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Children of the Candy Corn

Michael 2 Comments

Listen up everyone.  Today, as is October 30 of every year, is National Candy Corn Day!  And you thought you had to wait for the last day of the month for the only good holiday in October.

Candy corn is good stuff.  Butter, sugar, honey.  What more could you ask for?  Add some food coloring and a little more than an hour of your time and you have the ultimate fall candy.  Better still, hop on down to the grocery store and buy packs of the stuff in a little more than a minute.

Some of you reading this might remember making or getting home made candy and treats for Halloween.  Candy corn, candied apples, fudges, cookies, popcorn balls, and gooey nut clusters were classics where kids would memorize the houses for year to year gratification.  Then some psychopath decided it was a good idea to stick razor blades in apples and now all any self-respecting parent will let a child keep is whatever comes sealed by the manufacturer.

Today if you want home made you better hope that a very generous soul invites you to his or her (or their) house party. Or, bring back the traditions and make your own for your own.  Nothing wrong with that.  And you control the ingredients.  Perhaps a splash of rum added to the popcorn balls’ caramel paste or some bourbon infused marshmallows to hold the nut clusters together.  Maybe bobbing for apples in a barrel of Riesling.  Now that’s a party!

But back to the candy corn.  Yes it’s fall and yes the ultimate is chowing down on those little kernels usually before they even hit the candy dish.  But there is so much more one can do with these a-maize-ing treats.  Sprinkle them on your cupcakes like, well like sprinkles.  Let them play with your cereals either in your Rice Krispy treats or Chex mixes.  Add them to a batch of chocolate chip cookies.  Mix them with the peanuts before adding that whole kit and caboodle to popcorn and caramel for an even sweeter popcorn ball.

And finally, three words that will serve you well for the entire fall season:  Candy Corn and Prosecco.  It doesn’t get any better than that.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Let’s Be Careful Out There

Michael Leave a comment

The great candy/costume countdown has begun!  Depending on where you live it could be just 4, 5, or 6 short days till Treat or Treat Night.  We’d say till Halloween but that’s always October 31 no matter what calendar you’re using.  Why the varied time spans?  Because October 31 (Halloween, remember) is on a Friday this year.  We don’t know about where you are but here that’s high school football playoff time.

So people don’t have to decide between the lessor of the two evils (or greater of the two hauls), many municipalities within school districts involved in the playoffs are opting to move one or the other.  Since football is an immovable feast, Trick or Treat is the one to go.  It seems like that might confuse the ones who are the most excited about Trick or Treating (Halloween party attendees excluded).  Those would be the little ones, the same little ones who watch the television sit coms and specials that feature their stars Trick or Treating on Halloween – a sort of novel concept for this year.

A quick check on the Internet revealed that at least 26 communities in our county (out of 100+) are holding onto tradition, including both He and She’s. It just seems right that Trick or Treat happens on Halloween.

But there could be issues.  And not just football conflicts.  Most places allow Trick or Treating from 6 to 8pm.  Most football games start at 7.  There could be a mad rush at the beginning of the tour with folks hurrying to still make it to the games.  And it is a Friday.  There will be parties – house parties, office parties, bar parties.  All of them will have people rushing to and fro, mostly in SUVs way too big for just one person versus multiple children.   And then we’ll add that here our local weather forecast is calling for mild and clear all week long, except for Friday night when it will be cold and rainy.  Translation: it will be slippery and extra dark.

Even with the potential for problems Halloween fun belongs on Halloween, including Trick or Treat.  Kids are kids only once (Halloween party attendees excluded).  We just have to make sure that the potential for avoiding problems is stronger than the reverse.  Halloween night, it’s always a great evening for a neighborhood stroll – just be careful out there!

