Tag Distractions

Blame It On The Blinds

Michael Leave a comment

You’ve heard us say it before, weekends are special for us.  Since we don’t have scheduled days off Monday through Friday, we pack a lot into the other 29% of the week.  Sometimes, we don’t start packing until well after we intended to.  Now we have something to blame our late awakenings on.

Some time ago, He of We decided he needed new curtains in his bedroom.  It just didn’t seem to right to get new drapery without changing the other pieces.  So now there are new curtains, new rod, new tiebacks, and the piece most culpable for us losing several hours every weekend, a new blind.  Whether roll-up, push-up, mini, or vertical, blinds are the key to sleep duration.  When He of We selected his new blind it was of the room darkening variety.  And a killer room darkener it is.  Tight to the sides and top of the frame and to the sill on the bottom, there are some 1700 square inches of ‘hold back the light we’re sleeping late this morning’ between him and Mr. Sun.

This is the same set-up on the window during the other days of the week that don’t interfere with bounding out of bed, doing all those morning get ready for work things, and aiming the four-wheeled vehicle down the road.  All before 8am.  But on the weekend, it’s a different story.

On a typical Saturday morning, about 11:00 or 11:30, He of We will call She of We to set the agenda for the day.  Over the course of conversation, someone will ask what progress has made on the mental lists they drafted the night before.  When it’s time for He of We to recount his morning, “Um, I made myself breakfast,” is the unfortunate all too common response.  Why the failure to perform any useful task with less than an hour before the crack of noon.  Now we know why.  Blame it on the blinds!

This can be the remarkable new defense for anybody faced with an unmet deadline, an unfinished task, or a not yet started chore.  Find an inanimate object and shift that blame!  Didn’t get the grass done?  The gas tank was empty.  Term paper not started?  Can’t type with a bandage wrapped around a finger.  Still haven’t started that new exercise routine?  Traffic lights between home and gym were all red.  Every day.

So there you have it.  The world’s permission to overlook, neglect, ignore, or just plain forget stuff.  Just don’t do it with anything important.  It might be a dandy excuse but you still have to hug your special someone, smile at least once a day, and always say “I love you.”  But the next time you miss your tee time, or your tea time, go ahead and blame it on the blinds.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Just Because You Can

Michael Leave a comment

In our last post we questioned the need for a digital video recorder to record 20 bazillion hours of programming 555 shows at a time.  Ok, perhaps we exaggerate a bit.  Whether 20 bazillion or 2,000, that’s a lot of dreck – umm, hours.  And a tool that can make that happen is a wonder.  As in, we wonder what they were thinking when they cooked that one up.

 “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” 

The “Just Becauses” are many in the world.  Do you recall not long ago the electric belt being peddled on TV.  Oh, they didn’t call it that.  It was called a muscle stimulating ab belt and it was to get your ab muscles exercising whether they wanted to or not.  Zip a jolt of electricity through a muscle and watch it “exercise.”  Right.  And if you believe that we have a backyard sauna box to sell you.

Do you have a lot of hair that needs the special shampoos and conditioners?  We’re not going down that aisle.  We’re going down the one next to it where the hair dryers are.  If you have a lot of hair and you can’t hold your hair dryer for as long as it takes to dry all your hair, you can be the proud owner of a gooseneck stand that will hold any hand held dryer and position it to anywhere around your head.  Now how about a comb with a pivoting head or an extended handle? 

Did you brush your teeth?  As often as you should?  For as long as you should?  Did you know you can buy a singing toothbrush?  Not just for kids.  Adult versions will keep you brushing as long as you should with a different tune every morning, afternoon, evening, and bedtime.  Uh huh.

The kitchen doesn’t want to be left behind in this glorious celebration of “Just Because.”  We know that kitchens are very personal places.  Many of our friends have slicers and dicers, blenders and bowls that we don’t always understand but won’t disparage their right to slice however they like.  But a hot dog slicer?  Marketed to prevent children from choking on hot dogs, this elongated egg slicer takes the place of — well, it takes the place of a knife.  And it comes with a warning to be used only by adults or with adult supervision.  Hmm.

