Tag Drugs

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

Michael 7 Comments

I had a complete post ready to go on the latest copy cat trend – counterfeit masks. Really, that’s a thing. Just last week US Customs officials confiscated another (another!) million counterfeit 3M N-95 masks. In the last year over 11 million of those little devils were seized coming into the country in twelve states, most of them headed for hospitals and other health care facilities. So if it seems to you like you’re not having any trouble finding them on internet marketplaces, maybe you should empty that shopping cart.

That’s what I was going to post and it was going to be great. Besides, I had been waiting for years to use that line for a title. And then I had this new story. It just can’t wait. Masks are important and all but surely I can come up with a non-CoViD related story every now and then. Now this new one might be tangentially virus related. Witnessing the speed it made it’s way around the interwebs it’s certainly viral. You might well have already heard this but not with my, ahem, unique spin. Unfortunately I had some things I had to take care of before I could go out and play right away so I had to make you wait all day for this. But it’s worth it. And I didn’t even have to change the title!  

So then, what is this new flattery.  Remember when you were a little kid sitting at the breakfast table with you hand thrust deep into the cereal box looking for that prize that was always buried at the bottom? If you are of my generation you remember that. Young folk reading, go ask your parents. While you at it you can ask them what it means to sound like a broken record. Back to the cereal box, buried under all that sugar coated crunchiness was a plastic truck the size of a pencil eraser, a whistle that never worked, or maybe a comic strip. To a five year old it was like uncovering buried treasure, like finding a million bucks!

Imagine finding 6 million dollars in your breakfast food. That’s what the US Customs and Border Patrol unit working the Cincinnati airport dug out of the boxes of frosted corn flakes shipped out of Peru on their way to a private residence in Hong Kong. I’m not an expert on international cereal shipping practices but that right there, doesn’t that sound somewhat suspicious?

Maybe that’s not the standard procedure for shipping sugar coated flakes of corn, but it might be just the exact way one moves cocaine around the world! Yes, those white crystals coating the corn flakes weren’t your everyday ordinary sugar crystals. Them there white thingies were cocaine. Forty-four pounds of cocaine. Talk about being grrrreat! That’ll put some pop in your snap and crackle. Now there’s one lucky lucky charm. Don’t stop me now I have a million of them.

That was far far far from the first time food was used to disguise a drug shipment. For some reason all of the news outlets ended the story with how last year Italian officials confiscated cocaine packed in individually hollowed out coffee beans but there are so many others they could have mentioned and not all looked like cut and paste news hacks. For instance, over the last 5 or 6 years cocaine has been smuggled packed in raw meat, carrots, cucumbers, bananas, and powdered drink mixes. My personal favorite is the cocaine packed pineapples, 400 pounds of it packing in hollowed out pineapples uncovered in Spain.

So you see, how could I go with counterfeit masks when phony flakes were asking to be uncovered.

 

A Word From Our Sponsor

Michael 1 Comment

Recently I saw something on line that said something like “All the drug ads on TV like for the first 10 seconds tell you its name and then like spend the rest of the time like daring you to take it.” Like I said it was on line. Like what did you expect? But, it raises a good point.  No, not that drug manufacturers are daring you to take their product. Why isn’t everything else advertised like that?

First a little background about prescription drug advertising on TV, in magazines, on-line, or anywhere else they are targeted “direct to consumers” — it shouldn’t happen. Back in the days when drug companies were run by people with pharmacy degrees and hospitals were run by people with medical degrees, marketing was pretty straight forward. Drug companies got approval from the FDA for a drug which included its official product information and that included what had to be mentioned in all marketing material. This included but was not limited to indications (what it is used for), contraindications (when it should not be used), warnings (what might happen if dosed and monitored inappropriately), and side effects (adverse or unexpected reactions that occurred in more than 0.1% (1 in every 1000) of the participants in post-approval/pre-marketing controlled drug studies). The material was typically presented in pages of information and a presentation lasted anywhere from 30 to 50 minutes. The target audience was doctors and pharmacists who spent years studying these things, understood the language, and often challenged the information as presented by the marketing team, also people with health care related degrees or experience.

