than to wear one on screen).

Since we can’t go back and have the uniforms re-designed, let’s at least get them re-made.  Ralph Lauren has already said he will have the 2014 uniforms made in the USA.  That’s nice.  But we’re still letting the 2012 team go to London with zippers sewn in the shadow of the Great Wall.  Let’s face it, there is enough money in his various companies’ accounts and among several of the USOC members’ households that Lauren, et.al. could say, “We screwed up.  We’ll fix it and have the uniforms all re-made here and we’ll pay for it” and not notice the bill.  The amount spent on redoing the uniforms might be enough advertising for his companies that it would offset the bad publicity he has already received. 

Frankly, we don’t care why he doesn’t.  There’s 10 days to go before anybody has to see the Asian varieties and it can be done.  So just do it.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Cirque du Sex

Michael Leave a comment

When is oral sex in public ok?  When the people who are doing it tell you so.  In another case of bad behavior gone worse, a couple (we’re not sure if they are a “couple” or just two people) decided during a performance of Cirque du Soleil Totem in Del Mar, CA was the right time.  Being drunk sometimes clouds your judgment.  Being stupid will also.

Since it’s been all over the Internet you’re probably familiar with most of the details.  Two people get bored with the show and she starts bobbing her head in his lap.  Tickets for that performance ranged from $45 to $90 a seat.  Even at the low end the performance on the stage was probably worth it and the performance in the stands wasn’t more than a pair of arrogant, self-important losers who can’t find anything positive around them that doesn’t include them.  But we digress.  When chipper chickie starts doing her thing on the chirpy chap, a lady behind them decided her $45 to $90 didn’t not include an amateur sex play and complained.  Others around them used their cell phones to alert security.  That’s when the somewhat occupied fellow reportedly told them all to mind their own business or he’d kill them.

A pair of 5 year olds sitting in front of Deeper Throat, the Sequel, got to wondering what was going on and turn around to get their eyeful.  That’s when Mr. Throat gave one of them a high five.  After all, he was reaching his peak and was wanted to share his feelings with his intellectual and emotional peers.  Ms. Deep clearly had no peers so she just slugged one of those who first complained.  Three times.  In the face.

It got us to thinking, what kind of people do that?  What kind of people have sex in public, get caught, and act both childishly and violently when confronted? What kind of people get arrested, and still get to collect their paychecks while on administrative leave during an investigation of the incident?  Government employees, that’s who.

Yep, the amorous couple…we mean the non-lady and the tramp …are border patrol agents.  According to the Customs and Border Patrol official web-site, each officer takes “a solemn vow to secure the homeland from terrorists and other threats.”  Apparently the female officer was simply trying to restrain an overgrown child who struck a five year on the open palm of his hand and then subdued an apparent rude individual who used a cell phone during a public performance interrupting the show for hundreds of paying patrons of the arts.     

So that clears it all up.  Except for one thing.  How was it that while in the process of getting oral sex, the fat bastard managed to verbally assault those around him and cavort with the little kiddies in the row in front of him?  We guess she wasn’t that good.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

There Is No Crying

Michael 1 Comment

“There’s no crying in baseball,” was Jimmy Dugan’s guidance in A league of Their Own.  Advice that Both of We have given to many in many fields.  There’s no crying in yardwork.  There’s no crying in meatloaf.  There’s no crying in plumbing.  There’s no crying in college acceptance celebrations.  Hold on!  That last one isn’t one of ours.  Oh but it is one of the New York City school district.

Yes, in the highly competitive world of college admissions, New Yorkers (New Yorkers!?!) want to be certain that the egos of students not accepted into their first choice institutions are not unduly bruised.   Teachers are told not to congratulate students in public and if they should see someone crying to “be sensitive” and to refer them to the college advisory office (guidance counselor?) immediately.  Perhaps it’s the school advisors who should be considering select institutions.

But how could you blame the city schools for prohibiting public displays of best wishes?  They are just following the lead of several famous (or so we’re told) prep schools that have banned wearing college sweatshirts bearing the crests of the universities that have accepted their students or posting their good news on Facebook.

In January we asked in a post “How long has it been since we started instilling in our young people that there are no losers?” (Your Turn to Keep Score from Life, Jan 16, 2012).  We proposed then that it has been long enough that someday those young people will be running for “Congress, President, and your local school board.”  Seems like they might have already made it to the school boards.

