Tell Me a Tale

Finally! Yesterday they finally awarded this year’s Oscars. Sorry, Oscars®. You’ve read me long enough to know I like movies. Old movies. Not so much old as good movies, so yeah, old movies. I don’t particularly care who won yesterday. See me in 24 or 25 years about the 2021 awards. We’ll see then which ones stood the test of time. I’ll tell you right now, it won’t be the ones that told a story. It will be the ones with a story worth telling.

Quite coincidentally this year, tomorrow is National Tell a Story Day. When one thinks of “a story” the first thought is usually a tall tale, perhaps inspirational, perhaps traditional, maybe something fictional with just enough truth in it to keep it interesting. Few stories hit all the notes although through the years you will find one or two each generation that live on through many generations. They are the ones with a story worth telling and telling again.

Today, everyone can tell a story. All you need is a connection to the Internet. Thirty years ago I would have said all you need is a typewriter, a fresh ribbon, a ream of paper, and a willing audience. Twenty years ago I would have said, all you need is a word processor, access to email, and a willing audience. Ten years ago I would have said, all you need is a keyboard and a connection to the Internet. Today you don’t even need a keyboard. A phone, a camera, a screen and access to your favorite social site, and the modern day storyteller has all the tools needed to tell the tale. You will note that the willing audience has dropped from the list of needs. With the internet comes an audience. Willing or not, there are people there. When we accepted losing the typewriter or keyboard as tools of the storyteller, we may also have lost the criterion that a story, a good story, be one worth telling. Another loss in many stories we hear today is the presence of truth.

Of course truth is not necessary for a good story. Any successful novelist knows the truth is incidental to a good story. Any successful novelist also knows nobody expects fiction to be truthful or accurate. That’s pretty much the point of fiction. But just to be on the safe side the successful novelist also…well, go pull your favorite novel off the bookshelf. I’ll wait. {Dah di dum di dah di dum dum dum} Oh good, you’re back. Okay, now turn to the copyright page. There, do you see it? It says something like:

[Name of Book] is a work of fiction. Names, places, and incidents are the product of the imagination of the author or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, or any event, company, country, or location is entirely coincidental.”  

Disclaimers have long been used on fictional works, written and filmed. They aren’t on computer, tablet, or phone screens even though it is more likely that fiction will be taken for fact there than on the pages of that book you pulled off the shelf or in the movie theater. The social media storyteller specializes in sharing and forwarding unconfirmed material in the guise of news or pertinent information is as guilty as spreading lies and fabrications as the one who intentionally misleads or deceives, and the one who intentionally misleads or deceives is no more than a common liar who isn’t worth the electricity needed to post a rebuttal. But rebut we must. The charlatans foisting untruths, fact-sounding fallacies, misinterpretations of scholarly works, and ugly harassment must not be allowed to spread misinformation without challenge. If the social network platforms will not police their lines of distribution themselves then the professionals must remain vigilant to the lies circulating, whether about health, policy, government, or safety and security. Those who use the internet for news and information must recall the social networks are entertainment and any “information” gleaned from a social post should be taken with the consideration afforded to the “news” heard over the backyard fence or while standing in line at the supermarket deli counter. Consider any story heard on line as just that, a story, no more factual than Snow White and the Three Big Bad Wolves.

Hopefully your only encounter with storytellers will be with those with a story to tell that is perhaps inspirational, perhaps traditional, or maybe something fictional with just enough truth in it to keep it interesting – and with a story worth telling and worth telling again. No disclaimers necessary but there – just in case.

Once upon a time they lived happily ever after

I’ll Have What He’s Having

The Academy Awards are behind us and the Oscar hoopla has pretty much faded away. I have a few more old Oscar nominees to watch. I’m still used to the awards being presented in March and February being the time to relish in the performances. Is it just me or do actors tend to speak better when reading somebody else’s lines as scripted than when they try to go their own way on the award stage? Anyway, I prefer the movie actor to the award show actor and often the movie world to real realty. Ironic, no?
 
