Tag Holidays

On the Second Day of Christmas

Michael 1 Comment

Happy Day after Christmas, or if you prefer, St. Stephen’s Day or Boxing Day.  We don’t think much about the day after Christmas.  Usually it’s back to work, start thinking what resolution we’ll be breaking sometime in January, or where did we put those receipts. 

There are some who will continue to give presents throughout the twelve days of Christmas or in some fashion commemorate the march of the Wise Men.  For many though, the days immediately after Christmas are seen as the end of the season and the more common discussions heard around water coolers, proverbial and literal, are of when will you be taking down the decorations, have you gotten all those toys put together, and did you get what you wanted for Christmas.

Neither of us is so dramatic as to have a tree at the curbside on December 26 although both of us know people who will cart their formerly grandly decorated evergreen to the curb as soon as after Christmas Day’s festivities have ended.  No doubt these are the people who had purchased their live trees while so many others were celebrating Black Friday.  He of We typically keeps his outdoor decorations up and lit until the Feast of the Epiphany.  (If you promise not to tell too many others we are willing to reveal that it started out because it’s usually just too darned cold, snowy, and ice-covered to take them down too soon after Christmas so he figured he might as well look like he knows the story.)   

Both of We remember those days when Christmas came partially assembled.  No matter how hard we and parents all over the world tried, not everything could get assembled before the holiday.  The hope was that the children would be so taken by whatever was assembled they wouldn’t notice the brakeless bike behind the tree.  Uh huh.  Distractions might buy you that extra day but eventually the tools and assembly guides would be share space at the lunch table with the leftover hams, turkeys, and roasts and we and parents all over the world re-opened Santa’s Workshop, South Division come December 26.

 A terrific sentiment for a Christmas card would be “Some friends know the gift of friendship is more important that crass commercialism or material presents.  Aren’t you glad I’m one of them?”  But honestly a good, heartfelt, well thought gift means a lot also.  And we got lots of them.  Enough to gloat even!  But we won’t.  We also got a reminder that for all that we mean to each other, friend is always near the top of that list.  About that we will gloat!

So there are ten days to go to complete the proverbial Twelve Days of Christmas.  According to PNC Financial Services, this year’s total will run one willing to fulfill all of the wishes of his (or her) true love $24,263.18.  Perhaps we’ll just stick with our true love’s friendship.  It really is priceless.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Walk This Way

Michael Leave a comment

This is it.  Today is the last shopping day before Christmas.   We know tomorrow is only Christmas Eve but you can hardly count that as a shopping day.  Christmas Eve we’re going to relax.  Even if it kills us.  And don’t forget, Christmas Eve is a Saturday this year so every clueless male in America, maybe in the world, (as opposed to almost every clueless male) will be at the mall still unsure of what to get for his wife, mother, girlfriend, daughter, secretary, AA, paramour, clerk, grandmother, personal assistant, or Aunt Whatshername in Mineola. 

However you want to count, there are only two days until Christmas.  And each is going to be filled with people filling sidewalks, and stores, and restaurants, and bars.  Probably especially bars the later it gets but that’s a different post.

All those people out there and sometimes it seems not a single one of them schooled in the pedestrian law of walking in public.  Even He of We sometimes gets a little distracted when allowed to push the shopping cart and wanders down a different aisle than She of We.  But what we’re talking about here is different.  Many people are distracted in stores but add the glitz and the shimmer of the holiday decorations and even those never distracted lose focus.  And the extra traffic isn’t helping.  We think part of the problem is that nobody ever puts that cell phone away.  It wouldn’t be so bad if people were talking on the phone while trying to wind their way through the cosmetics counters at the department store.  No, they are texting while trying to wind their way through that maze.  Add three shopping bags, two trailing children, and a clerk spraying fragrance samples on passersby and oncoming traffic doesn’t stand a chance.  But we digress.

