Tag People

Murder is Insulting

Michael Leave a comment

Muslims are insulted by the anti-Islamic film that an ex-con, anti-Islamic extremist produced and posted clips of to YouTube.  To demonstrate their chagrin they felt justified in burning down the American embassy in Libya and killing the American ambassador there.  Americans in 20 countries in the Middle East and elsewhere where Islam is practiced have been victims of abusive attacks over the past week.

There have already been hundreds of thousands of words published condemning the killings and these other aggressive acts.  Our few hundred words here won’t add any clarity to what is a mounting sentiment to use any excuse to attack and kill Americans.  So we won’t decry the Muslims’ retaliatory actions.  God will see they don’t get their 700 virgins or their entry to paradise or their first taste of a hamburger or whatever they think will be their reward for killing Americans even though it was one of their own who smeared Mohammed then ran and hid behind our First Amendment.

No, what we are going to say is what parents throughout America should be telling their children when they do something terribly, horribly wrong.  You’re going to bed without your dinner.  Let us explain.  The United Sates directly provides over 40% of the food bought and sold in the Middle East.  When considering re-exports of American goods by other countries to this area, over 90% of their food comes from the United States.  Other than Iran and Sudan, the United Sates has no restrictions against exporting to Middle East or North African countries.  Yet these are the very countries where Americans are being attacked because the populace perceives that the USA insulted them through an amateurish film posted on an Internet site where anybody can upload video files.  Well, we’re insulted also. 

If there is not enough outrage in our leaders to send in whatever troops are necessary to neutralize those who are killing Americans, then send in whatever troops are necessary to destroy what food stores are present in those countries.  Then there should be embargos instituted against them and against all other countries that allow re-export to these American haters.  After a few months of having nothing to eat maybe they will understand our outrage when we open our morning papers and find out that one of our ambassadors was murdered because somebody’s feelings were hurt.

If someday there should be a very large contingent of apologetic, hungry people in Egypt, Libya, Indonesia, Afghanistan, or any other part of the world where ‘Death to America’ is scrawled on the sides of what used to be American consulates and embassies, perhaps our answer should be “Gosh, we’re sorry.  We were insulted and since you set the appropriate retaliation for insults at murder we figured it was time to play by your rules.  Too bad.   Go to bed without your dinner.”

And to those bleeding hearts here in our country who feel bad for the poor little fire starters, feel free to join them living in dirt, filth, and squalor.  Maybe while you’re busy badmouthing us, they’ll be happy for the chance to burn you alive too.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Look Here

Michael Leave a comment

Last week She of We was in an accident.  A car accident.  She’s fine.  You can’t really say she had an accident because her car was the innocent bystander. So we guess you have to say she was in an accident.  Nothing terrible.  Not even hardly bad.  But an accident none the less.  An accident caused by . . . distracted driving.

No, she wasn’t hit by anybody writing or reader a text message.  And there was no building involved.  Regular readers know we have been chronicling the ongoing incidents of vehicular buildingcide.  See Drive Through Service, Drive Through Part Two, and Drive Around Please while we continue to gather information for our fourth installment.  But we digress.

She of We was in an accident caused by distracted driving.  She was at a stop at the end of an exit ramp from one of the interstates leading into town when a lady rammed her SUV into the back of She’s SUV.  How did she not notice a two ton black vehicle in broad daylight at a complete stop in front of her?  She (the rammer) was rooting about for loose change to give to the homeless chap panhandling at the end of the ramp.

It seems the rammer lives not far from that exit and may see the vagabond on a regular basis.  Knowing he would be at his post with his cardboard sign, she wanted to be ready to toss him some change.  We said She of We wasn’t hit by anybody driving while texting but looking for change is just as distracted.

The next time you are in your driveway, with your car turned off, time yourself to see how long it takes to look toward your cupholder and determine if there is any change in it.  One second?  Two?  Three?  Let’s say 2 seconds.  At 60 miles per hour your car would have traveled 176 feet in two seconds.  That’s 11 times the length of a Chevy Impala, 12 times that of a Toyota Camry, almost 15 times the length of a Mini Cooper.  In two seconds you would have driven over half the length of a football field and never seen any of it.

