Tag Quality Time

Not Doing It Ourselves

Michael Leave a comment

As homeowners we are quite used to doing things ourselves.  If we didn’t we’d get very little done around our houses.  Our DIY projects save money, recycle material, and usually end up well done and proud to put on display.

We like to think we’re pretty diverse in our projects.  We’ll remodel a room, refinish a floor, decorate a front yard, and hang a sink or two.  Usually we get our ideas from home shows, newspaper articles, or an on-line post.  We’ve been known to lift ideas from advertisements though not necessarily for something we’re looking to buy.  When He of We was looking for inspiration for his very small bathroom he found it in an ad for an air freshener.

But one of our classic go-to sources, the magazine article, might be going away.  Yes, we still read hard copy magazines.  But we might be losing them as inspiration not because the genre is becoming obsolete but because the genre is pricing us out of their market. 

We both saw a great topic in one of our subscriptions this month, how to landscape a sloping yard.  Both of We have back yards that are anything but flat, level, and regular.  Thus most anything we ever read in a gardening magazine or learned at an adult education class is lost on our properties.   But here we thought we had something.  And to make it even more interesting, we each saw the headline separately, read the article separately, considered the information separately, and came to the same conclusion.  Forget about it!

If we were going to follow the advice of the “homeowner” who took this on we’d be the proud owners of back yards that cost more than the houses that front them.  It’s becoming a common problem.  The do it yourself magazines, the home decorating magazines, and the yard and garden magazines have all gone daft.  No more how to extend your deck to add room for outdoor seating and eating.  Now it’s how to turn your backyard into an outdoor kitchen complete with appliances, storage, and fine linen.  What used to be how to’s for a budget are now how to bust a budget.  The particular project we saw would have run about $75,000, without the furniture.  Of course we can only guess at the cost based on our own experiences because the source list listed everything but prices.

We may have to publish our own magazine for real do it yourselfers.  One that has real life do-it-yourself projects for do-it-yourself peoples.  One that prices out material.  One that illustrates varying grades of material.  One that includes time lines and maybe a couple of good drink recipes for the really challenging days.  Stuff a real do-it-yourselfer needs to really do it yourself.

Anybody know where we can learn how to do that ourselves?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Star Polisher

Michael 1 Comment

January 5, Twelfth Night, the Eve of the Epiphany, the last evening that precedes the Twelfth Day of Christmas.  Ok, that can be a little confusing but think like most businesses that are open 24 hours think, such as a hospital or a large supermarket.  At most places where a day takes up 24 hours, shifts for any given day don’t begin at midnight.  They start the evening before the following day.  Ok, that’s still confusing.  Trust us, tonight is Twelfth Night, tomorrow is the Twelfth Day of Christmas, aka the Epiphany.  Remember?  Those three kings bearing gifts following yonder star.  Star of wonder.  Star of light.  Ok, now hold that thought.

We were talking the other day about things like New Year’s Resolutions (which if you read our post from January 2 you know we’re holding until March), needy friends, and end of the year burn out.  We don’t have so many friends that we can afford to alienate any of them by not responding to their needs.  On the other hand, we don’t have so many free hours in any day that we can constantly be serving their neediness.  That was when we had our own epiphany.  That’s epiphany with a little “e” – a sudden intuitive leap of understanding.  We have become Star Polishers.

She of We coined the phrase “Star Polisher” to describe those people that one turns to when one needs his or her self-esteem or star, brightened or polished.  Like most couples, we are each other’s star polisher.  It really only takes a little maintenance to keep our stars shiny and bright.  Most of the time we do it without even noticing that we are doing it.  A comment about looking nice today, a thank you for dinner, or an unexpected gift.

The ability to polish somebody’s star is an awesome responsibility. Friends and loved ones seek you out because they know that no matter what, you will make them feel warm and worthwhile and connected to this thing we call life.  Seeing and finding the best part of people when they want to give up or give in is a gift.  It’s the listening, the smile, or even the tears that keep us connected to each other.  And as we begin a new year it’s time to reconnect with each other.

She of We is such a good polisher that many of her stars have found their own twinkle.  A professional in the hard sciences who really would rather be an artist becoming that artist and seeing his work hung in a gallery.  A musician once literally travelling from gig to gig now filling rooms at request with each person called by name, each thanked personally.  A manager once questioning if his ascent was only because he was around the longest now confident that even if a new Day One should ever come he’ll still be “top of the heap.”  They are enough to make a Star Polisher beam.  

