Tag Curling

Is it just me . . .

Michael 6 Comments

I was going to end the title here with “…or is it chili in here?” in honor of National Chili Day (get it, is it chili in here? I crack myself up), but then I thought better of it and opted not to start a new Internet controversy. There are arguments enough on line that I don’t have to add fuel to the fire and start shouting matches between the bean camp and the no beaners, fights between the beef chunkers versus the ground beef crowd, or debates over whether vegetarian chili is or is not mutually exclusive. No, I’m not going to be the cause of any more strife along the world’s interwebs.

Instead I thought I’d pose a more calm inducing topic to the world today. Does anybody else think that snowboarding should be banned from the Olympics? Like forever. Plus an extra 20 years for good measure!

It has nothing to do with whether snowboarding is a “sport” and are snowboarders “athletes.” That would be no and no. But neither is the biathlon and I have nothing against that being in the Olympics. And before anybody gets too excited, curling is a sport and curlers are athletes and it without a doubt belongs in the Olympics. (Contrary to popular belief curling is not just shuffleboard on ice. If anything it more closely resembles bocce on ice and it is a travesty that lawn bowling is not an Olympic sport in the summer games yet beach volleyball is. But I digress. If you’re interested in finding out why bocce belongs in the Olympics you can read what I said about that here.)

SnowboardingIOC18So what do I have against snowboarding and snowboarders? Nothing personally. It can be entertaining and they are talented but it’s not a sport. It cannot be quantified. There is no time or distance measured to objectively determine the winner. If there was a downhill snowboard race and the winner determined by who gets there first, that would be a sport worthy of inclusion in the winter games.

Ah ha! you say. What then about skating? Sorry, that has to go too. It’s been around since the first winter Olympics but it should have never been allowed and it has to go. If the figure skaters and ice dancers (does anybody really know the difference?) want to compete for a medal on ice, let them try speed skating or hockey. Or curling even. Otherwise I’ll be happy to enjoy their contributions to a genteel society when they show up in town with Disney on Ice. While we’re at it, freestyle skiing is out also as is ski jumping unless they agree to ditch the style points and award medals only for distance. Not giving yourself a concussion on landing would be nice but not essential if the length is there.

The Olympics have hung around almost 2000 years to celebrate the fastest, the strongest, the highest. Not who can spin around in the air with a surfboard strapped to his feet the prettiest.

Thank you for your unwavering support and agreement.

And Happy Chili Day.

Ground. With beans.

And yes, it is.

 

The Sport the Olympics Didn’t Think of

Michael 2 Comments

We happen to be on vacation this week (we’re sorry if it sounds like we’re bragging, we are) in a Caribbean island paradise.  As we were wandering the grounds we passed what could have been croquet balls.  “But where are the wickets?” She of We asked, surprising herself that she knew what those little wire things are called.   He of We thought perhaps they were bocce balls but were missing the little target ball.  Neither of We were surprised that neither of us knew what that is called.  As we headed down the lane trying to decide if we should lounge on the beach or at the pool we debated if these could become new Olympic sports.  (You debate what you want on vacation, we’ll debate what we want.)

After several false starts, underwater hand standing among them, we settled on bocce.  We were looking for something that had an even playing field and decided that, a la the Winter Olympics’ curling, almost nobody across the globe really knows much about bocce.  You can’t get much more even than that.  Next on our criteria list was a sport, again similar to curling, that the rules don’t help in understanding. Scoring was also a factor.  A quick trip through the Internet revealed scoring to be both complicated and confusing involving measurements, location, and order of play. We also decided that it should be a game that can be played over several days.  Since a single game of bocce can take an entire afternoon to play (we confirmed this by channeling dead Italian relatives), an entire tournament can last the entire 17 days of competition.  This is important since the scoring will be explained on television by commentators who know nothing about it and thus will give them ample opportunity to contradict themselves, once again not unlike those who comment on curling.  And finally, we decided that it was very important to select a new game that can be played rip roaring drunk since it will sprout bocce clubs all over the United States by the guys at the local bars who stayed up all the night before studying it in minute detail so they can be the bar expert on bocce.  These chosen ones may or may not be the same hardy souls who sprouted a curling club two years prior after the winter games.

And thus we present to the International Olympic Committee a sport that will keep television viewers up into the very early hours of the morning all over the world transfixed by the event nobody ever knew existed.  Ladies and gentlemen, we give to you the summer version of the winter signature event curling, Olympic Bocce!

Now, what is that little ball called?  Mario?  Giovanni?  Irving?  We’re going to have to read up on that.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?