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Breach My Britches

Michael Leave a comment

We’ve talked about this before and people aren’t listening.  Or maybe they are and they don’t care.  After all, it’s their money if they want to give it away.  It just seems that it’s more the Average Joe and Josephine that are being bamboozled.  And just what are we talking about?  Call it what you will from the polite “breach” to the let’s-be-honest-about-this “theft.”  (And you’re probably figuring out that this isn’t going to be one of those breezy, happy go lucky posts today.)

So, here’s the deal.  Now K-Mart has joined Target and Home Depot and Michael’s and even P. F. Chang’s and Dairy Queen having had their charge systems hacked.  And what about all the other stores owned by the same companies?  If K-Mart’s systems have been compromised what about Sears and Lands’ End and Parts Direct?  Is our money in peril at these stores also?

How do we know these attacks are aimed at the little guys, the you’s and me’s of the world?  Look at the targets, like Target.  Not the sort of places Donald Trump patronizes.  Why us?  Because is seems for the good or bad, our demographic doesn’t pay much attention to our money.  We’re funny that way.  We might make sure our 401K is being matched but we willingly hand over our debit and credit card numbers to any retailer – brick and mortar, on-line, or phone.  It might only be a $10 purchase but it’s usually $10 we don’t have in our pockets and pull out a card for payment.  Stop and think about it.  When was the last time you used real money for gas?

So using money might help to fix things.  If there aren’t cards being used then cards’ information can’t be stolen.  But what about virtual stores?  You can’t stuff a $20 bill into a modem.  We used to use things called checks.  We would order something, send in a check for payment, and the store sent us merchandise in return.  Just like with money!  So you had to wait a few extra days but it beats spending days on end trying to convince the good folks at your local bank that you really didn’t go to Barbados last weekend and spend $2,400 on Jet Ski rentals.

If you think you’d like to get in on this new-fangled thing called money you better do it quickly.  It seems a number of banks are considering doing away with, and some actually already have done away with branch offices.  They could soon be no bank to go to get money.  We’ll still have ATMs but they aren’t any more secure than the stores’ money systems.  In fact, banks have already been hacked.  JP Morgan Chase may be the most recent, and affecting 76 million households the largest, but it’s not the first bank to lose our data.  (See list below.)

Where do you shop?  Big box stores, grocery stores, on-line? This year’s retail “winners” in the data breach contest are the thieves who hacked into Home Depot, Target, Supervalu, Neiman Marcus, Michael’s, E-Bay, and K-Mart.  Where do you bank?  There are too many of them that have been lost to thieves to even think about.  And when you think about banking don’t just think about your debit card.  Where are your credit cards issued, processed, and billed?  Who holds your investments?  Do you have retirement funds sitting somewhere?  And who will be next?  Insurance companies or utilities?

A poll taken by the Travelers’ insurance companies in July of this year discovered that only 23 percent of those questioned worry a great deal about identity theft.  Even though the past year has seen at least a half-dozen major news stories on significant data breaches, this number is actually less than those who worried a great deal about identity theft in May of last year (31%).

So come on now.  Join us and join the folding money brigade.  Do you know where your cash is?

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

(To see our past posts on this topic please enter “Debit” into the search box at the upper right of this screen.  To see the real scary stuff, type in “Bank Data Breach” or “Retail Data Breach” into a search engine, skip the articles and go straight to the comments.  Scary, scary.)

The Top Ten Data Breaches per Bankrate.com (Data from 2013, does not include 2014 incidences.):

Target (affected 40 million card accounts and 70 million customer data for $1.5 billion)
Global Payments, Inc. (1.5 million card accounts for $90 million)
Tricare US Military medical insurance (5 million beneficiaries’ identities stolen)
Citibank (360,000 credit card accounts for $19.4 million)
Sony (100 million users’ identities stolen)
Heartland Payment Services, credit card processor (130 million card accounts for $2.8 billion)
Bank of New York- Mellon (12.5 million customers’ personal data lost during back-up transfer)
Countrywide Financial (17 million accounts downloaded by employee and sold to other lenders)
T. J. Maxx (90 million card accounts for $2.47 billion)
Veterans’ Administration (26.5 million veterans and active duty identities stolen)

Merry Ghosties

Michael Leave a comment

There are 33 days until Halloween.  That’s an important number to keep in mind.  Thirty-three days.  Just last week on a news report, we were told that Americans would spend about $7 billion on Halloween this season.  There is one local couple who won’t be in that spending frenzy.  They were spotted last weekend buying a Christmas tree.  For them, Halloween must have been purchased sometime in July!

