Tag Fast Food

Sandwiched In

Michael 1 Comment

Sometime over the past several years you have seen a news story, read an on-line article, or seen a magazine article on fast food advertising. Two things are always stressed in these reports – that the advertisers must use the same ingredients that the restaurant uses to make the sandwiches in the ads, and the sandwiches in the ads never look like what you get squished into that bag that you exchanged a bunch of dollar bills for.

There are always lots of excuses. They use special angles and shoot with optimal lighting. Their toppings might be a bit fresher than what the restaurants are using. And my favorite excuse, they don’t cook the food. Apparently when you cook meat it shrinks and when you wrap lettuce in aluminum foil on top of a hot sandwich it wilts. Quel surpise! Here’s an idea. How about not putting the toppings on until the sandwich is ordered? By I’m just talking to the wind.

When advertisers photograph a shirt or a blouse they have to get one from the production line for the picture. The model can be as fresh or as manipulated as you please but the product has to be what you can reasonably expect to find in the store. Why would expect the same requirements for the food we eat? But as I said, I’m just talking to the wind. Or am I?

Take a look at this. This is a sandwich from a local restaurant that has earned its reputation from its sandwiches.

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This particular sandwich was bought, bagged, tossed in the car, sat there while I stopped for gas, finally arrived home, plopped on the table, unwrapped, and picked up to be heartily devoured. That’s when I stopped and snapped off a shot. It probably isn’t that great of a picture because I don’t belong to the “take a picture of your food before you eat it” generation and it still looks like a pretty good sandwich to me. The funny thing about this local chain. They don’t advertise.

Imagine that picture handled by the food stylists responsible for making your McBurger look appetizing. That might be better than porn.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Eat your veggies!

Michael Leave a comment

Supermarkets are a great place to get your dinner. Duh. No Kidding? Isn’t that what they are for? Well yes, you can get all the bits and pieces you need to make a dinner. Yes, they have your meats or non-meats as you prefer, bins and bins full of fresh produce, rices, pastas, salad fixings, and desserts both ready to eat and in pieces waiting for you to create them. But today’s mega-marts also have their own salad bars, hot foods lines, and prepared dishes. Sort of semi-healthy fast food alternatives.

My most often visited market has taken to packaging some of their more common selections into grab-and-go choices sized for one. They have each package, in fact the entire section, labeled “Meals For One.” It’s nice and handy and it saves the single shopper like me the embarrassment of asking the attendant at the prepared food counter for the ridiculously small portions only one requires. I can’t tell you the number of over-the-glasses-glances I’ve received after asking for a quarter pound of orange chicken and one egg roll. It’s nice to be able to take refuge at my own cooler of prepackaged loser portions – err, solo selections.

But they still don’t have a good handle on how much, or more appropriately how little only one eats at one meal. It’s not often that I’ll want to eat one pound of rigatoni in meat sauce at one sitting. Nor do they yet have a grasp of what makes a meal. At my last visit to the market I noted packages of the aforementioned rigatoni along with chicken marsala, stuffed shells, baby back ribs, chicken wings, and General Tso chicken with a choice of rice or lo mein. Except for the inscrutable general, none of them included anything other than the protein. No veggies, indeed no sides anywhere in site. Your mother would not approve.

They mean well. They just have to temper their desire to sell, sell, sell with the single consumer’s wish to save, save, save. Still, I grabbed a packaged chicken marsala knowing I could augment it with pasta and a nice salad after I got home.  That’s when I saw it. Proudly labeled Meals For One there was a pound of fried mozzarella sticks. With marinara. Back in went the chicken and into my cart when the cheese sticks. Hey, it’s not my place to argue with professionals about what makes a meal. And a tomato is a vegetable. Our government said so.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

McYouWon’tBelieveThisOne

Michael Leave a comment

It was there for a while.  A little while to be sure, but to be sure, it was there.  Or they were there.  Those two words.  Those two words that are almost never heard at a fast food drive through window.  Thank you.  So rare are they that we were certain they had just been substituted by some unfamiliar phrase and thus we posted a page of translations one might find useful when pulling around to Window Number One (“The 21st Century Drive-Through Translator,”  May 8, 2014). Now, however, after a more recent visit to Drive Through Land, he is certain that those words, or lack of them, are iceberg tip zone.

