Tag Golf

A Sporting Proposition

Michael 10 Comments
I was all set to go off and a rant about something or other and then I heard this topic on the radio yesterday and I said, “Yes, yes, I agree 100%. I must tell the world!” What could that be that instilled so much passion on a Sunday afternoon? Golf. More specifically, my intense dislike for golf.
 
I’m sorry, but yes, I hate golf. I think I’ve played one complete round of golf in my life. My long life. I’m sure I played one round only because I rarely give up on anything. I may not like it but if I signed up for it, I’ll give it my best try. I tried. It didn’t. 
 
Especially now with opportunities to do almost nothing, golf courses are apparently doing a booming business. I just don’t get the point. It seems so random to me but if a billion and a half people want to wander around in the hot sun wearing carrying 3,090 pounds of equipment on their backs and none of it can be used to bake a good cookie, well I say to each his own. But not my own.
 
But here’s the thing I get even less, professional golf. They claim it’s a sport but come on now. Where are the fans, real fans, with hats and jerseys and tailgating in the country club parking lot before the tournament? “Tournament” is pushing it. When was the last time there was an office pool with golfer brackets? And a real sport would have walk up music blaring from the PA system when a golfer approaches the tee. Those few fans you do see following along don’t seem terribly fanatic. No wild cheers when a particularly well hit ball goes where its supposed to go (assuming you can actually see where the ball goes), no boos for the referee when a ball is called out of bounds, no jeers for the golfer who plunks a shot into a water or sand hazard. While I’m on the topic of crowd noises, what’s with the TV announcers and all that whispering? They’re hanging out a mile away from the action inside an air conditioned control room yet they speak barely loud enough for the sound engineer to recognize human speech while they do all they can not to distract the professional. Really? 
 
So, no, I don’t like golf. Sorry if I’ve offended you. I understand how polarizing this topic may be but I feel it’s important to be able to exercise my freedom of speech. But I refuse to exercise it on the links.
 
NoGolf
 

The Thrill of Victory, Modified

Michael Leave a comment

The Olympics are here! The Olympics are here! Sports junkies around the globe can take a breath, sweat a brow, pop a cold one, and enjoy the games. I just wish there were more of them. Well, maybe not so much more of them as different ones of them.

Four years ago I pitched the idea of Olympic Bocce right here on these pages, err screens, umm electrons. (See “The Sport the Olympics Didn’t Think of,” August 30, 2012.) I thought it was a terrific new sport that would complement the old world-ism the Olympics have been missing ever since Beach Volleyball was introduced.  (But then, beach volleyball is about as close as you can get to the ancient Olympic tradition of competing in the nude, wrestling notwithstanding.) Bottom line, another Olympics and still no bocce. We got Golf instead.

To many, golf is a wonderful game. Yet I don’t see many gods on Olympus arguing who’s “away” and I know for sure they wouldn’t abide someone else carrying the equipment around for the athletes. Still, somebody decided golf is more of a sport than bocce. Fine. I would think that any game that includes a pit stop for snacks and a pint of lager halfway through is more recreation than sport but then the same could be said for the aforementioned beach volleyball.

Actually, if you look at the modern Olympic schedule you see events more often associated with country clubs than sports arena. Sure we have swimming, track and field, and weightlifting.  Archery, shooting, and the equestrian events harken to days of having to compete with nature for survival. Fencing, boxing, and gymnastics are examples of strength and grace in single presentations. But consider some of the others. Tennis? Handball? Badminton?

That got me thinking; it was no wonder the IOC didn’t care to include bocce. They obviously are interested in more genteel undertakings. So with that in mind I present this year’s proposal for inclusion in upcoming Olympiads – Shuffleboard!

It epitomizes civility. It doesn’t take much space. It is a boon for the older athlete. And like bocce, it has a natural winter game counterpoint in curling.

If I start practicing now I can be the first Olympic Shuffleboard Gold Medalist! I can see myself on that chair-lift assisted podium waving to the politely appreciative crowd. All I have to do is find a sponsor to book me on seniors’ cruises for training from now until August 2020. Tokyo here I come!

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Family Time

Michael Leave a comment

For the first time in a long time She and He were not out in public as the We’s.  We were out in public, just not together.  It’s an unusual feeling, but then, we’re not your usual couple.  Not only were She and He not doing our things together, even the Children of We were off doing their own things, sometimes in completely different states.   Let’s take roll.

He of We is mostly responsible for the disparate activities in WeLand this weekend.  He set out for the waters of Lake Erie with Friend of He and three others on their annual fishing trip which precedes the annual Fish Fry and the annual how high can you get your outdoor flame contest.  Actually, that is not a sanctioned competition and only happened one year.  The fishing trip happens every year and there are no she’s connected to any of the he’s there there.  So that started out the weekend early Friday with He of We and Friend of He blazing the trail for the others to follow, getting licenses, checking into the hotel, and timing the route from hotel to dock so we know what time to leave in the morning to be there at 5am, our assigned departure time.  The trip was wildly successful with the fisherpeople maxing out in record time.  So fast were the limits caught that when the group returned to the dock there was actually a wait for the cutters and cleaners to come in and turn the haul into groceries. But even with an early return, getting up at something after three in the morning made for needing much sleep the rest of Saturday and Sunday and therefore few she’s saw anything of any of their he’s who were part of that group.

So there you have the impetus for the We-free weekend.  But there were still others among us who managed to spend their weekend times without the rest.  For example, Daughter of He spent her Saturday in running gear running past those who would be lobbing powder-based paint at her and the others taking part in another annual event, the Color Run.  The Color Run is too hard to explain here but it involves people who run a fairly normal 5K fun run circuit except they are clean at the start and look something like bad graffiti at the finish.  Daughter of She was doing this about 150 miles from home so that shot her day with any other family members.

Sons of She weren’t there to put the family in family time either, both taking part in one of their many shared interests, golf.  For two brothers who act like brothers as much as two brothers can act like stereotypical siblings, they have remarkably similar interests.  They both golf, they both enjoy the presence of a pool in each of their respective backyards.  They are both fond of eating out but with different partialities.  She of We often has told the story of them as mere toddlers in restaurants, the older would order for both of them with “I’ll have the steak and my brother will have the shrimp.”  They both like vintage toys and as we found out for the first time last week, they both like being at the racetrack.  But this weekend they were both golfing and even if they both managed to keep all four wheels of the carts on the cart paths and no errant drives found their ways through either’s sun roof (both potential topics for this very post), it would still be a full day affair because that’s how they do it.  Whether separately or together.

So now you see why She of We was We-less through the weekend.  Before it was over, the Children of We did manage to find their respective ways to the respective parents and made less than token appearances, because that’s what our kids do.  And She and He of We managed to find some hours together either by phone or by text to keep each other up to date with their We-free Weekend because that’s what we do.

Even if none of us were able to get any of ourselves together for just a weekend it would be fine because we happen to know that for this small group of people, all adults, all with their own lives, we still keep it together.  For us, any time is family time, and all the time is quality time.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?