We all know that the stores have Christmas merchandise out already.  Folks are perusing the aisles with shopping carts filled with fall decorations and often will stop to ogle the rows of pre-lit, pre-decorated, pre-gifted Christmas trees before moving on to the motion activated ghoul door ornament.  But nobody buys those things yet.  The Christmas trees, not the ghouls.

If people start buying Christmas now where will the analysts be next year when predicting Halloween spending?  They could be out of jobs and then who will buy their door knocker embellishments be they ghoulies or evergreens for them?  If we have any plans on reading how much we’ll be spending on Halloween 2015, we have a lot of shopping to do now for 2014!

To make the predictors close to being right we need to spend about $3 million in costumes, $2 billion in candy, another $2 billion in decorations, and a couple hundred million on pet costumes and goodies.  How do we think we’re going to manage those sums if people are out there already buying Christmas trees?  It’s enough to make you think if you need more eggs for Easter.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Automatically Yours

Michael Leave a comment

It’s funny how much television and radio commercials shape the modern landscape.  But then, isn’t that the point?  Very recently there was a commercial on the radio for remote controlled window blinds for the home.  For a large meeting room or conference center, or for a series of office suites that somebody wants to look all the same from the outside, the remote controlled blind could be, and in some cases probably is, a good idea.  But for your home?  Unless your living room windows are in Jack Nicholson’s house, your blinds probably aren’t that far away from where you’re sitting.

Remote window blinds might seem to be the height of lazy right now, but if we look at some of the remote and automatically controlled conveniences – and some necessities even – we might see how our landscape has changed over the past not too many years.

There could be some of you who have never seen a television without remote control.  There used to be a time when the remote was optional.  It was there but the set still had all of its power, volume, and channel buttons right out in the open.  Before that, if you wanted remote control you had to have children.

Cars are a treasure trove of automation.  Some don’t even need their keys.  You get close to the vehicle and it unlocks, you press a button and it starts, you stop long enough and it stops.  Now that might still be a pretty fancy car but even daily drivers do stuff for their drivers daily.  When was the last time you turned on your car headlights?  Most cars now come with light sensors that automatically turn on the lights when needed and off when not.  They also know to turn off airbags protecting an unoccupied seat.  Doors lock and unlock, trunks and hatches open and close at the touch of the right button.

Automation has been with our major household appliances for years.  Consider the self-cleaning oven.  It’s hard to find one now that isn’t.  Need ice?  Probably your freezer handles that chore on its own.  Generations have grown up not ever knowing when to stop a cycle to put the fabric softener in the washer.  You put the pretreatment, bleach, detergent, and softener all before you start it up and the machine doses them to your clothes at the appropriate times.

Probably someone thought it was laziness when each of these conveniences hit the landscape.  Today, even those critics rely on an inanimate object to get their clothes clean; even the daily jogger isn’t so wrapped up in physical exercise that he or she actually walks across a room to change the channel on a television set.  So blinds that open and close at the push of a button aren’t all that unexpected.  Now the real challenge is for someone to invent blinds that know when to open and close.  Until that happens, if you want to handle that chore remotely you better have more kids.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

And the Band Played On

Michael Leave a comment

Today is Monday.  That means yesterday was Sunday.  That means across most of America people watched football.  Regardless of which players did or didn’t play for whatever thing they did, and regardless of what companies did or didn’t advertise regardless of what players did play even though others didn’t for whatever they did, and regardless if outraged interviewees on television did or didn’t rage on about what should have happened to the players who did and didn’t play, across most of America people watched football.

