Tag COVID-19

Eight Million Ways to Cry…Times 2.

Michael 5 Comments
I heard over the weekend the United States topped 16 million CoViD-19 cases, 16.3 million when I read it on Sunday. It took 252 days to record the first 8 million cases and 87 days to tally up the second. Sixteen million cases, more than any other country in the world. Well, it’s a big country some might think. (Some might think we should have slowed the testing down. Similarly some might have thought we should stop counting votes. Both thoughts quite wrong but that’s a post for a different day.) (Maybe.) (Will see.) Anyway…
 
Back to those 16 million cases in such a “big” country. Canada is a big country too. There they have recorded just over 460,000 cases. Of course it is less populated. Canada has a population of 37.6 million people compared to the US population of 328 million.  That means the US is getting CoViD four times faster.  Well, clearly Canada is not as densely populated so they won’t have as high a rate as the packed in like sardines cities of the USofA. Hmm, well, let’s look at India where there are 9.8 million cases. That’s almost as many as America’s 16 million. But India has 1.32 BILLION people packed into a smaller area. India has 382 people per square kilometer, over 10 times the density of the. 36 people per sq km in the USA yet the US case rate per population is over 7 times that as crowded India’s.
 
So back to those 16 million. The borough of Manhattan in New York City boasts a population of 8.7 million people. There are probably not many people reading this who remember the TV drama “Naked City.” It ran from 1958 through 1963 and each episode ended with a phrase you may remember even if you don’t know the show, “There are 8 million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them.” Those 8 million stories ostensibly were the 8 million people of Manhattan posing as that naked city. In 1982 Lawrence Block wrote his hardboiled detective novel “Eight Million Ways to Die” again paying a sort of homage to the 8 million people of Manhattan. (In 1986 Oliver Stone with a few others adapted the book to a movie of the same name, with the lead character of the same name but everything else was different, even the city! It was horrible. But that’s a post for another day!) (Don’t see the movie, read the book.) Where was I? Oh yes, the 8 million people of Manhattan and those 16 million CoViD-19 cases. 
 
I remember reading Eight Million Ways to Die shortly after its release. I remember remembering I never thought about how many people lived in Manhattan and thinking wow that is a lot of people. I grew up in little suburbia with about 20,000 people and our tallest building outside of church steeples was a 5 story department store. It was far from Hooterville but probably just as far from Manhattan. Eight million. That’s still a lot of people. But sixteen million. That’s 8 million times 2!
 
Sixteen million CoViD-19 cases, almost twice the current population of that island in New York. They say the recovery rate right now is around 48% so that works out to be 8.3 million active CoViD cases. They could easily swap into Manhattan for the 8.7 who live there now. Close the bridges and tunnels and we could have a quarantine community. Kind of like the Kalaupapa Peninsula. (Look it up.) I doubt anybody would be willing to make the big switch and we can’t be sure that there are only 8 million active cases because we don’t know how many people are running around with the disease who have never been tested. (Apparently some people actually thought I was a good idea to slow the testing down. Yeah, yeah, another post for another day. I’m keeping track.) So then, umm, right, 16 million people with CoViD-19. 
 
Sixteen million people. Eight million times two. Not 8 million ways to die though. Only a couple ways. If they were among the unlucky 300,000 who had died, people who died from CoViD may have from acute respiratory failure, heart failure, blood clots, kidney failure, or a syndrome of a collection of symptoms called a cytokine storm including blood leaking out of its vessels. Ugh.
 
Yesterday, vaccines were loaded into trucks in Kalamazoo heading for the airport to be shipped across the US. That doesn’t mean the number stops at 16,300,000.  It is probably going up as you read this. Actually it is definitely going up as you read this. Will it get to 8 million times 3? Likely yes. Maybe even 4 and 5 and perhaps 6 before the vaccine does what its supposed to fo which is circulate through the immune systems of every American regardless of where he, she, or it stood on testing and counting. 
 
Sixteen million people. Eight million reasons to cry. Times 2.
 