Then about 20 years ago drug companies started hiring people with business degrees to run their business. They may have had a background in selling fast food french fries and thought there was no reason prescription drugs shouldn’t be sold the same way. This ignored the fact that they were now targeting an audience of people who could not legally walk into a store and buy their product without a prescription. The FDA, medical organizations and pharmacist organizations disagreed with direct to consumer advertising, not because they wanted to “control” the prescription drug market but because it was establishing a dangerous environment. But the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), made up of business people, said sure, why not, it will create competition and keep prices down. Recognizing that the FDA had regulations requiring what information had to be present in marketing material, the FTC thought those were good things people should know and that’s why there is now a demand for fast, low talkers to do the voice-over for prescription drug ads on TV.

AdNow, back to my premise, if it’s such a good idea why not make all advertising follow a similar structure. With that understanding, I now present the way consumer goods and services should be advertised. In the spirit of the FTC mandate I’ll just note the disclaimers. The creative teams can use the rest of the 15 second spots however they would like. Please note that some of the required language might mean the advertising budgets may require some expansion to reflect longer ad time buys and since we know that companies don’t spend money they cannot recover, there may be a corresponding increase in product pricing.

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Fast food french fries (with or without bacon)
Do not take if allergic to potatoes, oils used for frying which may change without warning, or pigs if using the bacon version. May cause high cholesterol including high good cholesterol and high bad cholesterol. Do not take if using blood thinners. People with high cholesterol, high blood pressure, uncontrolled diabetes, excess body fat, or uncomfortably tight clothing should consult the fry cook or counter person before consuming french fries. May cause bloating, nausea, headaches, or weight gain. Do not continue use if you notice ankle swelling, excess sweating, or shortness of breath after eating. If taking with bacon do consume if you are vegetarian, vegan, or kosher.

Light beer
Do not take if allergic to beer or any ingredient in beer. Do not take if also taking blood thinners, analgesics, antibiotics, sedatives, anti-depressants, narcotics, illegal drugs, or drugs used for diabetes or high blood pressure. May cause inebriation which can lead to embarrassing questions or answers, karaoke or karaoke style singing, chair dancing, and  loss of bladder control. May cause double vision, slurred speech, or drooling. Do not operate a car, heavy machinery, or juke boxes. Consult spouses, partners, or significant others if you cannot remember where you parked. I’d you do not remember where you parked and stumble upon your vehicle, do not drive. Tell yout server if you become nauseous. Quickly.

All-season radial tires
Do not use if allergic to tires. Requires proper inflation and periodic monitoring. Do not use if bald (the tire, not you), bulging around the middle (again the tire), or if taking beer, wine, or liquor (that’s you). Doing “donuts” in the parking lot will decrease usable wear.

Medical Marijuana
[You know it will only be a matter of time before it or “Recreational” varieties are directly marketed. Oh quick, what’s the difference between medical and recreational opiates. Uh huh.]
Do not use if allergic to marijuana. May cause you to impersonate medical personnel. Is not a cure all. Notify your dispensary of…well it really doesn’t matter because they aren’t medical people and won’t have any idea of what you are talking about anyway but notify first responders and emergency room personal that you take “medical” marijuana when they ask you about drug use.

Cauliflower rice
Do not use if allergic to cauliflower. May cause gastric bloating or flatulence. Do not take if using blood thinners. Although not intended as a weight loss product, cauliflower rice may cause a feeling of fullness decreasing any pleasure in eating. Not intended as a replacement for pizza crust.

Political Ads
What you are about to hear is a lie.

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If you agree this is a good idea please write to your congressman or senator. They can use a good laugh too.

 

 

The First Shall be Last

Michael Leave a comment

Now that the “major party” conventions are over the ads and pundits (neither having anything to do with reality) can begin. It was less than a week ago that news broadcasts, outlets, websites, feeds, and editors began remarking on the nation’s first woman candidate for president. Someone even went so far as to note that this fall, the US voters will get to cast ballots for their first woman, first outsider, or first third party president. And that on the heels of the outgoing first African-America president. Actually, none of those labels are correct. I’ll ‘splain that later. First, let’s look at some legitimate firsts that really have happened over this last year.

Actually the first first hasn’t officially happened yet but some games have already taken place and the opening ceremonies will take center stage tomorrow night in Rio. That first is the first Olympic games to be held in South America. The odds have been against that particular continent since the games re-appeared in 1896. That’s because South America is almost completely in the Southern Hemisphere. In the 120 year history of the modern Olympics this is only the third time the summer games have been held in the Southern Hemisphere. (The other two times have both been in Australia.) The Winter Olympics have never taken place south of the Equator.

