Tag Fun

I Would Do Anything – Not!

Michael 1 Comment

She of We’s youngest went skiing last weekend.  Even before he called in the injury report we decided we don’t want to go flying down a mountain on skinny pieces of fiberglass with nothing between us and the ground but Under Armour, down filled puffy ski jackets, and 17 inches of snow.  As we thought more of it, we definitely don’t want to go skiing towed behind a boat at great speeds with nothing between us and drowning but flimsy swimwear.  And thus was born the Hole in the Bucket List.  As in, if we put this on a list and it fell through a hole in that bucket before we got around to kicking it, we wouldn’t miss it at all.

It’s a simple premise.  Think of what you haven’t done, don’t really want to do, and could live your entire life without ever doing it.  There are lots of things you’d never want to do.  Periodontal surgery is one that She of We would like to get through life without ever having experienced.  That might be a bit difficult to put on the Hole in the Bucket List because it might not be completely up to her.  Circumstances may say someday she’ll have to.  However, going on safari is another of her unwanteds that clearly makes the Hole in the Bucket List.  It’s something that though many would love to do before they shuffle off this mortal rock, it’s something she could care less for.  Others are running a marathon, running with the bulls, and having any parts of the body other than the ears that already are pierced.

He of We’s Hole in the Bucket List centers on unsupported flight.  His list includes parasailing, cliff diving, and bungee jumping.  Rappelling, rock climbing, and parachuting would also make the list but people in the military made him do those already.  Although he lived through them they aren’t likely to ever make a return for him.

Now, we too can be adventurous.  Regular readers know that we have as much fun, quite often more, than the next guy.  And if you think riding around in a miniature roadster on an interstate highway at the speed limit with the top down (sometimes in the rain) doesn’t catch our collective breaths, you’re very mistaken.  It is that there are limits to what we feel we need to fulfill our lives.  Alligator wrangling is outside those limits.

What’s on your list?  Add a comment, pop your least favorite, indeed least thought of pastime on it, and we’ll see just where we won’t be going.  No task is too trivial to be Hole in the Bucket List worthy.  Something you’ve never done, aren’t likely to be doing, and could care less if you ever do even though others might consider it a point to take before they are taken away.

Now let’s see, we also have no bull riding, or tornado chasing, or visiting pyramids outside of Las Vegas. Really.  No.   

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Old & Fat Trumps Drunk & Stupid

Michael Leave a comment

Let’s just say it was a long week in the North East.  Freezing temps, icy rain and periods of snow certainly didn’t help.  By the end of the week, we were ready to visit one of our favorite watering holes and we weren’t looking for water.  She of We wanted wings, He of We wanted bourbon.  A snowy rush hour had everyone ready for a warm happy hour. This was the place we go to make that hour happy.  Here we have seen regulars and irregulars, old owners and new owners, children of owners and now grandchildren of owners.  We’ve been around a whiler.

The bar was crowded so we sat at one of those bar top tables on stools that you figure out quickly why they are called that.  One half of one of our favorite couples came over and joined us. His She was out of town on business so it was a party of three.  As the place started to fill up, we found ourselves surrounded by the youth of America. Twenty-somethings who needed cheap beer to guzzle and women to annoy. That’s when the trouble started. 

Our friend headed home and we decided to stay and catch the band. You know how we love live music.  We quickly figured out that we have gained a super power when it comes to twenty-somethings. Invisibility. You see, we were in a crowd and nobody paid any attention to us.  Nobody even noticed us.  And noticeability is one of our best attributes. It was while we were in our cloak of invisibility that one particularly inebriated youth, perhaps on his maiden voyage to Drunkville, perhaps a regular visitor, decided he was going to help himself to She of We’s wing basket.

Please understand that usually She of We is very generous but having her wings grabbed without permission is a big no-no.  We’ve all visited Drunkville a time or two so we’re no strangers to bad, drunken behavior. He of We protested on her behalf and that’s when it turned ugly. Drunk Boy and his buddy decided that insulting us would somehow make us feel bad. They thought by using words like old and fat that we would be impressed by them. (A note before we continue.  You know all these anti-bullying programs going on in schools?  Well, once they hand out the diplomas and these fools are on their own, add an adult beverage to an adult in training and it goes right out the window.  We like to call it Beer Backbone or just plain ignorance. We know your parents taught you better.) 

