Tag Love

Love thy neighbor – really?

Michael 9 Comments

Mother Theresa said, “Today, if we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Last week I wrote a post about humility and as I wrapped it up, I quoted Pope Leo. He said, “May no one think they have all the answers. May each person openly share what they have.” I opened that post with, “you can tell the measure of people by how they treat someone who can’t do anything for them.” Put them together and you have the essence of loving your neighbor.

Over the last 4 or 5 weeks, I’ve used my Monday posts to highlight the terrors of the current administration, ridiculing the current goldval office occupant as he has always done with his perceived enemies.

Incongruous isn’t it. One hand of mine calls for us to love thy neighbor, no exceptions. In fact, if you scroll to the bottom of this page, you’ll see a picture of a billboard that reads, “That “Love thy neighbor thing.” I meant it. —God.” My other hand does all it can to prove to whoever is within reading distance to see how strongly I don’t love that blot on mankind.

What do you think? Does He make exceptions? Should it be okay to not love someone who not only loves no one but himself but goes out of his way to destroy those who disagree with his lies and attempts to manipulate others to gain and increase his power and money.

Maybe it doesn’t matter, maybe as much as I want to say, “how does it hurt you if two men or two women want to live together?” there is someone else saying go me, “How does it hurt you is someone on the other side of the country wants to keep a closet full of guns?”  I suppose I could answer that as long as those guns stay in the closet, they can’t hurt me. Can you prove they are just as innocuous as if those two men are let out of the closet?

But then we’re back to “love thy neighbor – no exceptions.” Isn’t a righteous exception okay?

Surely there is precedent for such exceptions. If more people made the exception in 1931 would that have been enough to save the world of 14 years of evil, war, and genocide.

Surely that would have been righteous enough. Only who decides what is righteous? Or more to the point, I’m not that one. Are you?

All Gung Ho, err Gang Ho!

Michael 11 Comments

I was going through some articles I’ve saved and and ran across one from the Pittsburgh Magazine website from this May. The headline intrigued. Enough so that I saved the article to my reading list but not so intrigued that I actually read it. The headline in question…

… From Running Clubs to Naked Bowling, Pittsburghers Find Ways to Combat Loneliness.

I used to bowl a lot and I recall feeling naked if I wasn’t wearing an official bowling shirt, but I don’t think that was where this article was going. Curiosity finally overcame inertia and I decided to take a look at the words that came after those first dozen.

It was after the mention of the city’s Flood Club (which every city with three rivers running through its downtown should have) I came across this:

“We need gangs,” the novelist Kurt Vonnegut once said. Decades of research suggest he was right: In any given year, positive social connections can slash our chance of dying by roughly 50%. Without them, our risk of heart disease, depression and other ailments spike — health effects that Dr. Vivek Murthy, the nation’s former surgeon general, compares to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

“So yes,” said Vonnegut, “I tell people to formulate a little gang. And, you know, you love each other.”

Naked bowling, the 1936 St. Patricks Day flood, and now gangs. I want to say one of these things is not like the other but really, none of these things is like anything else. I was intrigued-er.

The article went on to say many of the same things we’ve said in our ROAMcare Uplift posts, only like how a professional would write them. People need people. And it went on to detail several third spaces where people needing people gather. Exercise clubs, activity clubs, sports clubs, even a naked bowling league.

The author talked about people needing and finding their people “in gangs of music lovers, movie lovers and lovers of Non-Boring Books. They’re craft-beer lovers and Sick of Drinking Millennials, Nerdy Ladies and Explorer Chicks, Toastmasters and introverts.” Wait. Toastmasters.

Not too long ago I was at a Toastmasters district level meeting. Over the course of this meeting (and just about any Toastmaster meeting beyond one’s home club), the question was asked “why do you continue being a Toastmaster?” I’ve heard many, many long-term Toastmasters answer that question and never have I heard one say, “so I can speak better,” or “so I can become a better leader,” even though those are both in our clubs’ missions.

The most common reason members hang around Toastmasters is because we meet, and associate with, and enjoy the company of others we’d never otherwise spend time with. My personal home club has members who are in finance, engineering, medical research, and restaurant management. They are self-employed, unemployed, semi-employed. They are from figuratively around the block and literally from around the world. There is a tutor, a screenwriter, an author, an investment broker, and one of me. And twice a month we get together and talk about everything but what we do.