But Star Polishers must be wary of the Star who never gets bright enough.  These stars know who they are.  They call or text about every problem in life no matter how inconvenient it may be.  They know exactly when they are becoming tarnished – the bad relationship, the lousy job, nobody understands them.  They claim so many blemishes all at once that even an extra strength polishing isn’t going to satisfy them.  They hover in your doorway at work, they are on your voicemail at home, and they are in your e-mail at both.  They never ask if you have time to spend on them.  It never occurs to them to ask how you are.  They barge right in and are taken aback if you have to delay the polishing until a better time, even if it means only a few minutes delay. 

Star Polishers need to take special care not to have their own stars burned out.  Sometimes the Polishers have to admit that they have given all the shine that they have.  They love you and wish you nothing but the best but it’s time to look inside yourself and shine on your own for a while.  There are times when even She of We uses so much energy polishing other stars that she loses some of her shine.  Your job if you find yourself polished up by one of her kind is to say “thank you” and acknowledge the unexpected gift that you’ve been given.  Take a moment to become the Polisher’s Polisher.  That’s the number one way to make sure your own Star Polisher will always have some sparkle handy for you.

So it’s only one gift.  It was only one star.  And it’s still pretty bright.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Family Ties

Michael Leave a comment

Today is a special day.  She of We is taking a big step helping her son take control of his own business and continue along his “path of life.”  He of We is watching his daughter graduate from college on her first steps on her “path of life.”  And with just a week before Christmas with cards yet to be done, presents yet to be bought, and cookies yet to be baked, everyone else will have to wait their turn and that’s life.  Families first!

One of the reasons we began this blog was the increasingly ridiculous way reality was depicted on television and the increasingly maddening way normal people were accepting TV reality for real reality.  Where un-retouched perfect people surmounted unscripted unreal obstacles to become unbelievably more perfect every week.  Where families of twenty-eight made your family look like the poster children for dysfunction.  Where nobody seemed to work but everybody seemed to have everything they wanted.  Everybody said they knew those unscripted candid moments were rehearsed and the tear caught in the corner of his/her/their eye was tricky make-up but that’s life.  Fame first!  

But didn’t everybody just envy the heck out of them and want to be just like them?  Well, we didn’t.  And we still don’t. 

We know we aren’t perfect and sometimes our families really can be the poster children for dysfunctional.  And work – sheesh!  But we also know that bad things are always going to be there and we don’t have a script to see how it works out so we better be strong enough to deal with it – that’s life.  We also know that the good stuff really can be so good that it brings tears to our eyes and we better be strong enough to deal with it – that’s life!  So this year, during the most impossible week to stay organized, while work piles up at work, and there’s no way we’ll ever get everything done at home, we’re stopping our worlds for just a bit to celebrate our reality.

Since we aren’t on television we better tell what our reality is like.  There’s laundry to be done and bathrooms to be cleaned.  We go to work at least 5 days a week and we have fun when we can fit it in.  The bills come faster than the money. We get headaches.  There’s never enough time but we always make time.  And today is special day.  Just like tomorrow’s today.  And the today after that.  And that one, too.

What a great Christmas gift.  Anybody know where we can get some wrap to fit that?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Love and Dysfunction

Michael 1 Comment

Ah, the holidays are coming.  It doesn’t matter what holiday, there’s going to be a sale to celebrate it, a parade to commemorate it, a special computer search engine page to recognize it, and fireworks to cap it off.  Except  Thanksgiving.

Poor Thanksgiving has gotten squeezed out.  In the real world it seems that Thanksgiving is the signal to begin work on our Christmas projects.  Christmas decorations go up the weekend after Thanksgiving, Christmas cookies get baked and frozen the weekend after Thanksgiving, Christmas card lists are reviewed and amended the Sunday after Thanksgiving, Christmas party invitations are sent the day after Thanksgiving, and Christmas shopping starts at midnight Thanksgiving evening. 

But in world of television and movies, Thanksgiving is holding its own!  Steve Martin and John Candy celebrated the lengths that one will go through to be with family on Thanksgiving, even driving halfway across country alternately in a burned out car and the trailer half of a tractor-trailer combination.   If it weren’t for Thanksgiving we might never know how enamored Al Pacino became with hoo-hah and that it’s ok to want to punch out your dinner guest.  You will never forget WKRP’s Mr. Carlson covered in feathers declaring in all seriousness, “As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”  And it’s ok to admit that you wish every year that you could be sitting down to a feast of toast and popcorn if Snoopy is serving it.

They tell us that Thanksgiving is for families and friends to gather, to be thankful they are still friends and family.  It’s a time to reflect on the year’s accomplishments, vacations, fun weekends, and all that went into getting almost all the way through another year.  Isn’t it funny that one of the most enduring images of the most American of holidays is as dysfunctional as mistaking turkeys for birds of flight?