You don’t even have to buy a “Just Because.”  If you have cable or satellite TV and you’re using one of their remote controls, you hold a “Just Because” in your hand every time you change the channel.  Do we really need 53 buttons on that remote?  (See Button, Button, They Have Too Many Buttons, Dec. 3, 2012, in Humor.)  Yes, “Just Becauses” are everywhere.  Outdoor accessories, clothing, storage solutions(?), toys, and tools. 

If you can’t walk through a mega mart or giant home improvement store without stopping in some aisle and asking yourself, “really?” then you too can sport the bumper sticker “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”  And as soon as we finish this post we’re going to see if we can’t get a few hundred thousand of them printed up.  We’re thinking $19.95.  We’ll see you in Aisle 3.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Drive On

Michael 1 Comment

It’s been a few months now.  Actually it was last October.  It was then that we wrote the most recent installment of cars driving into buildings, a phenomenon happening so regularly we can’t miss it.  If you’re thinking you must have missed it, you didn’t.  We never got around to posting that one.  Something else more blogworthy must have come up.  Then we took another look at it and it and found something else instead. Then something else.  Then Thanksgiving.  Then Christmas.  Before we knew it, it have gotten moved into the “unposted” folder and just sat around. And since then we’ve actually not thought much at all about cars being driven willy and nilly into buildings.  Until yesterday. 

Oh buildings were still being assailed by cars.  Some were little taps into a door frame.  Some we quite spectacular and took out entire corners of buildings.  And then there was yesterday.

Yesterday there was this perfectly innocent building, sitting along a perfectly picture perfect downtown main street.  So perfect a main street it is that it is named Main Street.  And along that street were stores you don’t see much along main streets lately.  There is an insurance agency with just a couple of agents always handy, a deli-style sandwich shop where everybody knows your name, a florist with real flowers in real vases and a carnation for you, a real estate office with pictures of houses for sale taped to the inside of the front window, and up until yesterday, a chiropractic office manned by Dr. C., of course.  Now gone is the building façade.  Gone is the receptionist’s desk.  Gone is the waiting room.  Gone is most everything in the front half of the building.  Fortunately the driver responsible for doing all that did it along about 8:30 at night, long after everyone in the office had themselves gone.

So why such a big deal over such a little office along such a little street in such a little town?  We’ve written about big buildings getting plowed into by big trucks.  We even wrote about an airport getting in the way of a crazy lady on a mission.  So now we’re up to some 350 words about that little office along a little street in a little town. But it’s special. It’s She of We’s town.  And it’s her Main Street and her deli and and her florist and her buildings.  These are people she knows. 

Now it’s not just an interesting topic to post for you to read.  It’s not trying to figure out how many building assaults per how many days. Now when we pose just how distracted does a driver have to be to not notice a two story, glass front, brick and mortar building getting bigger and bigger in the windshield it’s a building that we’ve seen, driven past, walk by, pointed to.    

We know we aren’t the only ones to know a building that has come under attack.  In the Buffalo NY area, petitions began circulating calling for guard rails around buildings at street level for goodness sake!  But now She of We enters the elite club of not only knowing buildings that have been disrupted by drunk, disorderly, or distracted drivers.  She knows the people in that building too.

Where will it end?  Last year in our metro area almost 100 times did the cars and trucks run through mortar and glass.  We stopped counting at the end of the year.  We still noticed them.  We pointed them out on the news. We just didn’t pay attention to them.  Until yesterday.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Look Here

Michael Leave a comment

Last week She of We was in an accident.  A car accident.  She’s fine.  You can’t really say she had an accident because her car was the innocent bystander. So we guess you have to say she was in an accident.  Nothing terrible.  Not even hardly bad.  But an accident none the less.  An accident caused by . . . distracted driving.

No, she wasn’t hit by anybody writing or reader a text message.  And there was no building involved.  Regular readers know we have been chronicling the ongoing incidents of vehicular buildingcide.  See Drive Through Service, Drive Through Part Two, and Drive Around Please while we continue to gather information for our fourth installment.  But we digress.

