Tag Food

Ode to a toaster oven

Michael 10 Comments

Let’s say you’re the not yet born offspring of parents who already have a young boy and girl. I know, I know. That’s a very traditional and somewhat old fashioned and arbitrary gender assignment, but stay with me for a while. You hear these parents discussing your future.

“We already have one of each. What are we going to do with another of either?”

“Maybe if we try hard, we can make it something else.”

“What else could there be?”

“Well, it’s the twentieth century. Surely there is room for a third option. Perhaps a blend.”

“Yes, yes perhaps so, and don’t call me Shirley.”

I imagine that is how the toaster oven was invented. (Okay, so I have a pretty vivid imagination. How do you think it came about?)

I can almost hear this conversation in the appliance aisle of any big box or discount department store. “Stay away from that shelf. We already have a toaster and an oven. Why would anybody want to clutter their counter with something that’s not quite either and not quite different?”

Well, I’m here to tell you, there are lots of reasons why. Warming croissants, reheating home made pot pies, roasting chicken breasts, even toasting bagels. All sorts of things too large for a toaster (which might work well for drying out a slice of bread) or too small to warrant turning in the oven (which works best as a storage space for large pots and pans that modern kitchen designers fail to make space for), and aren’t cold coffee (which the reheating of is the real and only reason to own a microwave oven).

I personally think the toaster oven is the unsung hero of kitchenism, and since this is my blog, I get to decide who are legitimate heroes and that kitchenism is a legitimate word. Really, when you think of all the money that goes into kitchens, why isn’t more spent on toaster ovens. Money? When you think of all the thinking that goes into kitchens, why isn’t more spent on toaster ovens.

Almost nobody thinks about toaster ovens. If you do an internet search for the “history of toaster ovens,” you will turn up a lot of responses for “toasters” but none for “toaster ovens.” On the other hand, if you just search “toaster ovens” you will get hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, and a couple more, models to buy. They will sell you it but not tell you about it. Seems rather mercenary to me.

Oh, the poor toaster oven gets less respect than Jack Roy. (Go ahead, look it up. I’ll wait.)

(Welcome back.)

The keys to successful and happy life are to concentrate on the little things, stay interested in what you love and sweat the small stuff! In the most recent Uplift! we explore way to do just that! (Approximate reading time – 2 minutes)

IMG_3613

Trick or Treat -ish, Part Last

Michael 9 Comments

Well here we are. The big day. The day that began with people wearing costumes to ward off ghosts to a day to honor the dead, to a day for kids to fill their bags with candy, to the day when adults get as drunk as on St. Patrick’s Day. So here we are with some more of my ghoulish thoughts. Innumerable. And for the last time. (Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and cheer.)

 

THOUGHT 1

Did you know the 25% of all candy sold in the US is at Halloween. Take that St. Valentine! And last year, Americans spent nearly $500 million on costumes — for their pets! Both of those facts are courtesy of History.com. If anybody should know what has happened, it would be them. (Hmm I wonder…if anybody would know what has happened, it should be them. I’m not sure which way. If anybody has an strong opinion on that, I’d love to hear about it. Anyway…) I think that’s a TREAT, or at least it’s pretty cute.

According to the American Addiction Center, Halloween is the fifth booziest American holiday. That’s plenty enough on that topic. TRICK

 

THOUGHT 2

You might have seen over the weekend news about the tragedy in South Korea – over 150 people were killed and another 130-plus injured in a crowd surge. The details of what initiated the stampede were not clear by the last time I checked the news. What was known is that it started at a Halloween party and many of the victims were in costume. I’m a country not known for celebrating Halloween. TRICK, BAD TRICK.

I’m sure you didn’t see this in the news but around here almost every community’s fire company’s held Halloween parades, costume parties, and “Truck or Treats.” SUPER FUN BIG TREAT!!