We can poke fun at the bizarrely ridiculous notion that some adult somewhere really thinks that not going “Woohoo!” when a kid opens that long awaited letter from school will make life better for some other student who had a hard time spelling woohoo in Social Media 101.  The truth is that we have already seen how “everyone’s a winner” is destroying American life.  For example:   there’s no crying in bank failures; there’s no crying in corporate bankruptcies; there’s no crying in union negotiations; there’s no crying in lying in political ads; there’s no crying in government bail outs; there’s no crying in $5.00/gallon gasoline.

There used to be a lot of losing in life.  And those losses led to some of the biggest successes the world has seen.  Today we can say that life isn’t all winning and be absolutely accurate.  It isn’t.  There just isn’t any losing either.

Hey, there’s no crying in responsible adulthood.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Road Rage

Michael Leave a comment

He of We lives between 5 and 6 miles north of city center of the major downtown He and She live near.  She of We lives 5 to 6 miles south of that same center of town.  Those ten to twelve miles get a lot of use out of Both of We’s tires.

Last night He of We was travelling those few miles on a dark and rainy night when a shot rang out.  Well, when a pickup truck pulled down an entrance ramp and shot out into traffic like it was a speeding bullet.  No emergency lights, no turn signal, no brake lights indicating he had intended to yield like the sign suggested.  Just shot out into traffic.  But it was ok because he was going about 10 miles an hour faster than the main line traffic which was going about 15 miles an hour faster than the posted speed limit signs suggested.

Every day we’re noticing a disturbing trend.  Nobody is obeying the law.  The traffic laws.  Even the littering laws are routinely broken.  Why do people feel justified to toss empty fast food bags and cups, worn gloves, or half-eaten chickens out their windows?  Is it a sense of entitlement?  Do they feel that since every mile of US highway has been “adopted” by some civic group, local business, or religious order that somebody has to give these volunteers something to do the third Saturday of every month?  (If you are secretly one of these, wait till you get to work to throw out the coffee cup and breakfast sandwich wrapper.  Nobody will think less of you if they spy you tossing trash from one of the billions of fast food drive throughs rather than the artisan bread and breakfast kiosk. That’s how there got to be billions of them.)

But we digress.  What is it about traffic laws that beg to be broken?  Stop and yield signs are there only for the local high school graduates to emblazon with their graduation year.  Speed limit signs are routinely run over but less routinely replaced.  One Way, No U-Turn, and No Left Turn signs are more outdoor art than even suggestions.   No Turn on Red signs might as well not be printed and mounted at all even though they appear at every intersection with a traffic light.

The problem with the traffic law breakers (besides breaking the law), is that they aim their rage when they are thwarted at law breaking by the occasional law abiding sign observer.  They tailgate, weave, and race their way down the road, taking time to turn and mouth obscenities at the ones who are going only 5 to 10 miles faster than the limit which lumps them with the slow moving vehicles.

Imagine if somebody suggested that breaking traffic laws is the gateway crime.  We’re not sure we agree with that.  We don’t believe that once you get over the thrill of turning on red it’s just a matter of time until you want to pull tags off mattresses or smoke in elevators.  We are sure that breaking the traffic laws doesn’t come without some penalty.  You don’t have to watch too many editions of the evening news before you hear of somebody who launched a car over a guiderail and into a grove of trees ejecting the driver and killing the passengers.     

Some people say it’s the boom of cell phones, GPS units, radios with multiple bands, MP3 players with thousands of songs, and other distractions that make people drive fast and recklessly.  Some believe it’s because Drivers’ Ed has disappeared from the high schools and is replaced by Moms and Dads who (sorry) are part of the problem themselves. 

Whether it’s distraction, knowledge deficit, the thrill of handling 2,000 pounds of anything, or enjoying that last morsel of sausage, egg, and cheese on a muffin before tossing the wrapper out of a vehicle moving faster than a last century’s high speed trains, breaking the law is breaking the law.  So slow down, read a bumper sticker, and arrive alive.  That’s a rage that’s all the rage that we can live with. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Paper or Plastic

Michael 2 Comments

They say there is an economic crisis.  That we don’t have much disposable income.  That fewer people are in a position to make significant purchases.  That gas will be $4.00 a gallon soon.  Five dollars by summer.  But we can’t get tables at our favorite restaurants; theaters are full; sporting events and concerts where the cheap seats are close to three figures are sold out; there are more Escalades than Smart Cars filling the highways.  How did 2 + 2 get to equal 87?  We think we have it figured out.