As long as we brought it up, what it is with people and their shopping carts.  First of all, a shopping cart is not a suitable substitute for a wheeled walker, particularly if you don’t use one with which to walk under normal circumstances.  Both of We have informed our children that if any of them sees either of us hunched over a shopping cart, arms resting on the handle about the elbows, propelling it forward at a pace a that would cause a snail to die of boredom, we are to be shot and/or sent directly to the nursing home at the bottom of their lists.  If you are one of those please leave our blog now and nobody will get hurt. 

A shopping carts are proliferating.  Once found only in supermarkets these little wheeled obstructions are now in almost every store across the globe.  Clearly someone is making a killing in the shopping cart market.  Hopefully whoever that someone is has gotten a killer Christmas bonus this year.  But given that shopping carts are flourishing so, we’d think people would be able to drive them better.  We find carts left at the end of aisles, in the middle of aisles, with children left to guard the last of the boxed fruitcake, blocking the animated Christmas hats (sorry, we’ll probably not get to that topic this year but we have it on our list for next year’s holiday posts), and left in the line to the checkout counter with a note that the driver has made a quick trip to housewares and will return at 1:30.  Those actually pushing carts often have their eyes either glued to the top shelf as they pass by at warp speed or on their latest text.

Once shopping is done at Store #1 it is traditional to leave their cart in their custody.  Clearly we must be unaware of some “winter rules” that allow people to keep that cart for their entire shopping day.  He or We was out just yesterday in a local mall and he noticed someone pushing a cart from a store in the shopping center two miles away.  Curious, most curious.   

Eventually even those people will finish up for the day and head to the car with their holiday haul.  Our advice to everybody who ever pushed a shopping cart through a parking lot is to please remember that most cars are bigger and heavier than your shopping cart.  One should not consider playing chicken with a family of four in a minivan loaded with Christmas presents on Christmas Eve Eve.  Not a good idea.  Our second piece of advice is once you empty your packages into your vehicle, please return you cart all the way to the cart corral.  Parking is already at a premium this time of year (we know, we already did that post).  Don’t make it worse by just leaving your cart in the spot that used to be your car.  Walk the extra 50 paces there and back and put it where it belongs.

As long as we’re walking out in the parking lot please watch where you are going.  Every mall and shopping center, every mega-mart and restaurant now have those striped lines from parking land to sidewalk land urging drivers to stop for walkers but not saying anything to the walkers.  It’s true every state now has a law that drivers must yield to pedestrians in a crosswalk.  That’s in a crosswalk, not approaching a crosswalk, close to the crosswalk, or anywhere in the same parking lot as a crosswalk.  It’s still a good idea to look both ways before crossing.  We understand looking both ways may mean not finishing the text but the life you save may be your own.  Make it worth the effort.

Two more days, each an adventure in negotiating through the aisles of the Christmas sale remnants, fighting your way to the checkout counter, and dragging it all across the parking lot to your car, if you can find it on the first try.  

We suggest you relax on Christmas Eve.  Even if it kills you.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

And That’s the Way It Is

Michael Leave a comment

Do you suppose it’s because it comes at the end of year?  Maybe it’s because it’s the one time we actually send real mail to so many people.  Perhaps it’s the only time that we remember we have an aunt in Missouri, no, that’s Mississippi, or somewhere that starts with M and is close to water.  Maine?  For whatever reason, Christmas is the unfortunate time and Christmas Cards the unsuspecting carriers for the dreaded Holiday Letter. 

Holiday Letters themselves are not bad things.  You may recall there was once a time when letter writing was actually the fashion.  Not everything was always communicated in 50 characters or less.  Sometimes we’d write glorious letters, pages long, and get similar responses.  The Holiday Letter was but one of several that would be distributed to friends and relatives throughout the year.

Today the Holiday Letter is often not much more than an excuse for why we never called.  You probably should have called.  You could have called and still written the Holiday Letter.  Then it becomes a bonus for the recipient.  An extra touch that someone actually took time to write.  And that’s nice.

No, the Holiday Letter isn’t a bad thing.  Sometimes a family is too large to keep in touch with every one over the year.  Sometimes there really is too much going on and a common letter to everyone brings all up to date with your happenings.  The Holiday Letter becomes that great orator for the one who just couldn’t get around to all those calls.  And it makes a great conversation starter for when next year’s calls get started.