We found what Vonnegut said we should look for. Our gang. A gang where we love each other and love being with each other for a half dozen hours a month. Gang ho!

 

 

Golden Oldies

Michael 17 Comments

I have an anniversary coming up. A silver anniversary. Rosemary and I will be together for 25 years this spring. I don’t bring her up too often in this blog, but you might remember me speaking of Rosemary on a couple occasions. She is my little red roadster, and is the longest adult relationship I’ve had.

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Have you been with any one, or any thing, for any appreciable length of time. We did an Uplift post at ROAMcare on long-lasting love. I was inspired to write it when I read an article in the local paper about how scientists have “figured out” what makes some relationships last. Actually the article had little to do with the headline. It was really a discussion about some scientific studies that are tracking the neural responses in long term relationship couples, but its bend, as is with much of what will pop up in the news in February, is toward romantic love, passion, and sexual attraction.

Considering we hadn’t read anything in mainstream media about the other 6 kinds of love, we thought we needed to point out that there are other long term relationships out there. Some even invovling people, like normal, regular, everyday people!

If you’d like to see what we had to say, pop on over and give But do you love me a quick read. While you’re there, consider joining the ROAMcare community and subscribe to have Uplift delivered to your email as soon as it hits the website. In addition to an Uplift release every Wednesday, you will also receive weekly our Monday Moment of Motivation and the email exclusive Flashback Friday repost of one of our most loved publications every Friday. All free and available now at ROAMcare.org.

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Not just the words

Michael 6 Comments

A show of hands please. How many have ever utter the words, “Yes dear.” Now an honest answer here. who envisioned a snarky retort when thinking of the last time you uttered that phrase. And yes, I am making an assumption that every one of us has been on the giving end of those words, and the receiving end too. 

But again, being honest about it, who hasn’t also said those words endearingly. You may have to think about when a little longer, but we’ve also all most probably given and received such a sentiment.

Words themselves mean little. They should mean little and rarely taken at face value. They are only there to convey feelings anyway. Sometimes, the feelings are strengthened by images. Sometimes, the images far exceed the feelings behind the word.

I discovered something like that a couple weeks ago. As I was preparing the New Year’s Day ROAMcare post when we associated 1960s ballads with daily resolution prompts to this year’s message, Live, Love, Share, I took a side trip to YouTube to refresh my memory of some of the music and lyrics. I ran across this version of “God Only Knows” put together by BBC Music from October of 2014. Although the song is a good one and the lyrics catchy, (and really do make a good daily living prompt because we really do know that God only knows what we’d do without each other, it’s the image of 32 artists and groups mingling their distinctive styles into a single beautiful performance that keeps playing over in my head.

I suppose I found a daily prompt for probably the rest of the year to encourage me to be a part of life and share my love. If the magic of the music doesn’t last, yesterday we suggested perhaps checking the obituaries for inspiration. Do whatever it takes to make it a year of love. God only knows what we’d do without it.

Isn’t it time to consider joining the ROAMcare community and subscribe to have Uplift delivered to your email as soon as it hits the website? In addition to an Uplift release every Wednesday, you will also receive weekly our Monday Moment of Motivation and the email exclusive Flashback Friday repost of one of our most loved publications every Friday. All free and available now at ROAMcare.org.

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Happy? New? Year

Michael 7 Comments

I really want to wish everyone a Happy New Year but already this year is proving to be not too happy and unfortunately, that’s nothing new. On top of the terrible tragedy in New Orleans in the early morning hours of January 1, the FBI uncovered what they are calling the largest collection of explosive devices in one location when they raided a farm outside Norfolk, Virginia. Those events on the heels of the burning of a woman in the New York City subway, 10 mass shootings between Christmas and New Year’s Eve killing 47 victims, and of course the murder of an insurance company CEO by a fruitcake turned folk hero who people are still defending in social media.

Truly the same old same old. We have not only not learned to become more compassionate as we hit the winter holiday season, typically noted for peace and joy, we seem to be relishing in causing pain and suffering, emboldened by a bully atmosphere still hovering over the land from the recent political carnage.