Something that hit me this year watching my usual overdose level of film history is how much out there in movie land we can really use in real people land. Television land also has some pretty nifty gadgetry that we mere mortals could benefit from. Take for instance in 1966 just asking “Yo computer, how much longer till we get to the Romulan border?” and sure enough some snarky female voice speaks back “the. border. is. one. hundred. forty. light. years. away. and. will. be. reached. in. twenty. eight. and. one. half. minutes. if. you. don’t. stop. for. take. out. on. the. way.” Did Gene Roddenberry know Siri and Alexa were coming? If we’ve been able to harness computer power to become our personal assistants, why not some other seemingly outlandish inventions.
 
For example:
Movie people must have dishes that dry and put themselves away. I’ve seen dozens of movies this month with people eating and drinking and even in some instances washing dishes. But nobody ever dries them or puts them away. The only Oscar nominated movie I recall seeing somebody with towel in hand, drying dishes was Carole Lombard in My Man Godfrey. She didn’t do a really great job of drying and didn’t put them away but she was a millionaire socialite so I guess just the attempt at drying part was something special. They all have self-cleaning carpets also.
 
TelephoneThis one we sort of had but then technology took it away and we need it back – a phone you can pick up the reciever and just say who you want and somebody gets them for you. You need to go back to the 1930s for this invention. Everybody from cops to robbers to femme fatales to innocent bystanders could go to any phone and say “Get me John Smith” and sure enough, an operator would find John Smith, and the right John Smith. Progress took this away quickly (The Front Page). By the 1940s people were dailing their own numbers (Going My Way), by the 50s were getting wrong numbers (Anatomy of a Murder), by the 60s they were tearing pages out of phone books (In the Heat of the Night), and eventually we’ve worked our way to a time when there are no phone books and if you ask your computer assistant for John Snith’s number, unless John Smith is among you personal contacts, the answer will be, “I’m sorry I don’t have enough information.”
 
Cars run on no gas. Imagine not just driving for days, week, even months without filling up, but driving hard, fast, and often in multiple countries and never visiting a fuel station. Racing movies aside, nobody ever stops to fill up. The French Connection wouldn’t have stood a chance for Best movie if Popeye Doyle ran out of gas on 86th Street. The only movies I recall seeing somebody at a gas pump are High Sierra and National Lampoon’s Vacation and neither were Oscar nominees in any category. (I should note that in Vacation, Chevy Chase is seen wiping and putting away dishes but I believe they hadn’t been washed yet, so…)
 
Since I brought up non-nominees there are some things in almost every movie I’d like to see happen. 
 
Airplanes with aisles wide enough to walk down two abreast (with a refreshment cart even) and seats with more legroom than in my living room. Sticking with the travel theme, cruise ships with cabins bigger than my living room. Entire blocks unoccupied in front of the building I want to enter so I can just pull up and park – and never having to parallel park (nobody parallel parks in the movies), and airport parking lots that never charge for parking. Formal wear for casinos. Subways never overcrowded and always on time unless being hijacked. And those telephones that when they are set to vibrate you still know a call is incoming even if you are 3 rooms away. 
 
And – a hot tub time machine. Hey Alexa, let’s kick some past!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Lights, Camera, Action!

Yes, it’s February and that’s my favorite month of the year, or at least one of my 12 favorites and not just because of Groundhog Day. It’s Oscar Month!
 
Okay, okay, I’m not all that choked up about this year’s Academy Awards any more than any other year. Once again I have not seen any of the nominees for Best Picture although for a change I have at least heard of most of them. Some time over the next 3 or 4 years I might even get around to seeing most of them.
 
To me, the better awards go to the performers anyway. Of course they need talented writers working with good material and it has to be well produced and adequately funded, but you could say the same thing about a municipal mass transit system. The actors bring the movie to life and in the four performance categories I can honestly say I have heard of everybody.
 