 

THOUGHT 3

There is only one week left till the American general election. I hate to start a sentence like this but…I remember when candidates had pithy little sayings (remember All the way with LBJ?), and then they’d even mention some of their qualifications or at least attributes. Now it is more a matter of how bad can you portray your opponent? Here in my neck of the woods we’ve heard candidates called extreme, dangerous, radical, a fraud, and delusional. Imagine going into a job interview and telling your prospective boss, “You should hire me. I can’t give you any good reason to, but I can tell you that other guy who was just here is delusional.” How can you even say that in an ad. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. TRICK, DISGUSTING TRICK.

Yesterday was National Candy Corn Day. Candy corn is a superfood and a perfect food. I know because I said so here.  I also said, “As far as candy goes, Candy Corn is a healthy snack. Umm, healthier snack. Each serving, officially 15 pieces or one generous handful, is fat and cholesterol free, low sodium, and contains 22 grams of sugar and only 110 calories. Unlike real corn it is also fiber free so they’ll be no uncomfortable bloating.” What more could you ask for? (What more can you ask for? I have to research conditional tenses before next week. Anyway…) Candy corn leaves a good taste in my mouth. SUPER BIG BETTER THAN PEANUT BUTTER TREAT!!!

BONUS THOUGHT

Did you know we are forever learning, growing, and evolving, and are perpetual works in progress on a permanent quest for improvement. Read why we say never resist a temporary inconvenience if it results in a permanent improvement at ROAMcare.org. (Believe me, it will be a TREAT!)

2639ADDD-9FFA-4219-BCC5-17C4F984EE5D

Trick or Treat – ish, Part 2

Michael 6 Comments

Yes, yes, more tricks and treats coming out of the cobweb filled corners of my brain.

THOGHT ONE
It’s fall. Autumn. That season between summer and winter when apparently it can be either summer or winter depending on Mother Nature’s mood. Last week outside my door snow accumulated for the first time this season. Last week outside my door it was 80 degrees (About 26 or 27 C). Man does that make it difficult to decided what pajamas to wear! TRICK

It’s fall. Autumn. Spring is probably more colorful based on the wide variety of hues displayed by blossoming plants and blooming flowers, but autumn leaves have to be the most dramatic display of nature’s beauty with its riot of reds and yellows and oranges. TREAT!

 

THOUGHT TWO

It’s fall. Autumn. Pumpkin spice flavor everything season. REPEAT TRICK

It’s fall. Autumn. Apple everything season. From apple butter to apple cider to apple fritters to apple soup. Last week I made a batch of apple fritters from freshly picked apples. I can’t scientific prove it, but I’m sure they tasted better than from those store bought apples you get in February. And you say you never had apple soup? There are a million recipes for it on line (okay okay, that’s an exaggeration, maybe only two or three hundred), this is the one I most often used. YUMMY, COLORFUL TREAT!!

 

THOUGHT THREE (Part A)

A throwback to my recent plan ride. Did you know they don’t have air all catalogs in the seat back pockets in planes anymore? What are we supposed to read during take off and landing when you can’t be connected to the in flight Wi-Fi? TRICK

If you’re sitting by a window it is still a thrill to see yourself being lifted from the ground and cutting through the clouds in take off and watch the land become more and more distinct like you own personal nature movie on landing. TREAT!

THOUGHT THREE (Part B)

Did you know they now have in flight Wi-Fi? Can we never get away from being plugged in? TRICK
You are still allowed to read a real book, take a real nap, or if you get a friendly seat mate, talk to a real person. TREAT!

 

THOUGHT FOUR

I’m done with thoughts for this week. Go in. You can admit it. TREAT!!

Don’t tell anybody, it’s a secret, but there will be even more next week too! TRICK!!!

Extra bonus THOUGHT

What happens when someone breaks down your front door? Surprise! When things go unexpectedly, stay calm. See it as a chance to learn and grow. A true story you have to read at ROAMcare.org.