I won’t say I have all the answers but I have all the answers. We addressed them in yesterday’s Uplift post, Resolve to Live, Love, Share. We opened with, “Resolutions. January 1 we make them. January 2 we break them. January 3 we forget about them. We have a tip for you. Live 2025 like it was the 1960s.” I know, you’re going to say the 60s was the poster child decade for social unrest. But we say nay nay. The 1960s I remember is a time of hope with people calling for peace and love, not like today’s unruly crowds purposely antagonizing others. We present a novel concept to get people together – love. Love is the root of all that is good. It doesn’t have to be elegant, it doesn’t have to be momentous. It merely has to be and it can be its best when it is shared.

I would be thrilled if you took 3 minutes to read all of Live, Love, Share and then you yourself joined us in resolving to lose hostility and to love more. Let’s bring life back to the party – let’s bring love back to life!

While you’re over there, consider joining the ROAMcare community and subscribe to have Uplift delivered to your email as soon as it hits the website. In addition to an Uplift release every Wednesday, you will also receive weekly our Monday Moment of Motivation and the email exclusive Flashback Friday repost of one of our most loved publications every Friday. All free and available now at ROAMcare.org.

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A Thanksgiving Prayer and then some

Michael 1 Comment

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States. Others’ Thanksgivings was or will be likewise celebrated around the world. It doesn’t always seem that way, but really everybody is or at least should be thankful for something and most nations have managed to work in a holiday to legitimize the feeling.

I’m not sure when I first wrote the worlds in bold below. Something tells me 2011. That sounds right because pre-2013 I took more for granted that cause for gratitude.

At the time I said, “Sometime today while I think of all that I am thankful for I’ll manage to miss most of them. So will everyone else. Mostly we’re not bad people as much as clueless ones.” And then I offered this prayer that I since have found useful even on days that aren’t called Thanksgiving.

 

Heavenly Father, this is the day set aside to give thanks for Your surpassing goodness to human beings. Let me give proper thanks for my blessings  –  those I am aware of as well as those that I habitually take for granted. And let me use them according to Your will.

 

Happy Thanksgiving today and every day you think to be thankful.

Now I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention there’s another heartfelt Thanksgiving greeting on the Internet this week at the Uplift blog on ROAMcare. All you need to know to entice you to check it out is the title. Thanksgiving Love and Dysfunction.

That is all. Now go eat a turkey.

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one of one-plus

Michael 11 Comments

Last week I took a shot at regaling you with tales of spending a week in the hospital and coming home alone. Naturally the perfect followup to that would be (to take a shot at) regaling you with tales of spending that recovery week not quite alone. Yes, even though I made a big thing out of how hard it is to not be well and be alone, versus when you are a one of two, I wasn’t completely alone in my recovery week. Not quite not alone but definitely not alone.

I closed last week’s post with, “When one of two is missing, the void seems bigger than when one of one is gone. And when one of one returns, the welcome home is much less welcoming. I can probably write an entire post on that. Maybe I will someday.” Never to not pick up such a tempting gauntlet as that, I will accept my own challenge. Sort of.

First, to those who had asked, I am fine and anticipate I will grow even finer as the days march by. I made it through the first week out of the hospital without returning to the hospital and that’s not something I can say about all of my discharges. Fortunately, I had a lot of help. As I said, I was not completely alone last week. I had help. Not “one of two” help, maybe more like “one of one-plus.” Between my daughter and my sisters for some physical assistances and a handful of friends for mental, emotional, and at times even comical support, the week moved along faster than I figured it would.

It is a big boost when someone you typically connect with primarily through text messages makes time in her schedule to call at least once a day every day to check on how things are going. It is as big an aid to recovery as having someone stop in to do the heavy lifting portions of the never-ending household chores that one with a newly prescribed 5 pound lifting limit and prohibitions against bending and stretching cannot take on alone. Yes, it is not a secret that physical recovery does not happen, or happens very slowly, without mental and emotional recovery tagging along.

I recall that first discharge from so many years ago, the physical helpers were there but there was a distinct void where someone, some ones, or anyone who might call just to see how things were going could have been. What was most disheartening was that there should have been at least one someone, but the call that came rather than a message of support was of the “I didn’t sign up to be a nursemaid” type. And with it a rather rapid descent from the stratospheric one of two to the heartbreaking loneliness of a one of less than one.

