Tag Christmas

Welcome to Black Cyber Month

Michael 1 Comment

Here we are, a week past Thanksgiving and we’re still seeing Black Friday ads.  Forget Cyber Monday.  Since they’ve declared this to be Cyber Week we’ll see those ads until Dec. 23 when with overnight expedited far from free delivery you too can have that present under the tree on Christmas Eve.

We have nothing against Black Friday or sales in general.  We like sales.  Some of our best buys have been during sales.  Of course some of the better ones haven’t been but that’s a different post.  What we have against this shopping period is the barrage of ads that accompany the sales.  It seems everything is on sale and that’s probably why Americans are expected to spend $590 billion dollars between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  But what’s wrong with the other 333 days of the year?

Maybe people aren’t shopping so much on those other days because the selection now is so diverse; nothing can compare to it during the rest of the year.  Just this morning, He of We got an e-mail ad for laser tattoo removal (Save Over 75%!).  He has no tattoos but is considering it for a gift. 

Maybe people aren’t shopping on those days because it’s now that we see the lowest prices we’ll get on some basic items.  On Cyber Monday morning on one of the national network news shows, a consumer analyst called Cyber Monday her “socks and underwear day” because the prices are so good and with free shipping she can buy a year’s worth of these staple items for what she’d normally pay for a couple of packages at full retail. 

We have to admit that if it weren’t for the Thanksgiving to Christmas shopping period we’d not receive some of our favorite mail of the year – the holiday gift catalog.  It’s a little too early to find the most outrageous potential gift item but keep reading and we’ll soon revisit our favorites for this year like we did last (see “Buy the Way,” December 1, 2011 from LIFE).  In the running are rechargeable illuminated wrenches with stand ($79.95) and the home cellulite smoother kit ($1,500 plus shipping).

But then, what better stocking stuffers are there than socks and underwear?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

…or is it…

Michael Leave a comment

Thanksgiving came early this year.  Actually it was absolutely the earliest it could possibly be.  Even as early as it could be, among other holiday traditions across America we still saw live trees strapped to the top of cars barreling from lot to house to have the annual Weekend After Thanksgiving Decorating Tradition take place.

That reminded us of last year’s post, “Is it live…” and so we re-present it here.

—–

This weekend was the weekend after Thanksgiving and we were out on the road, but not for a big after Thanksgiving shopping spree.  No Black Friday deals for us.  But out we were and there were stores visited, restaurants patronized, the public encountered, and stories to be told.

We could talk about how traffic laws in our state seem to have become traffic suggestions, and not very well taken suggestions.  We could talk about how waiters, waitresses, and bartenders no longer associate the term “service industry” with their chosen (or fallen into) profession.  We could even talk about how somewhere in between “May I help you?” and “Happy Holidays!” this year’s crop of shoppers and clerks are ruder than we’ve seen for quite a few years. 

Today we’re going to talk about that never ending holiday controversy, live or artificial.  On a day that begins its date with “November,” cars with live trees tied to their roofs began their journeys to becoming kindling. 

And so we debated.  Live trees smell good.  Wet charcoal does not.  Pre-lit artificial trees completely fulfill that designation only for Year One of its proclaimed 20 year lifespan.  Live trees need watered every day and there is no graceful way to crawl under the long, low hanging branches with a plastic bowl of water stretching to reach the reservoir into which the tree has become permanently attached (note for tree removal day).  Live trees don‘t need watered daily if one owns an old male dog who can’t hold his water until you get home from work.  (Live trees smell good.  Dog drenched carpet does not.)   Live trees come in thousands of shades of green found only in nature.  Artificial trees come in light green, dark green, and pink.  Artificial tree branches can be re-arranged so every ornament, no matter size or shape, can be placed exactly where you want it.  Live tree branches bend, release, and fling your Lenox collectible ornament through three rooms before smashing into the curio cabinet filled with the Swarovski crystal collection.

Did we resolve the debate?  Can two people who are dodging speeding drivers in search of big bargains list all of the pros and cons of live versus artificial?  No, it will take thousands of trips over many years to complete the list.  Until then, feel free to take your own side of the debate and decorate with whatever best reflects your style and family life.  But please do us a favor.  If you’re planning on live, remember that a cut flower cannot live in a vase for 5 weeks.  A live tree cut from its roots and left in a cup of water won’t last that long either. 

