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The Gift of Music

Michael Leave a comment

What do pumpkin cakes, ceramic penguins, dip dishes (with dip mixes in 2 flavors!), and holiday CDs have in common?  After tonight they will have all been party favors at our Christmas Eve dinner.

Christmas Eve is a special time for us.  It was the first holiday that we combined families at a formal gathering.  It was the first holiday that we lightened up a formal gathering.  And it’s probably the holiday that almost everybody most looks forward to.

Christmas Eve has also become a holiday that we never know exactly how many people will be with us.  Our core families will be there.  But there always is at least one extra couple and never invited by Either of We.  We don’t care.  There’s always room at the table.  But it makes those favors a bit interesting.  This year we decided on holiday music CDs.  You can’t beat a good Christmas Carol.  We have the gamut from Carol of the Bells to Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.  We’re planning on 10 at the table but we got 14 CDs because we’re never really sure.

A formal dinner for 14 might seem a bit extravagant to begin with.  Neither of We hit the rich mark in the ‘how well off are you’ scale.  We still manage to put together a traditional Italian feast of the seven fishes (for He of We’s side) and a traditional seafood themed American Christmas Eve (at She of We’s urging and to the great relief of many on He or We’s side).  With all that seafood, how do we manage to put together a dozen unique favors especially when they are favoring our guests with the gift of music, usually not an inexpensive offering.  He of We will take credit for that one.

We were out shopping and not even thinking of favors for Christmas Eve.  We had just finished up with Thanksgiving and were trying to shift ourselves from one holiday to another.  We ended up in one of our favorite, but not routinely visited stores.  It has literally everything.  Water heaters, garden flags, canned goods and canning goods.  Local sports teams doo-dads and needlework craft sets.  Hoses and hooks.  Books and — CDs.  While checking out the holiday themed flashlights He of We spotted a pair of spinner racks at the end of an aisle.  Thereupon sat hundreds of CDs.  All Christmas music, all the time.  And every one of them priced at one dollar.  One hundred cents, ten thin dimes, a buck a piece.  They had “favor” written all over them.

But (isn’t there always a but in a perfectly good favor find?), but, who gets what?  Who likes what?  We have a most eclectic Christmas Eve group.  We run the gamut from refined, retired ladies to a couple who met on an oil drilling rig.  Not to say that a well driller isn’t refined.  But there are probably differences in musical taste.  Do they get the CD with Mariah Carey, or the one with the studio group singing “Good King What’s His Name?”  And not only is the group eclectic.  So are the CDs.  Let’s face it, these are dollar CDs.  You aren’t getting the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for a dollar.  Well, actually, now, there were two of them that had selections sung by just that choir.  And some had Glen Campbell.  There were those with the London Symphony and there were those while listening you could Swing and Sway with Sammy Kaye.  Every case we turned we saw names we’d not imagine would see on a dollar CD.  Every couple of cases would actually bring out a little vocalization.  Yes, people did turn when She of We waved one she found with Liberace!  Most probably because she shouted, “Liberace!”

So we stood there, Each of We stationed at a spinner, sorting through the jewel cases like little kids picking out candy in the corner store.  Would this one work for She of We’s 28 year old son.  What about He of We’s cousin who grew up at the symphony.  Does anybody like country?  Does anybody like operatic?  Which semi-regular couple friend of a relative will show up this year?  Plan for both, we’ll never get another chance.  How could we resist?  It’s hard enough to be creative but to be creative on a budget is a million times harder.  To be creative for over a dozen people for less than a 20 dollar bill was a Christmas miracle.

Almost an hour later we were done.  Fourteen individual CDs plus a couple for our cars.  If you were to show up at our table this evening we’d probably have something to fit your taste.  You’d get something.  Everybody gets something.  It’s a rule.  And if you bring a lot of friends with you everybody will still get something.  We might run out of CDs but there are always the holiday crackers.  Maybe you’ll be the lucky one to sit through dinner wearing the paper hat.

Remember, everybody gets something.  It’s the rule!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

We regret to inform you…

Michael Leave a comment

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. Whether on-line or a hard-copy catalog, people are still looking at colorful pictures, picturing loved ones in those colors, and sending off credit card numbers and waiting for packages on the porch to be there to greet them every day after work. Neither of We is any different.