 

C2B5C3BF-0580-407B-8079-76D82158E800

Saving SPAM

Michael 3 Comments

Some time ago in the not too terribly distant past but distant enough that a gentle reminder wouldn’t be out of the question, I posted an entry that began with a one-sided discussion about spam e-mail although that wasn’t the focus of the post. Likewise, this one will start with spam – emails and others.

At least once a day I check the spam email folder and more days than not I find an email in there that is definitely not spam. I often wonder how they determine what can and can’t be let through when I also, and usually on the same days, wonder how they determined an email that got to my inbox was let through. What was it about my mechanic’s email reminding me to bring my car in for service that made it suspicious enough to be shuttled into the Junk folder yet the one to me from me declaring I could “lose 61 pounds in 4 weeks” seemed perfectly normal and allowed admittance to the safety of the Inbox? (And why 61 pounds? Did 60 sound too unbelievable?) But I didn’t start this to discuss what got into the Junk folder. But while I’m here . . .

2021-06-23Is it just the email clients I use, and there are 4 of them (the laptop, desktop, tablet, and phone all use different applications to access my email), or does everybody have multiple junk and spam folders to hold undesirable dispatches? Mine has Junk, Junk, Spam, sometimes Spambox, and sometimes Junk Mail, and always at least three of them. How do they decide? And who are they anyway?

Speaking of They, who are they who decides what gets to be called a virus. My anti-virus program pops up at least once a day to remind me of additional services it can provide – for an additional fee. If it was a phone call it would be routed to the “Silenced” folder as a possible spam call by the phone’s version of a Junk folder. (And speaking of viruses, even though we weren’t really, why is virus bad when you’re talking about computers but viral is good? Who makes this stuff up?) Naturally the same thing happens with the phone’s spam filter as the email. Perfectly innocent calls like the automated reminder from the doctor’s office gets tagged as possible spam and silenced while three different people expressing their concern that my car warranty has expired are let through. At least the phone and email “blockers” don’t cost me an annual fee to be wrong.

SpamBut do you want to know what really annoys me about all this? Spam. It’s rendered SPAM as an undesirable. SPAM as in Special Processed American Meat by the Hormel Corporation. Since 1937, SPAM has had its haters too but more lovers for sure. By the way, SPAM does not stand for Special Processed American Meat. That was a sobriquet given it during WWII by non-American troops treated to the canned delicacy. SPAM is actually a portmanteau of Spiced Ham although it is available in a variety of flavors, even (ugh) pumpkin spice.

There have been a billion recipes written for SPAM and a million cookbooks to hold them. (Too hyperbolic? Well, there are a lot!) There is even an annual SPAM cooking competition. At least there was until the pandemic forced its cancellation last year. The point is SPAM is an unexpectedly wonderful American treasure. Naturally we should confuse it with spam, a expectedly awful pile of junk.

Canned ChickenIt’s a good thing there aren’t any filters in the canned meat section of the supermarket. If there were, we’d be reduced to eating . . .

. . . canned whole chicken?

Now that’s some spam!

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

Michael 7 Comments

I had a complete post ready to go on the latest copy cat trend – counterfeit masks. Really, that’s a thing. Just last week US Customs officials confiscated another (another!) million counterfeit 3M N-95 masks. In the last year over 11 million of those little devils were seized coming into the country in twelve states, most of them headed for hospitals and other health care facilities. So if it seems to you like you’re not having any trouble finding them on internet marketplaces, maybe you should empty that shopping cart.

That’s what I was going to post and it was going to be great. Besides, I had been waiting for years to use that line for a title. And then I had this new story. It just can’t wait. Masks are important and all but surely I can come up with a non-CoViD related story every now and then. Now this new one might be tangentially virus related. Witnessing the speed it made it’s way around the interwebs it’s certainly viral. You might well have already heard this but not with my, ahem, unique spin. Unfortunately I had some things I had to take care of before I could go out and play right away so I had to make you wait all day for this. But it’s worth it. And I didn’t even have to change the title!  