Keep your tree fed, watered, and happy.  If you’re planning on artificial, remember that just because you can erect one in each room and mount thousands of lights on them that you still risk tripped circuits and melted plastic – hot, fire prone melted plastic. 

Don’t be a newscast waiting to happen.  The only smoke anyone should see on Christmas Eve is from the stump of the pipe held in Santa’s teeth while encircling his head just like a wreath.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

 

We Hold These Truths

Michael 2 Comments

A word about this post:

We wrote this before Christmas amid the annual outcry over manger scenes in front of government buildings and wonderings if you had to say Happy Holidays not to get fired.  It was written more as history lesson than rant over Politics and Religion and we figured there were enough to fight that fight.  And who wanted a history lesson right before Christmas?  So we spent our time spending time together, enjoying friends and family members, humming Christmas carols, watching Christmas movies, thowing some change into a few red kettles, and generally living the spirit of the season. 

Then this week the local paper had a story about a Pennsylvania university that was offering discounts to its men’s and women’s basketball games.  Among these was a discount for those with a religious affiliation.  Actually the discount was extended to anyone belonging to a faith-based organization as part of the school’s “Faith and Family Night” promotion.  According to the paper, a university spokesperson explained that “fans could mention affiliation with any faith-based organization, not just churches, to get the discount.”  We imagine if you really wanted to go to a basketball game and were short a couple dollars for the ticket, you could just lie.  If you didn’t belong to a faith-based organization, you’d probably not think twice of it.

Opponents of creches, of discounts to church groups, of saying “Merry Christmas” during the Christmas season, and probably of sales of Easter bonnets during Easter sales always fall back on that so often misquoted document, the Constitution of the United States.  “It violates my First Amendment rights,” is a favorite excuse for bad behavior. 

So, we’re going to risk bad behavior of our own and present “We Hold These Truths” to our public.  It’s our way of saying we know what our rights are.  And so do the people who wrote to insure us those rights 225 years ago.  Please don’t trample them on your way to finding your rights.  (And yes, we know that “we hold these truths” comes form the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution.  Technically our rights were insured by the Bill of Rights and not the Constitution either.  Humor us, ok?)

It is a very long post.  Regular readers know our posts already are pretty long and even compared to those posts of around 500 words, this one is a doozie!  At close to 2,000 words we hope we’ve said something thoughtful, intelligent, and meaningful.    And at the risk of making it even longer, we encourage you to comment on it, to re-blog it, to send a copy of it to your Congressman, to e-mail it to friends, to share it with your family, to share it with your local news outlet, or if you know one to share it with, share it with your favorite atheist.

And now, We Hold These Truths: 

———————————————————————————-

A bit before Christmas, a Michigan based organization of self-proclaimed atheists threatened to send busloads of its members from Wisconsin to a small town in Pennsylvania because that small town was planning on doing the unthinkable for the 50th-some time and erect a Christmas manger scene outside its municipal building.  The organization wrote, “It is unlawful for the state to erect this nativity scene on borough property thus singling out one religion.”  There was no word if that was written in Michigan or Wisconsin.  Nor was there word of which one of the many Christian religions was being singled out.  Now, halfway through January, that little town is still fighting that fight and is already looking ahead to Christmas 2012.

Just as the Christmas season was winding down the college basketball was moving into high gear.  There is a college not far from that Pennsylvania town that is offering a variety of discount nights including First Responders’ Night and Veterans’ Night.  Also among their special promotions is a discount night for those who belong to any faith-based organization.  It didn’t take long before there were new headlines throughout the Keystone State quoting an organization questioning the validity of that one.  Not because it singled out one religion but because it wasn’t fair to the basketball fans who are not religious and thus not eligible for a discount.  The opposing group didn’t say the same for those who are not veterans or first responders.  Apparently not being a veteran is something beyond most peoples’ control.