If you have the right memories, roll back 30 to 35 years.  Gas was getting close to $2 per gallon and there was real outrage about it.  Tickets for a ball game were for the first time more than $10 for the good seats, more than $5 for the bleachers, and fans were righteously upset.  Ten dollar entrees on a menu meant you were at a restaurant requiring jacket and tie and a very serious relationship or an expense account.  Proportionate to what salaries are, we were actually in better economic shape then.  Yet then we economized, today we spend.  The difference between then and now is the difference between paper and plastic.

No, we aren’t referring to credit cards as plastic.  We mean debit cards.  Thirty years ago we had two choices when it came to making purchases.  Credit cards which nobody used unless planning a vacation and the travel agent needed paid that night or forget about the advanced purchase discount.  Or cash which everybody used but everybody also wanted to keep as much as possible in their pockets or purses.  Cash then meant cash.  When we filled our gas tank and it cost $20, we had to pull a twenty dollar bill out of pocket and watch it disappear into a cash register.  Those tickets for the ball game cost real folding money passed through the iron gated window opening at the ball yard and they were replaced by jingling change.  We even used money, sometimes only coins, at fast food stands.

Today, a sixty dollar gas tab paid with “cash” means swiping a card at the pump and maybe gathering the receipt after filling and really maybe recording it into a checkbook register.  Concert tickets are purchased on line with debit cards.  Even fast food restaurants have card swipers on the counter to eliminate the need to carry cash.  Chances are pretty good the balance gets checked once a week on line and maybe a second look to see that there aren’t more stores listed than actually shopped.  We seriously doubt there is much attention paid to the column with the $ followed by some numbers.

Today money seems to not mean terribly much to many people.  Make your selections.  Swipe a card.  If you happen to swipe more times for more funds than you have money in the bank many bankers have overdraft protection pulling funds from savings accounts or automatically debiting lines of credit.  Yet it’s all “cash” even though none of it folds.  So while mortgage rates stay low because ire was vented over high rates and people refused to buy and thus buy into the inflated charges, bacon costs more per pound than lobster two years ago but nobody is calling for pig boycotts.

Out of sight.  Out of mind.  Never actually seeing cash get handed over person to person has clearly kept rising costs out of sight.  Not recognizing the consequences of this lack of concern has clearly put us out of our minds.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Your Turn to Keep Score

Michael 3 Comments

This morning there was a story on the morning TV news about a shooting that killed a teenager, put his aunt in the hospital, and superficially wounded his grandmother.  Truly tragic and something that happens far too frequently.   Later in the afternoon She of We called to He of We and asked if he heard the story about the shooting last night.  Who got shot?  In the morning paper the teen had still been killed but now the grandmother was in the hospital and the aunt was treated and released.

One of the first printed reports of Friday’s cruise ship accident off the Italian coast said the ship was “three quarters underwater and sinking fast.”  Four sentences later a statement attributed to Coast Guard officials said “the liner was listing at 20 degrees but was not in danger of sinking.”

Death always surpasses imprecisions on the accuracy meter, and our sympathies to those who lost loved ones in urban violence and vacations gone very badly.  This is not a rant about who spelled what wrong or which homonym was misused today.

But we have to admit our first question to ourselves was, what is more important, getting it right, or getting a headline?  While we were batting that one about we think we may have come across the bigger problem.  It’s not an issue with incorrect reporting.  It’s not an issue with inaccurate editing.  It’s much more pervasive.  It goes back to “everyone’s a hero.”

Let us explain.  How long has it been since the fashion became that little leagues no longer keep score?  That everybody bats every inning?  That every youth gymnastic tournament participant goes home with a trophy? How long has it been since we started instilling in our young people that there are no losers?  Long enough that those children are now young adults writing for our newspapers and web-sites and anchor people.  Long enough that they are also our young firemen, and nurses, and building inspectors.  Long enough that they will soon be our doctors and lawyers.  Long enough that someday they will be running for Congress, President, and your local school board.

Are you young enough, and were you naïve enough to allow your children to believe that there is no winning or losing?  If so, what did you tell your son at his first major league baseball game when the home team lost and the beer soaked fan in the row behind you expressed his displeasure?  What did you tell your daughter when she watched the Olympics for the first time and asked why the gymnasts were crying?  Petty issues?  Perhaps.  But life isn’t all winning.  Once a child is old enough to stand he’s old enough to fall down.  Doesn’t he deserve the courtesy of being told he might?