So then, what is this new flattery.  Remember when you were a little kid sitting at the breakfast table with you hand thrust deep into the cereal box looking for that prize that was always buried at the bottom? If you are of my generation you remember that. Young folk reading, go ask your parents. While you at it you can ask them what it means to sound like a broken record. Back to the cereal box, buried under all that sugar coated crunchiness was a plastic truck the size of a pencil eraser, a whistle that never worked, or maybe a comic strip. To a five year old it was like uncovering buried treasure, like finding a million bucks!

Imagine finding 6 million dollars in your breakfast food. That’s what the US Customs and Border Patrol unit working the Cincinnati airport dug out of the boxes of frosted corn flakes shipped out of Peru on their way to a private residence in Hong Kong. I’m not an expert on international cereal shipping practices but that right there, doesn’t that sound somewhat suspicious?

Maybe that’s not the standard procedure for shipping sugar coated flakes of corn, but it might be just the exact way one moves cocaine around the world! Yes, those white crystals coating the corn flakes weren’t your everyday ordinary sugar crystals. Them there white thingies were cocaine. Forty-four pounds of cocaine. Talk about being grrrreat! That’ll put some pop in your snap and crackle. Now there’s one lucky lucky charm. Don’t stop me now I have a million of them.

That was far far far from the first time food was used to disguise a drug shipment. For some reason all of the news outlets ended the story with how last year Italian officials confiscated cocaine packed in individually hollowed out coffee beans but there are so many others they could have mentioned and not all looked like cut and paste news hacks. For instance, over the last 5 or 6 years cocaine has been smuggled packed in raw meat, carrots, cucumbers, bananas, and powdered drink mixes. My personal favorite is the cocaine packed pineapples, 400 pounds of it packing in hollowed out pineapples uncovered in Spain.

So you see, how could I go with counterfeit masks when phony flakes were asking to be uncovered.

 

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Michael 4 Comments
Driving around here you might see just about anything on the road. Still, when a large turkey led a group of 3 others from one side of the road to the other that I happened to be motoring my way along one morning last week, the first thought I had was “hmm, turkeys.” The second thought was “Oh shit, she’s fast!” (I didn’t have time to consider all the possible gender permutations and for birds, those probably still stop at two) when this one wasted no time strolling over to my open window to see what that crazy human was doing stopped in the middle of where they wanted to walk and what was that thing I was aiming at her. (Or him.)
 
20201025_185839
After I got the window rolled up and the car back in gear and moving cautiously around the mini-brood I had my third thought. Why were the turkeys crossing the road? Why were they leaving the confines of high brush and much vegetation for the open back lot of a used car dealer? I didn’t think they were interested in a slightly used minivan but with turkeys who knows.
 
Some things I thought as the day wore on were:
 
They were released from a nearby turkey farm where the business was downsizing due to the anticipated lessened demand for turkeys, particularly the larger ones, this upcoming holiday season. Although … these seemed of the quite wild variety. Thus my next thought. 
 
They were visiting relatives still held captive at the nearby turkey farm and/or visiting said farm to attempt a release of said relatives due to the anticipated lessened demand for turkeys this upcoming holiday season.  But … that seemed somewhat implausible given that the average turkey is probably more intelligent than the average politician and therefore not given to such flights of fancy as to believe she (or he) (it?) could out talk a farmer, or talk a farmer out of a herd of turkeys. Herd? Flock? Bunch! On to the next thought. 
 
They were off to the large mega mart further up the road in the direction of their travel to take advantage of the discounted pricing of the fall version wrapper of snacks and candies to make way for the winter version wrapper for snacks and candies and in particular to score big on candy corn which has no winter equivalent. Then I realized I was on to something indeed! My final thought.
 
Why did the turkeys cross the road? To get to the candy corn! That perfect, super food that tastes better than kale and doesn’t stain like blueberries with it’s own holiday that’s not Halloween or Thanksgiving. (I know that’s all true because I read it on the Internet not just a year ago. In fact I know that’s true because I wrote it and posted it to the internet not just a year ago. All except the blueberry part. That’s new for this year. Always improving!)
 
