Tag Rant-Lite

Undressed for Success

Michael 14 Comments

Okay guys, buckle up.  This is one if those posts. I know some if you will, “just don’t look,” but I’ll say, “then don’t go out in public like that.” The public was a doctors’ office waiting room. Yes, that’s doctors plural. One of those places with 45 different physicians with 45 different sub-specialties. So there are usually a couple dozen patients, some with the entourages, filling up the chairs placed with about as much attention to spatial management as the average airport gate area.

The”who” who couldn’t be overlooked was a 50-60ish woman about as skinny as a dining room table leg. Seriously thin. But of above average height. I would say about 5’10” – 5’11” and she carried about 20 pounds. I’ve seen sacks of potatoes heavier and dowel rods chunkier. Some how, she managed to find clothes tight enough to look painted on those legs that could be the literal “pins” as slang for women’s legs going back to the 1500s. Capri style naturally. But that wasn’t the eye catching portion of her body. At least it was t the part that caught my eye.

She walked in – no, she wobbled in on strappy sandals, the type you might find cruising the runway if your local fashion shoe, except they sported a 4 inch platform adding to her obvious natural height. But we still haven’t gotten to the eye catching part.

Stuffed into those sandals (and I’m not sure how you “stuff” something into somewhere that is built mostly of leather straps, but stuffed they wear) were foot so long the entire length of all 10of her toes extended beyond the front edge of the footwear. Made more noticeable by the lime green nail polish.

In 99.7% of my interactions with other humans, including the just see and be seen variety, I am a live and let live, you do you, whatever floats your boat, play it as you like it. Every now and then comes the other 0.3%. And she was it.

I am the first to admit, even before other people see me, that I a, not a fashion plate of the male variety. There were, are, and never will be pin-up pictures of me gracing the insides of women’s lockers, and I dress a tad more conservatively for the 21st century than the average male. But I do dress, and I cover all my parts, including the parts that don’t comfortably fit within the confines of clothing, sometimes even breaking down and being a larger size of said clothing if the current occupants of my closet are not up to the challenge. Is that too much to ask for of my fellow planet sharers.

I think you for the chance to get that off my chest. If you’ll excuse me, I must now write apology letters to all those when saw me at dinner last Saturday wearing a half-Windsor knotted tie when a Kelvin was definitely the least acceptable.

Hunting Headlines

Michael 10 Comments

I almost didn’t post anything today. I had the art already done so I figured I should use it. I hate to waste brain power, I have so little of it available.

It’s been a hard week. In some future post I’ll tell you about it, but for now let’s just say I’m tired. Some days I have the energy of an 8 year old. Other days, the energy of an 8 year old dog. Just getting old enough to really enjoy laying in that spot of sun across the living room floor. Actually that’s *lying* in that spot of sun. See what I mean. A fresh brain wouldn’t make that mistake.

To get back to what I was going to write, which would have been a diatribe against headline writers, I present to you some headlines. They were going to be much more politically oriented, controversial, and certainly tick off somebody. The moral of the story being if you live your life based on headlines and sound bites you probably think it’s appropriate for a man to wear a hat to the dinner table. Probably worn backwards to boot.

Anyway, just yesterday I was shocked (shocked! I say) to discover headline bias in the sports section. See the image below. I watched that game, and to be perfectly honest, neither headline is accurate. But … but, you still have to be a disgusting example of humanity to wear a hat at the dinner table. And for the particularly dense ones, breakfast and lunch too.

See you next week.

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Newing and Improving

Michael 15 Comments

“New, easier to open!” the package fairly screamed at me, daring me to not be able to open it. Lies!! Lies I tell you! It could have been the breakfast sausage but for that it took me until lunch time to open the ridiculously hermetically sealed “for your safety and for the sake of your waist” packaging. Okay, so that might have been a bit hyperbolic, but it certainly put me off my feed. What was wrong with the old packaging that a slice of the knife turned the innards into outards and breakfast was but a brown and serve away?