2_US_Cases
 

This Person’s Intelligence Does Not Exist

Michael Leave a comment
There is a site on the Internet that displays pictures of people. Just pictures of different people. Every time you open the site or refresh the page a new picture is displayed. Picture after picture. Never a duplicate. Person ever person. Never a real one. Not one a real, live person. They are images generated by Artificial Intelligence (AI). Yet they are so lifelike you might imagine you actually know some of them.
 
Artificial Intelligence is making great strides but it still can’t anticipate the unexpected. You need Natural Intelligence when things happen that you don’t expect. That because Natural Intelligence is more than smarts, memory, and logic. It is that and intuition, discernment, situational awareness and sometimes illogic. Natural Intelligence is what you use when you have to do something you’ve never done before…like living through a pandemic.
 
How has the battle against CoViD-19 altered your lifestyle? Are you doing home schooling? Are you doing home working? Have any roles shifted? Has your daily schedule been adjusted? 
 
Most of the people I have spoken with have done pretty well making their way through this time. They are adjusting, accommodating, adapting, all the things intelligent people do when confronted with an unexpected situation. Even those who are struggling are doing well compared to the ones who have decided their life will go on as usual, nothing to see here, it’s all a hoax. Those are the ones with artificial intelligence. They’re very good what they do, as long as what they are doing is what they are programmed to do.
 
Yes that is still the limitation with artificial Intelligence. It seemingly adapts, it appears to be adjusting, it looks like it learning. In truth its intelligence depends on who programmed it, who set its limitations, who designed its algorithms. In other words it might look good on the surface but when you really look at what it’s made of, look for it’s original thoughts, seek out its compassion, explore its sense of duty, look for its heart, you find there is really nothing there.  
 
Kind of like a lot of politicans.
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Image from thispersondoesnotexist.com

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Selfish Is and Selfish Does

Michael 4 Comments
I’ll start right up front apologizing to all my non-US readers. You’re too kind and don’t deserve to play the innocent bystander but you should know from the start that this is not going to be pretty. 
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Now for the rest of you, my fellow Americans, just how incredibly selfish is this country getting! Not the people in this country. The whole darn shooting match. It’s now a national pastime to do whatever you want regardless of consequences. Go to parties, get on planes, play football, go to happy hour. If you’re reading this you are more than likely among to ever shrinking quantity of intelligent, courteous individuals but you probably know more than a few handfuls of whiny, reckless, selfish bastar…er, jerks. I don’t know how it is where you are (which is the polite way of saying things are getting out of control everywhere) but around here, things are getting out of control. For example: 
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Every day for the past 8 days the morning paper headlines have been [State, County, City] Sets New Record for COVID [Infections, Hospitalizations, Deaths] (they rotate the where and the what so you don’t think they just re-ran the same story). Someone on that same front page is the other inevitable headline [Party, Candidate, Congressmen, Senator] [Claims New Voter Fraud, Decries Latest Fraud Claim], sometimes all the above! While the world is falling apart, these imbeciles are busy engaging in playground “did so, did not, did too, make me!” games. Children have more sense than these disgusting, miserable, adolescent excuses for human beings. (Too rough?) 
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It’s gotten to the point that now I personally know seven people who have been tested positive for CoViD-19 and one who died from the infection. Once removed (as in know someone who knows someone) the numbers are greater than 70 infections, over a dozen hospitalizations, and 2 deaths. There were all cautious, all held fast to safe prevention practices, only one was a nursing home resident (one of the deaths), 18 were health care workers or first responders (including the other death), and a handful of other essential workers. These aren’t great numbers when you consider my state is reporting over 424,000 cases and nearly 11,500 deaths but these “numbers” are people I know. They are people I have shared space and time with, who over the years have been to the same church or party or store or hospital as I have been. They are friends and neighbors. They are not Democrats or Republicans, they are not maskers or anti-maskers, they are not cowards or daredevils. They are people. People who relied on public servants to serve their public rather than serving their egos.
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KeepCalmSo, what can we do about this? I’m staying calm but taking names. Oh sure, today I’ll write a couple letters to my so-called representatives in between  checking in on friends and relatives to see how everyone is doing and that my “numbers” aren’t going up. But some day those so-called representatives who today are busy representative themselves will surely run for office again. That’s when the real letter writing campaign begins. That’s when I will start reminding everybody that when they should have been meeting in chambers, representing us working on health initiatives, equipment and vaccine allocations, or financial assistance packages, our so-called leaders were instead meeting in courtrooms and TV studios representing themselves and working on undermining the security and confidence of the country – all in the name of “did so, did not, did too, make me.” 
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I’m sorry, it wasn’t a very pleasant post today. They made me do it.
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Fearful Things