So this Friday when you’re looking for something to celebrate other than the impending short reprieve of political ads, National Candy Corn Day is October 30 this year and every year. If you’re one of the weirdos who isn’t a fan of candy corn, cross the road and bring some to me. I’ll be busy looking up small turkey meal plans.
 
Gobble gobble!
 
CandyCornDay
 
 

The TV Dinner and the Hot Dog

Michael 4 Comments
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Places everybody. I’d say let’s get this down in one take but that ship sailed 14 takes ago. Hot Dog, wipe that mustard off your face. Again! And somebody mop the sweat off TV Dinner or it’s back in the freezer. Ok, we’re ready. Roll sound! Roll camera!
 
DIRECTOR: Action!
 
HOT DOG: Happy National Hot Day Day! That’s September 10 to you commoners.
 
TV DINNER: But it’s supposed to be my day, TV Dinner Day. You already had Hot Dog Day on the third Wednesday of July, July 22 this year actually. Today is…
 
HOT DOG: Yes, yes, today is National Hot Dog Day! The hot dog is the greatest food in the world, in the entire universe, and deserves two days. In fact we deserve 2 days every month, every week even! You can never have too many hot dogs! Who wants a nutritionally wimpy salt and fat explosion of bad taste that makes airplane food seem gourmet? You can’t even decide how to dress. You started out all shiny in those aluminum trays with bright aluminum foil covers and look at you now, boxed up in black plastic with that chintzy see through top. Now a hot dog hasn’t changed in four billion years because we were born perfect! 
 
TV DINNER: That’s not true! To begin with you weren’t invented until the 1870’s and didn’t become popular until 50 years after that. Based on a flash freezing process developed in the 1920s TV dinners hit the streets running in 1954 and never lost momentum. And we can be very healthy. It depends on what you pick. A frozen meatloaf with mash potatoes and gravy might have a little more salt and fat than recommended but a baked chicken with broccoli or vegetable lasagna are solid, healthy dinner choices. TV Dinners satisfy whatever mood you’re in. We are what you make of us.
 
HOT DOG: I’ll tell you what I can make of you. Garbage! Look at all that packaging. Waste, waste, waste. A hot dog is all food. And were portable. You won’t find a vendor at the ball yard hawking frozen dinners. You’re called TV Dinners because after somebody gorges on a box of you all they’re good for the rest of the night is watching TV. Hot Dogs on the other hand are the food of the fit. That’s why were at every sporting event around the world! Now go crawl back into the freezer and let me celebrate like the winner that I am!
 
TV DINNER: I think what you’re saying is wrong. Just because you are sold at ball games doesn’t make hot dogs nutritious. Nachos are big at sporting events and you really don’t believe melted cheese on salty chips is good for you.
 
HOT DOG: Oh baby do I love melted cheese! I look fabulous with that gooey yellow goodness oozing out of the ends of my bun. It gives me shivers just to think how much healthier I am with a layer of cheese and maybe even chili too.
 
TV DINNER: Healthier? Are you cra…… No, no, I mustn’t be like that. It might not be fair but if you really believe you need two days I’ll share mine with you. I’d rather give a little and live long and in peace than to spend what little time we have arguing about who is better when we know deep down it takes all of us to make a kitchen full and happy.
 
TVDinnerDogVOICE OVER: Be like the TV Dinner and make the best out of the situations over which you have no control. Don’t fall into the trap of believing the world can’t live without you and you deserve everything you can get. Don’t be a hot dog. Be a winner, winner, frozenchicken dinner.
 
DIRECTOR: Cut! Good work everybody. Thank you
 
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:  Thank you all. Leave your costumes in the dressing area and check the board for up coming food spots. If you’re interested, have your agents call now.
 
DIRECTOR: We’re doing good stuff here. Let’s eat. I have a taste for one of those little frozen apple desserts. How about you?
 