Anyway, She of We decided that enough was enough. We’re old, remember. We’ve been around, remember.  She politely informed the drunken buffoons that it was time for their leave.  Yeah right, they said and not too politely, nor too intelligently.  That was went she calmly moved from her stool, parted the sea of newbies like Moses parting the Red Sea, and aimed herself right at the owner.  Without blinking an eye, she informed him that he needed to bid these guests adieu.  He followed her back to our table, tapped the lads on the shoulder and let them know, just as calmly, that it was time to go. The look of shock on their stupid, young, drunken faces was priceless. No pomp, no circumstance, and no drama. Just “you’re outta here.” 

Both of We hope that our twentysomething children never act like that but we know they will. We only hope that some nice, old, fat couple will be able to set them straight.  And when called for, send them to the door.  And to the optometrist the next day.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Calling Mrs. Petrie

Michael Leave a comment

The Robert Petries did it.  The Darren Stevenses did it.  Even the Major Nelsons did it.  And so did our parents and probably yours.  The classic American house party.  Where has it gone?  We’ve seen some modern versions of it, a backyard fish fry, a deck party, a holiday open house.  They all have most of the elements of the landmark shindig just missing Rob and Laura pushing back the furniture and dancing to the three piece combo invited just for the occasion.  Then we got involved!

Our merry band of friends and relatives attempted a revival of it last fall.  Now some three months later people still talk of it.  Twenty or so revelers all came over within 15 minutes or so of all the others and all left within 15 minutes or so of all the others and while they were here there was mingling and snacking and drinking in celebration of absolutely nothing in particular.  There was live music just for the occasion and attempts at impromptu dancing.  (And promises of real dancing at the next one.  See, they were already planning on us having another before this one spun it last.)  We had no magician but we had sing-a-longs.  We had no charades.  Please, no charades.  And when the last of the party-goers got up and went it was such a quick clean-up that, looking back on it, the prop guys must have helped.  We’re certain Laura, though a little jealous, would have been quite proud.

We’re both of an age that we remember our parents having friends over and someone playing some instrument and someone else singing along.  Food was plentiful but trying to recall specific menus gets us not much farther than cheese and crackers.  There were games.  Cards and dice seemed to play starring roles in these efforts though maybe someone tried to talk others into at least one round of charades.  Men ended up in one room; women in another.  Somehow, probably by magic, everyone knew when to go home.  And they all talked about it until the next gala.  These were most likely the models for those television version house parties that had to be just a bit more extravagant than our folks could have managed.  Those television versions were not at all the planned model for our merrymaking but in retrospect might have subconsciously been.  And we managed to be just a bit more extravagant than they.

So, with a tip of our hat (worn at a jaunty angle) to Mrs. Petrie, we’re going to continue our revival of a grand American tradition.  Next time we’ll push the furniture back and roll up the rug.  Maybe Rob and Laura will do a soft shoe in celebration of nothing in particular.  They’ll ask us just how we do it time and again.  And the band will play on. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Resolving to Keep It Real

Michael 2 Comments

Last year the Monday adjacent to New Year’s Day was actually January 2.  We called it the day resolutions die and posed that if we made our annual resolutions more toward a climatic re-awakening, say the beginning of spring, we’d be more likely to keep them for more than 24 hours.  So last year we made our resolution to make our resolutions come spring.  (See Be It Resolved, Jan. 2, 2012.)  How did we do?

Let’s pick two.  When we finally got around to making those resolutions She of We felt she was watching too much television and to combat that would read more.  Well she’s reading more but still feels she watches too much television.  He of We clearly needed more exercise and by the time spring rolled around had a positive plan.  That was to walk the local high school football field every morning before work. Well he walked some for about a month but that was still better than just 24 hours.  (See Be It Further Resolved, March 22, 2012.)  The real question is, was delaying resolution making successful in making rational, keepable resolutions?  Really, not much.