Michael 7 Comments

I saw an interesting article last week but when I tried to find it again I had no luck so I’m going to end up paraphrasing most of it from memory. Typically my memory can be likened to a well-worn sieve but one line I particularly remember. “We can still make a difference but I’m not seeing enough fear.” I don’t remember the speaker other than it was the medical director of one of the local hospitals. Unfortunately my local has like 30 some hospitals. Well now, I suppose that is more fortunately than un unless you are trying to remember which one of the 30 some hospitals had a medical director quoted in a recent newspaper article. About 30 some of the do so then there’s that too.

For our purposes I doesn’t matter who said it other than it was said by a respected medical authority (unlike the nut case hospital “executive” in the [name withheld to protect the professionalism of the health care team] health center in South Dakota) (See what happens when you let just anybody run a hospital, like a doctor wasn’t good enough.) Anyway, where was I? Oh yes – I’m not seeing enough fear.

That was in reference to mitigating the surge of confirmed new cases, hospitalizations, and deaths attributed to CoViD-19. We could make a difference. We could wear a mask even though some seemingly intelligent people chose to not. We can continue to wash out hands even though many have forgotten the 20 second rule. We could not go to the unofficial fortieth high school reunion even though somebody obvious figured out that if you call something unofficial like maybe a home coming dance the virus won’t know to go there. We could do all those things and that would be a good start but “we” the society aren’t and we aren’t because we aren’t fearing the virus. If we respected it and realized the power it has and the knowledge that we don’t (and unless you are a microbiologist I don’t mean the societal “we,” I mean each every one of we) we would be damn scared of this thing.

I look around and I see even more than the virus that we don’t fear. We don’t fear the nation is being torn apart because people like the virus people don’t realize the power of division and lack the knowledge to make accept outcomes. The American we has polarized more strongly than the hawks and the doves of the 1960s, more than the free states versus the slave states of the 1860s, and more than the federalists versus the centrists in the 1770s. Division and polarization are not the same as party loyalty. Party loyalists address ideals. Polarizers address egoism.

We can still make a difference but I’m not seeing enough fear.

People don’t get to choose facts. Folks who relish in saying “it is what it is” usually have no intention of admitting exactly what it is. Or don’t know. Masks stop the spread of airborne viruses. Voting machines don’t switch votes. Vaccines don’t cause autism. The travel sites Hotel, Hot Wire, Orbitz, Travelocity, and Trivago are owned by Expedia and the sun will always rise in the east. It is what it is. If we choose not to believe in something you may but you can’t argue it.

I’m certain I’ve written the FDR had it wrong. The only thing to fear is not fear itself for only a fool would not fear anything. Fear should be feared. And so should much, much else.

We can still make a difference but I’m not seeing enough fear.

FEARemogi

Not Seeing Is Believing

Michael 6 Comments
I’ve never actually seen a hurricane. I was on Puerto Rico twice within a week of a hurricane having gone through and saw its aftermath. I’ve been in South Florida just before a hurricane was predicted to hit and helped secure the property.  I’ve seen flooding in Pennsylvania from hurricanes so severe when they hit the Gulf Coast the Ohio River spilled its banks 1,000 miles away. But I’ve never actually seen a hurricane. Doesn’t matter. I know what hurricanes can do to people and I’m not stupid enough to think just because I haven’t seen something first hand it won’t hurt me. I think I’ll be careful and listen to the experts about how to stay safe when a hurricane is coming.
 
I’ve never actually seen a person have a stroke. I’ve worked in health care my entire adult life and I’ve seen heart attacks, seizures, asthma attacks, people in hypoglycemia, bleeding, bruising, and shaking with fever. But I’ve never actually seen a person have a stroke. Doesn’t matter. I know what a stroke can do to a person and I’m not stupid enough to think just because I haven’t seen something first hand it won’t hurt me. I think I’ll be careful and listen to the experts about how to avoid a stroke.
 