 
 

Farm to Fable

Michael 3 Comments
Now things have gone too far! Oh, hi. Sorry. I seem to have started in the middle. Let me back up.
 
As I approach the Doddering Years I have three joys. A good long chat with a dear friend, Sunday dinner – cooking and eating – with my daughter, and a few hours spent each week fondling ripe produce. (Fondling ripe other stuff is pretty much now confined to unconscious sleep time activities and with much thanks to dreams that forever live in the pre-doddering years.) [Sigh] Now where was I? Right, doddering.
 
Phones calls, text messages, emails, and a video now and then contribute to maintaining contact with those not with you during this time of not allowing those to not be not with you. I don’t know what others think but I find the art of phone calling rebounding. For a while text messages and direct contact through the various social platforms seemed to have phone calls going the way of pay phones. I believe the desire to hear another voice is driving an increase in calling minutes. Regardless of how much we’ve retreated into a world of contact by social medium, social media isn’t all that social. But the tone of a familiar voice, the lilt of emotions not requiring emoticon augmentation, or the thoughtful pause of reflection contribute to the experience of communication that go so much beyond “on my way, there in 10.” Even isolated I continue to experience the joy of a good long chat with a dear friend.
 
For some time now every Sunday my daughter packed up her dog and his toys, occasionally added an onion or select chicken parts to her parcels, and made her way to me for a day of cooking, eating, and reporting of the previous week’s activities and upcoming week’s plan. Although we have both been careful with our contact with everyone just about to the point that there is almost no contact with anyone, we have suspended these food fests for the duration or until whenever we say “oh enough of this already!” But still she brings me groceries every 2 weeks and we still cook a big meal each Sunday in our own kitchens and share our results electronically. It’s not perfect but it works for us and keeps some version of Sunday dinner in the joy category.
 
Our Sunday cooking extravaganza always left me with enough meals and meal compontents that I could spend a good part of the following week just reheating. Several days each week though I still had to construct a full dinner on my own. These days were always such fun. I would rarely wake and say today “I want [insert specific food here]” but would often wake and say “I wonder what looks good at the store today” and then plan a trip to the market to critically examine meats, sniff fish, and squeeze produce. I am very fortunate that I have a small Italian market within walking distance of my kitchen (and uphill only in one direction!) where you are encouraged to use up to four senses before adding a purchase to your basket. (You could sometimes use the fifth after asking.) (Yes, you do know which one I mean!) In the absence of the little market, and it is now absent since the owner decided he would be happier staying alive than staying open, the nearest supermarket has an excellent produce section, a well stocked and maintained fish counter, and a butcher ready to butcher on request. One way or another I had sufficient opportunity to find something that looked good with which to build dinner.
 
But now I’m stuck at home and the only tomatoes I get to choose from are those my daughter had the pleasure of putting under her thumb – so to speak. No sniffing the blossom end of a cantaloupe, or peeking between the leaves of an artichoke. No examining the fat marbled through a New York strip or glistening in a filet of salmon. No losing oneself in the intoxicating aroma of cheeses and sausages ready to be sliced or portioned to my specifications. [Sigh] [Again] 
 
Bad as that is, its going to get worse, even as it appears it may be getting better. Last week the pronouncement came down from on high. No farmers’ markets this year. Farm markets to be sure. You can still go to them, but no weekly gathering of all the local farms at a convenient park or parking lot with their most recent hauls of fruits and vegetables, their just baked breads and pastries, their hand cut cuts of beef and pork, their eggs and chickens, or even their kitsch and tchotchkes. [Big sigh]
 
No, even if I get the chance to go out and shop on my own this summer it won’t be the same. The joys of fondling fresh fennel fronds straight from the farm are just not to be. [Sigh] [Still] But al least I can still dream.
 