We hate to be so rude to so many people who are so protective of our Constitution, but, get a life!  (We said in our first blog we weren’t going to be politically correct – just plain correct.)  At the risk of being quite politically incorrect, here are the facts.  If we were you, we’d get a beverage, sit back, and hold on for the remainder of this post.  We will also warn you that the remainder of this post is more history lesson than rant.  If you appreciate intelligent and thoughtful discussions you should enjoy this. 

When our early lawmakers wrote the Constitution back in the summer of 1787 in Philadelphia, they had no idea they were creating controversy for future fellow Pennsylvanians.  They also had not planned on creating fodder for the trough of stupidity that nonsensical organizations like the dolts in Michigan and/or Wisconsin hide behind.  As much as everybody wants to say so, the Constitution of the United States says nothing about this oft-claimed separation of church and state.      

The confusion seems to have arisen not at the signing of the Constitution in September of 1787 but came as an afterthought to that document.  More than two years later, some states’ representatives still remembered the British violations of civil rights that drove even earlier representatives to unanimously pass the Declaration of Independence.   Thomas Jefferson, primary author of the Declaration of Independence, was not a member of the Congress that drafted and forwarded the Constitution to the states for ratification.  He was, however, a vocal critic of that group for their lack of specifying individual rights, rights that were significant in the writing of the Declaration.  And thus in September of 1789, the First Congress of the United States proposed 12 amendments to the Constitution to quiet those most concerned that the government had too much power and the rights of the individuals were not adequately addressed.  The first two proposed amendments as presented to the States were not ratified.  But the states ratified amendments 3 through 12 compiling the first ten amendments to the Constitution, now known as the Bill of Rights.

The first of those ten ratified amendments over the years has stood the test of time and rarely was questioned or opposed.  Only in the second half of the twentieth century did citizens whose rights were the very focus of the amendment’s authors did those citizens start plucking individual phrases to justify petty and personal opinion.  There are only 45 words in the First Amendment.  That is not too many to read and savor all at once.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

But since the Dolts of Michigan and others insist on tearing it apart word from word, we will examine it thought by thought.  The dolts and their brethren always pick on the first 10 words.  Most dolts can’t count past ten so that must be why they stop there.  “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”  Nobody ever quotes the next six words, “or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”  Probably the “thereof” confuses them.  That’s the authors’ way of saying that they and future representatives to Congress won’t say how you will worship, and nobody in the government can stop you from worshipping.  There is nothing in those combined 16 words that says you are not allowed to worship, you will not worship, or that there is no support for you to worship.   Nor does it say that there might not be a multitude of ways to worship.  In fact, one can make the leap that the reason for the first ten words are to support a variety of ways to worship, a freedom the authors of the Constitution and their ancestries did not have under the foreign realms from which they fled.  Congree will not prohibit the free exercise of religion.  (We wanted to spell that out just in case there is a dolt out there and it is still confused over “thereof.”)

As long as we’re dissecting words written over 220 years ago we want to keep going.  There are, after all, only 29 of them left.  The First Amendment goes on to say that Congress will also make no law “abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press.”  They go together.  Even over two hundred years ago the authors recognized that the press was and is the enduring voice of the people.  They are the same and that is why it is written as a single clause.  Perhaps current members of the Fourth Estate should remember that when they are editorializing.  Perhaps they also should practice just “correct,” and reflect the thoughts and feelings and prayers of those who support the press and forget about being “politically correct” themselves.   The earliest publications of this country were quite politically incorrect by our standards yet they rallied their readers to the extent that we now have a country that will make no law abridging those freedoms.  Congress will not abridge the right to free speech or press.  Together.  One mind.  One voice.  The one voice of the many people. 

Congress will also not abridge “the right of the people peaceably to assemble and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”  The right to assemble goes along with peaceably.  You might prefer to call it peacefully.  Peaceful demonstration is how the dolts’ younger cousins would have you believe every protest begins.  No.  When demonstrators show up with clubs, pepper spray, guns, and the intent to use them if they are confronted by others with different views, peaceful has left the building.  The final phrase “to petition the Government for a redress of grievances” is colonial speak for “ask the Government to put right wrongs” or to “ask our representatives to review citizen rights for those the original authors missed.”  It doesn’t mean to sit in a park, refuse passage to people who are trying to get to work, turn over cars and trucks, throw rocks at policemen, and in general act like the animal version of a dolt.  It does mean to gather together, discuss how you’ve been wronged and how you would make it right for everybody.  With one voice of one mind you can then ask our assembled representatives to listen to us and make things right.  It’s a powerful concept, particularly if you can find an elected representative who understands the First Amendment.