She of We was in an accident caused by distracted driving.  She was at a stop at the end of an exit ramp from one of the interstates leading into town when a lady rammed her SUV into the back of She’s SUV.  How did she not notice a two ton black vehicle in broad daylight at a complete stop in front of her?  She (the rammer) was rooting about for loose change to give to the homeless chap panhandling at the end of the ramp.

It seems the rammer lives not far from that exit and may see the vagabond on a regular basis.  Knowing he would be at his post with his cardboard sign, she wanted to be ready to toss him some change.  We said She of We wasn’t hit by anybody driving while texting but looking for change is just as distracted.

The next time you are in your driveway, with your car turned off, time yourself to see how long it takes to look toward your cupholder and determine if there is any change in it.  One second?  Two?  Three?  Let’s say 2 seconds.  At 60 miles per hour your car would have traveled 176 feet in two seconds.  That’s 11 times the length of a Chevy Impala, 12 times that of a Toyota Camry, almost 15 times the length of a Mini Cooper.  In two seconds you would have driven over half the length of a football field and never seen any of it.

There are some pretty good public service announcements out there about not texting while driving but you have to remember that’s not the only way you can become distracted.  Remember that the next time you are dialing your phone because you haven’t set up your voice dial yet, checking the display on your satellite radio, or reading the bumper sticker on the car in the lane next to you.

She of We wasn’t hurt when the distracted driver drove into her rear bumper.  Don’t you become the next distracted driver to get to say “thank goodness you’re not hurt.”

That’s not a bad public service announcement.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Do you take this chicken…

Michael Leave a comment

So they say it’s not a gay marriage issue, that if they left the order stand for 100 chicken sandwiches that would be all anybody talked about instead of the issues.  So what do they talk about instead?  They talk about how that rich person who bought 100 chicken sandwiches has decided to change his catering choice for an upcoming political meeting and donate 90 of the sandwiches to a local homeless shelter and keep 10 for himself to see what they taste like.  In a roughly 500 word article in Newsday posted on August 19, some 3 weeks since a private individual voiced his views on gay marriage all that was printed was chicken sandwiches and gay marriage.  That sounds like us somebody isn’t talking about the issues.

Well here’s something to talk about.  Maybe that is the issue that nobody wants to talk about while everybody else is busy ignoring the elephant in the living room.  No, not gay marriage and not chicken sandwiches.  Stay with us here. 

Do you know if you type “Supporting Gay Marriage” into your Google search bar you will be returned over 9.6 million results including a 600Kb article in Wikipedia that includes a list of everybody who has come out in public support?  A search “Opposing Gay Marriage” returns only a few fewer than 2 million results.  Clearly more people support it so we can assume it must be right.   Keep staying with us.  If you type in “Supporting child pornography” you get 128 million results.  “Opposing child pornography” yields only 1.99 million results.  I think we can rethink our previous assumption.  Don’t go away yet.

That exercise illustrates that the more controversial an idea is the more people will want to talk about it. And there isn’t a clear right or wrong as often as there is no question what it right or wrong. 

The only clear right in any of this is that we all have to right to express our opinion.  Unfortunately there are many issues that because they are the “darling” issue of the media or those with access to the media, many people will want to make certain their views match those of the famous and sometimes infamous.

If the short order cook at your neighborhood bar, the one who makes the chicken sandwiches, came out in opposition to gay marriage you’d probably say, “who cares?” and move on.  But because someone who has made a fortune out of making chicken sandwiches remarks how he interprets the Bible’s view on marriage some other rich guy is going to give away 90 sandwiches instead of feeding them to the local politicians.  And that becomes news.

It’s not about gay marriage.  It’s about finding fault with someone who seems to be successful without the help of the ACLU.  It’s about following the crowd instead of finding your own opinion. 

And it’s about deciding that becoming outraged over shootings, snipers, unemployment, lost savings, and foreclosures is more important than chicken sandwiches.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Drive Around Please

Michael 3 Comments

We tried to wait but we couldn’t.  Buildings are STILL jumping in front of cars.