What do you tell yourself when a group of teens knocks on a door and shoots a child of 16 and a firefighter at the scene is quoted “There’s been a lot of stupid stuff going on?”  How do you reconcile the captain going down with the ship in the movie but going to safe harbor in a life boat in real life?  Once a child is old enough to stand he’s old enough to be pushed over.  Doesn’t he deserve the guidance of being told how to avoid it?

What do you tell the world when the world extrapolates one with no winners or losers to one with no right or wrong?  Have we created that world of harmony for our now young adults by taking the pressure of winning off them when they were our young children?  Or have we created a world of discord for our now young adults – a world where they are unprepared for conflict, discipline, and getting things right because they never had to as young children?  We can’t be outraged at a teen who takes losing so badly that he has to shoot others when we never taught him how to be a gracious winner.   

If you didn’t keep score then, you can’t be an umpire now.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Fire Them All

Michael 2 Comments

Those who have spent any amount of time around He of We have heard his plan for workplace efficiency, effectiveness, and cooperation.  Fire them all and start over.  When you spend most of your time at work you want to spend it with people who are efficient, effective, and cooperative.  You wouldn’t think so but sometimes that’s a tall order.

The problem nowadays with many co-workers is that they want to be friends.  That’s not meant to be sounding harsh.  Indeed we should be friendly to our co-workers but not necessarily with them.  They make great acquaintances but when you stop and think about it, pretty lousy friends.

On any given workday we’re probably at work or getting to and from work for over 75% of our waking hours.  That’s a lot of time.  That’s probably why someone had to come up with the phrase “quality time” when you try to explain the type of time you want to be spending with those you love.  Quality, certainly not quantity.  So we want that part of our life to be as stress-free as possible.  No problem, with only a couple hours for close friends and family, where could stress hide?  Oh yeah, that other 75%.

It’s bad enough that sometimes work itself can be stressful.  We’ve managed to work our work lives in work places that we know how to work.  We’ve both been at our respective professions for lots of years and we’ve gotten used to the vagaries of what it is that we do.  There is stress, but it’s not overwhelming.  It expands, deflates, multiplies, settles, mushrooms, and eventually resolves sometimes several times a day, sometimes several times an hour.  But it’s work.  It happens.  And we deal with it.

But the wild card our day, in any workers workday is the dreaded co-worker.  We’re certain they come in a variety pack!  Some really aren’t a bad distraction while you’re trying to start the engines.  There’s the proud parent who starts the day with last night’s game winning free-throw or potty time success (age depending) but then moves on.  There’s the secret shopper who found the greatest buy at the most unusual store on the way home.  A little exasperating but after the first 15 minutes it’s business as usual. 

But then we start encountering the stress builders.  There’s the “Can you help?” worker.  We know he or she wants anything but help.  The help wanted is volunteering to do the whatever.  How easy it is when we’re busy to fall into “it’s easier if I do it myself.”   Mr. (or Ms.) Let-Me-Run-This-Past-You needs our review before it goes out to the boss, customer, or next level review.   Here we encounter two versions. Model #1 is a dolt but knows we’ll get him refocused and he’ll do such a great job (now that he knows what his job is) that he’ll get a bonus, raise, and prime parking space.   Model #2 is actually the model employee but paranoid as all get out and needs our reassurance that everything will be ok.

The most stressful, the dreaded-est of the dreadful is the Work Friend.  This person really takes on the persona of a friend.  Hanging out in the doorway, tales of last night’s life gone wrong, we might have felt honored when it began that this person trusts our opinion.  Then we start remembering the encounters.  There was the quarrels at home, the “did you see how early she left yesterday” comments, the rundown of every meeting the boss had that will result in more work but never more money, the itemization of every penny spent (translated to wasted) by everybody in the office but us two, and the leaky plumbing, noxious fireplace, cracked steps and useless cable company at home.  Each day there’s a new (or not so new) concern, a new worry in his or her life that we’re now going to solve and move on.  This person isn’t looking for a friend.  This person is looking for free therapy!

Do you want to be a good co-worker?  Come in, smile, say good day, bring a surprise once in a while (donuts are good), keep your conversations bright and have them in the lunch room, and do your job.  Learn your job.  When you want help, ask with the intention of actually learning a new how to.  Remember, it’s a job, it’s not supposed to be the happiest time of your day.  Learn a little workplace etiquette and when you get home your quality time will have meaning and you won’t need our help getting through life.  And then our quality time will be better and maybe we won’t mind so much the occasional detour to the therapist’s office.  Just not every day!

It beats the heck out of starting over every couple years.  And you know how HR hates it when you fire them all at once.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?