There are some pretty good public service announcements out there about not texting while driving but you have to remember that’s not the only way you can become distracted.  Remember that the next time you are dialing your phone because you haven’t set up your voice dial yet, checking the display on your satellite radio, or reading the bumper sticker on the car in the lane next to you.

She of We wasn’t hurt when the distracted driver drove into her rear bumper.  Don’t you become the next distracted driver to get to say “thank goodness you’re not hurt.”

That’s not a bad public service announcement.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Do you take this chicken…

Michael Leave a comment

So they say it’s not a gay marriage issue, that if they left the order stand for 100 chicken sandwiches that would be all anybody talked about instead of the issues.  So what do they talk about instead?  They talk about how that rich person who bought 100 chicken sandwiches has decided to change his catering choice for an upcoming political meeting and donate 90 of the sandwiches to a local homeless shelter and keep 10 for himself to see what they taste like.  In a roughly 500 word article in Newsday posted on August 19, some 3 weeks since a private individual voiced his views on gay marriage all that was printed was chicken sandwiches and gay marriage.  That sounds like us somebody isn’t talking about the issues.

Well here’s something to talk about.  Maybe that is the issue that nobody wants to talk about while everybody else is busy ignoring the elephant in the living room.  No, not gay marriage and not chicken sandwiches.  Stay with us here. 

Do you know if you type “Supporting Gay Marriage” into your Google search bar you will be returned over 9.6 million results including a 600Kb article in Wikipedia that includes a list of everybody who has come out in public support?  A search “Opposing Gay Marriage” returns only a few fewer than 2 million results.  Clearly more people support it so we can assume it must be right.   Keep staying with us.  If you type in “Supporting child pornography” you get 128 million results.  “Opposing child pornography” yields only 1.99 million results.  I think we can rethink our previous assumption.  Don’t go away yet.

That exercise illustrates that the more controversial an idea is the more people will want to talk about it. And there isn’t a clear right or wrong as often as there is no question what it right or wrong. 

The only clear right in any of this is that we all have to right to express our opinion.  Unfortunately there are many issues that because they are the “darling” issue of the media or those with access to the media, many people will want to make certain their views match those of the famous and sometimes infamous.

If the short order cook at your neighborhood bar, the one who makes the chicken sandwiches, came out in opposition to gay marriage you’d probably say, “who cares?” and move on.  But because someone who has made a fortune out of making chicken sandwiches remarks how he interprets the Bible’s view on marriage some other rich guy is going to give away 90 sandwiches instead of feeding them to the local politicians.  And that becomes news.

It’s not about gay marriage.  It’s about finding fault with someone who seems to be successful without the help of the ACLU.  It’s about following the crowd instead of finding your own opinion. 

And it’s about deciding that becoming outraged over shootings, snipers, unemployment, lost savings, and foreclosures is more important than chicken sandwiches.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

No Comment

Michael Leave a comment

Is this happening where you live?  Some significant local news story breaks – a shooting, arson, bank robbery.  The local reporter corners an eye-witness.  “Tell us what you saw,” and the eye witness breaks into details so significant you can hear the District Attorney breathing harder.  But, the witness doesn’t want to appear on camera or give his/her/its name.  So the camera man focuses on the tattoo on the witness’s lower leg that says “I Love Brunettes” in Olde English lettering surrounding a cheesecake portrait of Stephanie Powers in her 1980’s TV role in Hart to Hart, perhaps a portrait tattoo of the witness’s seven children, or the inscription “Jane Doe Loves John Smith (crossed out) Joe Jones (crossed out) Mary Queen of Scots.”  Nothing too unique.

It wasn’t that long ago that we saw on the evening news just that.  The TV reporter telling us that the witness didn’t want her face shown but the cameraman had a clear shot of the snake tattoo climbing from her foot (with the green nail polish) up past the ankle encircling her shin.  Haven’t these people ever heard of the phrase “No comment?”  Or is he lure of being on television, even without being identified by name, too much for them?