I’ve never actually seen a car try to beat a train through a railroad crossing and lose. I’ve seen a car that lost. Fortunately I didn’t see the former occupants of the car. [Shudder] But I never actually saw a car lose its race with a train.  Doesn’t matter. I know what trains can do to people and I’m not stupid enough to think just because I haven’t seen something first it won’t hurt me. I think I’ll be careful and listen to the experts and stop, look, and listen before proceeding through a railroad crossing.
 
I’ve never actually seen a plane crash. A plane once came down 15 miles from my home. I wasn’t there at the time. I didn’t see it, I didn’t hear it. I read about it in the papers. For days after I read about it in the papers. People I know worked the scene. For days after they worked the scene. But I’ve never actually saw the plane crash. Doesn’t matter. I know what falling from the sky can do to a person and I’m not stupid enough to think just because I can’t see something first hand it won’t affect me. I’ll be careful and take what precautions I can when I have to fly. 
 
I’ve never actually seen the SARS-CoV-2 virus…
 
1024px-2019-nCoV-CDC-23312
 
 

Speaking Coronese

Michael 2 Comments
It’s been six months in the US since the Corona Virus began making inroads into daily news reports. In early February, unless you were living in the Pacific Northwest, it was more a curiosity than a lifestyle. Some people weren’t certain of the difference between “corona” and “CoViD” and the really clever people were blaming the new virus on Mexican beer. By early March the news outlets were scrambling to count victims, interview experts, and pretend they knew what they meant when they spouted out the words of a language they hadn’t quite fully learned. Many sounded like parade commentators when they are reading the words on the teleprompter for the first time. By early April the cadence of the reports was smoother and the language of the virus, Coronese, was fast becoming the second language everybody wanted to speak. Today we toss around words and phrases like positivity, epidemiology, herd immunity, contact tracing, and the ever popular self-isolation and social distancing like we grew up with them. This is the language of the virus. The formal language if you will. But there’s another language of the virus the goes beyond the jargon. The language of the street (or social media depending where you spend your time), the slang, the language we speak when we take off our hat and coat and sit with friends. Friends we might still want to think hard about and consider if they are worth violating social distance guidelines for and end up self isolating with.
 
20200810_100908Every language devolves into its guttural form and Coronese is no different. Some words are lend words from legitimate language. We now “zoom” whenever we hold a video chat sessions and “mask up” regardless of what body part we are covering with whatever we are covering it with for protection from whatever. Some words are bastardized versions of the technical jargon or legitimate language. Such as “the ‘rona” when referring to anything virus related, “iso-” anything when done alone, or “blursday” for any unspecified or forgotten day of the week.
 
My favorite words of Coronese are the covomanteaus, itself a portmanteau of CoviD and portmanteau. In my mind, warped as it tends to be sometimes, I’ve not yet decided if CoViD itself is an acronym (thus CoViD) or a portmanteau (as the more popular and in my opinion lazier, covid) of Corona Virus Disease. These covomanteaus include covidiot (anyone ignoring specific virus protection recommendations or clueless of the disease in general), covideo (chatting by video or the video chat session itself), quaranteam (your colleagues also working from home performing as a single work unit), and quarantini (although there are actually specific recipes for a “quarantini” it can pretty much be any cocktail made with any ingredients readily available generally using whatever vodka remains after making your own hand sanitizer).
 
Still with all the technical jargon, legitimate language, and coronaslang,  Coronese is missing some important words and giving it due consideration, I’ve decided I am just the one to start filling those holes, or virogaps as any knowledge gap regarding the ‘rona will now be known. So far I’ve come up with covomanteau and virogap but I’ll be working on it day and night. I may put together a quaranteam and we can work together after a short ronamute to our homeworkstations and have a comprehensive ronapedia distributed before we covexit this virocrisis. Until then, keep washing your hands and remember to mask up!
 