Sometimes the operation is as smooth as we just described it. Every now and then an e-mail pops up that says, ‘Sorry, we regret to inform you that something bad happened and you won’t get your gift until May’ dashing hopes of holiday cheer and now wondering what to get Uncle Ed. She of We had just such an e-mail a bit ago. Well, actually, no, she didn’t. She got an e-mail not at all like that. This is what she got.

Unfortunately, we have to inform you of an error the fulfillment warehouse made which resulted in your order not shipping. Nope. Nada. None. It had not shipped as of yesterday. We are so sorry for this error!

We have confirmed that the warehouse has now fixed the error and your order will be en-route to you as of Monday 12/7 if it is not already.

Of course, the big question is: Will it arrive by Christmas? YES – you will receive it in time!

Don’t you just love it? ‘Dear customer, we made a mistake and you weren’t getting anything but we fixed it and now you will get it. And on time.’ No blaming the slowness of the mail. No blaming the foibles of electronic transmissions. No blaming volume or “this unanticipated popularity of our items.” Nope. We messed up, we fixed it, it’s on its way. And with cheerful punctuation!

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. And ‘tis the season for occasional disappointment. We think it’s good that somebody out there takes a light-hearted approach at their job. Why be so serious? Especially when it comes to punctuation!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Thank You, Again

Michael 1 Comment

This year there will be a group of WalMart stores that when the others open after Thanksgiving dinner, they probably will not.  It was big news in our area that workers in these stores will be the representatives protesting having to work Thanksgiving Day.  It filled part of the front page and some minutes of on air news time on the days leading to Thanksgiving. 

We were in a your basic average retail discount department store the night before Thanksgiving picking up some last minute items to make our feast festive when we found out that chain will open at 7am on Thanksgiving morning.  It got us to thinking about how many people work on the holidays now.  It wasn’t always and probably never really has to be.  But even if you closed all of the stores and malls and outlets there would still be many at work.  Last year we paid them our thanks.  We can’t say it any better this year so we’re going to say it again.

Think way back, back to the day when all of those stores were closed on holidays, Sundays and most other days after 5.  But even then there was a corps of people who knew that when the holidays came around they were just as likely to be at work as they were on any Tuesday afternoon.  To these people we say, “Thank You!!!”

Thank you to…   Firemen, policemen, paramedics, and ambulance drivers.  First responders of every kind.  The members of our armed forces.  Hospital workers.  Priests, ministers, rabbis, and other men and women “of the cloth.”  Newspaper production and delivery people, reporters, television and radio engineers, producers, directors, and on-air personalities.  Toll collectors, train engineers, pilots, co-pilots, flight attendants.  Bus drivers and taxi drivers.  Air traffic controllers, airport security, baggage handlers, and airplane maintenance.  Train station and bus depot ticket sellers and collectors.  Hotel receptionists and housekeepers.  Restaurant cooks, servers, bus-people and hosts/hostesses.  Bartenders.  Electric company, gas company, telephone company, water company, sewage company, alarm company, and cable company repair and emergency service employees.   Tow truck drivers, snow plow drivers, and street repair people on a moment’s notice.  Commercial truck drivers and freight handlers.  Couriers.  Nursing home, personal care home, retirement home and home health care workers.  Security guards.  Heating and air-conditioning technicians, plumbers, and electricians when they least expect it.  Gas station attendants and clerks at convenience stores with convenient hours (yes, retail stores but they have always been open).

Did we miss anybody?  We’re sorry if we did.  Please feel free to add them in a comment, extend the list, and keep the thanks going.  We’re also sorry if we couldn’t come up with the official job title or this week’s most politically correct reference.  In our experience, most of these people care more about the service they are providing than the name they are called.  That’s why most of these people are in jobs that risk being scheduled or holidays, weekends, evenings, and nights.  They are the ones likely to do something for you and then say thank you more than they expect to be told thank you. 

Please, don’t forget these folks.  Someday you’ll want to thank them.  Now would be a good time.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

 

We’re On Vacation, Part 3

Michael 1 Comment

You’ll recall in our last Vacation installment we didn’t turn down the free excursion.  Never turn down the free excursion.  We could have turned down the free excursion.

