Tag Christmas

Parking Wars

Michael 1 Comment

 

Hello again!  Regular followers following our irregular blog that we routinely post twice a week on Monday and Thursday know that last week we discovered a wealth of topics suggested by the week before Christmas that just can’t wait for a half dozen Christmases to post.  And some of those topics can be discussed in shorter sentences.  So, from then until Christmas you can check us out for our take on the real reality that we keep coming across every day.  You can even go back and read the ones we already posted, or re-read them, or mark them to read later.  And again remember, The Real Reality Show Blog makes a great gift.  It’s absolutely priceless.  We don’t charge a dime!

 

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If there is one thing that we absolutely don’t agree on it is parking.  We can travel thousands of miles together over highways, parkways, back roads, and toll roads for hours at a time and never tire of each other’s company.  But once that trip is over and we have to find a parking space it gets a little stressed.  And during the holiday shopping season when parking lots are filled to overflowing we really get a chance to practice tolerance of one another.  We can agree, disagree, or remain neutral on every other aspect of life from politics to religion to fruitcake but parking is – well, read on.

 

You’d not think the simple act of putting a vehicle away for a while would cause strife but we have very specific ideas of where to park, how to park, what to park next to, and what not to park anywhere near.  He of We is particularly fond of spots in a straight line from the door and with one side protected from other vehicles such as at the end of a row or next to a shopping cart corral.  She of We is happiest when she can pull into a space with another open space directly in front of that one, pull through and avoid backing out when it is time to un-park.  She prefers not to park next to a shopping cart corral.  The end of a row can be tricky.  A row’s end spot offers the one-sided protection he prefers but may be bordered by a raised bed of what’s supposed to be grass or flowers but is usually mud or muck.  This is inevitably on she’s side forcing her to leap muddied waters in a single bound.  He of We is quite happy making a trip down one aisle and up the next in search of a spot that meets his requirements.  She of We spots the most advantageous spot upon entry and heads directly for it.  They are probably all good strategies that might even work together.  But parking time is just not together time for us.  We swoop in getting it done quickly and usually in a spot neither one would select if alone.  Fortunately, we know that as we approach our destination’s door we also approach normalcy and once again we’ll be our usual happy selves. 

 

And it’s not only the act of parking one of our own vehicles that raises ire and eyebrows.  We are quite willing to critique others’ parking practices.  There are as many different methods of parking as there are parkers.  There’s the “The Waiter,” seeking someone loading packages into a parked car, willing to sit in the aisle for as long as it takes for the shopper to load up and move out so he can take that spot.  Even when others are pulling out in two’s and three’s further down the lane, this driver isn’t going to budge.  Closely resembling he who lies in wait is “The Stalker.”  This driver spots someone coming out of the store and follows close behind to claim the spot that will soon be vacated.  Hopefully the shopper isn’t walking all the way home.  Then there is “The Jumping Bean” who pulls into a space, sees someone leaving a spot closer to the store entrance, backs out, drives up, and claims that space.  This can be repeated several times up to and past closing time.  And then there is “Who? Me?”  This opportunistic parker doesn’t wait for a space.  He makes his own spot in the fire lane right next to the store entrance.

 

Who would have thought parking could be such a complex act.  Actually, if you don’t think about it, it isn’t.  But a week before Christmas with spaces at a premium we find ourselves with a lot of time to think while circling the lot looking for any spot available, hoping always for Rockstar Parking.  But that’s a whole different post.

 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Picture This

Michael Leave a comment

Are you old enough to remember when the only thing you could do with a phone was talk to someone?  How did we ever do with such a single focused object? 

Everybody who is anybody has a cell phone today.  We’re not certain exactly why they are still called phones.  They can surf the web, they can text back and forth, they house shopping lists and calculators, they are your appointment books and coupon organizers.  And they are cameras!

This is the time of year when shopping heads into the nitty gritty.  Years ago if One of Two needed help with finding the right sweater for the hard to buy for aunt all One could do was find a pay phone, call Two and try to describe the color, shape, and adornments.  Back then if you weren’t certain if the colors in that candy dish would clash with the table runner, you had to buy it and hope you didn’t lose the sales slip.  If you got it home and it didn’t work you were heading back to the store to return it and buy the plain red one instead.

But today, when shopping falls between nitty and gritty we have a helper.  We have our phones.  These little pocket helpers aren’t restricted to Christmas shopping.  She of We reminded He or We while We were preparing this post that when he was looking for a new coffee table he would snap every one he came across in every store he wandered through.  That way he could hold up the 4 inch, 2 dimensional replicas in the space in front of the sofa to see if or how it would work there.  He thought it was a great idea.  And she did also – at the time.  Now you have to understand that was two years ago and there are still 34 coffee table pictures on the SD card but that’s a different blog.

