Tag Driving

Just Stuff

Michael Leave a comment

We’ve made no secret that we like to do a little joy riding when we feel the need for a little joy in a weekend.  He of We has a little 2 seat roadster and She of We keeps a bottle of sun screen in her door pocket.  It works.  Usually.  Sometimes we find ourselves scratching our heads over something somebody – sometimes us – has done.  Let us explain.

Once on an afternoon drive through the park we stopped at a “little bit of everything” store.  They have tools, hunting and fishing gear, canned goods, sports memorabilia, boxed candy, various needle-works supplies, furniture, plumbing fixtures, wheelbarrows, doll houses, and trees.  How can you pass up a deal on trees.  We couldn’t.  Just because the tree was about 20 miles from where it was going to be planted might make mere people say “let’s think about this.”  Not us.  We’re Reality People.  And we did not want to drive back and forth a few times to get the right vehicle with the right storage capacity in the right parking lot to transport a tree.  It’s just a tree.  To make a long story short, in order not to damage the trunk or the trunk, it ended up between She of We’s legs in the front seat, extending about 3 feet above the windshield.  We drove slow.  Which made eating the ice cream we stopped for easier.

On another excursion we passed a row of simply beautiful houses.  It’s easy when you seek out a high end housing plan where somebody is turning out mansion after mansion just like a suburban factory project.  Often we find the people in the million dollar homes have the same things in their driveways and side yards we have in ours and we smile happily.  This one afternoon in this one neighborhood we weren’t in a plan.  We were among bona fide multiple million dollar manors rivaling anything Hollywood so to be exes would fight over.  Just beautiful.  And we weren’t but 100 feet from their front doors.  We wanted to walk up each rolling expanse of lawn and ring the bell just to say hello.  And among them, among the carefully landscaped, fenced, fountained, and paved portraits of residential indulgence, lay a deflated 24 foot round, 4 foot tall inflatable portable swimming pool.  Complete with knocked over steps.

Then there was the time we stopped at a farm market.  We’ve stopped at several and usually find the freshest bargains for the evening’s dinner.  If they have a good gift shop we could pick up birthday, anniversary, and Christmas gifts for several occasions.  But this stop took the cake.  Or rather, took the pie.  Not to say it wasn’t home-made but on this display case sat several absolutely identical looking $14 pies.  Right next to the $10 peaches, $6 blueberries, and $16 skirt steaks from “local” beef.  Trust us.  We’re local and there’s no beef where we are.  A little checking and we found that their corn might be theirs.  The rest was bought from the same purveyors that the mega-mart on the hill goes to.  Shame on them!

Not on a weekend drive, He of We recently was at that mart.  He did his shopping (New York Strip, $8 for a 12 ounce cut) and moved over the giant home supply store that shares the hill.  There he found a guy tying a set of mini-blinds to the back of his motorcycle.  “Let me tell you about this tree,” He of We said to him.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Summer Sunny Day Fun Days

Michael Leave a comment

Summer is here in the northern half of the United States.  For some of the country summer isn’t a huge thing.  Is there really much difference between April 1 and July 1 (other than fireworks sales) in Houston or Miami or Anaheim?  But north of the Mason Dixon line, even with the mild spring we’ve had, you really can’t pull out the shorts and sandals until the summer solstice shows up in the weatherman’s graphics. 

This year the first of day of summer harkened in a summertime heat wave like we hadn’t seen for quite some time.  As we write this on the 18th day of summer the temperature in our town has exceeded 90 degrees on 12 of those 18 days.  You’d think that would have altered many’s attempts at fireworks, picnics, vacations, swimming, and so many other outdoor activities that are much more pleasant at 78.  Well they have altered some but not so much that many are complaining.  Even us.  Although we took in the Fourth of July fireworks from a downtown river dock we decided to forgo our annual outdoor jazz festival.  But we’ve still managed to have our fun and not risk our health.

