Ode to a toaster oven

May 15, 2023May 16, 2023Michael 10 Comments

Let’s say you’re the not yet born offspring of parents who already have a young boy and girl. I know, I know. That’s a very traditional and somewhat old fashioned and arbitrary gender assignment, but stay with me for a while. You hear these parents discussing your future.

“We already have one of each. What are we going to do with another of either?”

“Maybe if we try hard, we can make it something else.”

“What else could there be?”

“Well, it’s the twentieth century. Surely there is room for a third option. Perhaps a blend.”

“Yes, yes perhaps so, and don’t call me Shirley.”

I imagine that is how the toaster oven was invented. (Okay, so I have a pretty vivid imagination. How do you think it came about?)

I can almost hear this conversation in the appliance aisle of any big box or discount department store. “Stay away from that shelf. We already have a toaster and an oven. Why would anybody want to clutter their counter with something that’s not quite either and not quite different?”

Well, I’m here to tell you, there are lots of reasons why. Warming croissants, reheating home made pot pies, roasting chicken breasts, even toasting bagels. All sorts of things too large for a toaster (which might work well for drying out a slice of bread) or too small to warrant turning in the oven (which works best as a storage space for large pots and pans that modern kitchen designers fail to make space for), and aren’t cold coffee (which the reheating of is the real and only reason to own a microwave oven).

I personally think the toaster oven is the unsung hero of kitchenism, and since this is my blog, I get to decide who are legitimate heroes and that kitchenism is a legitimate word. Really, when you think of all the money that goes into kitchens, why isn’t more spent on toaster ovens. Money? When you think of all the thinking that goes into kitchens, why isn’t more spent on toaster ovens.

Almost nobody thinks about toaster ovens. If you do an internet search for the “history of toaster ovens,” you will turn up a lot of responses for “toasters” but none for “toaster ovens.” On the other hand, if you just search “toaster ovens” you will get hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, and a couple more, models to buy. They will sell you it but not tell you about it. Seems rather mercenary to me.

Oh, the poor toaster oven gets less respect than Jack Roy. (Go ahead, look it up. I’ll wait.)

(Welcome back.)

The keys to successful and happy life are to concentrate on the little things, stay interested in what you love and sweat the small stuff! In the most recent Uplift! we explore way to do just that! (Approximate reading time – 2 minutes)

Land of Plenty

February 26, 2018February 26, 2018Michael 7 Comments

I have seen the Land of Plenty and it doubles as my apartment. It’s closing in one three years that I downsized from a 2000+sq.ft. house to a 700sq.ft. apartment and it was time to take stock of that which I decided was worthy of making the change with me. So I did and I discovered that I should have put downsize in quotes.

Clothes are easy. If you haven’t worn it in a year you’re not going to wear in another. Tuxedos excluded. But how do you know when it’s time to let go of those bath towels. I don’t know how I decided which towels to bring with me on the move but however it was it was not well thought out. I ended up with 14 bath towels in my linen closet; there are also 12 hand towels and 14 wash cloths. (No, I don’t have an explanation for the discrepancy. Just go with it.) I can change full towel sets every day and not be concerned with having to do a load of bath linens for half a month.

Bed linen seems to have actually grown since my life reduction. Still I am the proud owner (ok, I am the owner) of seven complete sheets sets each with 4 pillow cases, two comforters, 4 blankets, and two dust ruffles. I know men who can’t even recognize a dust ruffle. Why do I have two? That might have been appropriate for a three bedroom house but for a single bedroom hovel, per sleeping space I probably outpace some major hotel chains.

KitchenTools The kitchen hasn’t been spared its own review. There I’ve had the benefit of slowly transferring pieces to my daughter whenever she says things like “I really need a new blender,” and I can come back with “Before you go to Target you can have one of mine.” Even shifting a blender off to her I still have two (one standard, one immersion). I also still have two food processors and two slow cookers even though she has taken possession of one of each of those, and for some reason I have two coffee makers.

Somehow the number and sizes of my pots and pans are appropriate but the kitchen tools are out of control. Do I really need three potato mashers? I rarely even eat potatoes. How many slotted spoons should grace one small kitchen? If the answer is four I have just enough. Spatulas, turners, and spoons fill two utensil crocks on the small counter. One drawer holds three zesters, two peelers, and a garlic press.