Back to Christmas shopping.  It is still a handy little helper that phone with the camera that takes better pictures than most cameras.  No more will you have an excuse to not get that hard to buy for aunt something in time to put under the tree.  Pull those sweaters out to the end of the rack. Line up the candy dish choices.  Put the tree topper on a clear spot on the shelf.  Put the wreaths side by side.  Snap away and text them to the other half.  But remember, the other half could be out shopping with her phone too!

Nope, they certainly don’t make phones like they used to and isn’t that a terrific thing?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Family Ties

Michael Leave a comment

Today is a special day.  She of We is taking a big step helping her son take control of his own business and continue along his “path of life.”  He of We is watching his daughter graduate from college on her first steps on her “path of life.”  And with just a week before Christmas with cards yet to be done, presents yet to be bought, and cookies yet to be baked, everyone else will have to wait their turn and that’s life.  Families first!

One of the reasons we began this blog was the increasingly ridiculous way reality was depicted on television and the increasingly maddening way normal people were accepting TV reality for real reality.  Where un-retouched perfect people surmounted unscripted unreal obstacles to become unbelievably more perfect every week.  Where families of twenty-eight made your family look like the poster children for dysfunction.  Where nobody seemed to work but everybody seemed to have everything they wanted.  Everybody said they knew those unscripted candid moments were rehearsed and the tear caught in the corner of his/her/their eye was tricky make-up but that’s life.  Fame first!  

But didn’t everybody just envy the heck out of them and want to be just like them?  Well, we didn’t.  And we still don’t. 

We know we aren’t perfect and sometimes our families really can be the poster children for dysfunctional.  And work – sheesh!  But we also know that bad things are always going to be there and we don’t have a script to see how it works out so we better be strong enough to deal with it – that’s life.  We also know that the good stuff really can be so good that it brings tears to our eyes and we better be strong enough to deal with it – that’s life!  So this year, during the most impossible week to stay organized, while work piles up at work, and there’s no way we’ll ever get everything done at home, we’re stopping our worlds for just a bit to celebrate our reality.

Since we aren’t on television we better tell what our reality is like.  There’s laundry to be done and bathrooms to be cleaned.  We go to work at least 5 days a week and we have fun when we can fit it in.  The bills come faster than the money. We get headaches.  There’s never enough time but we always make time.  And today is special day.  Just like tomorrow’s today.  And the today after that.  And that one, too.

What a great Christmas gift.  Anybody know where we can get some wrap to fit that?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Lights, Camera, Action!

Michael Leave a comment

Hello!  Those who have been regularly following our young blog know that we routinely post twice a week on Monday and Thursday.  Like clockwork.  Ok, sometimes the clock needs its battery changed but we manage to get it done.  We are finding there are so many opportunities to comment on the reality around us during the holiday season that we can’t restrict ourselves to just two more posts before the big day.  Since it is better to give than to sleep, we are giving you more posts! (You can stop chortling now.)  So until Christmas check us out for our take on the real reality that we keep coming across every day.  Or until we run out of ideas.  And remember, the Real Reality Show Blog makes a great gift!

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Yesterday’s wake-up newscast included a story from Fairfax Station, Virginia of a home Christmas display having been vandalized.  This was no ordinary front yard display with ordinary Christmas lights across the gutters.  This display had over 200,000 lights that took over a thousand hours to erect.  We say ‘had’ because some of those lights aren’t there anymore after vandals hopped in their car and drove through the front yard over the display.  Home surveillance video also shows two teenagers knocking over figurines with baseball bats.  On the other side of the world, in Warrnambool, Victoria (Australia) more vandalism played out as lights were ripped out, solar panels broken, and display pieces tossed down the street.  This display was in the planning for a full year and had been a local award winner.

It’s doubtful that this was a planned coordinated attack by the International Christmas Lights Vandals syndicate but a quick check of some other news outlets revealed that this really is a worldwide experience.  In Kingsport, Tennessee lights were cut off a tree in a front yard.  In Lampasas, Texas a municipal display has lights removed and broken daily.  In Coburg, Ontario arrests were made for vandalizing a park display that took 20 volunteers 4 weeks to erect.   In Cambridgeshire, U.K. a Christmas display was targeted twice in three days by vandals.  And outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania an inflatable Grinch was taken from a home display.   

It’s getting bad when even the Grinch isn’t immune to such Grinch-like activity.  But help is out there.  When we did a basic on line search for “Christmas Lights Vandalism” the top return wasn’t any of the above news stories or not even an editorial decrying Christmas vandals as the lowest of the low.  Nope, the first return you get is for an organization that supports home based Christmas displays and offers tips to avoid vandalism.    (They also have tips on how many lights you need to create a landing zone, how to computerize your display, and a killer chocolate and potato chip cookie recipes.  But we digress.)