Why even the United States Department of Agriculture has gotten into newing and improving. They’ve improved the classic food pyramid right into non-existence. Remember the old “4 basic food groups” (burger, fries, shake, hot apple pie)? Nope, now there are 5 of them. Where did they find a new food group? (Beer?) And now that I’m thinking about it, whatever happened to those luscious, hot as lava apple pies that made the trip to McDonald’s different than to any other fast-food emporium? It’s been over 30 years since they switched from frying to baking, but try to find even a baked version. They are as rare as McRib sandwiches.

To be honest, I’m not sure there is much that was newly introduced in the last 30 years that actually made much improvement. Minicomputers we all walk around with, mistakingly calling them phones? Maybe more convenient than the corded phone hanging off the kitchen wall but we we’re doing fine keeping in touch with each other even in the dark ages of the 1990s.

There are some truly remarkable and truly new things that have come along in my lifetime. Real computers that made intricate calculations and deep data dives things of everyday life. Vaccines that prevented some of the most deadly and debilitating diseases (anyone know anybody who has polio?), medicines that cured or managed the ones we couldn’t prevent (hypertension and diabetes to name a couple), and surgical procedures for the most difficult conditions (who doesn’t know someone who is still living because of a coronary bypass or an organ transplant?). The microwave oven that almost no kitchen of the 21st century is without. Hybrid cars that make the most of the resources we currently have available, and for that matter, automatic transmissions so more people can drive them. Battery powered smoke detectors have saved countless lives and might have saved more if everybody remembered to replace those pesky old and unimproved batteries once a year.

I am sure you can think of more than a handful of things you did not have when you were a kid that is now making your kids’ lives easier. But how many are making them better? Yes, some, but no, not all. Too many “new” aren’t and “improved” don’t. Maybe it’s time we spent some time making the most and the best of what we already have, appreciate the truly new when it comes around, and work on improving our connections with those around us.

And if any of you are in the business that’s responsible for food packaging, stop trying to improve it. You’re messing with my breakfast!

January was a cold one, colder than many and in places where it usually isn’t. The cold took a friend and taught us the value of loyalty and closeness where you’d least expected it. Read how nature taught us about life in the midst of loss in the latest Uplift!

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And they’re off!

Michael 8 Comments

Well, 2023 sure came in like a bang! There have already been so many unexpected, unusual, unconventional, unplanned happenings happen, that if the whole year keeps going the way it started, I figure the earth will explode sometime around June.

For example, last week Congress met four days in a row! I tried to find the last time that happened and as near as I can figure, I came up with a week in April 1835.

For instance, just like prescription drug insurance deductibles reset at the first of the year, apparently so do e-mail spam filters. I hadn’t been congratulated for winning a Home Depot gift card, iPhone 14, the inside news for smart good traders, or the last space heater you’ll ever want since last January. Now I’m tagging at least a dozen emails like for exile to the Junk Folder.

For instasample, one day last week I was scrolling my way through the Instagram feed when I paused at one of the random posts they somehow figured I’d be interested in. Actually I was stopped there so I could back scroll to the TSA post I missed. (If you aren’t following the TSA on Instagram you really should be – they are the Number Pun site on the Interwebs, but I digress.) Anyway… the spot that I stopped at was a fitness app of some sort. I’m not sure why it thought I would be interested in that but because I stopped, it is now a certainty that every third post I see should be for a piece of fitness equipment, gym membership, fitness tracker, or athleisureware (or whatever they call call now what we used to call sweat suits back in the day).

For one more time, by January 2, TSA officers confiscated the first gun, which was loaded, in the carryon of a passenger attempting to enter the secure zone of the local airport. You would think on January 2 at the local airport would be the first gun confiscated in all the airports. No, no! It was actually the third weapon pulled from carryon baggage across these freedom loving USs. That’s a little below the weekly average of last year’s record confiscations of 6,301 handguns (88% loaded) but not a bad start. So far, 100% of the guns confiscated have been loaded, and 100% the passenger excuses have been “I forgot!”

And for the final ferinstance, why is it that the Christmas decorations I put away don’t fit into the same totes as they came out of! Sheesh!

Happy New Year. At least I really hope so.

This year resolve to focus on making yourself wealthy without spending a dollar and strengthen yourself without lifting a weight. Take 3 minutes and read how you can start a cascade of good acts at Uplift! on ROAMcare.org.

