Tag New

Does “NEW” Hate You Too?

Michael Leave a comment

Is it just me? I hate new stuff. No, I don’t live in the past. No, I don’t get buyer’s remorse. No, I’m not anti-progress. (Would that be antigress?) It’s that new stuff hates me so I just return the sentiment.

Let me start from the beginning. I got a new pan couple of weeks ago. I needed a good, all-purpose, use for anything, go from stove top to oven, can’t hurt it no matter how hard you try pan. So I got one. A top ranked, best buy, do it all carbon steel pan. It does everything it should do. It seasoned easily. Nothing sticks to it. Its construction was clearly well thought with a welded handle so there are no interior handle rivets and that handle is a perfect length and angle so it fits comfortably on top of the stove or inside the oven. It’s everything I wanted – and it hates me. It heats much faster than my old pan so I burnt everything I put into it for the first three days. It’s not too heavy but heavy enough that when I was using an older smaller pan and flipped an omelet I over compensated for the weight I didn’t have at the end of my arm and ended up having to clean half-cooked egg off of a textured ceiling. (While we’re at it, I hate textured ceilings also.)

Give me another two or three weeks and I’ll love my new pan but right now it hates me so I hate it. And I figured out I go through this with everything. I’ll get a new TV and I spend the first month with it adjusting the audio and picture settings. I got a new keyboard and experimented with every tone, tempo, and special effect before finally settling on the default settings. My new car is coming up on two years old and I still haven’t found just the right position for the seatback. New shoes – soles are too slippery. New book – pages stick together. New tablet – reset bookmarks. New pen – it’s probably easier to never write again! Seriously, is it just me?

Antigress? I think I’ll submit that as my nomination for best new word of 2016. I should start using it more now sto that by December I’ll be more comfortable with it.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

 

The Sport the Olympics Didn’t Think of

Michael 2 Comments

We happen to be on vacation this week (we’re sorry if it sounds like we’re bragging, we are) in a Caribbean island paradise.  As we were wandering the grounds we passed what could have been croquet balls.  “But where are the wickets?” She of We asked, surprising herself that she knew what those little wire things are called.   He of We thought perhaps they were bocce balls but were missing the little target ball.  Neither of We were surprised that neither of us knew what that is called.  As we headed down the lane trying to decide if we should lounge on the beach or at the pool we debated if these could become new Olympic sports.  (You debate what you want on vacation, we’ll debate what we want.)

After several false starts, underwater hand standing among them, we settled on bocce.  We were looking for something that had an even playing field and decided that, a la the Winter Olympics’ curling, almost nobody across the globe really knows much about bocce.  You can’t get much more even than that.  Next on our criteria list was a sport, again similar to curling, that the rules don’t help in understanding. Scoring was also a factor.  A quick trip through the Internet revealed scoring to be both complicated and confusing involving measurements, location, and order of play. We also decided that it should be a game that can be played over several days.  Since a single game of bocce can take an entire afternoon to play (we confirmed this by channeling dead Italian relatives), an entire tournament can last the entire 17 days of competition.  This is important since the scoring will be explained on television by commentators who know nothing about it and thus will give them ample opportunity to contradict themselves, once again not unlike those who comment on curling.  And finally, we decided that it was very important to select a new game that can be played rip roaring drunk since it will sprout bocce clubs all over the United States by the guys at the local bars who stayed up all the night before studying it in minute detail so they can be the bar expert on bocce.  These chosen ones may or may not be the same hardy souls who sprouted a curling club two years prior after the winter games.

And thus we present to the International Olympic Committee a sport that will keep television viewers up into the very early hours of the morning all over the world transfixed by the event nobody ever knew existed.  Ladies and gentlemen, we give to you the summer version of the winter signature event curling, Olympic Bocce!

Now, what is that little ball called?  Mario?  Giovanni?  Irving?  We’re going to have to read up on that.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?