We used to wonder about the intelligence of the TV eye-witness back when all you had to go on was the lack of front teeth, the baseball hat proclaiming the last tractor pull world championship, and the t-shirt with the logo and leftover barbecue sauce from the rib cook-off of four years previous.  Now those people were at least colorful.

Recently we saw an eye-witness to a break-in across the street from the witness’s house where he was ‘just sitting” on the porch.  He didn’t have a silly hat.  He didn’t have a dirty t-shirt.  He didn’t’ have a tattoo that we could see and we could see a lot because he didn’t have any shirt on.  But he also didn’t mind his face being shown.  It was a good counter-point to his shirtless body that the cameraman was having a tough time capturing all in one frame without his wide lens.

Don’t these people know they are going to be on television?  Didn’t anybody tell them that when the truck with the call letters and the guy with camera and the lady with the microphone show up there would be a chance that a few people might be watching the film at 11?  It significantly lessens the impact of the details that we now wonder if they were really that observant or were they fantasizing in whatever drug or alcohol haze they were in.

We used to think that the eye-witnesses who didn’t want to show their faces but let the cameras roam over their fairly unique and identifiable tattoos were just stupid.  Actually we still do.  Sorry, Mr. District Attorney.  You can stop breathing hard now.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Three Little Words

Michael Leave a comment

We’ve been thinking about this for a while and have come to a conclusion.  There is only one instruction in the English language that people actually pay attention to.  It is not:

Speed Limit = (XX) MPH.  Speed limits are barely suggestions anymore.

Not dishwasher safe.  Everything is safe in the top rack.

Capacity = 20 People, particularly in an elevator, particularly at 9am

Cook at 350 degrees for 45 minutes which really means cook at 450 for 20.  We’re hungry!

No Turn on Red and other traffic suggestions that control movement at intersections. 

Allow to stand for 20 minutes.  Nothing good happens after the first 5 minutes.

Inflate to 23 PSI Front, 21 PSI Rear.  Tires, right?  Just blow them up till the pump stops.

Coupon Expires January 31, 2012.  If you tear it at just the right angle across the top…

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.  Really?

Tools required: Adjustable Wrench, Allen Wrench, Sultry Wrench.  What, no hammer?

Do Not Use After: xx/xx/xxxx.  Come on.  Yogurt is already milk gone bad.

Hand Wash.  Then why do they put a delicate setting on the washer?

Do not mix batteries.  Does anybody even know what this is supposed to mean?

Bulb max = 40 Watt.  For what?  Night blindness?

No, it’s none of these.  Yet there is a rule, a law, a regulation, an instruction that puts fear in Americans.  The one instruction the American public actually follows is:

Dry Clean Only.

It’s on the only clothes that people actually sort on laundry day.  It’s the only instruction that parents pass on to their children when they move out into the world on their own.  In fact, we know people who have actually not purchased clothes because of this instruction.  Although we hesitate to admit it, She of We has actual personal experience that Dry Clean Only means Dry Clean Only.  (In fairness though, she does prefer to send out white blouses and shirts to a Dry Cleaner because they always come back so nice and crisp.)  

Yes, these are the most powerful three words in the English language.  Dry.  Clean.  Only. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Hell’s Chopped Kitchen Star

Michael Leave a comment

“I learned how to cook at my grandmother’s house who took us in after Mom and Pop died in the car wreck when the telephone pole fell on the car that first smashed them, then electrocuted them.  Grandma went to the community college to learn English so she could raise me and my 14 sisters and one brother who wore dresses a lot but could make the fluffiest soufflé.  And if I win today’s competition I’m going to take the $300,000 prize and buy her the stove she’s always wanted assuming I can still find a 1965 Amana and let her teach my children all that she taught me.  Even the autistic ones.”

We’ve been watching a lot of cooking competition shows lately.  But not the cupcake people.  We hate the cupcake people.  What they do to cupcakes you shouldn’t be allowed to put on TV.  Anyway, we’ve been watching a lot of cooking competitions and swearing off as many as we watch.  Why?  Because the competitions are becoming less of a challenge among those who can cook as they are now a contest of who has the bigger sob story.