Apparently, many others are also.  The local MLB team is packing them in with sold out weekend games and close to sell outs during the midweek evenings.  Pools are filled to capacity.  Restaurants with outdoor seating are serving some brave ones outdoors in the glorious shade of roll out canopies. 

We have made the weekends our time to hop into the little car, put the top down, turn on the air conditioner to high, slather sun screen on our necks and let our man made 35 mile per hour wind cool us as we drive through the canopies of the tall trees that line our underused back roads.  A couple hours of oohs and ahhs for nature’s companions trying to beat the heat (we got to sit in our car and chat with a young deer not more than 20 feet away while she was resting in the shade), and a couple of oohs and ahhs for some of the biggest, most expensive, and gorgeously landscaped estates we can’t believe are in the same county as our modest middle class just-plain-houses (but even a rich man should put a shirt on if he plans on reading the evening paper on his recliner that is just inside the front window – and backlit to boot).

Now the best part of it all we reminded ourselves of this morning.  As we head into what the weather predictors are saying is going to be our first week entirely under 90 degrees since mid-June, we’ve heard of only 2 unfortunate heat related accidents and neither fatal. 

Quite often our posts here poke fun at the way people have taken so cavalierly to reality.  The reality is that sometimes we can be quite responsible. 

Quite remarkable.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Drive Around Please

Michael 3 Comments

We tried to wait but we couldn’t.  Buildings are STILL jumping in front of cars.

We first told of cars driving into buildings at a quite alarming pace at the beginning of the year.  (See Drive Through Service, January 29, and Drive Through, Part Two, February 13, in HUMOR.)  We figured at the rate they were going we’d see a car/building collision on a daily basis before the end of the year.  While the pace has slowed, the variety has not.

Ripped form the local headlines we have reports of cars driving into 10 houses, one making it all the way into the living room.  We’ve had one office building, one bank, one restaurant, one bookstore, and one billboard all become the objects of vehicular buildingslaughter.  Two locations of the same supermarket chain were targets of a pair of misguided motorcrafts.  Perhaps the chain should consider a drive through to replace one of its indoor express lanes.  One convenience store attracted its car-nal companion so well that the same driver plowed the same car into the same storefront twice.

Some smashes were particularly smashing.  There was the lady who drove her car into the airport.  We thought it was because the driver couldn’t wait to head for a warmer climate and the people mover from the parking lot wasn’t moving people fast enough.  Actually it was because she had a flat tire some 2 miles before she got to the parking lot and didn’t want to stop to change it for fear she’d miss her flight.  By the time she got to the lot she had no rubber on the wheel and the car had taken over in terms of finding its way.

One driver had his sights set on an unsuspecting suburban home and managed to eventually get all the way through the yard and nuzzle his vehicle against the front porch.  Along the way he found the house’s fishpond.  Unfortunately only 9 of the 12 known inhabitants of the pond were saved.   One driver, probably because he knew this was going to hurt, piloted his sedan through the front window of a hospital outpatient clinic.  Just as the weather was turning to consistent 70+ degree days did a car find its way into a backyard pool.  Then there was the lady who knew all this mayhem was occurring and felt it needed prayer.  So she drove right through the side entrance of a church.  God told her to.

And since we’ve been keeping things local we haven’t even mentioned the car that drove into the French subway station mistaking the wide stairs for a parking garage entrance.

Our tally since 2012 began?  Forty-four stationary objects have been the target of very bad driving.  Actually we’ve been holding back on one incident.  That was the driver who drove through a cemetery tilting a dozen headstones as if they were windmills.  We aren’t certain how to count that one.

What we are certain of is that what we were certain of – these were all cases of distracted driving – we aren’t certain of any more.  Could there really be that many drivers who are so oblivious that they can’t tell when they are about to hit the broad side of a barn?  We think this needs more concentration.  At least by the drivers!

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Road Rage

Michael Leave a comment

He of We lives between 5 and 6 miles north of city center of the major downtown He and She live near.  She of We lives 5 to 6 miles south of that same center of town.  Those ten to twelve miles get a lot of use out of Both of We’s tires.