So here we are, back to another winter Monday and this time it’s New Year’s Eve, the day resolutions are made.  Will we?  We have some time to think about.  We might.  We still know January is a terrible time to start a new year.  But we also know we need to still exercise more no matter if we’re at the beginning, middle, or end of the year.  We know we need to still keep our minds nimble no matter if it’s hot, cold, or comfortable outside.  And we need to spend less, save more, and eat better.  Do we need resolutions for those?  Really, not much.

We like the idea of not making any serious goals while it’s only 20 degrees outside.  The mind is challenged enough at the holidays and New Year’s Day is still best suited for continuing the stress of the holiday period.  That hasn’t changed from last year.  But we think we can come up with a few rational, keepable resolutions. 

We resolve to keep having fun.  We resolve to work on the hard stuff later.  We resolve to keep you posted on how we’re doing with both.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

The Gift of Music

Michael Leave a comment

What do pumpkin cakes, ceramic penguins, dip dishes (with dip mixes in 2 flavors!), and holiday CDs have in common?  After tonight they will have all been party favors at our Christmas Eve dinner.

Christmas Eve is a special time for us.  It was the first holiday that we combined families at a formal gathering.  It was the first holiday that we lightened up a formal gathering.  And it’s probably the holiday that almost everybody most looks forward to.

Christmas Eve has also become a holiday that we never know exactly how many people will be with us.  Our core families will be there.  But there always is at least one extra couple and never invited by Either of We.  We don’t care.  There’s always room at the table.  But it makes those favors a bit interesting.  This year we decided on holiday music CDs.  You can’t beat a good Christmas Carol.  We have the gamut from Carol of the Bells to Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.  We’re planning on 10 at the table but we got 14 CDs because we’re never really sure.

A formal dinner for 14 might seem a bit extravagant to begin with.  Neither of We hit the rich mark in the ‘how well off are you’ scale.  We still manage to put together a traditional Italian feast of the seven fishes (for He of We’s side) and a traditional seafood themed American Christmas Eve (at She of We’s urging and to the great relief of many on He or We’s side).  With all that seafood, how do we manage to put together a dozen unique favors especially when they are favoring our guests with the gift of music, usually not an inexpensive offering.  He of We will take credit for that one.

We were out shopping and not even thinking of favors for Christmas Eve.  We had just finished up with Thanksgiving and were trying to shift ourselves from one holiday to another.  We ended up in one of our favorite, but not routinely visited stores.  It has literally everything.  Water heaters, garden flags, canned goods and canning goods.  Local sports teams doo-dads and needlework craft sets.  Hoses and hooks.  Books and — CDs.  While checking out the holiday themed flashlights He of We spotted a pair of spinner racks at the end of an aisle.  Thereupon sat hundreds of CDs.  All Christmas music, all the time.  And every one of them priced at one dollar.  One hundred cents, ten thin dimes, a buck a piece.  They had “favor” written all over them.

But (isn’t there always a but in a perfectly good favor find?), but, who gets what?  Who likes what?  We have a most eclectic Christmas Eve group.  We run the gamut from refined, retired ladies to a couple who met on an oil drilling rig.  Not to say that a well driller isn’t refined.  But there are probably differences in musical taste.  Do they get the CD with Mariah Carey, or the one with the studio group singing “Good King What’s His Name?”  And not only is the group eclectic.  So are the CDs.  Let’s face it, these are dollar CDs.  You aren’t getting the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for a dollar.  Well, actually, now, there were two of them that had selections sung by just that choir.  And some had Glen Campbell.  There were those with the London Symphony and there were those while listening you could Swing and Sway with Sammy Kaye.  Every case we turned we saw names we’d not imagine would see on a dollar CD.  Every couple of cases would actually bring out a little vocalization.  Yes, people did turn when She of We waved one she found with Liberace!  Most probably because she shouted, “Liberace!”