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The pursuit of clean, filtered air

Michael 2 Comments

I saw an interesting Tweet yesterday. “Going to the US in just a couple days. Planning to wear a mask whenever I’m in public. Looking for fun and creative (preferably not too political) reasons to give in case anyone asks why I’m wearing one.“

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The Tweeter(?) obviouslly lives outside the United States and wants to protect herself against a virus that is still raging, even though less actively than a few weeks ago, while visiting a country with a COVID death rate twice the rest of the world’s – and 82 times higher than her country! (WorldOMeter, “COVID Live – Coronavirus Statistics,” March 9, 2022)  According to a New York Times analysis of mortality, since the first Omicron case was reported in the United States in December 2021, Americans have been killed by the coronavirus at a rate at least 63 percent higher than other large, wealthy nations and was averaging about 2,500 deaths per day. (New York Times, “U.S. Has Far Higher Covid Death Rate Than Other Wealthy Countries.” Feb 1, 2022) The report went on to state that the only European countries with higher death rates are Russia, Ukraine, Poland, Greece, and the Czech Republic.

Oddly enough, even though the CDC changed their masking recommendations this month, the federal vaccine mandate was never enforced and now seems to be headed for reversal by the courts, and most limitations on businesses have been removed, people still want to protest them.  Brian Brase, the organizer of the so-called People’s Convoy that just burned countless gallons of gasoline and diesel circling Washington, DC, has called mandates an “infringement on their freedoms” as recently as this week. (Washington Post, “‘People’s Convoy’ organizers meet with GOP lawmakers amid pandemic-related demonstrations,” Mar 8, 2022).

You know that I recently was hospitalized with COVID pneumonia in spite of vaccines and mitigation (TRYing to stay 6 feet away from unmasked miscreants sneezing their offensive germs into public spaces like grocery stores and churches). I empathize with our aforementioned Tweeter because I will be going out in public still masked and standing a safe distance from those who aren’t. What should I say to them? Clearly somebody with more pickup truck parts than brains will come up to me and say, quite politely I’m sure, “What’s the f**k wrong with you, you retard? Act like an American and take that f**king mask off, a$$ho*e!” How do I know? Because it’s already happened, and it happened before the CDC issued new guidance. Months before the recent new guidance was released (which really requires people to have an understanding of the surge of cases in their particularly are and the relative burden placed on the local health care systems (read, too difficult for your average simian to even say, yet understand so let’s just concentrate on the no masks part)), the CDC guidelines recommended that those who were fully vaccinated, may attend small indoor gatherings with other fully vaccinated individuals without masking. This was interpreted as “you don’t need to wear no more masks any more yippee yahoo but let’s keep protesting masks anyway” by the under 65 (as in IQ score) crowd. And yes, I had been approached by inquiring sorts of that ilk, while in public with my mouth and nose stylishly clad in the latest surgical garb as to why I was wearing a mask. “Don’t you believe in science?”

Considering how adamant so many non-maskers were in demanding understanding on their positions and their rights to their freedom to breath the air as it was intended, I hope they will also understand why those of us who are medically challenged, immunocompromised, or just plain leery that a long term accord has been reached between the United States of America and SARS-COV-2, elect to exercise our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of breathing clean, filtered air.

And while we at it, it seems to me that those still calling masks, vaccines, and other life-saving measures “infringements on their freedoms,” need to spend some time in the Ukraine right now.

Brain Dump, Part Waytoomany

Michael 6 Comments

Ladies and gentlemen and all varieties in between, it’s another edition of Clear. Your. Mind.

Yes boys, girls and undecided, now it’s that time again to empty the mind of all the useless, senseless, often humorless, and always commonsense-less bits of information clogging my brain and causing cranial constipation.

I don’t know if this is a national thing or just for the locals here who have a hard time leaving home without loaded guns in their carry-ons. I noted a number of times the alarming rate that loaded handguns are confiscated at airport TSA security lines. After the security screeners snagged 5 loaded weapons in a 7 day period and 29 in 40 weeks, the local paper reported on the local office of the U. S. Attorney’s Office announcement that anyone henceforth found attempting to enter the airport secure areas so armed will be relieved not just of their rods but their permits to carry said weaponry.  Interestingly a poll appearing in the same paper indicated 35% of those questioned felt this punishment was too harsh. One comment included, “How will the district attorney feel when somebody’s family is hurt after he took away their protection.” Hmm, let’s see. These bozos, err, honest gun permit holders whom claim they meant not to carry a loaded gun through security, they merely forgot the guns were in their carry-ons. Yet we are to believe those bozos, err strong protectors of family sleep with their carry-ons under their pillows ready to defend family or fortune.