20170525acMarketSquare06-5-1568742393
 
 
 
 

In the Relentless Pursuit of Normal

Michael 2 Comments
What do table tennis, magic coffee cream, concealed carry permits, and toilet paper have in common? I don’t know but they all have starring roles in today’s post.
 
ping-pong-paddleDid you know Pennsylvania is the second largest gambling center in the United States? Nevada by far brings in the most revenue garnering a little over 25% of the American dollars legally wagered, but Pennsylvania casinos saw over 3.25 billion dollars (Billion with a B) cross the felts or fed into machines. With the state’s casinos on lockdown card players and slots junkies can scratch their itches easily enough with online betting and in severe moments of needed relief, calling the family around the dining room table and issuing Monopoly Money for impromptu quality time AKA blackjack. But what is the sports betting public to do. The online casino sites include sports betting but there are no sports to bet on. Or are there? Enter Russian table tennis. The mobile sports app associated with one of the area casino’s sports book operation reported 56% of last weekend’s bets were on the Table Tennis Cup matches in Moscow. On the other side of the state the same app operating for another casino saw 79% of the wagers on the cup matches. I couldn’t find a total dollar amount bet on table tennis but an internet search returned multiple pages of strategies and handicapping for betting on this week’s games. And you thought it was something played in garages by teenagers who couldn’t get dates to the prom. (Why yes, that is where and when I learned the game. And your point is?) And life becomes normal,  sort of, for the sports junkie gambler.
 
Who would have thought 1 cup of sugar, 1/3 cup of instant coffee crystals, and 2/3 cup of ice water would save the world? Would you? Perhaps not the world but certainly those on it used to starting their days with a $6 cup of sweet, creamy caffeinated goodness. Apparently you just toss the sugar and coffee with a splash of the water into a bowl and mix until everything it is wet, then start whisking like crazy while slowly adding the ice water and then keep on whisking for several to many minutes until light and fluffy. Those without Incredible Hulk like arms will probably want to use a stand mixer with a balloon whisk attachment. Sugar and water do not typically result in something with the consistency of whipped cream but that’s exactly what this concoction turns out like! Top your regular old black coffee with the stuff or blend a couple tablespoons of it with a generous portion of ice cubes and a bit of whole milk for a home version of otherwise expensive drive through frozen cappuccino and make your morning commute to the home office and/or dining room table almost normal.
.
MagicCoffee
.
In Pennsylvania you are required to have a concealed weapon permit to carry a gun unless you want to strap it on your hip and mosey through the streets old wild west style. By the state definition “concealed” includes transporting weapons in the car even if visible except for going to or from gun dealers, shooting ranges, or vacation homes, or to surrender the weapon at a weapons turn in location. So if you plan on ever taking that gun anywhere you better get a concealed carry permit. Permits are issued by county sherriff offices and several counties have closed their gun permit offices during The Corona Crisis. (That’s what I’m officially calling it now. If the network news can make up a name to promote impending armageddon so can I!) Anyway, the day before the the office in my county closed they issued over 200 permits to carry concealed. And it’s a good thing they did because since The Corona Crisis hit, gun sales have increased by as much as 600%. (Actually, according to the organization  Firearms Owners Against Crime, sales are up 100 to 600 percent. (Oh I hope their members are more accurate than their analytics experts.)) Why the sudden increase in gun sales and permit requests? “A lot of my friends already have it, so I kind of felt like I should get it too,” one person told a local television news reporter. And the testosterone fueled Jones Keeper Uppers are functioning just like normal. 
..
tpI was at the grocery store yesterday. That’s one of the places we are allowed to go. Grocery store, pharmacy,  medical appointments,  and out for walks or exercise as long as we maintain the now normal social distance.  That is unless you are an essential employee at an essential business in which case you can go out to get to and from there. Low and behold, there was toilet paper! Enough options that toilet paper math wasn’t out of the question. As I sauntered through the store with my freshly wiped down cart I noticed all the shelves had something on them. Well, almost all. There was milk, bread, eggs, fresh and canned meats and fish, fresh produce, frozen foods, beans, flour and other baking needs and soap, alcohol, and other cleaning products. Everything except the always unavailable hand sanitizer. And rice. Of all the different types of rice in all the different types of packages there were none to be found. All I could think was that some family is going to be awfully tired of stir fries by September. And just like that, even as the supply of toilet paper seems to be normalizing, hoarding has gotten it’s new normal.
..
Although my normal lifestyle can be confused with self-isolation and social distancing even I now get bored a little faster and miss stopping to chat with fellow walkers around the complex. I know it is not going to be in the next few weeks but I’d bet we’ll be back to our normal normal sooner than we think. At least I would bet if I knew how to use one of those mobile sports betting apps. I would also bet that as soon as the normal normal becomes normal again, six dollar frozen coffee drinks will be back to being the normal caffeine of choice on normal commutes. I’m willing to wager many of those carry permits never share pocket space with what the permit permits carrying and someday rice will again fill the rice and grains aisles but it will never replace the paper products aisle and toilet paper math for shopping fun for the whole family! (Yes, that is one of my favorite posts.)
..
Now go wash your hands!
.