Last night He of We was travelling those few miles on a dark and rainy night when a shot rang out.  Well, when a pickup truck pulled down an entrance ramp and shot out into traffic like it was a speeding bullet.  No emergency lights, no turn signal, no brake lights indicating he had intended to yield like the sign suggested.  Just shot out into traffic.  But it was ok because he was going about 10 miles an hour faster than the main line traffic which was going about 15 miles an hour faster than the posted speed limit signs suggested.

Every day we’re noticing a disturbing trend.  Nobody is obeying the law.  The traffic laws.  Even the littering laws are routinely broken.  Why do people feel justified to toss empty fast food bags and cups, worn gloves, or half-eaten chickens out their windows?  Is it a sense of entitlement?  Do they feel that since every mile of US highway has been “adopted” by some civic group, local business, or religious order that somebody has to give these volunteers something to do the third Saturday of every month?  (If you are secretly one of these, wait till you get to work to throw out the coffee cup and breakfast sandwich wrapper.  Nobody will think less of you if they spy you tossing trash from one of the billions of fast food drive throughs rather than the artisan bread and breakfast kiosk. That’s how there got to be billions of them.)

But we digress.  What is it about traffic laws that beg to be broken?  Stop and yield signs are there only for the local high school graduates to emblazon with their graduation year.  Speed limit signs are routinely run over but less routinely replaced.  One Way, No U-Turn, and No Left Turn signs are more outdoor art than even suggestions.   No Turn on Red signs might as well not be printed and mounted at all even though they appear at every intersection with a traffic light.

The problem with the traffic law breakers (besides breaking the law), is that they aim their rage when they are thwarted at law breaking by the occasional law abiding sign observer.  They tailgate, weave, and race their way down the road, taking time to turn and mouth obscenities at the ones who are going only 5 to 10 miles faster than the limit which lumps them with the slow moving vehicles.

Imagine if somebody suggested that breaking traffic laws is the gateway crime.  We’re not sure we agree with that.  We don’t believe that once you get over the thrill of turning on red it’s just a matter of time until you want to pull tags off mattresses or smoke in elevators.  We are sure that breaking the traffic laws doesn’t come without some penalty.  You don’t have to watch too many editions of the evening news before you hear of somebody who launched a car over a guiderail and into a grove of trees ejecting the driver and killing the passengers.     

Some people say it’s the boom of cell phones, GPS units, radios with multiple bands, MP3 players with thousands of songs, and other distractions that make people drive fast and recklessly.  Some believe it’s because Drivers’ Ed has disappeared from the high schools and is replaced by Moms and Dads who (sorry) are part of the problem themselves. 

Whether it’s distraction, knowledge deficit, the thrill of handling 2,000 pounds of anything, or enjoying that last morsel of sausage, egg, and cheese on a muffin before tossing the wrapper out of a vehicle moving faster than a last century’s high speed trains, breaking the law is breaking the law.  So slow down, read a bumper sticker, and arrive alive.  That’s a rage that’s all the rage that we can live with. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Drive Through Part Two

Michael 3 Comments

January 19, not even a month we noted somewhat shockingly that people are driving through buildings (“Drive Through Service,” January 19, in HUMOR).  It was not quite 3 weeks into the year and we had already heard of local drivers violating stores, banks, restaurants, and various other brick and mortar type stationary objects on the average of once every 3 days.  We implored you to write to building owners to erect safety walls and to petition the US Department of Transportation to promulgate regulations requiring solid object early warning signals in all cars, SUVs, and light trucks.

We don’t think you took us seriously.  Seriously, this is becoming a serious problem.  If 3 weeks into the year the car vs. building rate was one every 3 days, the next 3 weeks has taken an even worse turn (no pun intended).  We’ve heard of 10 more instances of buildings not being able to jump out of the way in time before being attacked by metal, steel, rubber, and presumably licensed drivers.  This round of concrete carnage included a bank, an office building, and the law school offices at one of the local universities. 