Of course, sometimes the Holiday Letter can fall into the wrong hands.  Not a wrong recipient – a wrong writer.  Check out your mail this year.  Did you get a “personal letter” from your bank or Congressman, your church or your dog groomer?  Or perhaps from the bank that wants your business, the church on the other side of town, or the pet wash in the new shopping center.  (Sorry, you’re stuck with the same Congressman until next fall.)  It is bad enough that Christmas sales start before Halloween, the Holiday Letter marketing tool can weaken even the strongest spirit of Christmas.

She of We got her annual Holiday Letter from her newspaper carrier.  A little something to the 400 or so families on her route to bring them up to date on her vacations from earlier in the year, her latest plans for retirement, the health of her children and pets, and a reminder to keep those sidewalks and steps ice free during the winter months.  It was homier than the one He of We got from his dentist that described the new x-ray machine and the computerized insurance verification service, and a reminder to call now for an appointment but not for during the first week of March when they’ll be repaving the parking lot.

Nope the Holiday Letter in itself isn’t a bad thing.  But maybe we should be thinking about keeping that down to 50 characters or less also.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Parking Wars

Michael 1 Comment

 

Hello again!  Regular followers following our irregular blog that we routinely post twice a week on Monday and Thursday know that last week we discovered a wealth of topics suggested by the week before Christmas that just can’t wait for a half dozen Christmases to post.  And some of those topics can be discussed in shorter sentences.  So, from then until Christmas you can check us out for our take on the real reality that we keep coming across every day.  You can even go back and read the ones we already posted, or re-read them, or mark them to read later.  And again remember, The Real Reality Show Blog makes a great gift.  It’s absolutely priceless.  We don’t charge a dime!

 

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If there is one thing that we absolutely don’t agree on it is parking.  We can travel thousands of miles together over highways, parkways, back roads, and toll roads for hours at a time and never tire of each other’s company.  But once that trip is over and we have to find a parking space it gets a little stressed.  And during the holiday shopping season when parking lots are filled to overflowing we really get a chance to practice tolerance of one another.  We can agree, disagree, or remain neutral on every other aspect of life from politics to religion to fruitcake but parking is – well, read on.

 

You’d not think the simple act of putting a vehicle away for a while would cause strife but we have very specific ideas of where to park, how to park, what to park next to, and what not to park anywhere near.  He of We is particularly fond of spots in a straight line from the door and with one side protected from other vehicles such as at the end of a row or next to a shopping cart corral.  She of We is happiest when she can pull into a space with another open space directly in front of that one, pull through and avoid backing out when it is time to un-park.  She prefers not to park next to a shopping cart corral.  The end of a row can be tricky.  A row’s end spot offers the one-sided protection he prefers but may be bordered by a raised bed of what’s supposed to be grass or flowers but is usually mud or muck.  This is inevitably on she’s side forcing her to leap muddied waters in a single bound.  He of We is quite happy making a trip down one aisle and up the next in search of a spot that meets his requirements.  She of We spots the most advantageous spot upon entry and heads directly for it.  They are probably all good strategies that might even work together.  But parking time is just not together time for us.  We swoop in getting it done quickly and usually in a spot neither one would select if alone.  Fortunately, we know that as we approach our destination’s door we also approach normalcy and once again we’ll be our usual happy selves. 

 

And it’s not only the act of parking one of our own vehicles that raises ire and eyebrows.  We are quite willing to critique others’ parking practices.  There are as many different methods of parking as there are parkers.  There’s the “The Waiter,” seeking someone loading packages into a parked car, willing to sit in the aisle for as long as it takes for the shopper to load up and move out so he can take that spot.  Even when others are pulling out in two’s and three’s further down the lane, this driver isn’t going to budge.  Closely resembling he who lies in wait is “The Stalker.”  This driver spots someone coming out of the store and follows close behind to claim the spot that will soon be vacated.  Hopefully the shopper isn’t walking all the way home.  Then there is “The Jumping Bean” who pulls into a space, sees someone leaving a spot closer to the store entrance, backs out, drives up, and claims that space.  This can be repeated several times up to and past closing time.  And then there is “Who? Me?”  This opportunistic parker doesn’t wait for a space.  He makes his own spot in the fire lane right next to the store entrance.