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To Tell the Truth

Michael 2 Comments
From the title of this post you might think I’m taking another shot at advertisers, or politicians, or horror or all horrors, political ads, but no, not at all. Today’s potshots are aimed at us and starting with me. (That would be the collective us not necessary an us that could contain you because you might indeed be the only truthful person in earth. Hey, it has to be somebody!)
 
Once a time up the worse you could do was lie, cheat, or steal. Or perhaps lie, cheat, and steal. A subtle but important difference. But today if it wasn’t for cheating many of the recent sports championship teams members wouldn’t be sporting their championship rings, thievery accounts for 4 of the top 5 reported crimes in the United States (per the FBI the top five in 2020 are larceny, burglary, motor vehicle theft  aggravated assault, robbery) and lies are getting so popular politicians may revert to the truth telling just to differentiate themselves from the common crowd (okay, so I had to get at least one political dig in). And yes, you are in that ground too. You might be so good at social lying that you even fool yourself. Pull up a chair and listen to my tale. (Or read it if that’s easier for you.)
 
It dawned on me that not only do we spend a good chunk of each day lying to each other, each other of us actually expects it because we, in the words of a certain fictionalized Navy JAG officer, can’t handle the truth. Apparently I am one of the very few persons in the television watching world who did not sign up for a free 30 day trial of Disney+ this month, almost all specifically to be able to watch Hamilton. In order to correct the “obvious” oversight on my part my sister asked me if I wanted to pop over and watch it with them before their trial expired. (It just now dawned on me that signing up for a free trial with the foreknowledge that you are so signing up only to watch a specific movie free and then cancelling before getting charge for month #2 could be either or both cheating and stealing but that is (those are?) post(s) for a different day.) “No thank you,” I answered, “I really don’t have any great desire to see it.” You would have thought I said I didn’t want to go to Heaven when I die (or before if that could be arranged). I supposed I could have said, perhaps should have said, “I’d love to!” but I wouldn’t so I didn’t. It’s the truth. I really don’t have a burning desire to see Hamilton. Sorry. Actually no, not sorry.
 
Yes, yes, you’re going to say but those lies we tell in those times aren’t lies, they are niceties, polite nothings, harmless fibs. When did it become necessary to lie to be polite. When you are standing in line at the 12 items or less express lane with your melting half gallon of rocky road ice cream waiting for the clerk to bag the last of the 6 bags of groceries for the guy in front of you and your answer to her “I’m sorry you had to wait,” is “that’s okay, I don’t mind,” that’s a lie! You know you want to say “if you’re so sorry take this portable puddle of chocolate back to the ice cream freezer and bring back back a container I don’t have to eat with a straw! And while I’m waiting I’m going to tell your boss that you lack the counting skills to figure out when you’re being played for a fool!” But no, you want to be nice, it’s more polite that way, so you lie. 
 
You explained 3 times to the auto mechanic that “it goes ‘ker-plunk’ when I turn the steering wheel to the left,” but when he comes back from the test drive he says “I didn’t hear a ‘clunk’ when I stepped on the brakes. When was the last time you heard that?” So you try again, “no, I didn’t say it goes ‘clunk” when I step on the brakes, it’s making a ‘ker-plunk’ing when I turn the steering wheel left.” That sets the tone for a day spent in the service lounge with the 128 cup coffee urn that was fresh three days ago, the magazines with scantily clad muscle cars and girls with big air filters on the covers that were fresh 3 years ago, and the TV in the corner than is permanently tuned to “The Real Housewives of Possum County.” Four hours and 27 cups of coffee later the service manager sticks his head in to tell you you’re all done and he’s sorry it took a little longer than they thought but they had to go to their warehouse to get the part. “It’s okay,” you sort of mumble while mentally visualizing the most recent statement “total outstanding” boxes for your credit cards. Well it’s not okay. You just lied! Four hours earlier you wanted to say “maybe I should try a repair shop that knows the difference between a ker-plunk in the stering wheel and a clunk in the brakes” but then all you said was “uh huh’ and now you lied that it was okay because it’s the polite thing to do.
 