We first told of cars driving into buildings at a quite alarming pace at the beginning of the year.  (See Drive Through Service, January 29, and Drive Through, Part Two, February 13, in HUMOR.)  We figured at the rate they were going we’d see a car/building collision on a daily basis before the end of the year.  While the pace has slowed, the variety has not.

Ripped form the local headlines we have reports of cars driving into 10 houses, one making it all the way into the living room.  We’ve had one office building, one bank, one restaurant, one bookstore, and one billboard all become the objects of vehicular buildingslaughter.  Two locations of the same supermarket chain were targets of a pair of misguided motorcrafts.  Perhaps the chain should consider a drive through to replace one of its indoor express lanes.  One convenience store attracted its car-nal companion so well that the same driver plowed the same car into the same storefront twice.

Some smashes were particularly smashing.  There was the lady who drove her car into the airport.  We thought it was because the driver couldn’t wait to head for a warmer climate and the people mover from the parking lot wasn’t moving people fast enough.  Actually it was because she had a flat tire some 2 miles before she got to the parking lot and didn’t want to stop to change it for fear she’d miss her flight.  By the time she got to the lot she had no rubber on the wheel and the car had taken over in terms of finding its way.

One driver had his sights set on an unsuspecting suburban home and managed to eventually get all the way through the yard and nuzzle his vehicle against the front porch.  Along the way he found the house’s fishpond.  Unfortunately only 9 of the 12 known inhabitants of the pond were saved.   One driver, probably because he knew this was going to hurt, piloted his sedan through the front window of a hospital outpatient clinic.  Just as the weather was turning to consistent 70+ degree days did a car find its way into a backyard pool.  Then there was the lady who knew all this mayhem was occurring and felt it needed prayer.  So she drove right through the side entrance of a church.  God told her to.

And since we’ve been keeping things local we haven’t even mentioned the car that drove into the French subway station mistaking the wide stairs for a parking garage entrance.

Our tally since 2012 began?  Forty-four stationary objects have been the target of very bad driving.  Actually we’ve been holding back on one incident.  That was the driver who drove through a cemetery tilting a dozen headstones as if they were windmills.  We aren’t certain how to count that one.

What we are certain of is that what we were certain of – these were all cases of distracted driving – we aren’t certain of any more.  Could there really be that many drivers who are so oblivious that they can’t tell when they are about to hit the broad side of a barn?  We think this needs more concentration.  At least by the drivers!

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

All the News That’s Fit to Overlay

Michael Leave a comment

A funny thing happened the other day while we were watching the eleven o’clock news.  We lost sight of it.  Between reading the crawl along the bottom and the severe thunderstorm watch announcements along the side, and the scroll beneath the reporter telling us what building she was standing in front of, we never heard what happened at that building.

Sports scores are the only thing you want to know?  Tune to one of the sports channels and it doesn’t matter what is playing because the scores will be marching across the bottom of your screen.  Need to know if you can wear open toe shoes to work?  Lock in the local 24 hour news channel and the weather forecast is “always in view.”  Did the traffic ease up any?  Turn your dial to the major local stations and watch the live traffic cam in the corner of your screen.

If you have enough time some morning turn on one of the national news networks.  There you will find a split screen with two or sometimes three anchors taking turns spouting something.  A t the very bottom will be a scroll with regular news.  Above that will be a wider band of travel conditions including delays at major market airports.  Focus a bit higher and we have the band of “Breaking News” headlines.  Just above that will be the blurbs highlighting whatever it is those people in the main screen are talking about.  Turn your attention to the left of the screen and there will be a vertical band with the nation’s weather forecasts displaying the high and low temperatures and pictograms of the sun with or without clouds, raindrops, and/or snowflakes for every city in alphabetical order.  Except yours.  Along the right edge is the schedule of what will be coming up in 3 minute increments, excluding commercials.  And somewhere is the time.  Which you are quickly running out of right along with your patience. 

All that information and when you turn off the TV you can’t remember what happened in the world today.  If you should be hearing impaired or just preferred to have the closed captioning turned on, now there is yet another box competing for space on the screen and attention in your brain.  Just because something can be done – a cute graphic for partly sunny or a countdown to the next story – doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to do it. 