So we stood there, Each of We stationed at a spinner, sorting through the jewel cases like little kids picking out candy in the corner store.  Would this one work for She of We’s 28 year old son.  What about He of We’s cousin who grew up at the symphony.  Does anybody like country?  Does anybody like operatic?  Which semi-regular couple friend of a relative will show up this year?  Plan for both, we’ll never get another chance.  How could we resist?  It’s hard enough to be creative but to be creative on a budget is a million times harder.  To be creative for over a dozen people for less than a 20 dollar bill was a Christmas miracle.

Almost an hour later we were done.  Fourteen individual CDs plus a couple for our cars.  If you were to show up at our table this evening we’d probably have something to fit your taste.  You’d get something.  Everybody gets something.  It’s a rule.  And if you bring a lot of friends with you everybody will still get something.  We might run out of CDs but there are always the holiday crackers.  Maybe you’ll be the lucky one to sit through dinner wearing the paper hat.

Remember, everybody gets something.  It’s the rule!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

We’re real, and we’re spectacular!

Michael Leave a comment

It’s back in the news.  Reality shows are being found unreal.  We entered that fray with our first post.  We didn’t then and don’t now like the reality they show us knowing that their reality is everybody else’s novelty.  The surprise shouldn’t be that someone suspected these were in fact scripted shows.  The surprise should be that a producer found six Amish youths who just happened to leave their communities and ended up in the same hotels in NYC all at the same time.  Or that three very different people including a goat farmer from the same NYC knew how Houdini relieved himself of a strait jacket.  Oh that they thnk so little of us that they believe that we believe these are really real.  Real?  Umm, we don’t think so.

We, however, are very real.  We are THE Real Reality Show.  What you get with us is what we are.   Yes there are times even our children cringe at that statement but that’s us.  We went back and looked at some of the things we’ve written just to be sure.  Yep.  That’s us.  And there’s even more.

We were reminded how real we are while watching television one evening last week.  Regular readers will have noticed that we come to a lot of conclusions while watching TV or while eating out.  Well, we watched a commercial portraying a couple putting together their hostess gift in the car outside the house, then donning reindeer ears, marching up the sidewalk, and then joining the party.  Together we looked at each other and said, “that’s us!”  We certain we’ve done that.  It’s just that it’s so like us we don’t even know we’re doing it.

And there are others.  Nobody but us would take advantage of the laws of physics and drive down an interstate highway in the pouring rain in a convertible with the top down absolutely certain we’d not get wet.  Not because of the laws of physics as much as “just because.”

Nobody but us could be driving down yet another highway while listening to a football game on the radio, hear a touchdown, and do a perfectly (yet still quite extemporaneously) choreographed end zone dance complete with foot stomps and hand claps while He of We’s daughter sits in the back seat wondering why she just doesn’t live with her cell phone permanently set to record video .

Nobody but us could spend two hours in a 20 year old game room playing 40 year old arcade games at one of the area’s finest ski resorts in the wee small hours of the morning feeling every bit as worldly as Richy Rich in his own playroom.  And every bit as lively as a 10 year old millionaire.

Nobody but us would invite a few friends to the house for cocktails and canapes and hire a singer musician to play for us because live is always better than recorded.  And get him 3 new gigs from others who’ll be wanting to do the same!

So as you read our tales twice a week, every week, be secure in the knowledge that this is one reality show that is really real.  No scripts.  No gimmicks.  No pay day.  So we take a little bad with all the good.

That’s what we think.  Really.  How ’bout you?

 

And if you order now…

Michael 2 Comments

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. No, you’re not having déjà vu. That is the way we opened our last blog. But, it really is the season for catalog shopping and today we bring you our long awaited annual holiday gift guide. You’ll recall a few posts ago we teased you with a couple early favorites – the rechargeable illuminated wrenches with stand for $79.95 and the home cellulite smoother kit at $1,500 plus shipping. (See Welcome to Black Cyber Month (Nov. 30, 2012.) Those are intriguing but don’t compare to last year’s pick, the Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speaker at the low, low price of $60,000 for the pair. (See Buy the Way, Dec. 1, 2011.) What will this year’s top catalog pick be?