Here’s something interesting about the days that led up to yesterday.  Whenever a player was questioned about what he or someone else did, the answer would have gotten anyone else fined, fired, jailed, or all the above.  Whether regarding domestic violence, child abuse, assault, driving under the influence, or possession of an illegal substance, the player almost always admitted guilt to the allegation but then went an extra step and said “but it’s not” whatever.  “Yes, I beat my wife but it’s not abuse.”  We’re sorry; did somebody change the English language?  Are the meanings of words different this month than last?  Doesn’t “yes” still mean “yes, I did it” and doesn’t “no” not mean “except in my case”?

We think those players really believe what they are saying.  They really don’t believe knocking a woman unconscious is assault.  They really don’t believe beating a small child is abuse.  It comes from the violence of the sport they play.  And the “players’ little helpers” that they take.  When the job is one of inflicting pain and incapacitating the competition it’s difficult to separate reality from reality.  And just in case that player can’t incapacitate the competition based on a somewhat normal body build, there are steroids to help. Of course they are illegal substances except for the professionals who take them.  After all, they are professionals used to declaring, and being believed when declaring, “Yes, except.”  And it gives them ‘roid rage as the standard excuse for all bad things that are done off the field.  It’s all very convenient.

Yet it’s all still very illegal.  Today, somewhere in America, a couple will have an argument.  They will say things they shouldn’t.  She will turn her back on him.  He will reach out and take her arm to try to encourage her to stay and talk it out.  She will call the police because he “laid hands on her” and he will spend the night in jail.  A far cry from punching her senseless but he doesn’t have the advantage of having thousands of fans cheering on violent behavior from him, perhaps even including his victim.  So violent or not, he gets an all expense stay at the Abusers Astoria while the football player gets people draping signs over the stadium fences declaring their undying devotion to the sot.

Fair?  Of course not.  Expected?  Well, yesterday was Sunday.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Passages of Fall

Michael 1 Comment

Over the past week He of We noticed fallen leaves in yards while meandering through the neighborhood on his afternoon walk, She of We talked about getting her garden ready for next Spring’s plantings, Daughter of He contemplated buying new snow tires, and stores everywhere have Halloween candy out.  All of them are sure signs Fall is soon here.  But the surest sign of Fall to come isn’t any of these, it isn’t the shortened days and cooler nights, it isn’t the model year end clearance sales on the car lots.  Nope, the surest sign of the next season coming right around the corner is the Covered Bridge Festival!

Yes, there are still covered bridges in the country.  In use even.  Up in our corner of the country there are two neighboring counties that have a combined festival every year right at the start of Fall.  If you have the kind of time we did some years ago and wanted to make a quest of it, you can drive up to and over 30 of the covered bridges spanning (no pun intended) nearly 90 miles of quiet, rural roadway.  (It’s a perfect way to end the convertible season, although if you’ve read us for a while you’ve read posts that make it clear that we never really end convertible season.  But that’s a different story for a different day.)  At 17 of those bridges there will be vendors selling their autumnal decorations, local food booths, singers, dancers and other entertainers, chain saw carvers, quilt makers, and artists in almost every medium.

So why are we so excited over what seems to be just a giant craft show spread over 1,400 square miles?  Like most things we like there are the people.  Some of the most talented people display their talents at the bridges and nowhere else.  Others who are at other arts festivals actually get to spend time with visitors in a more relaxed setting.  Even though it is only 20 or so miles from home there are foods, sights, and sounds we only see the one day a year that we get to the bridges.  And if we miss a year, when the following year rolls around and the dates get closer, the anticipation grows even stronger.

It’s not so much that the Covered Bridges are from a simpler time.  In fact, they are from a harder time.  If we had a choice of trying to make a living in 1814 or 2014 we pick now.  But they are from a sturdier time.  These are bridges built in the early to mid 1800’s and they still work.  And most of the things that we’ve bought in their shadows still work too.  There’s an endorsement, even for a decoration.