Fortunately, over the years I discovered a handful of contenders willing to be part of my one of one-plus entourage. True, the other one of a one of one-plus won’t be there to help you into bed, or to wake you when your due for medication or a dressing change, or tell you, “Sit still! I’m perfectly capable of making us breakfast,” as I imagine the other one of one of two would, somehow it is easy to imagine they would if things might had been just a bit different. And a one of one-plus will always be there on the other end of a phone call or text message, or email, or even a card or letter when you least expect it, or at least when you least are thinking about it for a while and add to your emotional recovery.

The best one of one-pluses are those who take their role seriously, as seriously as a one of two partner would. Maybe even more. Let’s face it, a lot of one of two partnerships exist because of some compromise or even a little unspoken quid pro quo. Sometimes a lot of quid pro quo. A one of one-plus is more selfless and unconditional. There is nothing you are getting back for your love and concern except maybe someone’s love and concern. A friend of mine, a one of one-plus with me, said “Being one of one can be isolating. Being one of two is ideal. But being one of many makes a community. We all need each other and do better when we feel cared for and important to somebody.” I suppose if we put all my one of one-pluses together we can make a “one of many” community. (Now that might make for an interesting blog too. In fact, that sounds like just the thing we’d post at the ROAMcare blog, Uplift!  Maybe you should make a note in your calendar to check that out this Wednesday.)

Speaking of Uplift! In the latest post we wondered, if “In case” added to your declaration is a positive account of caution and a potential response to a situation, is “just in case” just a poor excuse for a poor choice? Read it here to see what we had to say about that.

Hey, here’s an extra thought if you know someone who could use a hand and you’re feeling one-plus-like. Dinners that can be heated and eaten are great but think outside the oven. Rides to labs or tests are great stress relievers and don’t often run unpredictably late like a doctor appointment may. And back in the food arena, if your someone is a big breakfast eater, a prepared morning meal is just as appreciated, if not more than an evening meal. A French toast casserole, or stack of frozen waffles makes a nice change for someone who may be too unsteady in the morning even to work a bowl of microwave oatmeal. My best meal “gift” ever was a bag of frozen breakfast burritos my daughter worked up. A few minutes in the microwave and a cup of yogurt with fresh fruit and I had a breakfast that kept me well through lunch and the only thing I needed to work was a spoon.

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All you need…

Michael 10 Comments

You certainly have noticed that at the end of each post I include a teaser to the current ROAMcare blog. From the ROAMcare website we explained how I and my co-founding partner are attempting to help people “bridge the gap from existing to living and refresh your enthusiasm for life!” We aren’t special any way.  We are ordinary people who have a desire to live what years we have in positivity and to invite others to join us in that endeavor. Our blog posts are drawn from our experiences.

Last week’s message resounded with me more deeply than any we had yet published. It is the essence of bridging the gap from existing to living. Like so many of the most profound concepts, it’s strength lies in its simplicity. If I was to write a teaser for this blog it would be,“As we begin February and almost everybody’s first thought is of love, let us consider those we love with all types of love, and tell them we love them.”

Today I’m going to do something I’ve never done.Instead of a teaser to the current post I am reprinting it in its entirety. I feel the message is so needed to be heard by as many people as possible. If you would like to share the message please do. If you should, I only ask that you attribute it to ROAMcare.org. The original post can be found at https://www.roamcare.org/post/three-little-words

Thank you!

Three Little Words

The Oxford English Dictionary lists over 750,000 words in the English language. There are about 171,000 words in common usage. According to a 2007 article in the journal Science, Mathias Mehl and others reported the average American adult speaks about 16,000 words a day. Of all those words, we don’t use many of them to convey our most important messages. Perhaps that is because we only have one word for the most important message of them all – love.

As we begin February, almost everybody’s first thought is of love. For as much that goes on during this, the shortest month of the year, Valentine’s Day holds a lot of attention. Valentine’s Day indeed is for lovers. But love is for so many more!