Once again the movies displaying those nominated performances are important, shall we say dramatic stories that certainly will be told well by this group of talented actors but will they really entertain? Where is the laughter? Why is comedy always getting left behind? (Oh if you read the description of Marriage Story and Jojo Rabbit you will see that are classified as “drama, comedy/drama” but isn’t that like “politically correct?” It’s pretty hard to be both. And I’m sorry Jojo, The Producers might have made Hitler funny but that lightning isn’t going to strike again.)
 
So where was I? Oh yes, comedy. Where are the great comedic performances?  There was once a time comedies dominated the Oscar nominations. The first movies to ever feature nominated performances in all four performance categories (actor, actress, supporting actor, supporting actress) was the comedy My Man Godfrey in 1936, the year awards for performances in supporting roles were introduced.  
 
In the 91 times the Academy has recognized excellence in the performing arts, less than 100 performers have been recognized for excellence in comedic performances. That’s using their definition of comedy which is everything not dramatic. For examples, James Garner was nominated for Murphy’s Romance, a cute movie but not laugh until you fall out of your chair funny, and Tatum O’Neal’s win was well deserved but Paper Moon will never be confused with Blazing Saddles. So to say 100 comedy performance have been represented by the four acting award nominees is already a stretch and many of those movies sported multiple nominations. It would be difficult to find more than fifty true comedies among the performance nominations. Narrow the field down to the winners and you are looking at barely two dozen films. But of the winners featuring comedic performances that excelled, excellence might be an understatement. 
 
It just so happened one recent evening I found myself bored more than usual and took a tentative step into the wonderland we call the Internet. And there I found a list of all the comedy performances that had ever been nominated for any of the four performing awards. I was surprised to see how many of them I had seen – nearly 80 of the 90 some movies listed. So I decided to compile my own awards and then and there selected the top ten comedy roles of all moviedom or at least those once upon a time nominated. Here, for the first time ever, are The Realies!
 
unnamed10. Peter O’Toole, My Favorite Year (1983). Mention Peter O’Toole and your first thought has to be Lawrence of Arabia. From there you may recall Beckett and Lion in Winter, big, broad, epic roles where he fills the screen. Even his earlier side trip to comedy, How to Steal a Million will be on more people’s minds than My Favorite Year. It was pretty much a nothing movie. But his performance was big, brash, over the top, fill the screen in his best Errol Flynnesque style. A drunken hasbeen agrees to appear on a prototypical 1950s variety show to work off his debt to the IRS and takes Manhattan by storm, until he realizes he must performed in front of a live audience. “I’m not an actor! I’m a movie star!” His performance is worth the price of a ticket (or movie rental). Unfortunately for O’toole he was up against another great comedic performance by Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie and the winner Ben Kingsley in Gandhi for Best Actor. 
 
9. Jack Lemmon, Some Like It Hot (1960). What’s funnier than a couple of musicians joining a band to escape the mob looking to rub them out? Did I mention it’s a all women band? Um, did I mention the musicians are men? Lemmon’s character and his fellow musician played by Tony Curtis accidentally witness a mob murder and have to get out of town fast. Their “only” choice is to dress as women and join up with Sweet Sue and her Society Syncopators leaving town that day. At their destination Lemmon is pursued by a much married millionaire while Curtis pursues a member of the band (played by Marilyn Monroe) while both are pursued by guys with guns. If you haven’t seen it, you have to see it and stay all the way to the end to see Joe E. Brown’s deadpan reaction to Lemmon’s line about why he can’t marry Brown, “I’m a man!” Brown’s answer? You’ll have to watch the movie.  Lemmon’s performance almost wasn’t as he was the third choice to play the character. He lost the award for Best Actor to Charlton Heston in Ben Hur.
 
8. Marisa Tomei, My Cousin Vinnie (1993). Marisa Tomei’s Best Supporting Actress winning role as Mona Lisa Vito the brash fiancee to Joe Pesci’s brasher Vinnie Gambini shocked the movie going public and most critics of the time. It was the height of “The Important Movies Era.” There was no place for an old fashioned farce. But it was a triumphant return to the old fashioned farce and Tomei’s performance was reminiscent of Myrna Loy as Nora Charles or Katharine Hepburn’s Susan Vance, as the ditzy dame who is neither ditzy nor a dame and the movie wouldn’t be worth remembering without her. Tomei may have had unexpected encouragement to give an award winning performance. During filming Pesci brought the Oscar he won in 1990 for his role in Goodfellas.
 