Our experience with wrecked displays is mostly environmental.  We have home “displays” of plain white lights with a couple of deer and penguins frolicking on a slide.   Throw in a refurbished sled and some garland, a wreath on each house and there you have it.  For us, vandalism is when Mother Nature calls on the North Wind to blow bows off the wreaths and topple a deer.  So it’s hard for us to relate to what one goes through when the human vandals strike.  But we do love driving through the neighborhoods around here to see who’s done what this year and marvel at the work so many put into their outdoor decorations. 

Yesterday ended on a happier note for mega-displayers.  On the local evening newscast there was a story of a young man who has been putting up a computerized lights and music display for several years.  He wasn’t on the news because anyone had taken umbrage with his holiday display.  He was being featured because he keeps a bucket out for donations and every year he targets a charity to reap the generosity of those passing his front yard.  Apparently good can triumph over evil.  By the time we made it to the evening news the disheartening stories of vandalism had been pushed aside by this young man’s altruism. 

A former President might even call him one of a thousand points of lights – Christmas lights, that is.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Mail Call

Michael Leave a comment

Late last week He of We had a horrible revelation – the Christmas cards!  The writing, the signing, the addressing, the stamping.  So much to do and none of it done!  But, even with the distressing press the United States Postal Service had been putting out, He of We was (yes, was) still a firm believer in the mail system.  They will get the cards through even if they are posted a tad later than usual.

The post office really has been taking it pretty hard lately. And a lot of the criticism has come from inside.  Now, we still believe that even at twice the price of today’s First Class postage, mail is a bargain.  For under a buck, under half-a-buck you can mail a letter on the east coast and have it get all the way to the west coast in a couple of days.  And people look forward to getting cards and letters.  Not everything has to be as immediate as e-mail.  And not everything should be as impersonal as e-mail.  Yep, cards, letters, and even bills belong in the good old-fashion, first class stamped, real mail.  However. . .

That was last week.  This week is a different story.  On Monday there was no mail.  No real mail.  Lots of junk mail.  And delivered very early.  So early one might wonder if there had been any sorting going on for that day.  Probably just a coincidence that even between Thanksgiving and Christmas a mail delivery day would go by with no personal mail being delivered.  But on Tuesday it was a banner day.  Ten pieces of real mail delivered.  Real mail, mail someone had to put into an envelope and affix postage.  Ten pieces.  Unfortunately only 6 pieces belonged at He of We’s address.  Of the other four, one belonged on the same street several houses down, two belonged in the same neighborhood 2 and 4 streets away respectively, and one was for a different ZIP code.  (Trivia time – what does the ZIP in ZIP code stand for?)  And then Wednesday came and again, not a single piece of personal mail.  Hmm.

Is this the way the USPS wants to be remembered while nightly news shows broadcast stories of cutting services, then not cutting services, then delaying first class mail, then no changes until Congress has a chance to turn down their request for additional funding.  Is someone trying to make a point? 

Christmas still is the biggest mail delivery period.  Mother’s Day gets more cards and probably weighs down more letter carriers for a single day, but for a 3 to 4 week period you can’t beat Christmas for being the tops in mail holidays.  You’d think this is when the service would want to shine.  This is when you’d expect to sit down to the evening news and hear how the USPS has set another record in mail tonnage moved over the shortest time for the most reasonable rates.  This is when you expect to walk into a post office and find at least one counter rep wearing a Santa hat – willingly. 

This is the most wonderful time of the year – and we have songs that say so!  It shouldn’t be the time you sort your mail with “one for me, one for the guy next door, one for me, one for little boy who lives down the lane, one for me, one for the guy who lives in the next town.”

We’re certain that the one day the mail was 40% wrong was just a fluke.  But just in case, we’re delivering our letter carriers’ gifts personally.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Away in a Manger

Michael Leave a comment

About this time of year some stupid group will start complaining that this town or that city is erecting a crèche or manger scene in front of the municipal building or city hall.  Those poor, uneducated, short-sighted people.  Don’t they understand that the whole reason we have Christmas and Christmas trees, and Christmas cookies, and Christmas sales is because of what happened at the original manger scene?  It’s a very special time marking a very special occasion and those mangers being raised all over the world are our way of saying Happy Birthday to a very special person.  And on top of that, they keep the economy going.

Ok, we admit it started out as a bit more serious topic but as we started exploring the world of nativity scenes we found literally a world of nativity scenes.  We have a little help.  He of We has a collection of over 50 of mangers.  That’s over 50 Holy Families who come out of their storage bins once a year at Christmas decorating time.  When you see something only once a year you really take a good look at it and learn to appreciate what went into making it.  (Think of that crazy uncle you only see at the family reunion picnic.  On the other hand, don’t.)  So this year when the first newscast of the first group of dolts complaining about the first manger being erected in front of a city hall we got to thinking about all those mangers we’ve seen over the years, the beauty in each one, and the story behind every one.