Remember, the Four Freedoms are the Freedom OF Religion, Freedom OF Speech, Freedom FROM Want, and Freedom FROM Fear.  It just seems all backwards.  Protestors exercise their “rights” while instilling fear in everyone else.  Our government repeatedly bails out banks and manufacturers while allowing individuals to suffer 29% interest rates and retail prices that have no basis on the actual cost of goods.  Public comment periods to bills and government contracts are virtually non-existent but the idiot screaming down the block at 3 in the morning has a right to free speech especially if he’s the drug addicted son of the mayor.   And dolts are allowed to charter organizations specifically to support freedom FROM religion.  (By the way, among its several accepted definitions is that religion is characterized by a set of strongly-held beliefs that somebody lives by.  We contend that any group of people so concerned over getting its ideological point of view, its strongly held ideological point of view, to the extent that they are prepared to proselytize for it, is pretty much practicing a religion.  Think about it.)

Before we finish our little history lesson let’s step back a few years earlier, to the summer of 1776, again in the city of Philadelphia.  To the Declaration of Independence.  To that very short announcement that the former British colonies were indeed one new country, one that would fairly soon establish taxes and representation, and an army and navy, and a Bill of Rights.  Before those assembled got to the part about these truths being self-evident they first declared:

“When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.” 

You couldn’t fool those colonists.  They knew who fixed them up.  They knew that the “powers of the earth” are granted by “Nature’s God.”  After that acknowledgement they moved on to:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Somebody gave those colonists the idea that all of us are entitled to live our lives, to live them by the four freedoms, and to be happy while we do it.  It certainly wasn’t Thomas Jefferson or John Hancock.  It wasn’t George Washington or Benjamin Franklin.  It wasn’t even John Adams.  When you thank someone for your self-evident endowments you know who you’re going to thank.  We say it enough every day.  Thank God.

They may not want to believe it but even the dolts have God to thank.  Every time they take advantage of a Christmas sale each winter or an Easter Sale the following spring there’s a reason behind it.  It’s not Mr. Macy they have to thank for that great deal on a Play Station.  And we’re pretty sure they aren’t going up to their butcher and asking for a higher price on the spiral cut ham because there is no God.  No, they know the reason behind the deal. 

And what a deal it is.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

(All passages from the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution of the United States, and the Bill of Rights are copied from transcripts of the originals including spelling, capitalization, and punctuation as it was then written.  Transcripts reviewed at the National Archives website, www.archives.com.  Read about these documents at “The Charters of Freedom,” http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/.)

 

On the Second Day of Christmas

Michael 1 Comment

Happy Day after Christmas, or if you prefer, St. Stephen’s Day or Boxing Day.  We don’t think much about the day after Christmas.  Usually it’s back to work, start thinking what resolution we’ll be breaking sometime in January, or where did we put those receipts. 

There are some who will continue to give presents throughout the twelve days of Christmas or in some fashion commemorate the march of the Wise Men.  For many though, the days immediately after Christmas are seen as the end of the season and the more common discussions heard around water coolers, proverbial and literal, are of when will you be taking down the decorations, have you gotten all those toys put together, and did you get what you wanted for Christmas.

Neither of us is so dramatic as to have a tree at the curbside on December 26 although both of us know people who will cart their formerly grandly decorated evergreen to the curb as soon as after Christmas Day’s festivities have ended.  No doubt these are the people who had purchased their live trees while so many others were celebrating Black Friday.  He of We typically keeps his outdoor decorations up and lit until the Feast of the Epiphany.  (If you promise not to tell too many others we are willing to reveal that it started out because it’s usually just too darned cold, snowy, and ice-covered to take them down too soon after Christmas so he figured he might as well look like he knows the story.)   