And now we have even more opportunities to politely lie in our daily lives. You know, “of course I’m still washing my hands,” “I love that the whole family Zooms every Friday for Happy Hour!” and “oh yes I wear my mask every time I go out and I’m happy to do it and protect my fellow world citizens!” Yeah, right. You’re probably washing your hands but Happy Birthday, twice, has morphed into the opening line of White Curtain which causing you to pause 9 seconds in to ponder the second line, consider it for another 4, and then dry your hands and walk. What you really want to say is ‘who are all these people, I’d kill myself if I had to do this in person every week.” Finally, you do wear you mask everywhere you go (don’t you?) but be honest, you really want to say “I wear my mask but I’d rather not but because it’s the right thing to do I will so you better too! or “freaking pansies won’t let me in to buy my freaking beer without a freaking mask on but this is freaking America and I have to right to pursue beer so give me a freaking mask.”
 
So, there you go. Tell me you haven’t done the same especially now, during these trying times. But don’t worry – “it’s going to be okay.”
 
 
truthhed
 
 
 
 

Driven to Distraction

Michael 5 Comments
In the midst of chaos comes order. And in the midst of protests, name calling, escalating hospitalizations, and ongoing isolation comes a breath of fresh air. As long as you don’t mind being trapped in a car to get it!
 
Using the money he saved to buy a new car,  Sean Rothermel instead rented 27 billboards for a month and mounted a outside art exhibit and motor tour around Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania neighborhoods. In an interview with the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Rothermel said, “It’s very much about the experience and giving people something to do, even if it’s just for a few hours. Just giving people a way to get back into the present moment but in a way that you’re not stressed out about the virus or the economy.”
 
The April in Paris of Appalachia tour takes about 3 hours through 17 of the city’s neighborhoods. Rothermel posted a driving map and description of each billboard but did not post pictures of the boards to encourage people to get out and move around the city even if it has to be in the confines of a car. He also posted links to resources to help those struggling mentally and emotionally during the pandemic. 
 
If you need a break from isolation and you are in the Western Pennsylvania area it’s worth the gas to take a break for a few hours and navigate around the city making sure you don’t overshoot the board coming up next. But you have to hurry. The billboards are up only for July. If you can’t get to the city but really want a pandemic poster all your own you can see the website for details to bid on one or if you’re a U.S. resident you can enter on Twitter and Instagram to win a poster or jacket.
 
And you thought billboards went out with Mail Pouch tobacco.
 
 
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Reach Out But Don’t Touch Someone

Michael Leave a comment
I saw this posted on Instagram last week and I was certain that had they had more than this in 1918 we would still be in the throes of the Spanish Flu pandemic although by now it would be epidemic because only in the U.S. would there still be people claiming “it’s going to go away.”
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Imagine being able to share your opinions with only the closest of friends and family. It had to be with only those closest to you or you’d be broke long before your mask wore out. In 1918 when this ad was published*, although local service was only $1.50 a month, long distance was pricey, and long distance started not that far away. A cross country call ran about $5 per minute, cross state a little less than $2, and cross town, as much as 15 cents per minute. All in a time when the average 3 bedroom apartment was renting for $10 a month and a laborer was clearing $5 a day when a day’s work was available. 
 
There was no hue and cry over masks, isolation, soap shortages, or whether college football will be played this fall. Well, they may have been huing and/or crying but you kept it to yourself rather than passing yourself off as some sort of an expert because you read something in the Evening Star. (Although in fairness to this pandemic’s questionable coverage, that of 100 years ago was also often sparse, conjecture laden, contradictory, or all three.) (And then some.) (But then 1920 was also a Presidential election year so why should they have expected any less.) (Or more.)
 
There’s a particular hue being cried in our neck of the woods. A local amusement park is being sued because it is requiring all patrons to be masked at all times and on all rides, the exceptions being in their food venues while one is eating. The suit is brought by the parent of a child with sensory challenges and cannot wear a mask and the prohibition to entry without one violates to his rights. I don’t claim to be a Constitutional lawyer but my cursory review of the document didn’t reveal reference to the freedom of rollercoastering. Perhaps she’s hanging her mask on the line “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” from the Declaration of Independence. The suit led by a mother who states she also has anxiety and cannot wear a mask had gathered the support of several other families and seeks compensatory and punitive damages for pain, suffering, anxiety, humiliation, emotional distress, and “the loss of the ordinary pleasures of life.” 
 
