Tag Inspiration

I Participated

Michael Leave a comment

I was working on a blog post for the foundation when a thought occurred to me. Let me give you some background. That post is about the carrots and the sticks we use on ourselves. It began with a package sent to a friend. When I asked a few days later what she thought of it she said that she hadn’t opening it but was saving it as a reward for herself when she completed a project she was working on. And there that post begins down the trail of why we incentivize our happiness with promises of work completed rather than the other way around. If you want to see how that ends, it will hit the ROAMcare website in a couple weeks. Until then, let me tell you some of the things I thought that I didn’t write.

You see, days went by, a week went by, then a week and some days went by and then project was not much nearer completion than before the first days that had gone by. The project ran into snags. Other work encroached. Another job came up. The package remained unopened.

Perhaps this is something we’ve learned along the way to becoming mature adults. As children we were likely subject to bargains such as “If you get ready for bed I’ll come in and read you a story,” or “You can have dessert when you eat all your vegetables.” As we got older, we may have heard, “You can get a driver’s license when you get better grades,” or “You can go to the dance when you can buy your own dress/suit/dancing shoes.” Even as adults we tell ourselves things like “I’ll take a break when I finish this order.” We’ve grown up with the enticement of a reward for completing a task.

The all wise and famous “They” say a mark of maturity is to be able to defer gratification. Another sign of maturity is unconditional respect for others. “They” don’t say what to do when the objectives conflict. If you decide you that you won’t make your favorite dessert until you complete a project and if the project completion Is delayed, only your joy is interrupted.  When another enters the equation is it fair to defer their gratification also, to take away their joy when they cannot assist on the side of the equation to improve the situation. Or is that when respect trumps deference.

The point of the blog that someday will appear on the ROAMcare site is that decision should never have to be made. We should not go through life bargaining with ourselves to be able to enjoy life.

image0There are still those who feel participation awards for children eliminates their sense of accomplishment when there are no winners or losers. The argument may be valid on a baseball diamond or tennis court, but not in life. In life, living is the reward. There is no part of life that is a reward for doing something. The reward is being able to do something because you have mastered how to enjoy life. When my life is over and I look back at what I have done, I will feel much better being able to say I participated and not worry so much much if I won.

If you haven’t had a chance to visit ROAMcare yet, stop by, refresh your enthusiasm and read our blogs or check out the Moments of Motivation archives. Everybody is always welcome,

Bee Present

Michael 5 Comments

Do you ever do something and surprise yourself at how profound you are? Me neither, but I did something that really had me thinking for a few days. I kept saying to myself “Yeah, that’s me, damn it. I can do better!”

Many of you know that in an alternate universe I am co-founder of an education foundation, more life and self-preservation than education but you have to slot these things somewhere. One of our routines is a weekly social media fixture, A Moment of Motivation, in our words, “small doses of positivity.” (I came up with that!)

Motivation Posts (50)Let me tell you, it’s hard work to build up to a single motivating moment. In preparation for this morning’s release, I drafted the first iteration of image and theme: Be Kind, Be Present, Be Grateful.

Then started the series of texts back and forth. (You want motivation? You have to be motivated to work together when you’re separated by 2100 miles and three time-zones. But that’s a different story.) After discussion, major changes, minor refinements, lots word-smithing, my partner and I settled on: Don’t Be a Busy Bee – Bee in the Present. Now with an image and theme it was up to me to come up with a motivating message to accompany it. Here is the final form:

Motivation Posts (52)“Life is a busy place. We come here every morning and start the day with a mental list of things to do.
Meetings meals, classes, jobs, tests, housework, work work…stop! 
Stop doing and start being!
Sit, pray, meditate, experience nature, see the people around you. Be part of the world.
Stop making a living. Start making a life.
Be present!”