We were on the island of Puerto Rico, home of, among other famous things, Bacardi Rum. For our excursion we selected one that included a tour of the Bacardi factory.  He of We had been to the island many years before and had the opportunity then to tour the distiller’s plant.  He more than once tried to describe to She of We the ever present scent of molasses, a result of distilling sugar cane on its way to becoming rum, throughout the building.

So early one morning instead of deciding between pool and beach we assembled with 2 other couples, climbed into a surprisingly comfortable van where we were the charge of a very enjoyable tour guide and driver.  He regaled us with stories of real life on the island, his life.  We saw his home town, heard tales of his family, were told of his wife’s cooking, saw his favorite beach.  It was a most enjoyable and revealing 90 minutes that passed more quickly than it had to.  A stop here, a photo op there, and before we knew it, we were pulling into the parking lot outside the Bacardi welcome center.  A complimentary rum punch, then the tour, a quick dash through the gift shop, another hit of the free punch and then on to the day’s next destination.  This was going to be great!  

After our first free drink we climbed into one those trams that you never see anywhere but at some tour.  We drove across the compound and were let off at a recreation of a Spanish influenced Caribbean courtyard.  A few minutes for more pictures and then the guide was with us.  He spent some time explaining the company origin, how it came to the island, and how they make the rum there.  And then, it was really time.  We knew so because we were told once we go through that door there will be no more pictures.  And then we went through that door.  And got to watch a movie.

That was it.  A movie.  After that we saw a replica of the first factory and then we got to smell some rum, learned how to make a couple of cocktails and that concluded the tour.

What a letdown.  Years ago the tour went through the factory, the real factory.  And years ago we actually got to see how Hershey’s made chocolate, Busch made beer, and Heinz made ketchup.  Today those iconic factories are off limits to tour groups but tours continue with the help of movies, animations, and gift shops.  Why no more real tours?  They were fun, they were educational, they made us feel like part of a select group.  We weren’t going to steal company secrets or complain if we got squirted by sugar cane juice. 

We miss factory tours.  But we relished the deals we found at the company stores.  And the drive to that one on that day was pretty good.   On second thought, we were right the first time.   

Never turn down the free excursion.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

For more of our vacation, see We’re On Vacation, Part 1 and Part 2

 

 

Decisions, Decisions – and not the easy political kind

Michael Leave a comment

We’re in a quandary.  A friend, a local entertainer, an incredible talent, a vocalist who accompanies himself on the acoustic guitar played his first gig and a nearby lounge a little while ago.  He typically has played in venues that although aren’t far away, are far away enough that you check your gas gauge before you leave home for the evening. So we were quite thrilled when he wrote and told us he’d be no more than 3 miles from He of We’s driveway.

And drive away we did.  We had been to the venue twice before.  Once for a Sunday brunch they no longer do (which was very good), and once for dinner (which was beyond their capabilities).  In neither case was the service anything even approaching average.  It had been at least a year since we had been there so we were anxious to see what changes they had made.

They hadn’t.  But the evening was not a loss.  The food was bad, the service worse, but the entertainment was as first rate as we had anticipated.  We even introduced He of We’s daughter to the acoustic troubadour expanding his influence into the next generation.  The crowd was into his performance and applauded each offering (yes, we’ll say it) wildly.  But the food was so bad.  And the service was so worse.

What we will do if the restaurant brings him back on a regular basis? We don’t want to hurt his feelings not showing up when it’s not even a 15 minute drive, including lights, when we’ve driven over an hour to hear him.  But we don’t want to risk gastro-intestinal distress, possibly irreparable damage, if we have to subject ourselves to their idea of cooking once a month.  We can’t even feign enjoyment and pick our way through the one or two items nobody can screw up because those were the ones they ran out of early in the evening.  Even if they didn’t, we still have to subject ourselves to the worst service we’d seen since the Sixth Grade Washington DC Field Trip Spaghetti Dinner Fundraiser.

We suppose we’re going to have to arrange to be out of town whenever he plays there (“Oh, we wish we knew you were there this week.  We had these airline vouchers we had to use before Monday and thought this would be a good time to see Guam.”), or car trouble (“What bad luck, we were on our way when of all things we couldn’t get the hood to go down.  We thought we could have backed all the way there but the nice police officer didn’t.”), or illness (“Hack hack cough cough sneeze wheeze sneeze.  We’ll make it.  We missed your last 7 sets there.  Well, if you really think you really don’t mind”). 