 

Who would have thought parking could be such a complex act.  Actually, if you don’t think about it, it isn’t.  But a week before Christmas with spaces at a premium we find ourselves with a lot of time to think while circling the lot looking for any spot available, hoping always for Rockstar Parking.  But that’s a whole different post.

 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Picture This

Michael Leave a comment

Are you old enough to remember when the only thing you could do with a phone was talk to someone?  How did we ever do with such a single focused object? 

Everybody who is anybody has a cell phone today.  We’re not certain exactly why they are still called phones.  They can surf the web, they can text back and forth, they house shopping lists and calculators, they are your appointment books and coupon organizers.  And they are cameras!

This is the time of year when shopping heads into the nitty gritty.  Years ago if One of Two needed help with finding the right sweater for the hard to buy for aunt all One could do was find a pay phone, call Two and try to describe the color, shape, and adornments.  Back then if you weren’t certain if the colors in that candy dish would clash with the table runner, you had to buy it and hope you didn’t lose the sales slip.  If you got it home and it didn’t work you were heading back to the store to return it and buy the plain red one instead.

But today, when shopping falls between nitty and gritty we have a helper.  We have our phones.  These little pocket helpers aren’t restricted to Christmas shopping.  She of We reminded He or We while We were preparing this post that when he was looking for a new coffee table he would snap every one he came across in every store he wandered through.  That way he could hold up the 4 inch, 2 dimensional replicas in the space in front of the sofa to see if or how it would work there.  He thought it was a great idea.  And she did also – at the time.  Now you have to understand that was two years ago and there are still 34 coffee table pictures on the SD card but that’s a different blog.

Back to Christmas shopping.  It is still a handy little helper that phone with the camera that takes better pictures than most cameras.  No more will you have an excuse to not get that hard to buy for aunt something in time to put under the tree.  Pull those sweaters out to the end of the rack. Line up the candy dish choices.  Put the tree topper on a clear spot on the shelf.  Put the wreaths side by side.  Snap away and text them to the other half.  But remember, the other half could be out shopping with her phone too!

Nope, they certainly don’t make phones like they used to and isn’t that a terrific thing?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Away in a Manger

Michael Leave a comment

About this time of year some stupid group will start complaining that this town or that city is erecting a crèche or manger scene in front of the municipal building or city hall.  Those poor, uneducated, short-sighted people.  Don’t they understand that the whole reason we have Christmas and Christmas trees, and Christmas cookies, and Christmas sales is because of what happened at the original manger scene?  It’s a very special time marking a very special occasion and those mangers being raised all over the world are our way of saying Happy Birthday to a very special person.  And on top of that, they keep the economy going.

Ok, we admit it started out as a bit more serious topic but as we started exploring the world of nativity scenes we found literally a world of nativity scenes.  We have a little help.  He of We has a collection of over 50 of mangers.  That’s over 50 Holy Families who come out of their storage bins once a year at Christmas decorating time.  When you see something only once a year you really take a good look at it and learn to appreciate what went into making it.  (Think of that crazy uncle you only see at the family reunion picnic.  On the other hand, don’t.)  So this year when the first newscast of the first group of dolts complaining about the first manger being erected in front of a city hall we got to thinking about all those mangers we’ve seen over the years, the beauty in each one, and the story behind every one.

We’ve seen nativities (complete with the ultimate arrival of the wise men) made of clothes pins, cheesecloth, corn husks, ceramic, glass, plastic, straw, bronze, wood (carved, sculpted, machine cut and assembled, hinged, and nested), bronze, stone, steel, marble, paper, wool, and rubber.  We’ve seen them sitting, standing, and hanging.  We’ve seen them in music boxes and as music boxes.  We’ve seen them made into nutcrackers and etched onto glass.  We’ve seen them cut from barn board and cut out of paper.  We’ve seen them from matchbox size to life size.  We’ve even seen an inflatable version.  We have them made in America, Canada, Mexico, China, Korea, Germany, Italy, France, and Hong Kong.  He of We even has one that was made in Bethlehem.