The second first just happened in the past few days and it got very little press even within the United States which is odd since every news broadcast, outlet, website, etc., etc. was so big on talking about firsts. That news was that for the first time the Center for Disease Control released a travel advisory for within the US encouraging travelers not to do so in South Florida. They even came up with some suggestions for the people who live there – try to stay inside.

The third first is (and here let’s dispense with individually numbering each first and collectively address all the remaining firsts as “remaining firsts begin with”) Cuba now has wireless internet service for the first time. Sticking with computers, the US Food and Drug Administration approved a drug manufactured by 3D printing for the first time. (High dose Levetiracetam for epilepsy). Still with computers but heading back south, the Rio Olympics will be the first games where every event will be available somewhere on-line.  In entertainment of a different kind, a film grossed over 500 million dollars in its opening weekend for the first time (Jurassic World). And speaking of DNA (Jurassic World, remember) human trials on T-cell augmented cancer treatments using the body’s own cells to fight cancer began this year. And if you want to write about that and be grammatically correct while addressing a particular test subject without knowing his or her sex, you may now officially use the third person singular and not be chastised by your grade school English teacher.

So the next time you have to hear about the first woman running for president consider that there have been 5 women nominated by recognized political parties on general election ballots for president. In fact, 1884 the Equal Rights Party presented an all woman ticket for president and vice president. And the next time you have to hear about the first outsider running for president consider that four sitting presidents never held an elected position before being elected president. And when you next hear of how a third party candidate could win this year’s election consider that of the 44 elected presidents, only 30 have been republicans or democrats. One (Washington) had no party affiliation (and yes, there were political parties then), and one (Tyler) changed parties while in office.

If you should hear about any of these “firsts” feel free to mention to the speaker to not worry, there are lots of other real firsts going on all around us. All they have to do is pick their head out of their – ummm… All you have to do is look.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Careful Wishing

Michael Leave a comment

Sometime over the past week a first or second grader grabbed his “not usual backpack” on his way to school one day.  This wrong backpack had a toy gun in it.  Sometime during the school day it became the toy gun not in the backpack and he was ultimately sent home for violating the zero tolerance policy on weapons in the school.  We replayed that scene across several local school districts about a half dozen times since the beginning of the school year.  Apparently a lot of kids keep their toy guns in backpacks now.

Sometime over the past month a first or second grader grabbed his backpack on the way to school and when he got there he found his mother’s real gun in it.  A while before that another first or second grader pulled from his backpack at school his grandfather’s hunting knife.  Sometime between them yet another first or second grader discovered heroin in his backpack courtesy of his parents.

What do all these have in common?  Besides that all of the children were suspended per their district’s zero tolerance policy on weapons and drugs, all of them were phoned into one or another of the local news outlets’ “on your side” reporters who “went to bat” for the youngsters.  The claim was that they were unfairly disciplined either because of their age, what was found, or how what was found was put into the child’s backpack becoming the rallying cry for saving the children.

Another thing in common is that in these and similar incidents, the public was behind the reporters.  The vast majority of people who cared enough to express an opinion expressed that the children should not have been punished.  It wasn’t their fault that the gun – toy or real – ended up at school.  It wasn’t their fault that a knife, several inches long and sharp enough to slice through an animal hide popped out at the elementary school cafeteria inducing inferiority complexes among the standard issue plastic tableware.  It wasn’t the child’s fault that his backpack was the closest hiding place for drugs at home that didn’t get removed before the backpack left home.

They argue that zero tolerance certainly didn’t mean to include actions not within the students’ control and certainly not the actions of first or second graders.  Yet when the knife slashes 20 other students, or the gun is discharged and becomes the weapon holding a classroom hostage, even zero tolerance is too tolerant.

It seems somebody needs to revisit the various school districts’ policies.  At what age does accountability begin?  Are students expected to pay for the actions of their parents?  Is “zero tolerance” a policy or a catchphrase?

Most importantly on that visit, people have to make a decision.  Does zero mean zero?  And if it does, does it mean zero at all times.  How careful is one willing to be when one is wishing in today’s society?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?