Both of We remember those days when Christmas came partially assembled.  No matter how hard we and parents all over the world tried, not everything could get assembled before the holiday.  The hope was that the children would be so taken by whatever was assembled they wouldn’t notice the brakeless bike behind the tree.  Uh huh.  Distractions might buy you that extra day but eventually the tools and assembly guides would be share space at the lunch table with the leftover hams, turkeys, and roasts and we and parents all over the world re-opened Santa’s Workshop, South Division come December 26.

 A terrific sentiment for a Christmas card would be “Some friends know the gift of friendship is more important that crass commercialism or material presents.  Aren’t you glad I’m one of them?”  But honestly a good, heartfelt, well thought gift means a lot also.  And we got lots of them.  Enough to gloat even!  But we won’t.  We also got a reminder that for all that we mean to each other, friend is always near the top of that list.  About that we will gloat!

So there are ten days to go to complete the proverbial Twelve Days of Christmas.  According to PNC Financial Services, this year’s total will run one willing to fulfill all of the wishes of his (or her) true love $24,263.18.  Perhaps we’ll just stick with our true love’s friendship.  It really is priceless.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Merry Christmas

Michael Leave a comment

Buon Natale

Frohe Weihnachten

Veselé Vánoce

Joyeux Noël

Nollaig Shona

Priecīgus Ziemassvētkus

Feliz Navidad

Hyvää Joulua

Boldog Karácsonyt

Feliz Natal

Nadolig Llawen

Mutlu Noeller

Geseënde Kersfees

Selamat Hari Natal

Linksmų Kalėdų

Gëzuar Krishtlindjet

Sretan Božić

Glædelig jul

Maligayang Pasko

Häid jõule

Wesołych Świąt

Καλά Χριστούγεννα

Lorem Nativitatis

 

Merry Christmas!

 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

And the Winner Is…

Michael 1 Comment

Christmas movies…some of the all-time classic movies are Christmas movies.  “White Christmas,” “Miracle on 34th Street,” “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Emmett Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas.”  Well, there’s clearly something for everyone in the Christmas movie catalog.   What’s your favorite?

Those who know say that the number one Christmas movie of all time may be “A Christmas Story.”  And indeed the movie itself can be a ‘major award’ of holiday classic-ism.  There’s no mistaking it for anything but a holiday favorite.  It’s even in the name.  Ditto for “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,” and “White Christmas.”  Yes it takes more than putting “Christmas” in the title to make a movie a yuletide hit but it doesn’t hurt.

There are some dark horses out there that you’d not guess from title or plot would ever become holiday favorites but ask anybody who’s personal collection contains a copy of “We’re No Angels” that it’s often the answer to the trivia question, ‘name a Christmas movie starring Humphrey Bogart.’  It also doubles as the answer to the question, ‘name a comedy starring Humphrey Bogart.’  (Didn’t know there was one, of either, did you?)

Comedies and Christmas are a natural combination.  Why not?  Both make you feel good.  “Home Alone” (one or two, we never were real sure about 3) combines tickles and tinsel and still throws in a couple ‘feels so good you want to cry’ moments.  From “Miracle on 34th Street” to “The Santa Clause” comedies have been proving that there really is a Santa, even going to court when necessary.

Christmas and music is almost a requirement.  We finally get to hear Schroeder play his miniature grand in “A Charlie Brown Christmas” and it is grand.  Ok, technically that’s not a movie but it is 25 minutes of sheer holiday joy.   Even movies not about Christmas but set around the Christmas holiday a la “Die Hard” 1 and 2 can’t resist putting a Christmas song somewhere in the mix. 

What about Christmas and the Muppets.  Either one can make any child, and almost any adult squeal delightfully.  Christmas is ahead, there being a little over 2,000 of them but the Muppets are close with over a dozen movies and specials starring Jim Henson’s puppets.  A true classic among them is “Emmett Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas,” Henson’s adaptation of Russell Hoban’s twist on there’s a reason that everything happens as it does.   

And don’t forget about families at Christmas.  “Christmas Vacation,” “Christmas with the Kranks,” “Home Alone,” “A Christmas Story,” and about 4,000 others all have family at the center of the story.  But there might be only one that takes a brother’s unique approach to the holiday and that’s “Fred Claus.”   Without Fred, Santa might not be with us today.  Talk about brotherly love!