We’ve always liked the Food Network show Chopped.  The premise of real chefs being dealt real but unusual ingredients fascinates us.  Most of these people are real working chefs and know exactly what to do when given chicken feet, dragon fruit, clove candy, and 20 minutes to make a scrumptious appetizer.  But now it’s not good enough to see 4 chefs, then 3, then 2 turn the bizarre into the palatable.  Now we have to ask what will you do with the money if you win.  Who would have ever thought that cooks had so many physically challenged children?  Or how many have an elderly parent yearning to see the homeland one last time?  Or how many are supporting their nieces and nephews?  We know what we’d say if someone asked us how we would spend a prize.  It’s found money.  We’ll blow it all on us.

Gordon Ramsey has to be the king of shock cooking.  We’ve come to if not love, appreciate Hell’s Kitchen because he’s not going to hold anything back. If you’re not cooking, you’re not contributing.  Leave now.  The little snippet interviews with the contestants are the best part of that show.  It gives each contestant a little face time with the camera and by extension, the viewer.  We hear how this person is a dolt, that person can’t boil water.  Petty gripes and foul mouths.  But then after the service they go to their sleeping areas and talk to the pictures or their kids, and parents, and partners and how much they love them, and love (sniff) being here, and really (sniff, sniff) want this (boo hoo).

Another of our favorite cooking contests also has Gordon at the forefront.  Master Chef.  This competition among home cooks has us wondering if the professionals on Hell’s Kitchen shouldn’t stop by the studio next door and get some pointers on, well, on cooking.  These non-professionals are very good at their limited challenges and usually work without complaining.  But even here we have the boo-hoo crowd sneaking in and has us wondering how far a blind cook can go in a kitchen competition with real knives, hot stoves, and open flames.

Not long ago we were watching one of the previous winners of Food Network Star whose show came on right after another previous winner.  And at that we were stuck. Both of the former winners with real shows who have now been on for what seems like years and have books and CDs and probably hats and T-shirts were winners when food was the competition and they left making a good promo up to the PR department.  This year’s finalists seem (emphasis on seem) to know their difference between a whisk and a dutch oven.  Could it be that after all the tears a cooking competition might actually be decided on cooking?  It could happen.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

The Agony of Defeatism

Michael Leave a comment

You know that we have never told you what to do or think or say.  Thinly veiled otherwise strongly worded suggested we have, but outright told, no.  We are now.  We are going to ask you to do just what we do and find all your Polo cosmetics and fragrances, dig out all your Lauren accessories, rummage through the closets and take out everything that has Ralph Lauren on the label, and burn them all.  If your local municipality prohibits open flames we will accept repeated slashes and then bury the remains.  And then don’t ever ever never buy any of his stuff again.  Ever.  Never.

Yes, we’re a little upset about the Chinese made U. S. Olympic Team uniforms.  There are so many other things that have hit the news wires this week, why of all things would we take such a drastic stand over clothes?  It’s the Olympics.  It is the ultimate in competition.  This is America.  We are nuts about competitions.  Put it together.  The ultimate in reality shows is about to take place and we’re sending our representatives there in somebody else’s clothes.

Nobody asked us but what we would have done was not even turned the design to a professional.  We would have taken advantage of those reality competition shows out there and let the “Project Runway” or similar contestants design the uniforms.  The Olympics are the grandest of all contests and should be represented by the best of the best.  We don’t pick our swimmers by holding open bids.  We don’t select our archers through a series of contract negotiations.  We don’t choose our sprinters based on who did good before.  Before they get to be competitors, they compete for the privilege.

If we had let the design of the uniforms to true competitors we’d probably have something uniquely identifiable.  Has anybody looked at these things?  There’s no mistaking them for anything other than Ralph Lauren designs.  He made sure of that by the size and placement of his logo exactly as it is on his U. S. Golf Open, U. S. Tennis Open, and Open Championship uniforms.  And you’d think somebody so American with so many U. S. credits would realize we haven’t worn berets in this country since Annie Hall premiered (and even she knew better than to wear one on screen).