When there are that many versions celebrating a single point of time it’s very hard to argue that the event must be pretty special.  Clearly somebody wants every culture, every nation, every class, every society to feel comfortable sharing time and space with a very special Family.  We figure those people who object to a crèche displayed in public just haven’t found their personal favorite yet. 

Whether sharing a front yard with an inflatable snow globe and Santa popping out of a chimney or taking a place of honor under the tree, the beauty of all those different materials made by all those different hands tells the story of love, patience, and decency.  What a great way to keep our economy going!   

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Is It Live or…

Michael 1 Comment

This weekend was the weekend after Thanksgiving and we were out on the road, but not for a big after Thanksgiving shopping spree.  No Black Friday deals for us.  But out we were and there were stores visited, restaurants patronized, the public encountered, and stories to be told.

We could talk about how traffic laws in our state seem to have become traffic suggestions, and not very well taken suggestions.  But that’s a rant for another day.  We could talk about how waiters, waitresses, and bartenders no longer associate the term “service industry” with their chosen (or fallen into) profession.  But that’s another rant for another day.  We could even talk about how somewhere in between “May I help you?” and “Happy Holidays!” this year’s crop of shoppers and clerks are ruder than we’ve seen for quite a few years.  But that’s a big rant for a special day. 

Today we’re going to talk about that never ending holiday controversy, live or artificial.  On a day that begins its date with “November,” cars with live trees tied to their roofs began their journeys to becoming kindling.  But this year the thought of how many stories will play out on the evening news featuring smoldering Douglas fir takes on a special meaning.  She of We will have that rare parental event looked forward to from the time her youngest one plopped his first ornament on the lowest of the branches and left it there precariously close to the paws and jaws of the family pets.  This year, Son of She of We gets to decorate his very own house for his very own first Christmas.

And so we debated.  Live trees smell good.  Wet charcoal does not.  Pre-lit artificial trees completely fulfill that designation only for Year One of its proclaimed 20 year lifespan.  Detangling lights and discovering new and colorful curse words is a rite of passage best experienced with past years’ dried sap transforming three or more bulbs into a bulb mass.  Live trees need watered every day and there is no graceful way to crawl under the long, low hanging branches with a plastic bowl of water stretching to reach the reservoir into which the tree has become permanently attached (note for tree removal day).  Live trees don‘t need watered daily if one owns an old male dog who can’t hold his water until you get home from work.  (Live trees smell good.  Dog drenched carpet does not.)   Live trees come in thousands of shades of green found only in nature.  Artificial trees come in light green, dark green, and pink.  Artificial tree branches can be re-arranged so every ornament, no matter size or shape, can be placed exactly where you want it.  Live tree branches bend, release, and fling your Lenox collectible ornament through three rooms before smashing into the curio cabinet filled with the Swarovski crystal collection.

Did we resolve the debate?  Can two people who are dodging speeding drivers in search of big bargains list all of the pros and cons of live versus artificial?  No, it will take thousands of trips over many years to complete the list.  Until then, feel free to take your own side of the debate and decorate with whatever best reflects your style and family life.  But please do us a favor.  If you’re planning on live, remember that a cut flower cannot live in a vase for 5 weeks.  A live tree cut from its roots and left in a cup of water won’t last that long either.  Don’t be a newscast waiting to happen.  Keep your tree fed, watered, and happy.  If you’re planning on artificial, remember that just because you can erect one in each room and mount thousands of lights on them that you still risk tripped circuits and melted plastic – hot, fire prone melted plastic.  Don’t be a newscast waiting to happen.  The only smoke anyone should see on Christmas Eve is from the stump of the pipe held in Santa’s teeth while encircling his head just like a wreath.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Thank You

Michael 1 Comment

Have you been paying attention?  People who work at Target are upset that Target wants to be open Thanksgiving night.  They want to have ALL of Thanksgiving off prompting something new the news folk can banter about – why do these people have to work on the holiday.  We’re also aware of at least 5 other national chains and a few local retail stores that will be open for some or for all day on Thanksgiving.  We hadn’t heard these people on the news or seen them on the Internet so perhaps their workers are more inclined to be happy to have a job this year and although it might not be the best situation at least they are working.