Just because we mention certain movies please don’t confuse these with any sort of ‘best of’ list.  Although we put some of these movies near the tops of our respective lists, even we can’t agree on the best of the best of the Christmas classics.  And that’s probably the best thing about holiday movies.  Every time you watch one it might become your favorite for those couple of hours.  Isn’t that really the magic of Christmas?  Every year you see that same ornament in a different light and suddenly it becomes a gem you’re so glad you took out again.  Every year you see those same lights across the street but this year there something special in the way it glistens against the wall.  Every year we try to be our best this time of year even though we know we’re no angels but we’re not Scrooge either.

So what’s your favorite?  Feel free to change your mind tomorrow.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Walk This Way

Michael Leave a comment

This is it.  Today is the last shopping day before Christmas.   We know tomorrow is only Christmas Eve but you can hardly count that as a shopping day.  Christmas Eve we’re going to relax.  Even if it kills us.  And don’t forget, Christmas Eve is a Saturday this year so every clueless male in America, maybe in the world, (as opposed to almost every clueless male) will be at the mall still unsure of what to get for his wife, mother, girlfriend, daughter, secretary, AA, paramour, clerk, grandmother, personal assistant, or Aunt Whatshername in Mineola. 

However you want to count, there are only two days until Christmas.  And each is going to be filled with people filling sidewalks, and stores, and restaurants, and bars.  Probably especially bars the later it gets but that’s a different post.

All those people out there and sometimes it seems not a single one of them schooled in the pedestrian law of walking in public.  Even He of We sometimes gets a little distracted when allowed to push the shopping cart and wanders down a different aisle than She of We.  But what we’re talking about here is different.  Many people are distracted in stores but add the glitz and the shimmer of the holiday decorations and even those never distracted lose focus.  And the extra traffic isn’t helping.  We think part of the problem is that nobody ever puts that cell phone away.  It wouldn’t be so bad if people were talking on the phone while trying to wind their way through the cosmetics counters at the department store.  No, they are texting while trying to wind their way through that maze.  Add three shopping bags, two trailing children, and a clerk spraying fragrance samples on passersby and oncoming traffic doesn’t stand a chance.  But we digress.

As long as we brought it up, what it is with people and their shopping carts.  First of all, a shopping cart is not a suitable substitute for a wheeled walker, particularly if you don’t use one with which to walk under normal circumstances.  Both of We have informed our children that if any of them sees either of us hunched over a shopping cart, arms resting on the handle about the elbows, propelling it forward at a pace a that would cause a snail to die of boredom, we are to be shot and/or sent directly to the nursing home at the bottom of their lists.  If you are one of those please leave our blog now and nobody will get hurt. 

A shopping carts are proliferating.  Once found only in supermarkets these little wheeled obstructions are now in almost every store across the globe.  Clearly someone is making a killing in the shopping cart market.  Hopefully whoever that someone is has gotten a killer Christmas bonus this year.  But given that shopping carts are flourishing so, we’d think people would be able to drive them better.  We find carts left at the end of aisles, in the middle of aisles, with children left to guard the last of the boxed fruitcake, blocking the animated Christmas hats (sorry, we’ll probably not get to that topic this year but we have it on our list for next year’s holiday posts), and left in the line to the checkout counter with a note that the driver has made a quick trip to housewares and will return at 1:30.  Those actually pushing carts often have their eyes either glued to the top shelf as they pass by at warp speed or on their latest text.

Once shopping is done at Store #1 it is traditional to leave their cart in their custody.  Clearly we must be unaware of some “winter rules” that allow people to keep that cart for their entire shopping day.  He or We was out just yesterday in a local mall and he noticed someone pushing a cart from a store in the shopping center two miles away.  Curious, most curious.   

Eventually even those people will finish up for the day and head to the car with their holiday haul.  Our advice to everybody who ever pushed a shopping cart through a parking lot is to please remember that most cars are bigger and heavier than your shopping cart.  One should not consider playing chicken with a family of four in a minivan loaded with Christmas presents on Christmas Eve Eve.  Not a good idea.  Our second piece of advice is once you empty your packages into your vehicle, please return you cart all the way to the cart corral.  Parking is already at a premium this time of year (we know, we already did that post).  Don’t make it worse by just leaving your cart in the spot that used to be your car.  Walk the extra 50 paces there and back and put it where it belongs.