We’ve seen nativities (complete with the ultimate arrival of the wise men) made of clothes pins, cheesecloth, corn husks, ceramic, glass, plastic, straw, bronze, wood (carved, sculpted, machine cut and assembled, hinged, and nested), bronze, stone, steel, marble, paper, wool, and rubber.  We’ve seen them sitting, standing, and hanging.  We’ve seen them in music boxes and as music boxes.  We’ve seen them made into nutcrackers and etched onto glass.  We’ve seen them cut from barn board and cut out of paper.  We’ve seen them from matchbox size to life size.  We’ve even seen an inflatable version.  We have them made in America, Canada, Mexico, China, Korea, Germany, Italy, France, and Hong Kong.  He of We even has one that was made in Bethlehem.

When there are that many versions celebrating a single point of time it’s very hard to argue that the event must be pretty special.  Clearly somebody wants every culture, every nation, every class, every society to feel comfortable sharing time and space with a very special Family.  We figure those people who object to a crèche displayed in public just haven’t found their personal favorite yet. 

Whether sharing a front yard with an inflatable snow globe and Santa popping out of a chimney or taking a place of honor under the tree, the beauty of all those different materials made by all those different hands tells the story of love, patience, and decency.  What a great way to keep our economy going!   

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Is It Live or…

Michael 1 Comment

This weekend was the weekend after Thanksgiving and we were out on the road, but not for a big after Thanksgiving shopping spree.  No Black Friday deals for us.  But out we were and there were stores visited, restaurants patronized, the public encountered, and stories to be told.

We could talk about how traffic laws in our state seem to have become traffic suggestions, and not very well taken suggestions.  But that’s a rant for another day.  We could talk about how waiters, waitresses, and bartenders no longer associate the term “service industry” with their chosen (or fallen into) profession.  But that’s another rant for another day.  We could even talk about how somewhere in between “May I help you?” and “Happy Holidays!” this year’s crop of shoppers and clerks are ruder than we’ve seen for quite a few years.  But that’s a big rant for a special day. 

Today we’re going to talk about that never ending holiday controversy, live or artificial.  On a day that begins its date with “November,” cars with live trees tied to their roofs began their journeys to becoming kindling.  But this year the thought of how many stories will play out on the evening news featuring smoldering Douglas fir takes on a special meaning.  She of We will have that rare parental event looked forward to from the time her youngest one plopped his first ornament on the lowest of the branches and left it there precariously close to the paws and jaws of the family pets.  This year, Son of She of We gets to decorate his very own house for his very own first Christmas.

And so we debated.  Live trees smell good.  Wet charcoal does not.  Pre-lit artificial trees completely fulfill that designation only for Year One of its proclaimed 20 year lifespan.  Detangling lights and discovering new and colorful curse words is a rite of passage best experienced with past years’ dried sap transforming three or more bulbs into a bulb mass.  Live trees need watered every day and there is no graceful way to crawl under the long, low hanging branches with a plastic bowl of water stretching to reach the reservoir into which the tree has become permanently attached (note for tree removal day).  Live trees don‘t need watered daily if one owns an old male dog who can’t hold his water until you get home from work.  (Live trees smell good.  Dog drenched carpet does not.)   Live trees come in thousands of shades of green found only in nature.  Artificial trees come in light green, dark green, and pink.  Artificial tree branches can be re-arranged so every ornament, no matter size or shape, can be placed exactly where you want it.  Live tree branches bend, release, and fling your Lenox collectible ornament through three rooms before smashing into the curio cabinet filled with the Swarovski crystal collection.

Did we resolve the debate?  Can two people who are dodging speeding drivers in search of big bargains list all of the pros and cons of live versus artificial?  No, it will take thousands of trips over many years to complete the list.  Until then, feel free to take your own side of the debate and decorate with whatever best reflects your style and family life.  But please do us a favor.  If you’re planning on live, remember that a cut flower cannot live in a vase for 5 weeks.  A live tree cut from its roots and left in a cup of water won’t last that long either.  Don’t be a newscast waiting to happen.  Keep your tree fed, watered, and happy.  If you’re planning on artificial, remember that just because you can erect one in each room and mount thousands of lights on them that you still risk tripped circuits and melted plastic – hot, fire prone melted plastic.  Don’t be a newscast waiting to happen.  The only smoke anyone should see on Christmas Eve is from the stump of the pipe held in Santa’s teeth while encircling his head just like a wreath.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?