Well, all of that got us to thinking and here’s what we thought.  There really aren’t all that many people who get this holiday – ALL of the holiday – off.  And while we were thinking, we thought about all of the weekends, and evenings, and nights these people don’t get off either.  But, we weren’t thinking of Target and other department stores, or groceries, or big box stores, or what passes for the modern drug store.  We weren’t thinking of any retail stores.  We thought all the way back, back to the day when all of those stores were closed on holidays, Sundays and most other days after 5.  But even way back then there was a corps of people who knew that when the holidays came around they were just as likely to be at work as they were on any Tuesday afternoon.  To these people we say, “Thank You!!!”

Thank you to…   Firemen, policemen, paramedics, and ambulance drivers.  First responders of every kind.  The members of our armed forces.  Hospital workers in every department except administration.  Priests, ministers, rabbis, and other men and women “of the cloth.”  Newspaper production and delivery people, reporters, television and radio engineers, producers, directors, and on-air personalities.  Toll collectors, train engineers, pilots, co-pilots, flight attendants.  Bus drivers and taxi drivers.  Air traffic controllers, airport security, baggage handlers, and airplane maintenance.  Train station and bus depot ticket sellers and collectors.  Hotel receptionists and housekeepers.  Restaurant cooks, servers, bus-people and hosts/hostesses.  Bartenders.  Electric company, gas company, telephone company, water company, sewage company, alarm company, and cable company employees employed outside the executive offices.  Tow truck drivers, snow plow drivers, and street repair people on a moment’s notice.  Commercial truck drivers and freight handlers.  Couriers.  Nursing home, personal care home, retirement home and home health care workers.  Security guards.  Heating and air-conditioning technicians, plumbers, and electricians when they least expect it.  Gas station attendants and clerks at convenience stores with convenient hours (yes, retail stores but they have always been open).

Did we miss anybody?  We’re sorry if we did.  Please feel free to add them in a comment, extend the list, and keep the thanks going.  We’re also sorry if we couldn’t come up with the official job title or this week’s most politically correct reference.  In our experience, most of these people care more about the service they are providing than the name they are called.  That’s why most of these people are in jobs that risk being scheduled or holidays, weekends, evenings, and nights.  They are the ones likely to do something for you and then say thank you more than they expect to be told thank you.  So please, don’t forget these folks.  Someday you’ll want to thank them.  Hey, how about now?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Love and Dysfunction

Michael 1 Comment

Ah, the holidays are coming.  It doesn’t matter what holiday, there’s going to be a sale to celebrate it, a parade to commemorate it, a special computer search engine page to recognize it, and fireworks to cap it off.  Except  Thanksgiving.

Poor Thanksgiving has gotten squeezed out.  In the real world it seems that Thanksgiving is the signal to begin work on our Christmas projects.  Christmas decorations go up the weekend after Thanksgiving, Christmas cookies get baked and frozen the weekend after Thanksgiving, Christmas card lists are reviewed and amended the Sunday after Thanksgiving, Christmas party invitations are sent the day after Thanksgiving, and Christmas shopping starts at midnight Thanksgiving evening. 

But in world of television and movies, Thanksgiving is holding its own!  Steve Martin and John Candy celebrated the lengths that one will go through to be with family on Thanksgiving, even driving halfway across country alternately in a burned out car and the trailer half of a tractor-trailer combination.   If it weren’t for Thanksgiving we might never know how enamored Al Pacino became with hoo-hah and that it’s ok to want to punch out your dinner guest.  You will never forget WKRP’s Mr. Carlson covered in feathers declaring in all seriousness, “As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”  And it’s ok to admit that you wish every year that you could be sitting down to a feast of toast and popcorn if Snoopy is serving it.