7. Walter Matthau, The Fortune Cookie (1967). Walter Matthau’s first pairing with Jack Lemmon earned him a Best Supporting Actor award for his role as William “Whiplash Willie” Gingrich, Lemmon’s brother-in-law and lawyer. Matthau convinces Lemmon to feign paralysis after being run over by a pro football player while he was working as a television cameraman. Matthau suffered a heart attack during filming which was suspended while he recovered. He lost 30 pounds during his convalesence. He got 8-1/2 pounds back when he carried away his Oscar.
 
6. William Powell, The Thin Man (1935). The first of six “Thin Man” movies starring William Powell and Myrna Loy, The Thin Man is a fun adaptation of the Dashiell Hammett novel. Roger Ebert said of Powell, “William Powell is to dialog as Fred Astaire is to dance.” The film was shot in just two weeks owing partly to director W. S. VanDyke’s propensity for speedy single takes but also to Powell and Loy not acting but being “two people in perfect harmony” according to Powell. The plot is impossible to follow and clues seem to elude everybody except Powell’s Nick Charles who has a drink in hand whenever Loy’s Nora isn’t. And sometimes when. The acting is so smooth, the dialogue so sharp, and the chemistry so obvious you often lose track of the fact that a murder is being solved before your eyes. Sort of. Powell lost this his first nomination for Best Actor to Clark Gable in the comedy It Happened One Night.
 
5. Dustin Hoffman, Tootsie (1983). Dustin Hoffman solidifies his position as one of the greatest actors of his generation by playing the screwball comedienne and her/his own foil in the same role. Um, sort of. Hoffman’s character Michael Dorsey is a difficult to work with, unemployed actor who successfully passes himself off as Dorothy Michaels to secure a role in a daytime television soap opera. As the story unfolds Dorothy takes on a role within the role, a liberated, self-assured, ground zero “bad ass woman” before women thought they could be bad ass. The movie is a little bit farce, a lot of satire, some social commentary, and tons of fun. Hoffman lost out as Best Actor to Ben Kingsley’s Gandhi. The movie also contributed two nominees for Best Supporting Actress, Teri Garr and winner Jessica Lange.
 
4. Jack Lemmon, The Apartment (1961). I place Jack Lemmon’s role as C. C. Baxter, the overworked office underling who lends his apartment to his bosses for their affairs as one of his best. Lemmon’s trading eventually earned him a promotion as assistant to Mr. Sheldrake (Fred MacMurray) but has second thoughts when he discovers they both have designs on the same woman (played by Shirley MacLaine). Admittedly this falls into that comedy/drama description but Lemmon’s performance has some pure comedy gold such as when he drains the spaghetti through his tennis his racket (yeah, you really have to see that to experience the full impact) and juggles his desk-size Rolodex to solve a “scheduling” problem. The movie won five Academy Awards including Best Picture and received nominations in three of the four performers categories, Best Actor (Lemmon), Best Actress (MacLaine), and Best Supporting Actor (Jack Kruschen). Lemmon lost his bid to Burt Lancaster in Elmer Gantry. (Although MacLaine’s acting was Oscar worthy,  she won’t appear in The Realies Top Ten for The Apartment as I consider her performance more dramatic than comedic but it was a great role in one of my favorite movies. And don’t worry about her, she’ll be back.)
 
3. Shirley MacLaine, Irma La Douce (1964). (She’s back!) Shirley MacLaine is reunited with Jack Lemmon in this adaptation of Marguerite Monnot’s and Alexandre Breffort’s musical for the French stage. Lemmon is a policeman fired from the force who falls in love with a prostitute, MacLaine’s Irma. In order to keep her from working he attempts to monopolize her time as the mysterious Lord X. All through the convoluted plot, amid bribery, lies, and a murder that didn’t happen, MacLaine provides the anchor for an otherwise exceptionally outrageous, and long (nearly 2-1/2 hours long!) farce. MacLaine agreed to the part without reading the script because of Lemmon’s and Director Billy Wilder’s involvement in the movie. Afterward, she did not like the final product and contrary to reviews at the time felt the movie was not among her best work. She was surprised to have been nominated for Best Actress but based on her own assessment probably wasn’t surprised that she lost to Patricia Neal in Hud.
 
