You know that every so often new words are officially added to the English language.  We’re not certain exactly how the process goes but we know that “somebody” figures out that we are using non-words so often that eventually “they” decide to make those words official and add them to the language.  Fortunately language isn’t like the physical law of conserving matter.  There is nothing that says there only so many letters available and when you build more new words you have to lose some old ones.  We can keep adding words all we want and we don’t have to put any of the old ones away.  But is sure seems like there are some words that we just don’t hear anymore.  Two of them are “thank” and “you.”

You knew you were getting set up for something.  But really, have you noticed that “thank you” is going fast.  Particularly at the grocery store, bank, convenience store, restaurants, and fast-food drive thru windows.  (We’re pretty sure “thru” is one of the new words we’re allowed to use so we will.  Besides, ‘drive-through’ looks weird.)  And it’s not just that “thank you” is disappearing.  It’s being replaced.  Instead of an expression of gratitude when we hand our money over to the aforementioned clerks and servers, we are now being told “have a good one,” or “there you go” when change is involved.  Quite often, and particularly at the drive thru, we’re told nothing at all.

We don’t like it.  We’re not certain who is in charge of expressions of gratitude but “there you go” doesn’t cut it.  We’re prepared to begin a letter writing campaign so if any of you have a clue as to whom we address our concerns please let us know.  And quickly, before “thank you” disappears into the altogether.

While we’re at it, there are some other phrases we’d like to see when we’re attempting to buy goods or services. 

When we finally get to the head of a check-out line at the local do it yourself center we can do without “did you find everything ok?”  Usually the person asking is a teenager working part time after school or on weekends and has no clue as to what we are buying let alone where we would find whatever it is we couldn’t locate.  “Did you find everything?” is a fine phrase but quite useless by the time one gets to the check-out corral.  Maybe the do it yourself powers that be could shift a few employees to the aisles where the confusion begins to ask that question.  But at the cash register we’d like a return to the old standby of “Hello, would you like some help to your car with that?” particularly when “that” is 500 pounds of wood, nails, shingles, and hardware for a backyard shed that we never did find the instructions for.

When we are out for our weekly dinner date we’d rather not have the server greet us with “can I get you something to drink?” before we’ve even decided which chair who will sit in and do we drape our coats over the backs of the chairs in which we do eventually sit or across the seat of a vacant one.  We’d prefer “You guys get settled in and I’ll bring you a couple glasses of water.  Then if you’d like a drink or an appetizer you can let me know.”  We’ve already had issues with the customary check in question “Is everything ok?” (See “You Want Fries with That?” posted in LIFE, Dec, 12, 2011.)  It’s a great question made up of great words.  It’s just that few servers actually mean it.  And the ones that do are serving in restaurants that if everything wasn’t ok the dish would not have ever made it out of the kitchen.

And can we please dispense with the recorded greetings at the drive thru windows!  It’s bad enough every time you call any business that you are greeted with an auto-attendant.  Why do we now have to have (in an overly cheerful voice) “Would you like to try one of our new triple bypass burgers with the works available only for a limited time?!” This is then followed closely by the bored “Whenever you’re ready.”  Instead let’s move on to “Our menu hasn’t changed since 1955, what will you be having?”  It’s either that or the terribly unimaginative “May I take your order, please?”

There are some terrific new words and phrases that we didn’t have when we were first learning to use a dictionary like the Internet, technical support, and twenty-four hour fitness center.  That doesn’t mean that we can never use the oldies but goodies except in trivia games such as encyclopedia, repair manual, or housework.

We’re all for change.   We just don’t want to be told “There you go” when we get it.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?