Now if you ask me, I say that’s excellent advice. Boy I wish I had thought of that forty years ago! Even without “work” I start each day asking myself, “What am I going to do today?” Did I learn anything from my experiences? Maybe from the experience of getting it wrong. How often as a young professional did I tell my young family, “See you later, I have a meeting. No nothing to do with work but the right people will be there and I have to make myself seen.” Or not thinking twice about taking on the extra project at work because it will look good on the resume. “So what if it means staying home and not joining everyone for a week at the shore? When will a chance like this come again?” What seemed like a justification for doing the work are the very same words I wish I had use to talk myself out of that work. Even today I tend to skew everything in terms of “what may be” rather than in the “what am I,” always looking at what could happen if I do or don’t do something, say or don’t say something, go or not go somewhere. Yes, we need to plan, we need to set goals and we need to be certain we do the things that will keep us around for a long time for those who love and need us. But we need to also see that the most important thing is why we are, not the who or what we are.   

We cannot simply concentrate on the task, like the bees setting out to gather nectar. Nor can we sit on the outside waiting for something to happen. We have to immerse ourselves in everything around us. We are part of the beauty of the world, and we are loved for that. Not for the work we accomplish or the words we write. We are loved because we are us. We belong because of who we are. When you wake tomorrow and ask yourself, “What am I going to do today?” make the first item on the to do list, “sit, pray, meditate, and experience,” and then repeat as necessary.

Stop making a living. Start making a life. Don’t be so busy. Be present!

(If you have the urge please follow us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn at @roamcare or visit our website http://www.roamcare.org)

Unsubscription of the Day

Michael Leave a comment

Before there were jokes of the day or meditations of the day there were Dial a Laugh and Dial a Prayer.  If you were feeling down you could call for a smile or an inspirational pick me up.  Now we can enjoy inspiration in our inboxes every day by way of a joke, recipe, song, home decorating tip, deep discount air fare, fashion accessory, sports trivia, or even a prayer of the day. No need to wait until you need help dealing with life, life’s little boosts come to you. Directly. At no charge to you.

The thing about free anything, particularly something free that you can get every day of every week, is that they end up costing something. But not you. To you the subscriber the most expense you incur is the time it takes to scroll around or to read the ads that come with the daily encouragement. No, this isn’t a rant about ads. Ads are fine. I like ads. Ads will buy my old folks home space someday. Ads make the world go ‘round. And it’s because of this that I had this thought pop into my head three weeks ago.

What popped was “Really?” and what made it pop was “If you want to continue receiving this email, please click here.” The email in question is one of the ubiquitous OTDs. The question was, “Really? Well that’s a new one,” which I guess really isn’t a question but literary license and all that. What it definitely was though, it was a first. Usually you have to do almost anything you wouldn’t want to do in front of your parents to get out of an email subscription that you once actually asked for. If you are lucky enough to find among the message’s fine print a link to unsubscribe it usually takes you to a series of questions verifying your unwise selection (You are about to have your name PERMANENTLY removed. Are you sure you want to do this?) then respond to several confirming emails with links that take you to more veiled queries regarding your decision making and ultimately your sanity. Nobody lets anybody go from a subscription list. Those are the numbers that advertisers live by. They are literally the lifeblood of the OTDers.

So when I saw this email, this special email sent separate from the daily delivery of inspiration, I knew it was an experiment in the making. If anything, one would have thought that the email would have said that they needed to confirm their list and if I no longer wanted to receive it I should respond, but this was a whole new bag of beans. (Look, somebody has to make up new idioms and someday when “bag of beans” is old hat you’ll be able to say that you read it first.) Personally, I didn’t care if I got that daily gem or not so I didn’t “click here.” About a week later I got another email reminding me that I hadn’t yet responded to their previous inquiry and if I wanted to keep receiving their pearls of wisdom I should “click here.” Again I didn’t. Now two weeks after that I’m still getting my daily missives.

Well the joke is on them. I’m getting what other people have to actually go out and ask to get and I didn’t have to do anything for it. How’s that for pulling one over on them. Hehehe.