Tag Health

Weight Not, Want Not

Michael Leave a comment

Three years ago I said to myself, “Self,” I said, “you have got to lose some weight!” I was easily 50 pounds overweight. I not only was putting on pounds, I was losing height. The inches I lost going up and down found their way to my middle and went round and round. I recall when I was told I had to start getting in shape my stock answer was “round is a shape!” But truth be told, I felt pretty bad. I was always short of breath, I took elevators to go one floor (down, even), and my favorite place to go was the airport because there were people movers all over. If I had to walk all that way on my own I’d just sit and wait a while and eventually my breathing and heart rate would get back close to normal.

I was certain I could lose weight. I watched TV. I saw the ads for pills, exercise CDs, diet books, and portable gym equipment. In just 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 30 days, or 90 days I too could lose inches and pounds. I was ready to take all the “before” pictures if I could just bend over far enough to get the camera case off the floor. And if pills, exercise, and diet didn’t work – or didn’t get started – I had a secret weapon. I would monitor my portions and eat less. And I did. I only had one rack of ribs for dinner, half a chicken at one meal, only two appetizers even if the special was for three, and I always shared dessert. I rarely had soft drinks unless they were mixed with bourbon and I even started drinking light beer for a little while. Even with all that, I still didn’t lose weight. In fact, I gained! By the time that year was over I was exactly 100 pounds heavier than what the height/weight charts said I should have weighed.

Two years ago I said to myself, “Self,” I said, “this would be a whole lot easier if I wasn’t so fat.” The surgeon agreed with me but said I really needed to do this. So during the procedure to remove the cancer, all or part of a couple organs were removed. And finally I lost some weight. Since then I’ve had three more surgeries, five more hospitalizations, several outpatient procedures, and quite a bit more weight loss.

I am 90 pounds lighter than I was three years ago, only 10 pounds away from a goal I would have otherwise been proud to have reached. I still get short of breath and I still take elevators for just one floor. That’s because I can’t walk a flight of steps without becoming over-exerted. I’d like to take an “after” picture but when I get down to the floor I have to have somebody help me back up. Eventually the stamina will return, the flexibility will come back, and those last 10 pounds will disappear.

All I have to do is sit around and wait a while.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

You Give Me 15 Minutes, I’ll Give You … You Know

Michael Leave a comment

This week among the junk mail was a notice of “Big Savings!” from a local car dealer. Right there with their tire specials, tune-ups specials, air conditioning service specials, and brake specials was their “Signature 29 Minute Oil Change” now at a special price. Isn’t that special? I don’t know why but it made me think why 29 minutes, why not a half hour? And then I thought even more. Whatever happened to the 15 minute oil change?

Surely you remember the 15 minute oil change places. There were lots of them and they were everywhere. I remember going to them. I also remember they always took more than 15 minutes. They spent at least 15 minutes on asking you what type of oil you wanted (if I knew that I’d do my own oil change), do you want your old filter or may they discard it (yuck!), will you be needing new windshield wipers today (I hope not, it’s a convertible and the top is down), would you be interested in joining their savings club (here’s a brochure you can read while we huddle around your car), and do you have any coupons (why do they always ask about couponS when they (the couponS) always say “cannot be combined?”). Then a squadron of oil changers descended on your vehicle checking tire pressure, topping off windshield washer fluid, cleaning headlights, checking coolant, transmission, steering and brake fluids, examining air filters, and changing the oil. Then another 15 minutes of post-change summary included the status of your fluids (always due for something), air filter (always dirty), windshield wipers (always worn), and tires (holding up pretty well and aren’t you lucky because we don’t sell them here).

Well, I’ve come up with some things that really do take only a quarter of an hour and make you better for them! For instance, in 15 minutes or less you can start an exercise program. You’ll notice general health improvements in most low to moderate impact exercises including walking. After a few weeks you may want to increase your activity time to 30 minutes but that’s still less time than it took to get a 15 minute oil change!

Staying with health, in less than 15 minutes you can check your blood pressure and pulse, and breathing rate and oxygen level at home. Every day if you want. Even young, seemingly healthy people can have high blood pressure and never know it. For a few dollars and a few minutes you can buy and use a blood pressure monitor that measures your pressure and heart rate. Another inexpensive tool is the pulse oximeter to measure how much oxygen is in your blood and you do it bloodlessly. This little thing does it by clamping onto your fingertip. Learning how to measure your breathing rate is easy. You probably already have everything you need – a watch with a second hand and your lungs.

A whole world of 15 minutes or less is right in your kitchen. A hot breakfast of ham and eggs or a bowl of oatmeal takes about as much time as it does to toast a bagel and find the cream cheese. You can make a whole light dinner in 15 minutes. Boil your favorite pasta in water for about a minute less than the package directions instruct. While that’s going on sauté sliced green peppers, and broccoli in olive oil, then add some spinach to wilt. Toss in your cooked pasta, top with shredded parmesan and you have a delicious pasta prima vera. If you’re willing to use a pre-made pizza shell or store bought dough you can shape, top, and bake a pizza, then let it rest for a few minutes while you make a small salad for the side and you have another dinner in half the time it takes to get one delivered. For something more fun, season one pound of ground beef with salt and pepper, add just a drizzle of olive oil, and splash in a couple of squirts of hot sauce.  Shape into four patties, grill or broil for 4 to 5 minutes on each side for medium and let rest for a couple minutes. While the patties are cooking, slice a few potatoes, toss with oil, and roast in a 400 degree oven for 12 minutes turning once. As soon as they come out, season with salt, pepper, paprika, Cajun seasoning, grated cheese, or whatever you and 3 friends feel like. Dinner for four and you didn’t give your guests enough time to talk about you.