As long as we’re walking out in the parking lot please watch where you are going.  Every mall and shopping center, every mega-mart and restaurant now have those striped lines from parking land to sidewalk land urging drivers to stop for walkers but not saying anything to the walkers.  It’s true every state now has a law that drivers must yield to pedestrians in a crosswalk.  That’s in a crosswalk, not approaching a crosswalk, close to the crosswalk, or anywhere in the same parking lot as a crosswalk.  It’s still a good idea to look both ways before crossing.  We understand looking both ways may mean not finishing the text but the life you save may be your own.  Make it worth the effort.

Two more days, each an adventure in negotiating through the aisles of the Christmas sale remnants, fighting your way to the checkout counter, and dragging it all across the parking lot to your car, if you can find it on the first try.  

We suggest you relax on Christmas Eve.  Even if it kills you.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

Who’s Naughty, Who’s Nice

Michael Leave a comment

It’s worked for the man in red since he hitched his sleigh to his first magic reindeer.  It’s that famous list.  Who’s naughty?  Who’s nice?  We’ve borrowed that idea.   No, not for who gets coal in their stocking and who gets gift cards.  We’ve taken the big guy’s concept and applied it to our most important holiday list.  Who gets a card, and within that group, who gets what card? 

Actually, Santa has it easy.  You’re good, you make the grade.  You’re bad, better luck next year.  It seems to work for him.  We’re a bit more discriminating.    You see, there are actually two lists.

List #1 is the big one, the discriminator, THE list.  Who’s on and who’s off.   Didn’t talk to us at all last year – no calls, no stop overs, no Friday night dinners?  You’re naughty.  (Exceptions made for Aunt Whatshername in Minnesota.)  Brought out a cup of hot chocolate when you saw us waiting for the AAA a quarter mile from home?  You’re nice.  Used to be a couple last year and aren’t this year and you’re the reason?  You’re naughty.  For life!  Used to be a couple last year and aren’t this year because who used to be the better half turned out as bad as everyone else knew?  You’re nice.  Clueless, but nice.  Haven’t talked to us in 14 years and suddenly you start calling  and inviting us to your club for lunch right after you saw in the paper we hit the lottery?  You’re naughty and so are your children.   And so we continue through last year’s lists separating the nice from the caught, the haughty, and the generally naughty.

List #2 is where we recognize the nicest of the nice.  That’s the Good Cards List.  These are the people for whom we care enough to send the best.  These are the truest allies, the closest relatives, the genuine friends. These are the people you think of when considering which Christmas card sparkling with glitter, rich with real parchment, and with a verse that says exactly what you want to say, will convey that nice has its privileges.  Requires extra postage?  No problem.  If you’ve made the nice half of this list you’re worth it!  Who’s on the other side?  Those not naughty enough to be banished entirely from this season’s greetings but not A-List worthy.  They get the previous year’s end of season special at the dollar store – 4 boxes for a buck, matching envelopes maybe.  These are the relatives 3 states away you keep on your list only because they keep sending to you.  (Exceptions made for Aunt Whatshername in Minnesota.)  These are the neighbors who didn’t call the police after that unfortunate incident at the fish fry with the hot oil and the pile of dry leaves.  These are for the paper carrier (who made the list just because of the entertaining holiday letter but that was a different post).

Naughty or nice?  It’s a powerful responsibility.  Use it wisely.  Face it, at $4.59 a pop you can’t care enough to send the best to everyone!

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

And That’s the Way It Is

Michael Leave a comment

Do you suppose it’s because it comes at the end of year?  Maybe it’s because it’s the one time we actually send real mail to so many people.  Perhaps it’s the only time that we remember we have an aunt in Missouri, no, that’s Mississippi, or somewhere that starts with M and is close to water.  Maine?  For whatever reason, Christmas is the unfortunate time and Christmas Cards the unsuspecting carriers for the dreaded Holiday Letter. 

Holiday Letters themselves are not bad things.  You may recall there was once a time when letter writing was actually the fashion.  Not everything was always communicated in 50 characters or less.  Sometimes we’d write glorious letters, pages long, and get similar responses.  The Holiday Letter was but one of several that would be distributed to friends and relatives throughout the year.