We don’t know.  Maybe gastrointestinal distress once a month might be good for us.  

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Game On!

Michael Leave a comment

Many people who are just acquainted with us are often shocked to ultimately find out that He and She of We are not married, or at the very least for the 21st century, not even living together.  We spend a lot of time together but we each have our own houses and spend more time in our own houses than we do at either’s others’ houses.  Of course there are evenings we’ll be found on one or another’s sofas usually in the glow of a televised sporting event or a demanded, if not on-demanded movie. 

Last weekend we were on He of We’s furniture, about 4 feet apart, rapturously engaged in a game of words.  No, not the grand-daddy of all games of words Scrabble, not the second cousin of word games without words, Charades.  No, we were sitting next to each other, letting our fingers do the walking through Words with Friends on our cell phones.  In the same house.  In the same room.  On the same couch.

Although both of our children are either young enough, or old enough depending on your point of view, to have discovered and to have played with PlayStation, Nintendo, and Wii, none of them became one of the electronic game junkies who walk around with fingers flailing over tiny controllers of hand-held versions of the gaming consoles that hold so many in mental hostage situations.   And all of them are familiar with games that involve fold-out boards, dice, tiles, poppers, timers, and a pad and pencil to keep score.  We’re pretty proud parents that our children made it into adulthood with having hand-held electronic games listed as dependents on their income tax forms.

So where did we go wrong for ourselves?  How did we manage to find ourselves phoning in our own recreation?  Don’t tell the children this but it is darned convenient having a game at your fingertips.  No boards to pull off shelves, no tables to clear.  No looking for the pieces that fall under the chairs, no pencil sharpeners to wonder if we even still have to look for.  No shaking up bags of tiles to pick from randomly, no wondering if that really is a word and will I look foolish if I challenge it.

So yes, we’ve succumbed to the dark side.  This time.  We’re willing to let a microprocessor randomly select letters and accurately add up scores.  We still get to use the best game piece – our minds.  Yep, of all the things we’ve lost – tile holders, letters, box tops, score cards – we’ve not yet lost our minds.  We’re pretty sure of that.  Yeah, pretty sure.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Star Polisher

Michael 1 Comment

January 5, Twelfth Night, the Eve of the Epiphany, the last evening that precedes the Twelfth Day of Christmas.  Ok, that can be a little confusing but think like most businesses that are open 24 hours think, such as a hospital or a large supermarket.  At most places where a day takes up 24 hours, shifts for any given day don’t begin at midnight.  They start the evening before the following day.  Ok, that’s still confusing.  Trust us, tonight is Twelfth Night, tomorrow is the Twelfth Day of Christmas, aka the Epiphany.  Remember?  Those three kings bearing gifts following yonder star.  Star of wonder.  Star of light.  Ok, now hold that thought.

We were talking the other day about things like New Year’s Resolutions (which if you read our post from January 2 you know we’re holding until March), needy friends, and end of the year burn out.  We don’t have so many friends that we can afford to alienate any of them by not responding to their needs.  On the other hand, we don’t have so many free hours in any day that we can constantly be serving their neediness.  That was when we had our own epiphany.  That’s epiphany with a little “e” – a sudden intuitive leap of understanding.  We have become Star Polishers.

She of We coined the phrase “Star Polisher” to describe those people that one turns to when one needs his or her self-esteem or star, brightened or polished.  Like most couples, we are each other’s star polisher.  It really only takes a little maintenance to keep our stars shiny and bright.  Most of the time we do it without even noticing that we are doing it.  A comment about looking nice today, a thank you for dinner, or an unexpected gift.

The ability to polish somebody’s star is an awesome responsibility. Friends and loved ones seek you out because they know that no matter what, you will make them feel warm and worthwhile and connected to this thing we call life.  Seeing and finding the best part of people when they want to give up or give in is a gift.  It’s the listening, the smile, or even the tears that keep us connected to each other.  And as we begin a new year it’s time to reconnect with each other.