The defense in the trial of the bozo, err alleged future convicted mass murderer of 11 people and injurer of another 6 at the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting in October 2018, wants anti-Semitic statements made by him at the scene disallowed because they were made while he was receiving medical care and is therefore protected health communication. Hmmm, and someone went to law school to come up with that.

A recent letter to the editor in one of the local papers expressed dismay at government vaccine mandates. Politicians have no business making medical decisions, then went in to express support and admiration for Texas Governor Greg Abbott for banning vaccine mandates. Hmm. Isn’t not doing something a medical decision too – or maybe bozos, err governors don’t qualify as politicians?

But the brain isn’t filled with only bozo-ish occurrences. I also have to try to eliminate the mental picture of girding my loins, which apparently is really a thing as noted in The Art of Manliness (oy), see 👇

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Things I think I think

Michael 5 Comments

Now that I’ve had my fill of ranting for a while here, it’s time to catch up on some thing that have been floating around in my brain and make some room up there for future ramblings.

thumbnail_IMG_0599Have you ever tried to grow a tree from an avocado pit? Let me rephrase that, have you never tried to grow a tree from an avocado pit? I think that’s required in “Things to do in your first adult kitchen 101.” I tried and sort of even succeeded. Sort of. For a while I had an actual tree. It stood about 5 feet tall but was only as big around as a school pencil. Unfortunately, not quite as sturdy. My latest experiment was “let’s grow a pineapple plant from the crown of one.” (The things we did while locked in.) A year later I have not just one, but two.  I wonder if this is how Dole got started.

I recently ranted over the increasing number of loaded guns brought to airport security. The most common excuse for such behavior was “Duh, I forgets I was packing a rod.” I found a story about another feller who forgot he was carrying a loaded weapon. This guy brought his gun not the airport but to his bathroom. As he dropped his pants to drop into the seat, the gun dropped out of his pocket into the floor and went off, sending the bullet through the bathroom floor which doubled as the bathroom ceiling to the apartment below where it met the hand of another young man, unarmed but now not unharmed. You can’t blame the gun guy. There have been alligator sightings in the area and you never know when one might pop up anywhere there is water. (My conjecture, not his explanation. He said he forgot it was in his pocket. Yeah, right.)

Service with aAre there any grandfather clock aficionado out there? I have a contemporary long case that has travelled with me now through three homes and resided in multiple places at each. The years have been kinder to the case than the movement. It is still in great shape, shapewise, but it runs late. Not slow. Late. It keeps a 60 minute hour today as good as the day it was uncrated but little by little it has developed its unique peculiarity of chiming the hour late. We’re now up to 5 minutes late. It’s not unusual for a guest when hearing the chime to comment, “Oh it’s x o’clock, no wait, I have 5 after. Your clock is slow,” and I respond, “No, it’s not slow, it’s late.” It has taken 20 years for the chime to be out of sync by 5 minutes. (Out of synch?) An optimist would note that in another 220 years, it will work its way around and be right on time.

Just two rants ago I questioned what could be more valuable than your own child in response to Consumers Union’s suggestion that until all manufacturers put warning devices to alert to unforgotten children locked in the back of hot cars, one should put something of value there that you would not likely forget. For one young father around here last week, that should have been tacos. Apparently, the good lad had a hankering for tacos. Not just any tacos, he wanted the kind available only at the local casino. There he parked his car, left his children behind just to run in and place the order, then decided he might as well wait for that order sitting in front of a slot machine instead of in front of his steering wheel. Security cameras caught his elation at hitting a jackpot about the same time they caught his kids waiting alone in the car. No word on how long the tacos were waiting.

Okay, sharp witted readers may have inferred that I implied this post might be rant-free, yet 50% was rant-like. Let’s call it rank-lite. Hey, I’m making progress!