And the ultimate less than 15 minute activity – reading this blog twice a week! Even a lengthy post like today’s takes maybe 5 minutes. Do that twice a week and you still have time to make a comment, smile, laugh, cry, or curse at your screen as appropriate, and/or scratch your head and wonder “who is this guy?”

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

If Not For Bad Luck

Michael Leave a comment

A recent Reuters news article reported that 65% of cancers can be attributed to physiological bad luck.  Some 22 of 31 identified cancer types were traced to unexplained, random cell mutations.  These cancers included leukemia, pancreatic cancer, and ovarian and testicular cancer.  The other nine types which included lung, skin, and colorectal cancers, could be attributed to environmental or hereditary changes.  One of the researchers whose work was examined for the article was quoted saying the real reason that people get cancer in many cases, “is that person was unlucky. It’s losing the lottery.”

Well, that’s a relief.  I thought I had done something wrong to earn my cancer.  Fortunately now I know that it was just plain old bad luck.  It was probably bad luck that I had a surgical wound open up after the operation to remove that fluke.  That was compounded by more bad luck when the infection popped up.  And let’s not forget the bad luck of the revisions to the original surgery that had to be performed, all of that keeping me in the hospital some six months out of the past eighteen.

And it was during those same eighteen months that the company I was contracted to sold off the facility I was assigned to dropping me into the ranks of the unemployed as well as those of the unlucky.  The unlucky circumstances thus continued when all of the treatments and therapies though quite effective in keeping me alive couldn’t keep me with enough stamina to work a full business day so I continue to be unemployed while searching for an employer compassionate enough to understand that someone who has been extremely effective can still be so while working only half days at a time.

Of course there was the additional unluckiness of not being a child, a single mom, a returning veteran, a celebrity, a politician, or a television or movie character that may or may not be based on an actual person.  Nobody was submitting my name to any foundation to cover the expenses of a trip to Pisa or to Punxsutawney while arranging for free housekeeping, a new suit, and an interview on the late show thus garnering enough new found publicity that the previous paragraph’s ill fortune was quite handsomely negated.

So now I spend most days filling out insurance forms and sweepstakes entries with about the same odds of success, job applications with even longer odds, or call an old colleague to see if he or she has any spare hours or opportunities with the longest odds of them all.  On the bright side, I have been catching up with my reading and writing.  Seriously, on the bright side…come on, seriously a bright side?

Imagine playing the lottery with a 65% chance of hitting.  Oh wait, the researcher said that was like losing the lottery.  I manage to do that every week, twice a week.  That is ok.  If I hit the lottery I’d probably just squander the winnings on things like food and mortgage payments.  What a relief that choice doesn’t have to be made!  And here I thought I was just plain old unlucky.

Sorry, not every post is going to be up-beat.  Just real.

Now, that’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Good News, Bad News

Michael Leave a comment

Regular readers will have noticed there hasn’t been anything to read for the past few months.  We have an explanation for that and some news to go along with it.

Our last post was on July 8.  It was that same day that He of We went into the hospital.  It should have been about a week’s stay with the next couple of weeks at home to fully recover.  As does much of the things he attempts, it didn’t go according to plan.

It wasn’t completely his fault.  He of We tried to recover.  Things just kept happening.  And before we knew it, July turned into October before he was back at home in front of the computer.  Four months in a hospital is not fun.  That’s the bad news.  The good news is next summer we’ll get to experience for the first time all that we might have this summer.  True, we missed several music festivals, music cruises, drives through the country, and rib tastings (honestly, never a high point for us anyway).  But they will be back.  They always come back.  Even the ribs.

There wasn’t one night spent in the hot tub pondering the heavens and wishing on the stars.  That’s the bad news.  The good news is we didn’t get at all vexed at any one of those stars for not coming through with one lousy little wish.  One would think with all the pondering and wishing (and a fair amount of white wine) that one of those celestial bodies would come through.  More good news is that by the time February rolls around and we get to spend a night in the tub under fluffy snowflakes, He of We’s incisions will all be healed and we’ll get to spend a night in the tub under fluffy snowflakes.  And we already have a decent supply of wine in the cooler.

There was no vacation, no trip to paradise, no well-deserved break from reality.  Not in the execution or even just the planning.  That’s the bad news.  The good news is we saved a lot of money.  Has anybody seen the price of airfare to the good spots?  Sure you can get a $79 flight to Little Rock.  With apologies to the Arkansans, there aren’t any white beaches there!  And with those dollars saved it was a perfect opportunity to sit back and work out a real budget and we’re sure that’s more good news than bad.

So exactly why did we miss our entire summer?  Well, He of We fell under the hold of the most feared of medical diagnoses, the one that starts with “C.”  We can’t even say it.  The best way to excise that which befell him was to excise it.  And there came a day when the surgeon came into the room and said, “I just got all the pathology reports back.  We got it all.” And that’s the good news.  We’re certain there isn’t a bad news side to that one.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?