She of We is such a good polisher that many of her stars have found their own twinkle.  A professional in the hard sciences who really would rather be an artist becoming that artist and seeing his work hung in a gallery.  A musician once literally travelling from gig to gig now filling rooms at request with each person called by name, each thanked personally.  A manager once questioning if his ascent was only because he was around the longest now confident that even if a new Day One should ever come he’ll still be “top of the heap.”  They are enough to make a Star Polisher beam.  

But Star Polishers must be wary of the Star who never gets bright enough.  These stars know who they are.  They call or text about every problem in life no matter how inconvenient it may be.  They know exactly when they are becoming tarnished – the bad relationship, the lousy job, nobody understands them.  They claim so many blemishes all at once that even an extra strength polishing isn’t going to satisfy them.  They hover in your doorway at work, they are on your voicemail at home, and they are in your e-mail at both.  They never ask if you have time to spend on them.  It never occurs to them to ask how you are.  They barge right in and are taken aback if you have to delay the polishing until a better time, even if it means only a few minutes delay. 

Star Polishers need to take special care not to have their own stars burned out.  Sometimes the Polishers have to admit that they have given all the shine that they have.  They love you and wish you nothing but the best but it’s time to look inside yourself and shine on your own for a while.  There are times when even She of We uses so much energy polishing other stars that she loses some of her shine.  Your job if you find yourself polished up by one of her kind is to say “thank you” and acknowledge the unexpected gift that you’ve been given.  Take a moment to become the Polisher’s Polisher.  That’s the number one way to make sure your own Star Polisher will always have some sparkle handy for you.

So it’s only one gift.  It was only one star.  And it’s still pretty bright.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Say What?

Michael Leave a comment

Should old acquaintances be forgot?  Depends on the acquaintance and if he – or she – is old, long, and sighs.

Not only is it bad enough that New Year’s Eve comes at the end of a year, a most traumatic time for many, usually the last we hear of it is sung to a song written a couple hundred years ago in a language not many understand derived from poems written a couple hundred years earlier still in a language fewer use.  But sing it we do.  Even if we don’t have a clue to what we’re singing.

Somewhere, sometime, somebody translated most of the song.  We don’t know how accurate the translation is but we’ve been singing it that way since Guy Lombardo led his Pennsylvanians into the New Year that was 1930.  The Scottish poet Robert Burns wrote the lyrics as we know them in 1788.  He wrote more 500 poems and this is the one we remember at least once a year.  His inspiration may or may not have come from even earlier songs and poems dating to the 1500s.  Those earlier songs would seem to have or have not themselves inspired by yet even older Scottish folk songs of love and friendship.  It’s odd that even those whose careers rely on interpreting literature can’t agree on what the words mean.  The version Burns put to paper appears to be of friends recently parted.  Some say the lyrics refer to battles fought for king and country and some for God and honor.  Some have interpreted them to speak of a bond among men and some to a relationship between a man and a woman.  And those are of the lyrics we understand.

And no wonder there is confusion.  There’s not even consensus of what the title means.  We tried to research what those three little words really are and what they really mean.  The problem with “auld lang syne” is that it sounds suspiciously like English so most people feel they know what the words are and what they mean.  Odd long sign.  All sung high.  Old dang sign.  Old long high.  Odd dang high.  The first four references we checked gave us four different translations:  old long ago, time long past, old times’ sake, and times gone by.  So we gave up.  They mean whatever you want them to mean. 

We take them to mean that one should remember the year just ending and wish every friendship grows a year older by the end of next year.  The memory of every moment spent is a gift for the moments yet to come.  Every day gone by is an opportunity to welcome a new day.

Should old acquaintance be forgot? 
Oh dear let’s never mind. 
We’ll beg a cup the kind you brought
and pay you back some other time.

Hey, Happy New Year!

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

On the Second Day of Christmas

Michael 1 Comment

Happy Day after Christmas, or if you prefer, St. Stephen’s Day or Boxing Day.  We don’t think much about the day after Christmas.  Usually it’s back to work, start thinking what resolution we’ll be breaking sometime in January, or where did we put those receipts. 

There are some who will continue to give presents throughout the twelve days of Christmas or in some fashion commemorate the march of the Wise Men.  For many though, the days immediately after Christmas are seen as the end of the season and the more common discussions heard around water coolers, proverbial and literal, are of when will you be taking down the decorations, have you gotten all those toys put together, and did you get what you wanted for Christmas.