Today the Holiday Letter is often not much more than an excuse for why we never called.  You probably should have called.  You could have called and still written the Holiday Letter.  Then it becomes a bonus for the recipient.  An extra touch that someone actually took time to write.  And that’s nice.

No, the Holiday Letter isn’t a bad thing.  Sometimes a family is too large to keep in touch with every one over the year.  Sometimes there really is too much going on and a common letter to everyone brings all up to date with your happenings.  The Holiday Letter becomes that great orator for the one who just couldn’t get around to all those calls.  And it makes a great conversation starter for when next year’s calls get started.

Of course, sometimes the Holiday Letter can fall into the wrong hands.  Not a wrong recipient – a wrong writer.  Check out your mail this year.  Did you get a “personal letter” from your bank or Congressman, your church or your dog groomer?  Or perhaps from the bank that wants your business, the church on the other side of town, or the pet wash in the new shopping center.  (Sorry, you’re stuck with the same Congressman until next fall.)  It is bad enough that Christmas sales start before Halloween, the Holiday Letter marketing tool can weaken even the strongest spirit of Christmas.

She of We got her annual Holiday Letter from her newspaper carrier.  A little something to the 400 or so families on her route to bring them up to date on her vacations from earlier in the year, her latest plans for retirement, the health of her children and pets, and a reminder to keep those sidewalks and steps ice free during the winter months.  It was homier than the one He of We got from his dentist that described the new x-ray machine and the computerized insurance verification service, and a reminder to call now for an appointment but not for during the first week of March when they’ll be repaving the parking lot.

Nope the Holiday Letter in itself isn’t a bad thing.  But maybe we should be thinking about keeping that down to 50 characters or less also.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

The Angels Have Landed

Michael 1 Comment

All the discount department stores are doing it and they all advertised it in a big way.  Layaway is back.  Just like the old days.  Mostly toys ended up in the back rooms.  Just like the old days.  Maybe a few more children and grandchildren can have a happy Christmas like so many of their friends.  Just like the old days. 

It was a great idea.  But somewhere the marketing people got a late start.  The ads popped up around Thanksgiving.  Put a little down and pay some every week and they are yours pretty much pain-free.  Sounds pretty good.  Just like the old days.  But they didn’t push it until four weeks before Christmas.  That’s only one or two checks away.  Not many weeks to pay some.  Not like the old days.

But people tried.  They made the down payment.  They got the early payments in.  But then reality hit.  There are other children and grandchildren to buy for.  There are still bills to pay and food to buy.  The payments got smaller.  The balance stalled.  Christmas is less than a week away and now what?

Who knows how it started but somewhere, somebody took notice.  And the movement was born.  All across the country mostly anonymous benefactors are paying off strangers’ layaway balances.  The Layaway Angels have come to town.  Every town!

In Davenport, Iowa one Angel paid off 14 accounts including one account so delinquent that it was a day away from its merchandise being put back on the shelves.  In Indianapolis a woman paid off fifty accounts in memory of her late husband.  In Kapolei, Hawaii someone paid off 15 layaway accounts then handed out $100 bills to shoppers.  In Miami two Angels combined their resources to settle as many accounts as $400 could pay off.

Many of us have taken part in another Christmas tradition of giving, the Angel Tree.  Children’s services, older adults’ facilities, inner city ministries, and others team up with churches, school groups, and employers to select from unknown recipients and buy presents for under their tree.  Countless people, probably into the millions, have benefited from these anonymous gifts.

But the Layaway Angels are different.  These people are getting into the grittiest of the nitty-gritty.  They aren’t afraid of going right to the people who need some help.  And they aren’t afraid to admit that those people who need some help live and shop right alongside them.  These gifts are going up the road, across town, two blocks over, down the street.   They are going to people whose faces they’ve seen without knowing who they are.  They are going to children who have cried with longing in stores and who are going to get to squeal with delight at home.

Layaway Angel, Angel Tree, Secret Santa – so many ways to say Merry Christmas to those who aren’t close enough to hear it, but who deserve to hear it spoken loudly.  And if one of you reading is an Angel – Merry Christmas to you, too!

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?