They tell us that Thanksgiving is for families and friends to gather, to be thankful they are still friends and family.  It’s a time to reflect on the year’s accomplishments, vacations, fun weekends, and all that went into getting almost all the way through another year.  Isn’t it funny that one of the most enduring images of the most American of holidays is as dysfunctional as mistaking turkeys for birds of flight?

Thanksgiving isn’t a time to celebrate another year travelled on the perfect path to great successes.  You want perfection, go to New York and watch the faux musicals re-enacted on 34th Street.  You want a celebration, be at our table.  There’ll be talk about the failures, the never ending projects, the worked weekends, and all that we still have in front of us before this year is over.  And our most endearing image will be of everyone as loving as Charlie Brown is to his friends always wanting to do something special for them, always failing but always part of the inner circle. 

Welcome to our table of love and dysfunction!  It’s ok.  They really do go together.  If it wasn’t for the one, we’d never try to extend ourselves risking the other.  And if it wasn’t for the other, we’d never truly appreciate the one.  They go together like friends and family, joy and happiness, and toast and popcorn.  There’s always room for more, there’s always enough love for extras, and there’s always just enough wrong to give real thanks for the right.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Clean Up on Aisle Ten

Michael 3 Comments

She called last weekend.  It was the first weekend in November and She was out shopping in one of our favorite stores.  Yes, it was a remainder store.  Hey, we love ‘em.  Remainder stores, dollar stores, restock stores.  The place that goods that won’t die go to be bargains.

But I digress…She called Him and said it was close to an international incident.  While shopping in one of our favorite stores she encountered others that one would have thought were shopping.  And they may have been shopping but what was very evident was that they were also shouting.  Yes, shouting from one side of the store to the other in some foreign tongue, something not easily identifiable but foreign for sure.  Did the fact that they knew that probably nobody in the store knew their language give these shouters license to intrude on the other shoppers’ shopping Zen?

At first it was somewhat alarming.  When you don’t know the language you don’t know if a shout is an expression of shopping joy over finding Anne Klein at 95% off or a scream of alarm about a raging inferno in women’s outerwear.  But it kept going on so it seemed more conversational.  Just your basic conversation between two parties who had lost their cell phones.  At a loud volume.  Very loud.

And that’s when the potential international incident raised its head.  After 5 or 6 volleys between the screamers She couldn’t take it.  “Geez!  A little store etiquette!”  She was annoyed, and not too quiet about it.

And that got us on our digression –annoying shopping things.  It was the first week of November.  Halloween had just passed.  Veterans’ Day was not yet here.  Thanksgiving wasn’t even on the shopping list.  But as early as it is the store – a leftovers shop! – was in full Christmas regalia complete with Silver Bells, White Christmas, and Rudolph’s red nose playing on the intercom.  At that high volume that gets you right in the comfort zone screaming Christmas is coming!  Shop now because the bargains you see today won’t be here tomorrow!!  Buy early!!! Buy often!!!! Buy, buy, buy!!!!!  It had that hidden message behind music just a little too loud and a little too fast that says get shopping, get spending, now go home and make room for others!  And if the subliminal message isn’t enough they have to punctuate it every 12 minutes with their in-store announcements.  “Attention shoppers, buy now because the bargains you see today might not be here tomorrow!  See the specials in aisle one through 14.  Stop at our service desk for a flyer of everything that’s on sale!  Today only, everything is on sale!”

And is it only us that when we work our way up to the cashier we’re greeted in 21st century cashier monotone, “hellohowareyoudidyoufindeverythingyouwerelookingfor” while he/she/to be determined scans the first 8 items.  When we hand over our cash how do we get our change?  Bills first, coins sliding off the top, and a very heartfelt “There you go.”  When did “There you go” become synonymous with “Thank you!”  Listen up cashiers, the phrase you’re looking for is “Thank you!” (Emphasis added.)

Some annoyances we expect, some are new every year, but know that we’re entering the annoying zone, and we’ll all be stuck here for the next eight weeks. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?