Since we can’t go back and have the uniforms re-designed, let’s at least get them re-made.  Ralph Lauren has already said he will have the 2014 uniforms made in the USA.  That’s nice.  But we’re still letting the 2012 team go to London with zippers sewn in the shadow of the Great Wall.  Let’s face it, there is enough money in his various companies’ accounts and among several of the USOC members’ households that Lauren, et.al. could say, “We screwed up.  We’ll fix it and have the uniforms all re-made here and we’ll pay for it” and not notice the bill.  The amount spent on redoing the uniforms might be enough advertising for his companies that it would offset the bad publicity he has already received. 

Frankly, we don’t care why he doesn’t.  There’s 10 days to go before anybody has to see the Asian varieties and it can be done.  So just do it.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Just Stuff

Michael Leave a comment

We’ve made no secret that we like to do a little joy riding when we feel the need for a little joy in a weekend.  He of We has a little 2 seat roadster and She of We keeps a bottle of sun screen in her door pocket.  It works.  Usually.  Sometimes we find ourselves scratching our heads over something somebody – sometimes us – has done.  Let us explain.

Once on an afternoon drive through the park we stopped at a “little bit of everything” store.  They have tools, hunting and fishing gear, canned goods, sports memorabilia, boxed candy, various needle-works supplies, furniture, plumbing fixtures, wheelbarrows, doll houses, and trees.  How can you pass up a deal on trees.  We couldn’t.  Just because the tree was about 20 miles from where it was going to be planted might make mere people say “let’s think about this.”  Not us.  We’re Reality People.  And we did not want to drive back and forth a few times to get the right vehicle with the right storage capacity in the right parking lot to transport a tree.  It’s just a tree.  To make a long story short, in order not to damage the trunk or the trunk, it ended up between She of We’s legs in the front seat, extending about 3 feet above the windshield.  We drove slow.  Which made eating the ice cream we stopped for easier.

On another excursion we passed a row of simply beautiful houses.  It’s easy when you seek out a high end housing plan where somebody is turning out mansion after mansion just like a suburban factory project.  Often we find the people in the million dollar homes have the same things in their driveways and side yards we have in ours and we smile happily.  This one afternoon in this one neighborhood we weren’t in a plan.  We were among bona fide multiple million dollar manors rivaling anything Hollywood so to be exes would fight over.  Just beautiful.  And we weren’t but 100 feet from their front doors.  We wanted to walk up each rolling expanse of lawn and ring the bell just to say hello.  And among them, among the carefully landscaped, fenced, fountained, and paved portraits of residential indulgence, lay a deflated 24 foot round, 4 foot tall inflatable portable swimming pool.  Complete with knocked over steps.

Then there was the time we stopped at a farm market.  We’ve stopped at several and usually find the freshest bargains for the evening’s dinner.  If they have a good gift shop we could pick up birthday, anniversary, and Christmas gifts for several occasions.  But this stop took the cake.  Or rather, took the pie.  Not to say it wasn’t home-made but on this display case sat several absolutely identical looking $14 pies.  Right next to the $10 peaches, $6 blueberries, and $16 skirt steaks from “local” beef.  Trust us.  We’re local and there’s no beef where we are.  A little checking and we found that their corn might be theirs.  The rest was bought from the same purveyors that the mega-mart on the hill goes to.  Shame on them!

Not on a weekend drive, He of We recently was at that mart.  He did his shopping (New York Strip, $8 for a 12 ounce cut) and moved over the giant home supply store that shares the hill.  There he found a guy tying a set of mini-blinds to the back of his motorcycle.  “Let me tell you about this tree,” He of We said to him.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Baseball, Hotdogs, Apple Pie, and “Batter Up!”

Michael Leave a comment

It’s almost our birthday, that’s our country’s birthday, and we’re still trying to figure out what makes us Americans – the good things, the bad things, and the things no other country wants to admit to doing.

Last weekend we were in a restaurant for a late dinner when a family of Mom, Dad, and four children ages 8 months to 11 years old take the table next to us.  We said it was a late dinner.  For us, 9:00 qualifies as late and that’s what time we were seated.  These folks came about ten minutes after us.  What could these six people ranging in age from “not yet a year” to “should know better” be doing on a Saturday that they hadn’t yet had dinner at that hour?  What else?  Baseball. 