And it’s always a great day to take a ride in the woods – and know we can’t get lost!

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

You Gotta Trust Somebody

Michael Leave a comment

This is local news but we’re willing to bet something similar has happened where you live provided you live in the United States of America.  Seems other countries already have this figured out.

Earlier this week the local county council that counsels those who live in the county where we live voted to not include the phrase “In God We Trust” among the other cute sayings along the walls of the room in the county courthouse where the council lives and works on the days they bother to go to work.  It seems they trotted out that old argument, the separation of church and state, once again.  (They realize that the Congress of the United States begins each session with a prayer, don’t they?)  The County Executive made it even worse by trying to explain that even if the council passed that resolution he would have vetoed it since not everyone who lives in the county is a Christian.  Now there’s one soul who needs a lot of remedial Sunday school.

We’ve tried fighting that one with the clear language of those who wrote that Constitution that they meant freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion.  Since they never do listen to us we thought we’d at least help them along.  If they aren’t going to trust in God, let’s come up with someone everyone can agree is worthy of our trust.

It seems these guys like other elected officials.  They like to quote predecessors and sometimes even each other during spirited debates.  It sounds too self-serving to put up a banner that says “In County Council We Trust” so we’re going to look at some other elected ones.  School boards are supposed to be above politics and take an oath to be leaders to the children they ultimately serve.  That would be a good choice.  No, wait a minute, it was just a couple of days ago that the president of a local school board was arrested for assault stemming from a  bar fight in which an instructor in her school district was hit over the head with a beer mug by his wife – neither teacher nor board member, whew.  And just a couple days before that another school district’s board member was hauled off to jail on charges of assault and public drunkenness after a fight at a wedding reception.  “In School Boards We Trust” is out.

Judges.  They are fair, honest, impartial.  Yes, we can live with “In Judges We Trust” carved in stone.  Except for the ones who have recently been paroled for everything from taking bribes to using judicial resources to finance re-election campaigns.  Now there is that one judge who gets all the big trials and is pretty fair.  Why it was only two days ago that he wouldn’t allow a deliberating jury from reviewing an exhibit saying they have to rely on their collective memories.  We can change the carving to “In Judges’ Memories We Trust.”  No, that sounds too much like a memorial.

How about we move up the ladder.  If County Council wants to be somebody when they grow up it would be state representatives.  “In the State House We Trust” is a little wordy but it gives people enough time to not worry about the eight of them that are due to be released from prison before the end of this year.  Most of them already have their paperwork in to become registered lobbyists.  We’re certain we can get them to agree to be trustworthy if we can get their names inscribed along with the major catch phrase.  Or not.

Looks like we’re down to our last two suggestions.  There is a local bathroom remodeler whose motto is “A Company You Can Trust.”  We’ll just take a still from one of his television ads, blow it up, and post it behind the county council dais.

Our last suggestion is just to make certain the county council doesn’t ever have to deal with the phrase again and purge it from all of their records.  Once they can figure out how they’d like to get paid, since it is on all of our money, they should be happy as clams.  Or just as steamed.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

A Little Off the Top

Michael Leave a comment

This weekend past was the NFL Week One weekend. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal.  College football has been going on for a couple of weeks.  High school and midget or little league football might have been happening for close to a month in some places.  And even pro football hasn’t been unheard from with nationally televised pre-season games.  But this was the official week.  The week when football at all levels was played and the games counted.  And there must have been much concern over the summer months because the coaches are all bald.

On Sunday when they spend lots of time aiming the cameras at the coaches along the sidelines during the game that you care about and are watching and all the others that they show during the half-time and post-game reports during and after the game you care about, most of those coaches were hairless.  Ditto for the college coaches on Saturday.  Even on the Friday night local news and in the Saturday morning paper, many of the high school coaches that got some PR time showed off their newly shorn former locks.  Bald we tell you!  They are all bald!