We’re willing to let the producers of these news shows into our homes to watch us while the newscasts are on to see how we absorb the information presented to us.  We’ll be the ones reading the newspaper.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Road Rage

Michael Leave a comment

He of We lives between 5 and 6 miles north of city center of the major downtown He and She live near.  She of We lives 5 to 6 miles south of that same center of town.  Those ten to twelve miles get a lot of use out of Both of We’s tires.

Last night He of We was travelling those few miles on a dark and rainy night when a shot rang out.  Well, when a pickup truck pulled down an entrance ramp and shot out into traffic like it was a speeding bullet.  No emergency lights, no turn signal, no brake lights indicating he had intended to yield like the sign suggested.  Just shot out into traffic.  But it was ok because he was going about 10 miles an hour faster than the main line traffic which was going about 15 miles an hour faster than the posted speed limit signs suggested.

Every day we’re noticing a disturbing trend.  Nobody is obeying the law.  The traffic laws.  Even the littering laws are routinely broken.  Why do people feel justified to toss empty fast food bags and cups, worn gloves, or half-eaten chickens out their windows?  Is it a sense of entitlement?  Do they feel that since every mile of US highway has been “adopted” by some civic group, local business, or religious order that somebody has to give these volunteers something to do the third Saturday of every month?  (If you are secretly one of these, wait till you get to work to throw out the coffee cup and breakfast sandwich wrapper.  Nobody will think less of you if they spy you tossing trash from one of the billions of fast food drive throughs rather than the artisan bread and breakfast kiosk. That’s how there got to be billions of them.)

But we digress.  What is it about traffic laws that beg to be broken?  Stop and yield signs are there only for the local high school graduates to emblazon with their graduation year.  Speed limit signs are routinely run over but less routinely replaced.  One Way, No U-Turn, and No Left Turn signs are more outdoor art than even suggestions.   No Turn on Red signs might as well not be printed and mounted at all even though they appear at every intersection with a traffic light.

The problem with the traffic law breakers (besides breaking the law), is that they aim their rage when they are thwarted at law breaking by the occasional law abiding sign observer.  They tailgate, weave, and race their way down the road, taking time to turn and mouth obscenities at the ones who are going only 5 to 10 miles faster than the limit which lumps them with the slow moving vehicles.

Imagine if somebody suggested that breaking traffic laws is the gateway crime.  We’re not sure we agree with that.  We don’t believe that once you get over the thrill of turning on red it’s just a matter of time until you want to pull tags off mattresses or smoke in elevators.  We are sure that breaking the traffic laws doesn’t come without some penalty.  You don’t have to watch too many editions of the evening news before you hear of somebody who launched a car over a guiderail and into a grove of trees ejecting the driver and killing the passengers.     

Some people say it’s the boom of cell phones, GPS units, radios with multiple bands, MP3 players with thousands of songs, and other distractions that make people drive fast and recklessly.  Some believe it’s because Drivers’ Ed has disappeared from the high schools and is replaced by Moms and Dads who (sorry) are part of the problem themselves. 

Whether it’s distraction, knowledge deficit, the thrill of handling 2,000 pounds of anything, or enjoying that last morsel of sausage, egg, and cheese on a muffin before tossing the wrapper out of a vehicle moving faster than a last century’s high speed trains, breaking the law is breaking the law.  So slow down, read a bumper sticker, and arrive alive.  That’s a rage that’s all the rage that we can live with. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Drive Through Part Two

Michael 3 Comments

January 19, not even a month we noted somewhat shockingly that people are driving through buildings (“Drive Through Service,” January 19, in HUMOR).  It was not quite 3 weeks into the year and we had already heard of local drivers violating stores, banks, restaurants, and various other brick and mortar type stationary objects on the average of once every 3 days.  We implored you to write to building owners to erect safety walls and to petition the US Department of Transportation to promulgate regulations requiring solid object early warning signals in all cars, SUVs, and light trucks.