Humans are social beings. We relish, in fact we need to be with and interact with other humans. Our connections with each other are often born of need but grow because we want to explore and deepen those connections with other individuals, certain individuals. All of those connections are some form of love. The Greeks did it well. They coined seven different words for love, one for each type of love – Romantic, Affectionate, Familial, Selfless, Playful, Committed, and Self love, Eros, Philia, Storge. Agape, Ludus, Pragma, and Philautia respectively. Each type of love exhibits its own characteristics, but no one is more important, more special, more “loving” than any other. And yet, we seldom hear people verbally express their love for others except in the case of Romantic or sometimes Familial love. We are more likely to tell others we love our jobs, we love pizza, we love to travel, or we love swimming, than we are to tell our best friend, “I love you.”

Love is a source of motivation and strength for us as individuals. All types of love can induce the release of dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine, the so-called “feel-good chemicals.” But to affect that release, a relationship with a specific other person must be realized. Simplistically speaking, each form of love demonstrates a specific relationship. Eros involves a physical connection with others. Pragma is characterized by an emotional connection with another. Agape is known by its selfless, almost one-way flow of compassion and concern. But there is no pure form of each love. Some characteristics of each of the seven types of love can be found in all of the seven types of love. And thus, any love can improve a person’s self-worth, build trust, or strengthen family and social ties.

Another trait of humans is the need for physical contact. Reported by the National Institutes of Health is a 1995 study on the significance of physical contact that proposes four hugs per day as an antidote for depression, eight hugs per day to achieve mental stability and twelve hugs per day to possibly affect real psychological growth. We see people engaging more universally in hugging throughout the seven love spectrum. Family members hug each other, care givers hug their charges, friends hug their friends!

We suggest that hugging is an outward sign of love. People respond positively to hugs just as they would to any other indication they are loved, whether a kiss, a physical touch, a clasped hand-shake, a warm smile, or a verbal acknowledgement that they are loved – being told, “I love you!!”

As we begin February and almost everybody’s first thought is of love, let us consider those we love with all types of love, and tell them we love them. If we’re willing to say so to a large pizza it should be easy to admit it to our loving, living connections, no matter what type of love we feel for them. It’s just three little words out of so many you will say today.

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Put Giving into your Thanksgiving

Michael 4 Comments

Several of you made the trip to the ROAMcare site to read last week’s blog, For the People Who Love Us into Being. There’s a second part to that just in time for Thanksgiving and I thought you might like to see it through. Briefly it says, “It is better to give than receive but just what do we give? How about us! Give thankfully knowing by giving yourself you could be loving somebody into being.” I would be honored if you read it all at Put the Giving into Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Used with permission

On being loved into being

Michael 6 Comments

I was working in adapting a post I wrote for my foundation site for here because, well, because I think it’s really good and would make a great lead up to Thanksgiving blog post. I thought after what we as country just went through having to experience the childishness that accompanied s years general election, that a word from someone who worked so successfully with children is just what the doctor ordered. So I ordered it.

And then Colorado Springs happened. You’ve heard of that incident. Five dead. Nineteen wounded. One nut case up with a f-ing assault rifle destroys the dreams of 24 People because he has a “right” to carry an assault weapon into a crowd and start firing. Of course you know that same day in Philadelphia, Mississippi nut case or nut cases unknown shot seven people, killing one, over a dice game.

If you’re keeping score, those are mass shootings #26 and 27 in the US for the month of November. Not the year – for November’s, which still has 10 days to go. One of them is Thanksgiving. Are you still thankful we have the “right” to carry guns at will? Maybe this will help. How are 602 mass shootings for this year.

It’s time to stop this madness.

The  post that  I was going to rework, you can read it here. And actually if I were you I would. It’s a whole lot happier and more positive than this dreck.

The theme running through that post is based in an idea voiced by Fred Rogers in his acceptance speech for the Lifetime Achievement Award, bestowed to him at the 24th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards in 1997, “All of us have special ones who loved us into being.” What a wonderful way of thinking of how we have become who we are, that there are people who have loved us into being. Gratitude is not, and should not, be an exercise is saying thanks for what we have, for in truth we will not always have. We should be expressing thanks because we are, because even when we do not have, we always will be.

Maybe the nut cases of the world didn’t have anybody to love them into being. We did. Be grateful. Be grateful you have people who have loved you into being. Say thank you to them, because without them, you are not the who you are.

Seriously, do yourself a favor, go read it. It will take you less time to read than you’ve spent reading this junk that I’ve written here.  Go find out about this idea of being loved into being. And then go out and love somebody that much.

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Used with permission