It’s a miracle

This will be my last post before the the western chunk of the Christian world begins Lent. Because I am part of that chunk, I thought today’s post should reflect some of the Lenten spirit. I hold a special spot in my heart for Lent, not because I am one who particularly enjoys suffering, but because I do enjoy miracles.

Ask most people to explain it, whether they do or do not celebrate Lent, they will respond with the simple, and simplistic, response, “oh, that’s when you give up something.” True enough, for those who never progressed past their kindergarten level catechism class, sure, that’s Lent. It’s something to do. In the Catholic world, we approach it with a near slogan observation that we celebrate Lent through prayer, fasting, and almsgivimg. Without getting into an extended theological discussion of the origins and meanings of each of those Lenten activities, let’s just stipulate that it is a better description than “when you give up something.” So where is this miracle?

Although many would like to believe Lent is there so we know when to celebrate Mardi Gras, there is a more prescient reason for Lent. Lent is a 40 day journey, from Ash Wednesday through Holy Thursday, of self control, self discipline, and preparation for the resurrection of Jesus on Easter. It’s a faith thing. There’s no explanation, other than to do it because we believe. And if we prepare ourselves well, we can participate in that miracle, the miracle of the Resurrection. Of new life.

If you had asked me to explain Lent eleven years ago, I likely would have answered, “oh that’s when you give up something.” If you had asked me three years ago, I likely would have answered, “hmm, let me get back to you on that.” Why? What was going on during those seven years? I am certain there are little miracles happening every day. Most of us are too human to notice them. There are some big miracles happening every day and we still may not notice them. Please sit back, and join me on a Lenten journey and see if we can spot a few miracles along the way.

Twenty-two years ago I was diagnosed with a condition we now call Granulomatosis with polyangiitis (GPA), then called Wegener’s Disease. At that time, before most of the current, common treatments had been developed, the mortality rate was between 28% and 45% at 12 months, the wide range due to different organ involvement. The current treatments, which have resulted in a close to 97% survival rate, were not commonly used until the 2010s. That I lived ten years to make it to the current treatment landscape is a miracle and an opportunity that I could live life anew. Of course, that was when I was young and stupid and was certain it just ”wasn’t my time.”

In January 2013 I was diagnosed with bladder cancer, “regional,” or what in other cancers may be tagged as stage 2, that is cancer that has progressed to other nearby structures or organs. The surgeries I underwent to clear the cancer were long and not without complications, such that I spent most of the first year after surgery in the hospital. The 5 year survival rate for regional bladder cancer is 38%. That I lived to make it to 2018 was a miracle, but I was slightly older and angry and “I had more to worry about than just cancer.”

In 2018 I was undergoing the first of the requirements to determine if I might be a candidate for a kidney transplant. By then I had been on dialysis for a little over 2 years, complications of GPA and probably not helped by having had an entirely new bladder and “removal” system rebuilt from other parts of me. The what seemed like endless orders of tests and procedures all had to be scheduled around the three days a week I was attached to the dialysis machine when I’d watch my blood flow out of me through one tube, and back into me through another after having had done to it whatever the magical combination of salts and electronics did to it while it was inside the machine. But tested and processed I was and a year later I had my transplant. The day after Memorial Day 2019 I was in the hospital and 2 days later functioning quite nicely without the help of my thrice weekly companion, the dialysis machine. And that lasted for 2 more days after that. Then blood clots set in. Unable to be cleared by drugs or surgeons, and at risk for even greater complications, the decision was made to remove the transplanted kidney and return me to dialysis. If I lived that long. And by the middle of June of 2019 I was back to the clinic, visiting my old friends more often than I wanted. But then something happened. Test results came back with unexpected results, output returned to almost normal levels. By the end of the year doctors were conferring regularly about “my case” and on January 21, 2020, I had my last dialysis session, displaying a far from normal but still quite adequate renal function courtesy of my one remaining “old” kidney. The doctors cited a lot of technical possibilities but most were happy explaining it as a miracle. Three times in twenty years I had been given chances of rebirth into a new life. This time I sat up and paid attention.

So am I approaching Lent as “that’s when you give up something,” or will I more likely use it to seek ways to follow my God more faithfully, and prepare for the miracle of Resurrection and a chance to again begin a new life with Jesus? I’ll take the miracle please.


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Lost: One Part of Me

I’ve had a hard time getting this post started. If I say what’s on my mind I have to open myself up some. But then, that’s the point of blogisery, isn’t it? It’s not that I haven’t made myself quite clear on things that I like, things I don’t, and how I feel on the myriad of stuff in between. But not so much about me.

I’m closing in on the end of my Lent, a lot of people’s Lent, and there should be some reflection going on now. We’ve been taught that Lent is a time for prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. Prayer happens as a matter of course. Fasting in America seems to be more centered on “what did you give up for Lent?” rather than understanding to use the time you are fasting from one thing to spend on time in prayer or giving. Almsgiving used to be easy when I was flush. I gave away more money than some people made in those forty days. And then…

Here’s where the reflection starts. As I was closing in on the last week of Lent I started to think of what I had done. Not much it seems. When I had to leave my job for health reasons three years ago I thought it was just a bump in the road. A little time off and I’d be back and all would be normal. A year went by and I had put in, aptly enough, about 40 days of work before I was back in the hospital. Another year and although I had three attempts at returning I spent no time on the job. The third year and I didn’t so much as not try as accepted that I can’t live that life any longer. Each year the giving of money, time, and self shrank.

While I was asking myself what I had done for Lent this year I could say that I prayed. More than on most days. Fasting was easy, I’ve had a few years practice on simplifying my life already and probably for the first time that I can recall I used the time that I would have otherwise been engaged in whatever in prayer, sort of like you’re supposed to. But I gave nothing. Some clothes to the St. Vincent dePaul Society. No big contributions to the church. Nothing to any charities. No help for any causes. I didn’t have it to give. I couldn’t even give time with half of my week tied up at dialysis. OK, so 3 days out of seven. And on the days I’m not there I’m gathering up strength for the next day I am there.

I used to so look forward to the Lenten season. Odd, perhaps. I guess it’s actually Easter and the traditions surrounding it that I look forward to but you can’t have Easter without Lent. Something about the solemnity of Lent and the crescendo reached on Easter Sunday is so different from anything else. For me, not being able to take complete part in all the season is like I’ve lost part of me.

Maybe in three days I’ll feel completely different. But today this is what I was thinking and that’s what I type when the time to type comes. Isn’t that the point of blogisery?

That’s what I think. Really. How ’bout you?