1 (tie). William Powell and Carole Lombard, My Man Godfrey (1937). No I wasn’t getting tired when I got to this point. I really believe without the other,  neither would be this good and together they are the best. William Powell plays Godfrey, one of the depression’s “forgotten men,” a target of a society scavenger hunt. Carole Lombard as Irene Bullock convinces Godfrey to allow her to bring him in to mark her scavenger list complete. In gratitude, but without the knowledge of her family, Irene offers Godfrey a job as their butler. Godfrey accepts and smoothly makes the position his own. But he has a secret background and a secret mission. Carole Lombard perfected the role of screwball comedienne and is particularly screwy here. Powell brings an enjoyable sense of a diamond from the rough among the family more resembling the discarded shards from the diamond cuttting. The movie is a shining example of “they don’t make them like that anymore” in large part to there not being actors like that any more. Powell and Lombard were nominated for Best Actor and Actress and Mischa Auer and Alice Brady were nominated for Best Supporting Actor and Actress. It was a shame that none of the four won nor did it win in the other categories it was nominated, Best Director (Gregory La Cava) and Best Screenplay (Eric Hatch and Morris Ryskind). It remains a mystery that it was not even nominated for Best Picture. Powell lost to Paul Muni in The Story of Louis Pasteur and Lombard to Luise Rainer in The Great Ziegfeld.
 
There are my pick for the top nominated comedic performances. Obviously I have a preference for the older entries and I admit I have some favorites. The years represent the year the Oscar was awarded, not the movie’s release date.
 
If you are still reading, I congratulate you. This is a long post, but I bet it takes less time to read than some acceptance speeches will this year! Thank you for reading! Now go have a laugh or two.
 
 
 

Script Girl

February might be my favorite month. It’s certainly in the top ten. (I can do without March and its schizophrenic weather patterns and August’s unending humidity. The rest are okay.) February is among my favorites because of the Academy Awards. Quite honestly I don’t think I could possibly care less who goes home with an Oscar this year. I love February because of the old winners.

I love old movies and there is no better time to get a fill of them than in the month leading up to the Oscars. Whether your film love is for musicals, thrillers, book adaptations, war, epics, comedies, or tragedies you will find it on a small screen near you in February. February is when movie services and networks go all out to rake in the viewers with past nominees and winners. The good movies. The ones produced before Hollywood decided America needed a conscience and it was the perfect choice. These are the ones you watch and say to yourself, “they wouldn’t do that today.”

Something else about those old movies they don’t do today is the credits. (Hmm. Some things else are the credits?) I’ve bemoaned the state of movie credits before but it never rears its ugly head as much as now when the screens are filled with the elegance of crediting those who deserve credit and not every Tom, Dick, and Harriet who come close to the set or is close to the financiers.

Buried in those early credits is another thing “they wouldn’t do today.” Among the actors, director, producer, editor, cameraman, set designer, and costumer, almost always is “Script Girl.” Sexism notwithstanding, the title was gradually changed to Script Supervisor in the 60s and 70s, long before males entered the role. But for years, and as long as February remains Oscar Movie Month, for years to come, “Script Girl” was how the continuity expert was defined around the world. Literally.

AdmitOneJust over the weekend I was watching the 1974 Best Foreign Language Film winner, François Truffaut “Day for Night.” (Reading maybe as much as watching as my French comprehension was never as good as my high school grades suggested. Hooray for subtitles.) As the credits rolled (before the movie as they should be) after the acteurs, among the équipage, and before the producteur and the réalisateur was “Script Girl,” just like that, en anglais, capitalized, and in quotes.