It was a couple weeks ago that he was starved and needed something to eat and needed it fast.  Ahead of him he saw arches and pigtails and crowns.  Didn’t matter where he stopped, they were basically interchangeable.  He pulled into the first one and saw only one mini-van at the speaker.  This should be quick he thought.  Mini-van equals kids, equals kid meals, equals one-two-three ordering.  Wrong!

As he pulled behind the van and lowered his window he caught the sound of the lady ordering loud enough that she could have done so without the speaker set-up.  “…and a bacon ranch salad without the bacon.”  A pause presumably while she read the read-out on the speaker’s screen.  “Not a side salad.  A bacon ranch salad, hold the bacon.”  The response came through just as loud. “That is a side salad with ranch dressing.”  “No it’s not.”  Here is where he should have turned around and moved on to contestant restaurant Number Two.

Eventually the mini-van lady and the disembodied speaker voice came to an agreement of what kind of salad she was going to get (even though nobody really understands why these places serve salads anyway).  She pulled around to Window Number One and he gave his order which the headless speaker person totaled to $4.28.  He reached into his change cup, pulled out a quarter and three pennies, felt for a bill in his pocket hoping to snag either a five or a ten and was relieved to find a ten between his fingers, and made his own way to Window Number One, the very window where the mini-van was still stationed!

“…don’t ever change my order again like that.  If I ask for a salad I want that salad not a little side salad.  I know what you people make on those things.  Is that the phone number to call complaints to.  I’m dialing it now.”  And off to Window Number Two she went, probably misdialing all the way.

He took the now vacated place, the no longer headless voice repeated his total, and he passed over the bill and four coins.  The young lady in the window asked if he wanted his receipt, he said no thank you and waited for his change.  Instead of money she handed him his receipt (yes, the very one he said he didn’t need) and uttered those immortal words, “There you go.”  He continued to wait and when she didn’t get it he tried a verbal cue.  “Hmm, my change?”  “You gave me 28 cents,” she said.  “Yes,” he said, “but not with a four dollar bill.”

He looked up and saw that the mini-van was still at Window Number Two.  He wondered if the mini-van lady was ever a drive through worker.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

The 21st Century Drive-Through Translator

Michael 1 Comment

Some time ago we opined that “There you go” was not synonymous with “Thank you.”  We’re guessing others thought similarly and likewise made their concern known because we have noticed that every once in a while, we actually hear those two magic words when passing dollars through a window to conclude a drive by burger purchase. Unfortunately there are some rather unmagical words and phrases still floating about.

Let’s float.

 
There you go:  We think it means “Thank you” but that’s only because it’s the phrase we most often here after handing over money while receiving change, or it’s the phrase most often heard when most people would use “Thank you.”

 
I’ll get it later:  “Drive on. I’ll have someone go out and pick it up later.  No, you don’t get more,” said right after the coin portion of your change which has been precariously placed on top of the bills and receipt then thrust out the window in the general direction of your car spilling the change into the no man’s land between Window One and your car.  Usually followed by “There you go.”

 
Here you go:  Not to be confused with “There you go” this means “Whoa there fella, back up there” when you pull around to Window One, overshooting it by at most 3/4 of an inch causing the Windown One attendant to lean forward.

 
Did you have the large coffee?:  “I have no idea what order these orders are in.”

 
Read the menu, I’ll be with you in a minute:  This can have multiple meanings, the most common are “I’m in the bathroom,” and “What order are these orders in?”

 
Have a good day*:  We think it means “Thank you” when uttered by the Window Two attendant after passing your order through his or her window.  Or it could mean “Go on now but come back soon.”  *Pronunciation guide: Good pronounced “goot” as in “foot” making the phrase sound like “Have a goot day.”  We don’t know why.

 
You can express concern (aka complain) to management that you are being treated with less than what you’d expect considering you’re giving them money.  However, there are some unfortunate responses from management regarding the less than stellar presentation seen in Drive-Through Land.  Recently when She of We was met with rudeness by the employees and uncleanliness of the establishment.  She complained to management saying she would not stop and eat there again.  For her troubles she was presented with coupons for her next visit.

 

Apparently there is a need for a translator in that direction also.

 

That’s what we think. Really.  How ’bout you?