Tag Friendships

Who do you think you are

Michael 11 Comments

Recently I’ve been thinking about relationships. Someone dropped a “like” on an older post, “Golden Oldies” as a matter of fact, and it reminded me that I had said the longest relationship I’ve had in my adult life (which itself is pretty damn long) has been with my little roadster. I’ve used that line a few times in blogs posts. I’ve used it a few times in speeches. It’s true you know. That has been my longest relationship outside of family, although now she’s more like family than some family.

Lots of relationships, even the short ones, can become more like family than some family. My partner at ROAMcare is more family than friend, and I can think of another 2 or 3 friends who fit in that category. Along the same line of thought, some acquaintances turn into friends when they really have no good reason to have done so.

I’m not sure where to put those we come across in the blogging world. The ones we connect with are more than just fellow bloggerets. Some we may have actually made our acquaintance with though I would think they are more than acquaintances. I’ve never met another from the blogging world although quite a few have made an impact on me.

In a post about a week ago I quoted Kurt Vonnegut. “We need gangs,” Vonnegut said, “I tell people to formulate a little gang. And, you know, you love each other.” The comments made it clear that here too is a gang. Perhaps that’s how we identify. As gang members.

One of the first of our gang I ran across was Bill Fyfe. Author. Correspondent. Canadian. We’d converse by email, an occasional postal correspondence, and by comments. Nice guy. Bill died a few years ago. His site, WD Fyfe is still active. Three or so years ago I was entered in a Toastmasters’ contest, and I needed a character for a narrative speech. So now in addition to his books and still active site, he is memorialized in a speech on YouTube.

Gang member? Acquaintance? Friend? Other? I don’t know what we are. All of us. There is something that somehow attracted us to each other. Of the 1600 or so” followers,” why is it that there is only a good handful I can call, if I were to call them anything, my gang member friends. That seems a good enough compromise.

In this week’s Uplift we tossed out the idea that one of our needs as fellow humans is to connect with other humans, often other humans who are nothing like us. Check out Opposites Attract and see if you don’t agree.

When eyes are smilin’

Michael 10 Comments

A chance encounter reminded me of an old post here that led to a new post there. It’s been a couple of weeks since I visited the walk in wobble out same day surgery center at the local big time hospital. It was on the way in that I had my mind’s eye opened.

Almost exactly 8 years ago (March 30, 2017 to be exactly exact) I posted about The Hi Guys. What could have happened all this time later to remind me of that ancient text. A near exact (there’s that word again) encounter as the one that led to the post. Back then it was a grocery store, this time it was a hospital. Both life saving institutions in their own way. But what was it. It was the greeting and the smile of an absolutely complete stranger that turned a day of anticipated dread into one of realizing the world really isn’t such a bad place after all. (Except for Washington, DC. There it’s the pits and will for always and ever and/or until January 2029 be so.)

Anyway, to see what that was, take a look at The Hi Guys and see how a simple nod or hello can become a powerful incentive to making someone smile and maybe, just maybe making their day.
While you’re there, sign up to join the ROAMcare community. It’s the only way you’ll get to see what tomorrow’s Friday Flashback will be.

HiGuys

one of one-plus

Michael 11 Comments

Last week I took a shot at regaling you with tales of spending a week in the hospital and coming home alone. Naturally the perfect followup to that would be (to take a shot at) regaling you with tales of spending that recovery week not quite alone. Yes, even though I made a big thing out of how hard it is to not be well and be alone, versus when you are a one of two, I wasn’t completely alone in my recovery week. Not quite not alone but definitely not alone.

I closed last week’s post with, “When one of two is missing, the void seems bigger than when one of one is gone. And when one of one returns, the welcome home is much less welcoming. I can probably write an entire post on that. Maybe I will someday.” Never to not pick up such a tempting gauntlet as that, I will accept my own challenge. Sort of.

First, to those who had asked, I am fine and anticipate I will grow even finer as the days march by. I made it through the first week out of the hospital without returning to the hospital and that’s not something I can say about all of my discharges. Fortunately, I had a lot of help. As I said, I was not completely alone last week. I had help. Not “one of two” help, maybe more like “one of one-plus.” Between my daughter and my sisters for some physical assistances and a handful of friends for mental, emotional, and at times even comical support, the week moved along faster than I figured it would.

It is a big boost when someone you typically connect with primarily through text messages makes time in her schedule to call at least once a day every day to check on how things are going. It is as big an aid to recovery as having someone stop in to do the heavy lifting portions of the never-ending household chores that one with a newly prescribed 5 pound lifting limit and prohibitions against bending and stretching cannot take on alone. Yes, it is not a secret that physical recovery does not happen, or happens very slowly, without mental and emotional recovery tagging along.

I recall that first discharge from so many years ago, the physical helpers were there but there was a distinct void where someone, some ones, or anyone who might call just to see how things were going could have been. What was most disheartening was that there should have been at least one someone, but the call that came rather than a message of support was of the “I didn’t sign up to be a nursemaid” type. And with it a rather rapid descent from the stratospheric one of two to the heartbreaking loneliness of a one of less than one.

Fortunately, over the years I discovered a handful of contenders willing to be part of my one of one-plus entourage. True, the other one of a one of one-plus won’t be there to help you into bed, or to wake you when your due for medication or a dressing change, or tell you, “Sit still! I’m perfectly capable of making us breakfast,” as I imagine the other one of one of two would, somehow it is easy to imagine they would if things might had been just a bit different. And a one of one-plus will always be there on the other end of a phone call or text message, or email, or even a card or letter when you least expect it, or at least when you least are thinking about it for a while and add to your emotional recovery.

The best one of one-pluses are those who take their role seriously, as seriously as a one of two partner would. Maybe even more. Let’s face it, a lot of one of two partnerships exist because of some compromise or even a little unspoken quid pro quo. Sometimes a lot of quid pro quo. A one of one-plus is more selfless and unconditional. There is nothing you are getting back for your love and concern except maybe someone’s love and concern. A friend of mine, a one of one-plus with me, said “Being one of one can be isolating. Being one of two is ideal. But being one of many makes a community. We all need each other and do better when we feel cared for and important to somebody.” I suppose if we put all my one of one-pluses together we can make a “one of many” community. (Now that might make for an interesting blog too. In fact, that sounds like just the thing we’d post at the ROAMcare blog, Uplift!  Maybe you should make a note in your calendar to check that out this Wednesday.)

Speaking of Uplift! In the latest post we wondered, if “In case” added to your declaration is a positive account of caution and a potential response to a situation, is “just in case” just a poor excuse for a poor choice? Read it here to see what we had to say about that.

Hey, here’s an extra thought if you know someone who could use a hand and you’re feeling one-plus-like. Dinners that can be heated and eaten are great but think outside the oven. Rides to labs or tests are great stress relievers and don’t often run unpredictably late like a doctor appointment may. And back in the food arena, if your someone is a big breakfast eater, a prepared morning meal is just as appreciated, if not more than an evening meal. A French toast casserole, or stack of frozen waffles makes a nice change for someone who may be too unsteady in the morning even to work a bowl of microwave oatmeal. My best meal “gift” ever was a bag of frozen breakfast burritos my daughter worked up. A few minutes in the microwave and a cup of yogurt with fresh fruit and I had a breakfast that kept me well through lunch and the only thing I needed to work was a spoon.

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