And what does this “girl” do. At one time she or he, although then it was almost exclusively she would be the director’s secretary and would record information about how of each scene was shot, prompt actors, and often write notes to be used in publicizing the movie before it’s release. Today the Script Supervisor also keeps notes of wardrobe, props, set dressing, hair, makeup and the actions of the actors during shooting to assist the editor in maintain continuity during and between scenes. Thus when the hero enters a scene with a half full cup of coffee it doesn’t turn into a can of ginger ale 24 seconds later in the final cut.

I’d love to stick around longer and talk about old movies but there’s only 17 days left to February and my DVR is filling up. I have to catch up on some classics today.

The Price of Popcorn

“I’ll see your two small popcorns and raise you a medium soft drink.”

“You’re bluffing.  There’s your medium drink and I’ll raise you a soft pretzel.  With honey mustard.”

Over the past several years we’ve done remarkably well seeing all of the Academy Award nominees.  Not necessarily in the same year they are nominated, but eventually.  And we’ve done remarkably well seeing entertaining movies also.  They aren’t always the same you know.  But every so often there comes a critically acclaimed movie that ends up walking away with all the awards that we also like.  Those are the two- popcorns-two-drinks movies. And then there are those that everybody says we have to see so we do.  Usually they end up walking away with all the awards and frankly, we wouldn’t even waste the price of a box of Milk-Duds on all of them put together.

Sometimes the movies are the big hits.  And sometimes they are the big flops.  But hit or miss, we still go to see them.  And when we’re there we never go in without our popcorn.  We invite you to join us as we place value on today’s film offerings based on concession stand items.

It makes sense.  You can see a movie any day of the week, any time of the day and the price varies.  The movie doesn’t.  The winners are winners on Tuesday afternoon just as much as they are on Friday night. If it’s a dog, it barks every time it’s played.  First run, second run, it’s still either running away with it all or just running away.  Just because we have to pay $4.00 more after 4:00 it doesn’t get 40% better.  Nope, there is no correlation between the admission for a movie and how good is that movie.  So when some smarmy film critic says, “It wasn’t worth the price of admission” what admission are we to assume?

Yet with all the variances in how much a theater will charge to get you into the seat, they know their gold standard is what is so prominently displayed well before you make your way to those seats.  The concessions!  Popcorn is popcorn and it’s $10.00 for a medium one of them any show, any day, any time.  Not long ago we were at an afternoon showing of one of this year’s best picture nominees.  It was a matinee so we got in for the low, low price of $14.00 for the both of us.  Two small popcorns and drinks later, He of We had dug out another $20.00.  We were almost outraged that the snacks cost more than the main dish.  But a few weeks earlier we were at the evening showing of a movie that we enjoyed but will never have “Oscar Winner” on its DVD cover.  Admission for two?  $24.00.  Popcorn and pop for both?  $20.00.  Here we have our measure of comparison!  Not admission. 

We paid more for what was put out as fluff, marketed as fluff, and played as fluff than we did to see the award winning performance in a movie everyone has talked about since it was released months ago.  Had we watched those two movies on the opposite days and times that we did, would we have instead gotten what we paid for?  It’s too hard to tell.  Every mathematician will tell you that solving simultaneous equations went out with the IBM 200.  One variable.  Period.  And that variable is the movie.  For sure.

So here is our gold standard for clear movie worth.  If after you see the movie you first thought is, that wasn’t worth the price of the popcorn, you won’t be watching it when it comes out on your cable company’s Movies On Demand list.  Not even the free one.  On the other hand, if your initial reaction is “that was worth more than the biggest, saltiest, butteriest popcorn, I’ve ever had,” and you wish you had even more, you’ll be back next week for an encore. 

It only makes sense. The price of admission goes up, goes down, goes half-off, and gets the Entertainment Book coupon special all to put seats in those seats.  And it’s all to get you in the door. Once you’re through those doors they bring out the big gun. The ultimate money-maker. The true measure of entertainment success. Snack food!

That’s because sometimes the movie is the attraction, and sometimes it’s there just to accompany the popcorn.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?