So as of today, we are at vehicles 17, calendar 34.  That’s one case of vehicular buildingslaughter every 2.6 days.  That’s increasing from the previous rate of one every 2.7 days.  At this rate we’ll reach the rate of one car/building collision every day by September 28.  (You can check the math but we’re sure that’s right.  He of We was working the calculator.  That’s a sure sign it was checked 47 times for accuracy.)

It is worth noting that this group of poor parkers included a more determined errant driver.   Witnesses at one of the spectacles noted that the vehicle paused at a stop sign, proceeded through the intersection, turned onto the sidewalk, climbed the stairs, and drove into the revolving doors.  Creative.  Most people would have waited until they passed a gas station to look for a public rest room.

These statistics are for our own local metropolitan area.  Although our area is known for some peculiar driving quirks, the steadfast refusal to use sun visors when driving east during shimmering morning rush hours and turning left just before the light turns green are two of them.  Purposely driving into buildings has not been a local drivers’ diversion in the past.  It’s possible we’ve suddenly become the center of brick butchery.  Or it could be a more universal problem.  You should check your local papers to determine if this is becoming a worldwide phenomenon.

Those would be the only choices – local trend or universal bad driving.  On our first post we questioned whether anyone thought it might be because any of those people behind the wheels were also behind their cell phones.  But that couldn’t be.  Almost every state has now passed laws against distracted driving.  Nobody would violate a traffic law like that, would they?  Besides, it’s a silly law, right up there with observing speed limits and wearing seat belts.  What could possibly happen?

We’ll check back with you toward the end of September.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Drive Through Service

Michael 4 Comments

This year has barely gotten a good hold on reality and we’re already noticing a disturbing trend.  People are driving through buildings.

Not quite 3 weeks into the year and we’ve already heard of local drivers mashing the gas on their way through a convenience store, a liquor store, a bank, another convenience store, a post office, a restaurant, and a cemetery’s ornate entrance wall.  That’s one stationary object plowed into every 3 days.  Perhaps just to get on the score board, a brick building fell on 3 cars.

One of those incidents might have been caused by a driver having a heart attack before running into a solid object.  And one of those was caused by a nutcase who intentionally drove into a building to escape chasing police.  He wasn’t a very smart nutcase.  The others were simple cases of mistaking large buildings for open road.

Quite often when we read of these cases we find it involved an older driver who mistook the gas pedal for the brake pedal.  We’re thinking now that the over-80 drivers are getting a bum rap here.  Not all of these drivers were of the old fogey set.  Some were reportedly quite young, all were apparently quite distracted.  And then there was that nutcase.

We’re thinking this is a great opportunity for amateur inventors.  Everybody dreams of building the better mousetrap.  Here’s the chance at building a car-mounted radar system with an auditory alarm and brightly colored flashing warning lights a la the bridge of the Enterprise.   Perhaps connected to cruise control, safety cameras, brake assist devices, and those new self-parking mechanisms someone can create a system that will drive around obstacles, not only large buildings but other immovable objects such as guide rails, parking meters, light poles, traffic signals, a parked delivery van, tunnel entrances, trees, over the side of a bridge, and a World War II monument which also have been violated already this year.

It’s time we protect our buildings!  Brick and mortar, glass and metal, these things don’t grow on trees.  Trees do but they are no match for even a small car barreling through a field taking aim on one.  We encourage you to write to building owners in your cities and convince them to erect water filled safety walls around their structures.  Petition your state legislature to mandate guide rails that separate when sensing approaching vehicles.  And get those letters going to the US Department of Transportation to promulgate regulations requiring solid object early warning signals in all cars, SUVs, and light trucks.

Hmm, you don’t think any of these were caused by people on their cell phones, do you?  Maybe we should look at distraction free driving.  That might have saved a lot of reconstruction.  Well, all except for that nutcase.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?