None of our catalogs has anything close to the $60,000 price tag of that space saving yet concert hall replicating powerful gem of a speaker set. Perhaps retailers feel American shoppers are saving more than spending this year. Or else, since Neither of We ordered anything from them we weren’t graced with the Truly Extravagant line this year. For whatever reason, we have a more modest selection for you this year.

Perhaps you’ve lost your dog for the last time and you aren’t going to run all over the neighborhood trying to track the canine escapist. No need to. Let the satellites track your pooch while you check out the progress at your computer desk. Yes it’s a GPS tracking device for your dog. It’s a collar. It’s a transmitter. It’s water resistant (important for dogs in flight). It’s only $95 with the first three months of tracking service included. Try as we might, we just couldn’t find the regular price for the service after the first three months.

If you want to chase your runaway the old fashioned way but you live in Blizzardville, fear not. Snowshoes are just an order away. What? You can get snowshoes at the local snow shoe emporium, you say. Perhaps so but not in 8 designer colors and in family packs. Get the whole family out looking. A set of 4 for Mom, Dad, and 2 of the 2.3 children start at $470.

Just can’t stay out of touch? How about a watch for him or a bracelet for her that connects via Blue Tooth to your phone and vibrates whenever a call or text message is received. You can check out the display and nobody at your conference table will think you’re distracted by checking on your phone all the time. You may have to explain why you keep checking your watch instead. Starting at $109.99

All these might be terrific gifts for someone on your Nice List. Our favorite though, is the folding electric bicycle. Reaching speeds of up to 14 miles per hour and running for up to 2 hours on a single charge, it’s the perfect way to get away if you don’t want to get away too far. It’s your for only $5,000 plus $300 shipping.

We wonder if it comes assembled.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

We regret to inform you…

Michael Leave a comment

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. Whether on-line or a hard-copy catalog, people are still looking at colorful pictures, picturing loved ones in those colors, and sending off credit card numbers and waiting for packages on the porch to be there to greet them every day after work. Neither of We is any different.

Sometimes the operation is as smooth as we just described it. Every now and then an e-mail pops up that says, ‘Sorry, we regret to inform you that something bad happened and you won’t get your gift until May’ dashing hopes of holiday cheer and now wondering what to get Uncle Ed. She of We had just such an e-mail a bit ago. Well, actually, no, she didn’t. She got an e-mail not at all like that. This is what she got.

Unfortunately, we have to inform you of an error the fulfillment warehouse made which resulted in your order not shipping. Nope. Nada. None. It had not shipped as of yesterday. We are so sorry for this error!

We have confirmed that the warehouse has now fixed the error and your order will be en-route to you as of Monday 12/7 if it is not already.

Of course, the big question is: Will it arrive by Christmas? YES – you will receive it in time!

Don’t you just love it? ‘Dear customer, we made a mistake and you weren’t getting anything but we fixed it and now you will get it. And on time.’ No blaming the slowness of the mail. No blaming the foibles of electronic transmissions. No blaming volume or “this unanticipated popularity of our items.” Nope. We messed up, we fixed it, it’s on its way. And with cheerful punctuation!

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. And ‘tis the season for occasional disappointment. We think it’s good that somebody out there takes a light-hearted approach at their job. Why be so serious? Especially when it comes to punctuation!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Dressed for Success

Michael 1 Comment

Tomorrow there will be new meaning to Casual Friday in at least 30 U. S. cities.  Pittsburgh and Nashville get their turn today.  That would be Football Gear Friday in the 32 NFL home cities plus wherever rabid fans live.

The whole Casual Friday phenomenon which began in earnest at the tail end of the twentieth century was to embrace the beginning of the weekend with a more relaxed approach to office dress.  True casual dress such as shorts and t-shirts never made the grade beyond some uber-casual businesses mostly ending in dot-com.  But a more relaxed look took hold and spawned the whole concept of business casual.  Something you wouldn’t mind meeting clients in during the week day and then heading out for a couple after work without stopping at home for a wardrobe adjustment.  And life went on.  Until…

Until the football fanatics took over.  And football is the perfect sport to stretch the rules with.  Baseball plays every day of the week.  Hockey plays every day of the week.  NASCAR is already as casual as you can get.  But football is ideal.  What a better event to look forward to on a Friday afternoon than the culminating event of Sunday afternoon.  It is the weekend. 