Baseball?  At 9:00.  At night.  Really?  Yep, the oldest child just finished up his weekly baseball game.  We recall when we and ours were of little league age that we had one game at 1:00 and one at 2:00.  It didn’t take long to play Little League baseball then.  Three outs often came on 3 pitches assuming somebody could manage to get the ball anywhere near first base where 3 other defenders had rushed in to back up the first baseman ready for him to miss the throw to first.  The longest play in Little League then was the high pop up when everybody, including the batter, turned to look at the umpire (often somebody from the American Legion league who played on the same field at 4:00) to tell them fair, foul, safe, or out.  And then to explain what to do next.

But today, in the spirit of every one’s a hero, games take hours to play.  There are no outs, you just keep getting up to bat until everybody has had a turn.  There are no runs, you just keep going around the bases to make room for whomever is up next.  There are no strikes, or balls, or foul balls, you just keep throwing until the little snot finally connects with the ball and remembers to run to first base instead of to the bathroom like last week.

This isn’t our first post about the insanity of trying to build a world with no losers.  (See “Your Turn to Keep Score,” Jan. 16, 2012 and “There Is No Crying,” April 26, 2012.)  Somewhere along the course of trying to take the pressure of winning off our children we’ve also taken the joy of winning from them.  We’re also taking the discipline they will need to be productive adults from them. 

When the authors of the Declaration of Independence wrote that “all men are created equal” and that we are endowed by our Creator with those famous unalienable rights of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, they didn’t mean there will never be any losers.  If they did, they would have let King George take one more at-bat.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Baseball, Hotdogs, Apple Pie, and “It’s a Shame.”

Michael Leave a comment

We’ve been taking a post or two as we approach the Fourth of July holiday to see what’s out there that makes us uniquely Americans – including the bad things, while trying to find the good things about us.

In our last post we took our first look at how the country is doing and remarked on the bullying of the now famous bus monitor and the remarkable response people had to her plight.  Much of that remarkable response might have been American, but since that time we found out that the instigator of the good is a Canadian.  Thank you Mr. Norther American for showing us below the 49th parallel how it is to be good.

Unfortunately there are still many bad examples.  Sometimes, not only do we have a hard time admitting that the bad are the bad, we go the extra step to assume the bad is actually an example of good behavior, just gone wrong.  One morning this week the local television news had a piece about three teenagers that were killed two years ago right after attending “an alcohol fueled graduation party.”  The parents wanted to remember them so they created a memorial with plaques, benches, and pictures overlooking the site of the accident.  Had we not done a little research it would have been just three kids who died.  Other than that one phrase quoted above, the morning news story said nothing about the car’s occupants being drunk.  And being drunk isn’t something one should be memorializing.  It’s a shame.

But research it we did and that research uncovered a longer piece that was run during the evening newscast the day before.  In that version one of the mothers told those who attended the memorial to do whatever it takes to not drive after drinking.  It also mentioned that the alcohol was provided by a parent.  As we continued to dig we uncovered another article and video of the sentencing of the woman who bought a half-keg of beer for the graduation party from two years ago (one year of house arrest, 3 years on probation).  But we didn’t uncover scores of articles addressing the core problem.  There are people out there, sometimes children, who drink to impairment and then try to pilot a speeding vehicle.  We found no organized outrage at public drunkenness or at children drinking, no support of underage drinking laws, and no response from MADD, SADD, or the District Attorney.  Perhaps nobody wanted to hurt the survivors more than they were, and still are.  It’s a shame.

A day later the same television station ran a story about the arraignment of a man who during a drunken driving rampage injured 10 people in what police described as a “bumper bowl game.”  This young man hit at least six cars, one head on, before running into a guard rail that stopped his onslaught.  His blood alcohol was three times the legal limit. 

He probably missed the story from the day before and didn’t get a chance to do whatever it took to not drive after drinking.  What a shame.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?