We don’t think you took us seriously.  Seriously, this is becoming a serious problem.  If 3 weeks into the year the car vs. building rate was one every 3 days, the next 3 weeks has taken an even worse turn (no pun intended).  We’ve heard of 10 more instances of buildings not being able to jump out of the way in time before being attacked by metal, steel, rubber, and presumably licensed drivers.  This round of concrete carnage included a bank, an office building, and the law school offices at one of the local universities. 

So as of today, we are at vehicles 17, calendar 34.  That’s one case of vehicular buildingslaughter every 2.6 days.  That’s increasing from the previous rate of one every 2.7 days.  At this rate we’ll reach the rate of one car/building collision every day by September 28.  (You can check the math but we’re sure that’s right.  He of We was working the calculator.  That’s a sure sign it was checked 47 times for accuracy.)

It is worth noting that this group of poor parkers included a more determined errant driver.   Witnesses at one of the spectacles noted that the vehicle paused at a stop sign, proceeded through the intersection, turned onto the sidewalk, climbed the stairs, and drove into the revolving doors.  Creative.  Most people would have waited until they passed a gas station to look for a public rest room.

These statistics are for our own local metropolitan area.  Although our area is known for some peculiar driving quirks, the steadfast refusal to use sun visors when driving east during shimmering morning rush hours and turning left just before the light turns green are two of them.  Purposely driving into buildings has not been a local drivers’ diversion in the past.  It’s possible we’ve suddenly become the center of brick butchery.  Or it could be a more universal problem.  You should check your local papers to determine if this is becoming a worldwide phenomenon.

Those would be the only choices – local trend or universal bad driving.  On our first post we questioned whether anyone thought it might be because any of those people behind the wheels were also behind their cell phones.  But that couldn’t be.  Almost every state has now passed laws against distracted driving.  Nobody would violate a traffic law like that, would they?  Besides, it’s a silly law, right up there with observing speed limits and wearing seat belts.  What could possibly happen?

We’ll check back with you toward the end of September.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Drive Through Service

Michael 4 Comments

This year has barely gotten a good hold on reality and we’re already noticing a disturbing trend.  People are driving through buildings.

Not quite 3 weeks into the year and we’ve already heard of local drivers mashing the gas on their way through a convenience store, a liquor store, a bank, another convenience store, a post office, a restaurant, and a cemetery’s ornate entrance wall.  That’s one stationary object plowed into every 3 days.  Perhaps just to get on the score board, a brick building fell on 3 cars.

One of those incidents might have been caused by a driver having a heart attack before running into a solid object.  And one of those was caused by a nutcase who intentionally drove into a building to escape chasing police.  He wasn’t a very smart nutcase.  The others were simple cases of mistaking large buildings for open road.

Quite often when we read of these cases we find it involved an older driver who mistook the gas pedal for the brake pedal.  We’re thinking now that the over-80 drivers are getting a bum rap here.  Not all of these drivers were of the old fogey set.  Some were reportedly quite young, all were apparently quite distracted.  And then there was that nutcase.

We’re thinking this is a great opportunity for amateur inventors.  Everybody dreams of building the better mousetrap.  Here’s the chance at building a car-mounted radar system with an auditory alarm and brightly colored flashing warning lights a la the bridge of the Enterprise.   Perhaps connected to cruise control, safety cameras, brake assist devices, and those new self-parking mechanisms someone can create a system that will drive around obstacles, not only large buildings but other immovable objects such as guide rails, parking meters, light poles, traffic signals, a parked delivery van, tunnel entrances, trees, over the side of a bridge, and a World War II monument which also have been violated already this year.

It’s time we protect our buildings!  Brick and mortar, glass and metal, these things don’t grow on trees.  Trees do but they are no match for even a small car barreling through a field taking aim on one.  We encourage you to write to building owners in your cities and convince them to erect water filled safety walls around their structures.  Petition your state legislature to mandate guide rails that separate when sensing approaching vehicles.  And get those letters going to the US Department of Transportation to promulgate regulations requiring solid object early warning signals in all cars, SUVs, and light trucks.

Hmm, you don’t think any of these were caused by people on their cell phones, do you?  Maybe we should look at distraction free driving.  That might have saved a lot of reconstruction.  Well, all except for that nutcase.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?