Neither of us is so dramatic as to have a tree at the curbside on December 26 although both of us know people who will cart their formerly grandly decorated evergreen to the curb as soon as after Christmas Day’s festivities have ended.  No doubt these are the people who had purchased their live trees while so many others were celebrating Black Friday.  He of We typically keeps his outdoor decorations up and lit until the Feast of the Epiphany.  (If you promise not to tell too many others we are willing to reveal that it started out because it’s usually just too darned cold, snowy, and ice-covered to take them down too soon after Christmas so he figured he might as well look like he knows the story.)   

Both of We remember those days when Christmas came partially assembled.  No matter how hard we and parents all over the world tried, not everything could get assembled before the holiday.  The hope was that the children would be so taken by whatever was assembled they wouldn’t notice the brakeless bike behind the tree.  Uh huh.  Distractions might buy you that extra day but eventually the tools and assembly guides would be share space at the lunch table with the leftover hams, turkeys, and roasts and we and parents all over the world re-opened Santa’s Workshop, South Division come December 26.

 A terrific sentiment for a Christmas card would be “Some friends know the gift of friendship is more important that crass commercialism or material presents.  Aren’t you glad I’m one of them?”  But honestly a good, heartfelt, well thought gift means a lot also.  And we got lots of them.  Enough to gloat even!  But we won’t.  We also got a reminder that for all that we mean to each other, friend is always near the top of that list.  About that we will gloat!

So there are ten days to go to complete the proverbial Twelve Days of Christmas.  According to PNC Financial Services, this year’s total will run one willing to fulfill all of the wishes of his (or her) true love $24,263.18.  Perhaps we’ll just stick with our true love’s friendship.  It really is priceless.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Who’s Naughty, Who’s Nice

Michael Leave a comment

It’s worked for the man in red since he hitched his sleigh to his first magic reindeer.  It’s that famous list.  Who’s naughty?  Who’s nice?  We’ve borrowed that idea.   No, not for who gets coal in their stocking and who gets gift cards.  We’ve taken the big guy’s concept and applied it to our most important holiday list.  Who gets a card, and within that group, who gets what card? 

Actually, Santa has it easy.  You’re good, you make the grade.  You’re bad, better luck next year.  It seems to work for him.  We’re a bit more discriminating.    You see, there are actually two lists.

List #1 is the big one, the discriminator, THE list.  Who’s on and who’s off.   Didn’t talk to us at all last year – no calls, no stop overs, no Friday night dinners?  You’re naughty.  (Exceptions made for Aunt Whatshername in Minnesota.)  Brought out a cup of hot chocolate when you saw us waiting for the AAA a quarter mile from home?  You’re nice.  Used to be a couple last year and aren’t this year and you’re the reason?  You’re naughty.  For life!  Used to be a couple last year and aren’t this year because who used to be the better half turned out as bad as everyone else knew?  You’re nice.  Clueless, but nice.  Haven’t talked to us in 14 years and suddenly you start calling  and inviting us to your club for lunch right after you saw in the paper we hit the lottery?  You’re naughty and so are your children.   And so we continue through last year’s lists separating the nice from the caught, the haughty, and the generally naughty.

List #2 is where we recognize the nicest of the nice.  That’s the Good Cards List.  These are the people for whom we care enough to send the best.  These are the truest allies, the closest relatives, the genuine friends. These are the people you think of when considering which Christmas card sparkling with glitter, rich with real parchment, and with a verse that says exactly what you want to say, will convey that nice has its privileges.  Requires extra postage?  No problem.  If you’ve made the nice half of this list you’re worth it!  Who’s on the other side?  Those not naughty enough to be banished entirely from this season’s greetings but not A-List worthy.  They get the previous year’s end of season special at the dollar store – 4 boxes for a buck, matching envelopes maybe.  These are the relatives 3 states away you keep on your list only because they keep sending to you.  (Exceptions made for Aunt Whatshername in Minnesota.)  These are the neighbors who didn’t call the police after that unfortunate incident at the fish fry with the hot oil and the pile of dry leaves.  These are for the paper carrier (who made the list just because of the entertaining holiday letter but that was a different post).

Naughty or nice?  It’s a powerful responsibility.  Use it wisely.  Face it, at $4.59 a pop you can’t care enough to send the best to everyone!

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?