It probably started innocently enough.  A lapel pin in the sport coat, a bracelet festooned with the local team logo, an earring here, a pendant there.  Rivals within the same building would look for the bigger cheering device.  Coffee cups, lunch bags, even briefcases.  Flags were hung outside office windows and banners were draped across reception desks.  The momentum was on and there was no going back!

Accessories soon gave way to golf shirts with team logos replacing the breast pocket.  Team hats would be seen topping tall heads in the elevators.  Scarves and sweaters with patterns embracing the home team came next.   Then it went where Casual Friday had resisted all those years.  T-shirts and sweatshirts with logos, inspirational team sayings, and pictures of favorite players cracked the casual barrier.  Then it was only a matter of the playoffs coming to town that brought replica jerseys into boardrooms where the morning meetings were led by replica mascots.

And so, every Friday in 32 cities plus the outlier cities with the out-placed rabid fans the commuter trains and busses, the freeways and parkways, the offices and factories, the coffee shops and emergency rooms turn into seas of Black and Gold, of flocks of angry birds, of packs of Lions and Panthers and Bears (oh my).  And the day marches by and it might seem a little odd, responsible adults dressing like high schoolers at a pep rally.  But the morning chats are lighter, the desks clear of clutter a little faster, and the trip for a couple after work a little shorter.

Monday will come soon enough.  Have a little fun before the weekend.  Go ahead and take the casual way to work tomorrow.  Or today if you’re in Pittsburgh or Nashville.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

 

We’re On Vacation, Part 3

Michael 1 Comment

You’ll recall in our last Vacation installment we didn’t turn down the free excursion.  Never turn down the free excursion.  We could have turned down the free excursion.

We were on the island of Puerto Rico, home of, among other famous things, Bacardi Rum. For our excursion we selected one that included a tour of the Bacardi factory.  He of We had been to the island many years before and had the opportunity then to tour the distiller’s plant.  He more than once tried to describe to She of We the ever present scent of molasses, a result of distilling sugar cane on its way to becoming rum, throughout the building.

So early one morning instead of deciding between pool and beach we assembled with 2 other couples, climbed into a surprisingly comfortable van where we were the charge of a very enjoyable tour guide and driver.  He regaled us with stories of real life on the island, his life.  We saw his home town, heard tales of his family, were told of his wife’s cooking, saw his favorite beach.  It was a most enjoyable and revealing 90 minutes that passed more quickly than it had to.  A stop here, a photo op there, and before we knew it, we were pulling into the parking lot outside the Bacardi welcome center.  A complimentary rum punch, then the tour, a quick dash through the gift shop, another hit of the free punch and then on to the day’s next destination.  This was going to be great!  

After our first free drink we climbed into one those trams that you never see anywhere but at some tour.  We drove across the compound and were let off at a recreation of a Spanish influenced Caribbean courtyard.  A few minutes for more pictures and then the guide was with us.  He spent some time explaining the company origin, how it came to the island, and how they make the rum there.  And then, it was really time.  We knew so because we were told once we go through that door there will be no more pictures.  And then we went through that door.  And got to watch a movie.

That was it.  A movie.  After that we saw a replica of the first factory and then we got to smell some rum, learned how to make a couple of cocktails and that concluded the tour.

What a letdown.  Years ago the tour went through the factory, the real factory.  And years ago we actually got to see how Hershey’s made chocolate, Busch made beer, and Heinz made ketchup.  Today those iconic factories are off limits to tour groups but tours continue with the help of movies, animations, and gift shops.  Why no more real tours?  They were fun, they were educational, they made us feel like part of a select group.  We weren’t going to steal company secrets or complain if we got squirted by sugar cane juice. 

We miss factory tours.  But we relished the deals we found at the company stores.  And the drive to that one on that day was pretty good.   On second thought, we were right the first time.   

Never turn down the free excursion.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

For more of our vacation, see We’re On Vacation, Part 1 and Part 2