They will say they are making a statement, showing off their toughness, deliberating declaring themselves to be the more testosterone laden version versus the one across the field on the opponents’ benches.  They are the cross between The Rock and Bruce Willis.  Hmmm, let’s look a little closer.

We think they are all shaving their heads because they want to mask their receding hairlines.  For many men, it’s not an easy thing to deal with.  It’s much easier to design a successful pass rush when you look as menacing as the rushers.  Half-time pep talks go over bigger when you just have to grunt and let the bad locker room lighting reflect the sheen from a recent shave.  But when everybody is doing it, it’s not so cool.

We’re estimating close to 75% of the coaches spotted on the sidelines displayed the all over haircut.  (Oddly, those coaches with hair seemed to be wearing hats.)  Where the threat (of whatever) showed when the shaved head was one in a hundred, at 100 out of 100 they are just all the same model.  It is sort of like when the coaches stopped wearing suits on the sidelines and went for golf shirts.  The first few added to their menace repertoire as everyone could see their muscles bulging against the stretchy fabric.  Now they just look ready to hit the late night appetizer specials at the tavern down the street.

So, is the shaved head going to be the new fashion statement for this year’s sideline strollers?  Perhaps.  It’s not necessarily a bad look.  It’s just that those who are sporting it should remember why they favor the clean crown.  And remember that cross between The Rock and Bruce Willis?  Do it enough times and somebody is going to end up looking like a cross between Mr. Clean and Humpty Dumpty.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

Reality Bytes

Michael Leave a comment

Every now and then reality gets in the way.  The reality is that He of We was in the hospital for a while and although we prepped a few posts to keep things up during the convalescence, they weren’t enough.  It happens.  Now that things are a bit better we’re going to try to get back on our regular schedule.  If we don’t, you’ll figure it out.  Back to reality!

—–

Our job is hard!  It shouldn’t be.  Staying grounded in reality should be easy, natural, a no-brainer.  Quantum physics is hard.  Criminal defense law is hard.  Matching coupons to weekly supermarket sales is hard.  Love is hard.  Reality?  Easy as pie.  Yeah, right.

When we started this blog reality was easy.  It was everything the reality TV shows weren’t.  Since then, it’s gotten complicated.  Did you know that there is a newspaper syndicate out there that was soliciting, postings, capturing votes for, and awarding prizes for pet selfies?  Who frames the picture?  Who sets the background?  Who works the shutter for Pete’s sake!?  When “they” say pets are people too, nobody really believes them.  Do they?  Even the camera app people?

On the other hand, here is something that reality might have right although we’re not sure why in this case.  Everyone has heard the tale that we should all smile more often.  After all, it takes something like 8,647 muscles to frown and only 2 to smile.  Alright, that’s a little exaggerated but who’s going to count?  The other day, He of We was laying n bed alternating smiling and frowning trying to count muscles.  (What can we say?  He has that kind of time right now.)  After a few rings around that one the score came up that indeed there are many more muscles involved in the frowning process than in smiling.  If you really concentrate at it you can actually feel the muscles take their positions.  Why would we be built this way?  It seems that smiling is much more beneficial than frowning so why is it so much harder?

Even today’s holiday is harder than reality should be.  For 120 years Americans have been celebrating the contributions including economic achievements that laborers make to the country by celebrating Labor Day.  But each year more people end up working that day (this day).  Because it breaks the boundary between summer and fall and off time and school time, Labor Day traditionally is celebrated by sales and clearances as much as by parades and picnics.

So there you have it.  Or them.  A few ponderables about reality.  Some things to think while you’re flipping burgers, smiling at the dog next door trying to get a good picture taken, before heading to the mall to find one last good clearance on some new walking shorts.  We tell you, this job is hard, but somebody’s got to do it!

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.