Even the glassware hasn’t escaped consideration for further reduction. A man who doesn’t drink does not need a complete set of 4 each red and white wine glasses, champagne flutes, and martini, rocks, and pilsner glasses. And an ice bucket.

Yes I think it’s time for another elimination round. There’s always the tried and true garage sale. I certainly have enough to make for an interesting afternoon of browsing for some people. I could donate them all to the local St. Vincent dePaul Society. If I did I’d not ask for a receipt for taxes or I’d certainly be setting myself up for an audit down the road. I could post them for sale on line but then I’d have to worry about taking pictures and shipping or meeting a complete stranger in a parking lot to hand over a stir fry pan. No I think the easiest thing to do is just leave them all where they are and let my heirs fight over them when I’m gone.

By then they should be museum quality antiques.

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Photo: Jeff Mock via WikiMedia Commons

TRRSB Extra: Say World Trade Center terrorist attack and your first thought probably goes to Sept 11, 2001. But that wasn’t the first terrorist attack on the New York skyscraper. That came 25 years ago today on 26 February 1993 when 15 people conspired and parked a rental van packed with 1200 pounds of explosives in the parking garage beneath the towers. Six people including a pregnant woman were killed and over 1,000 injured in the blast that also caused over $590 million in damage.

The FBI called the van bomb the “largest by weight and by damage of any improvised explosive device that we’ve seen since the inception of forensic explosive identification.” The World Trade Center’s sprinklers, generators, elevators, public address system, emergency command center, and more than half of the incoming electricity lines to the buildings were destroyed in the attack.

Sometime today please take a moment to remember the victims of the forgotten attack on the World Trade Center.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

July 21, 2014Michael 2 Comments

Last week He of We’s toaster didn’t. Oh it did once, turning an English Muffin into a piece of charcoal. What turned an English Muffin into a briquette one day couldn’t even warm bread on the days after. It was such a good toaster for so long. As long as you remembered to set the desired doneness at three-quarters of the way to max and then cycle your bread product through twice, it would return a piece of toast crisp and golden. And now it’s all gone. Actually, it’s still there on the counter pretending to be a small appliance but it’s quite gone as far as being a useful kitchen tool is concerned.

If there was a time that a toaster should stop toasting, this is it. All of the stores that would ply small kitchen equipment are starting their Back to School Sales. Yes, it’s only partway through July but Back to School is the sale of the season. We suppose if they don’t start now the big Christmas sales might get pushed all the way to October and they’ll not be able to get their Thanksgiving sales started much before September thus leaving Columbus Day challenging Labor Day for the August sales.

It’s odd that toasters would be on the Back to School sale list but they are. And they are accompanied by single serve coffee makers, smoothie makers, and the Soda Stream. If we look at the average college student we’re going to find someone whose drink preferences include multiple cups of coffee before getting out of bed in the morning, nothing that was once a fresh fruit or vegetable, or any bubbly beverage without alcohol – hence the requirement for multiple cups of coffee before getting out of bed in the morning. These seem to be the sort of things that wistful parents would pack for their returning collegians. So they get bought, schlepped to campus, and then brought back in the spring.

The same goes for all the office supplies purchased and packed. Color-coded highlighters and notebooks (the paper kind, not the mini-laptop that’s been supplanted by the tablet – the electronic kind, not the stack of bound paper) are good ideas for those who use highlighters and notebooks. There must be at least a few. Pens, pencils, rulers, compasses, (compi?), and hand-held calculators seem to scream “Don’t buy me. I’m from a different era. Use your back to school money on a new X-Box instead.” We’re not sure that the average college student even knows how to use a stapler remover.

Back to the appliances, little refrigerators and microwaves are always on the Back to School sale lists but most schools now provide those in their dorms probably to keep the total daily campus wattage somewhere below what the local power plant produces. But little refrigerators and microwaves are still going to be on sale so Dad can finish his bar and Mom can update the kitchen while the kids are gone.

We don’t know why toasters still make the list. But they do. And we’re glad of it because now he can save 15% on his new one. And he doesn’t even have to keep a C-average to guarantee it will stay with him next year.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.