I wish I could find in online so you know I didn’t make this up, but it doesn’t seem to be there. Last week on the local news they had a little throw-away story to fill up 15 seconds. The big news? Grammar mistakes. The line that stuck with me, and a couple of those in the studio also, was that of those surveyed, questioned, interviewed, or whatevered, the most common mistake they encounter is “when to use there, their, and they’re.” Well ain’t no wonder nobody can talk good English no more – that’s not grammar at all. That be spelling, you fools! And while we’re ranting over these three, you really need to be dumber than rocks to not know when to use witch, err, which.
Is it so bad that we now must include the misuse of grammar in our newscasts? Actually, [cue the groans] back when I was in school it would have been news to commit an error in grammar. What happened to the 3-Rs in grammar school. Oops, it’s elementary school now. No grammar required. If you ask me, and I know you didn’t just as well as you know I’m going to tell you anyway, 2+2=4, and you have to be dumber than a rock to not know when to use there, their, or they’re.
I wonder… Do you suppose this started when phones began to automatically correct and/or complete misspelled and partially entered words and phrases? We no longer need to know how to spell there. If we enter t-h-e-e-r, the computer in the phone, which one would think is smarter than your average rock, will correct it. Maybe. It can kind of go either way there. Their? Hmm. More significantly, if you enter t-h-e-r and stop right there, it might even think “hey, this here feller is wanting to type “there” so let me just put in the rest of it in there for you.” There now.
Or maybe… Do you suppose this started when Twitter popped on the scene with its original 140 character limit? (A limit which technically wasn’t a Twitter limit but was the most SMS could transmit which was how the initial Twitter messages were delivered which back then you might have known as twttr which also was an SMS limitation.) (But I digress.) Folks then were busy tryna make everything short. It was like reading vanity license plates. RU w me ther Spelling, grammar, and punctuation were superfluous to the message. Who knew that someday someone would be picky about word choice, spelling, and usage on say, a job application for a company other than twttr or Google.
(By the way, you should see what Word’s spell check and grammar checker are doing to this document. There are more red and blue lines than outside a polling place at election time!) (It was a struggle but I got politics into the discussion.)
Whatever is was to prompt people into thinking a spelling error is their most serious grammar error, it begs the question, how bad is their grammar – their real, actual grammar. How often are their nouns and verbs in agreement? (I’m going with “nouns” and “verbs” here because I’m not sure how they would react to “subject” and “predicate.”) Have they ever met an infinitive they could not split? Do they know where they misplaced their modifiers? See, these are what I would cite if asked for the most common grammatical errors. Not a spelling issue! (Okay, so every now and then I don’t use a technically complete sentence when I write. Sue me.) And while I’m still thinking about those out there who are as dumb as rocks to be so concerned that they are misusing there, their, and they’re, why did nobody mention its and it’s? If they can grasp its versus it’s, what’s the big deal with there, their, and they’re? Too many to choose? Oh, or should that be two many, or maybe to many?
Rocks, I tell you. Dumb as gravel.