Silly me, I always thought the ordinary pleasures of life were music, reading, sitting under a tree on a sunny day, friends, food, and chasing dreams never meant to be caught. I suppose I should call my lawyer for further clarification. Fortunately it’s not long distance. 
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*The person who originally posted this noted it was an actual ad from 1918 and I have no reason to doubt her, she not being one prone to hype, hysteria, or hyperbole**. However, that phone looks more like what was most common after 1920. But then on the other however, it is an ad from a telephone company so they would likely illustrate it with the most cutting edge equipment they have. You don’t see T-Mobile pushing iPhone 6’s.
 
**Okay, I have to ask this, what do you think about hype and hyperbole? In the dictionary, “hype” in the sense of extravagant promotion includes it first entered the English language in 1920 from the United States but with no etymological origin, or more often, “origin unknown.” I’m thinking it came about when fast patter was taking hold in informal speech and was most likely just a shortened version of hyperbole, which was convenient because it shortened the word dramatically and important because it shortened a word most people tend to either misspell or mispronounce. 
 
***You can stop looking for three asterisks in the post body, there isn’t one. Well, actually there is one asterisk but there isn’t one instance of 3. Anyway…speaking of misspellings, I had a heck of a time getting spellcheck to let me keep “throes” in the first paragraph. It insisted I really meant to type “throws” or “thrones” and would not take my word for it that not only did indeed I want “throes” I want it added to the dictionary. This from a program that has no problem adding words I legitimately misspelled and then have to go through Tartarus**** and back to remove. 
 
****That it knows!
 

Middle Seat Hump Syndrome

Michael 9 Comments
You need to be of a certain age to remember summer vacations in the family car with enough family that it filled all the seats, three across, and the middle seat made the leg room in coach on Delta look generous for there, right where your feet wanted to be, was “the hump,” the growth in the floorboard that rose nearly to seat level, to allow whatever it was that transferred the up and downs of the engine to the round and round of the rear wheels to make it’s way from the motor to the where the rubber met the road. I am of that age and had been on those vacations and I got that middle seat.
 
It wasn’t always like that. For a while there were just two of us in the back and we would each get out own window seats with plenty of room between for the picnic basket and cooler that were only opened at planned stops along the way. Then the third one came along. At first it wasn’t such a big deal. She started out in the baby seat in the middle of the front seat (yes, that’s where we put them when we used them back then). After she outgrew that space she shifted to the back but because those short, stubby legs didn’t even make it off the seat, the hump was not impediment to her comfort. Eventually though, she grew and with that, so did the complaining. “I don’t want to sit on the hump!” And the word came from the front, “take turns.” From then on, whenever the car stopped, the back seat crowd reshuffled and everyone got a turn being uncomfortable where we decidedly didn’t to be.
 
That’s a little like what’s going on in the world now. Each time it appears to be stopping, or at least slowing enough to risk opening the door and get off this crazy ride, the virus comes back and we have to reshuffle. Do we limit contact, should we close down again, does this mask make my nose look big? Regardless of the answer, some bodies are going to end up decidedly where they don’t want to be doing what they’d rather not be doing or not doing what they’d rather do. Think of the world as an early ’64 Chevrolet and were all taking turns sitting on the hump.
 
I’m going to spoil the ending for you. It all works out. Nobody was permanently damaged from sitting with a leg there and the other one there. We climbed out of the backseat a little stiff and a little sore but we made. We’ll make it through this also. Maybe a little worse for the wear after this ride that you are certain we got lost on because no way it should be taking this long, but eventually we are going to climb back out into the world.
 
Middle seat hump syndrome was never that horrible and may have been the inspiration for some future engineer to design SUVs with higher cabins that clear all those mechanical doodads or to shift the driving wheels to the front and obviate the need for a hump running down the middle if the cars interior. Along those same lines it could be someday we might even get to go out and not have to check that we have our masks with us. We just have to wait for the right expert to come up with the right solution. They are out there. There will find it.
 
In the meanwhile,  Happy Motoring!
 
 
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