Kindness Is Not an Option

 

Two big things happened in my general part of the country this past weekend. Pennsylvania celebrated 143 Day for the entire weekend and the city of Toledo, Ohio renamed its airport The Eugene F. Kranz Toledo Express Airport. Gene Kranz was the director of NASA mission operations, noted for the modern mantra, failure is not an option, and 143 Day was inspired by America’s favorite neighbor, Fred Rogers. Naturally these two belong in the same discussion. Don’t they?


MrRogers_ImagineWhatOurIf I had to make a list of the Top Ten People to Ever Walk the Face of the Earth, Pittsburgh native Fred Rogers would be high on that list. He lived for kindness and his type of kindness is returning to vogue, especially now that the generation that mocked him, his quiet, unassuming manner, and his gentleness to everybody, is now having grandkids and their favorite expression is “why can’t you be nicer?” Mr. Rogers didn’t love everybody regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, or gender identity. Mr. Roger loved everybody. Period. His mantra, “I like you just the way you are,” ended every one of his 912 shows. “You’ve made this day a special day, by just your being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you, just the way you are.”

If I had to make a list of the Top Ten People to Ever Walk the Face of the Earth, Toledo native Gene Kranz would be high on that list. As the division chief for the Apollo missions, Gene Kranz was in the midst of it all at the time of NASA’s Apollo 1 disaster that took the lives of Astronauts Gus Grissom, Ed White, and Roger Chafee. He told his assembled team during the aftermath while several investigations were ongoing, that although he had no knowledge then of what the investigations would determine to be the cause, “…I know what I find. We are the cause! We were not ready! We did not do our job.” He further went on to say that from then on, “Flight Control would be known by two words, Tough and Competent.” To him, tough equaled accountable, and competent meant to be never short on knowledge and skill.

Fred Rogers used 1-4-3, his favorite number, as his special code for “I Love You” based on the number of letters in each word. He once said, “Imagine what our real neighborhoods would be like if each of us offered, as a matter of course, just one kind word to another person.” Putting those two together, 143 and offering a kind word to somebody, the Pennsylvania Department of Community and Economic Development in 2019 established 143rd day of the year (May 23 most years) as ‘143 Day In PA,’ and even created a tracker on their website asking people to report when they did something nice for someone.

genekranzGene Kranz was the Flight Director for Apollo 11 and Apollo 13. Apollo 11 is known for its success, landing two men on the moon and meeting President John Kennedy’s 1962 challenge to reach the moon before the end of decade. Apollo 13 is known for its inflight disaster, potentially losing another full Apollo crew, when faulty wiring caused a spark and explosion that caused the spacecraft to lose its oxygen supply. Rather than a moon mission it became a survival mission, racing the clock to return the astronauts to earth before their oxygen ran out. Those who read the book or saw the movie know the Flight Control team took accountability for the disaster and used their knowledge and skill to bring the flight crew safely home.

Time magazine recently published an article suggesting 143 Day should become a national holiday. In the article they quoted from a Pew Research Center study and reported, “nearly 90 percent of Americans think it’s possible to improve our confidence in one another. Their prescription, it turns out, is a simple one: neighborliness.” One of those polled in the study was quoted, “Get to know your local community. Take small steps towards improving daily life, even if it’s just a trash pick-up.” The magazine’s recommendation to make it a recognized national holiday rather than an informal day of remembrance would make a dedicated date as a permanent reminder for kindness, “even if just for one day.” They conclude the article with the thought that a national 143 Day can be, “A day not to accept every neighbor’s views, or to abandon accountability, or to sacrifice justice at the altar of being kind, but instead to do the most difficult work there is: loving thy neighbor exactly as they are.”

After the Apollo 1 fire and his meeting with the Flight Control team, Gene Kranz instructed his team to write on their office blackboards, “Tough” and “Competent” and to never erase them. “They are the price of admission to Mission Control,” he said. Tough and Competent may have been reserved for his inner team but the outside world may more readily remember another statement by Gene Kranz. Failure is not an option. As is so common of these things, even though Mr. Kranz used the phrase for his autobiography, he did not originate the phrase. It was coined by a screenwriter working on the “Apollo 13” movie project. He did live the phrase however, and his life and work epitomizes true leadership: dedication to excellence beyond self.


Fred Rogers may never be remembered with a national celebration of 143 Day and Gene Kranz may never have another airport dedicated to him, but both men have otherwise long resumes of competence, compassion, accountability, and kindness. Failure is not an option. Neither should be kindness. That should be a the natural course!

Kindness tough-competent

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Do Unto Others…Proudly

Oh the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Simplified, love your neighbor as yourself. I love me unconditionally, or as Fred Rogers would be happy to hear, just the way I am. I don’t always like me but I do love me. Mr. Rogers would like it if I liked me just the way I am but if I want to be golden about it, at least I am hitting the loving requirement. And by extension, I love you also.

Clearly a lot of people in the world don’t love each other, but lately there have been a lot of people ignoring Mr. Rogers exhortation to even “like you just the way you are.” Not only that but people are taking exception with anybody who doesn’t even think like they do. Forget “like you just the way you are,” the world is taking the stance “it’s my way or the highway” and telling others to hit the road.

We are getting deep into Gay Pride Month and I have a story you can use to improve your Gay, Race, Ability, Origin, or Any Other Variable score. Fans of Mr. Rogers know he had a variety of residents of and visitors to his Neighborhood. Some of these even non-viewers recognize like Mr. McFeely, King Friday XIII, and Daniel Tiger. Others are not so universally recognized like Handyman Negri, Chef Brocket, and Officer Clemmons.

Francois Clemmons was a gay, black man in 1969. Neither was a popular modifier in 1960s America. But only one was evident. Regardless of his sexual orientation, Officer Clemmons was obviously African American. In an early episode in 1969, Mr. Rogers and Officer Clemmons meet outside in the summer heat and sit together, cooling their feet in a child’s plastic wading pool. A black man and white man in the same pool were almost unheard of in 1969. Yet together they sat. In his final appearance on the show 24 years later, Mr. Rogers and Officer Clemmons cooled their feet in the pool again. It wasn’t as unusual by 1993. The physical difference had become the non-issue for many besides Fred Rogers.

That Francois Clemmons was gay never made the airwaves. Neither did his religion, political party affiliation, or college alma mater. These were differences that didn’t matter. Mr. Rogers liked Officer Clemmons, and Fred liked Francois, just the way he was. He also never mentioned that Officer Clemmons was of a different race. Had it not been visibly noticeable, nobody would have thought it was odd that they shared a moment with their feet in the pool together by the way Mr. Rogers treated and spoke with Officer Clemmons. They would have been just two friends who liked each other. Just the way they were.

We have a hard enough time accepting people who look different to us. Do we really have to add to the difficulties by going out of our ways to find differences to dislike that we can’t even see?

This month, and next, and the one after that, when you run across somebody who you might think is a little different than you are, instead of going out of your way to tell him or her to hit the road, go out of your way and say, “Hi Neighbor. I like you just the way you are.”

To hear Francois Clemmons talk about his experience in the Neighborhood, click here.

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Photo John Beale (Pittsburgh City Paper)