Thanksgiving isn’t a time to celebrate another year travelled on the perfect path to great successes.  You want perfection, go to New York and watch the faux musicals re-enacted on 34th Street.  You want a celebration, be at our table.  There’ll be talk about the failures, the never ending projects, the worked weekends, and all that we still have in front of us before this year is over.  And our most endearing image will be of everyone as loving as Charlie Brown is to his friends always wanting to do something special for them, always failing but always part of the inner circle. 

Welcome to our table of love and dysfunction!  It’s ok.  They really do go together.  If it wasn’t for the one, we’d never try to extend ourselves risking the other.  And if it wasn’t for the other, we’d never truly appreciate the one.  They go together like friends and family, joy and happiness, and toast and popcorn.  There’s always room for more, there’s always enough love for extras, and there’s always just enough wrong to give real thanks for the right.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Fire Them All

Michael 2 Comments

Those who have spent any amount of time around He of We have heard his plan for workplace efficiency, effectiveness, and cooperation.  Fire them all and start over.  When you spend most of your time at work you want to spend it with people who are efficient, effective, and cooperative.  You wouldn’t think so but sometimes that’s a tall order.

The problem nowadays with many co-workers is that they want to be friends.  That’s not meant to be sounding harsh.  Indeed we should be friendly to our co-workers but not necessarily with them.  They make great acquaintances but when you stop and think about it, pretty lousy friends.

On any given workday we’re probably at work or getting to and from work for over 75% of our waking hours.  That’s a lot of time.  That’s probably why someone had to come up with the phrase “quality time” when you try to explain the type of time you want to be spending with those you love.  Quality, certainly not quantity.  So we want that part of our life to be as stress-free as possible.  No problem, with only a couple hours for close friends and family, where could stress hide?  Oh yeah, that other 75%.

It’s bad enough that sometimes work itself can be stressful.  We’ve managed to work our work lives in work places that we know how to work.  We’ve both been at our respective professions for lots of years and we’ve gotten used to the vagaries of what it is that we do.  There is stress, but it’s not overwhelming.  It expands, deflates, multiplies, settles, mushrooms, and eventually resolves sometimes several times a day, sometimes several times an hour.  But it’s work.  It happens.  And we deal with it.

But the wild card our day, in any workers workday is the dreaded co-worker.  We’re certain they come in a variety pack!  Some really aren’t a bad distraction while you’re trying to start the engines.  There’s the proud parent who starts the day with last night’s game winning free-throw or potty time success (age depending) but then moves on.  There’s the secret shopper who found the greatest buy at the most unusual store on the way home.  A little exasperating but after the first 15 minutes it’s business as usual. 

But then we start encountering the stress builders.  There’s the “Can you help?” worker.  We know he or she wants anything but help.  The help wanted is volunteering to do the whatever.  How easy it is when we’re busy to fall into “it’s easier if I do it myself.”   Mr. (or Ms.) Let-Me-Run-This-Past-You needs our review before it goes out to the boss, customer, or next level review.   Here we encounter two versions. Model #1 is a dolt but knows we’ll get him refocused and he’ll do such a great job (now that he knows what his job is) that he’ll get a bonus, raise, and prime parking space.   Model #2 is actually the model employee but paranoid as all get out and needs our reassurance that everything will be ok.

The most stressful, the dreaded-est of the dreadful is the Work Friend.  This person really takes on the persona of a friend.  Hanging out in the doorway, tales of last night’s life gone wrong, we might have felt honored when it began that this person trusts our opinion.  Then we start remembering the encounters.  There was the quarrels at home, the “did you see how early she left yesterday” comments, the rundown of every meeting the boss had that will result in more work but never more money, the itemization of every penny spent (translated to wasted) by everybody in the office but us two, and the leaky plumbing, noxious fireplace, cracked steps and useless cable company at home.  Each day there’s a new (or not so new) concern, a new worry in his or her life that we’re now going to solve and move on.  This person isn’t looking for a friend.  This person is looking for free therapy!

Do you want to be a good co-worker?  Come in, smile, say good day, bring a surprise once in a while (donuts are good), keep your conversations bright and have them in the lunch room, and do your job.  Learn your job.  When you want help, ask with the intention of actually learning a new how to.  Remember, it’s a job, it’s not supposed to be the happiest time of your day.  Learn a little workplace etiquette and when you get home your quality time will have meaning and you won’t need our help getting through life.  And then our quality time will be better and maybe we won’t mind so much the occasional detour to the therapist’s office.  Just not every day!

It beats the heck out of starting over every couple years.  And you know how HR hates it when you fire them all at once.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?