For The Heck Of It

Michael Leave a comment
Last summer was a bad time for me. A baaaaaad time. After I got out of the hospital I was anxious to get home but smart enough to know that wasn’t the wisest choice. That’s one of the things that people who loooove the freedom of living alone don’t often consider. Long story short, particularly because I wrote about it often enough last summer, I spent several weeks at my daughter’s getting my feet and other body parts used to stepping in time for themselves. And even after I ventured back to my lonesome life, the child of mine continued to assist with daily activities that eventually morphed into weekly activities that now ultimately has settled at one weekly activity.
 
It’s been seven months, 3 minor procedures, two rounds of physical therapy, and one new ongoing exercise routine since my reentry into “the outside world” and if I say so myself I’m just as good as new! Or at least as good as the average slighty used, only driven on Sunday, new inspection but no warranty, as is, all sales final, yet you’ll still get some decent use out of it. Certainly well enough that household chores aren’t much problem as long as I stay away from “the big vacuum” and split my grocery shopping into no more than 10 pound bags. As far as cooking is concerned, especially since the last round of therapy, I can stand in the kitchen and slave over a hot stove as well as I ever could (as long as I don’t use the big cast iron skillet) (that weight limit goes in the kitchen too you know). Still, yesterday my daughter was over for our weekly 4 hour cooking extravaganza and we prepared a week’s worth of meals for the both of us – me because I need the help and she because she is so busy during the week. Except neither of those is true. 
 
Why do we still do this? Because it’s fun! I’ve always been good in the kitchen but as a 60-something Italian-American it most often involved red meat, red tomatoes, and fresh cheese. Add a glass of wine and I had the 4 basic food groups at every meal. The daughter has always been good in the kitchen but as a 30 year old urbanite her refrigerator has things like leftover pad thai, vegetables of every color, and a token chicken breast to satisfy the occasional meat craving. Fortunately wine rounds out her fourth food group also. Different color but still it was a common starting point. 
 
I firmly believe if you want to put people together, regardless of how different they spend the rest of the week there should be one day each week they must cook together. It is much too difficult to complain about trivial matters like politics and religion while you’re trying desperately to whisk fast enough to make mayonnaise knowing no store bought stuff will make a good enough base for your Romesco. And when you can’t get your point across about why you think your way might be better, an immediate taste test removes all doubt and answers all questions. 
 
After 7 months of cooking with each other we’ve both expanded our tolerances and are practicing cultural inclusion through yummy dishes from every continent except Antarctica. (Being involved Pittsburgh hockey fans neither of us is in a hurry to add penguin to our meal prep.) (Another common point.) Oh if only the rest of the world could come over every Sunday afternoon we’d all be doing so much better.
.
bubble-wrap-groceries
Oh hey, not that it has anything to do with anything else but today, the last Monday in January, is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. Thought you might want to pop that in your calendars, you know, just for the heck of it.
 
.