Tag Christmas

Happy Boxing Day?

Michael Leave a comment

Happy Boxing Day!

That may be the first time we’ve ever verbalized that sentiment.  The last time we even mentioned Boxing Day was in a post from two years back (On the Second Day of Christmas, Dec. 26, 2011, in Life).  There was no “Happy” with it because it wasn’t a salutation.  It was just a mention.

Just a mention is about as much thought as Boxing Day gets in the U.S.  Other than being a cousin to St. Stephen’s Day, what is Boxing Day?  If you’re one of our regular readers from Canada, England, or Belize you can probably skip ahead a paragraph.  Or not.  That way you tell us how far afield we are.

To us it seems to be a fine example of the Christmas spirit.  Apparently it started out as the rich and powerful, landowners, gentry, or what have you in whatever country you are, planned their Christmas feasts.  They found themselves in need of those to serve said feast along with answering the doors, passing the appetizers, mixing the drinks, preparing accommodations for overnight guests, and other things that would go along with a proper celebration.  Since those doing the serving were thus tied up on Christmas Day, the well to do would give them the following day off to be with their families, often sending them home with boxes of gifts and perhaps even leftovers.  Thus, Boxing Day.

Today, if you were to ask someone in America about this tradition you might get answers like “They got paid for working the holiday, didn’t they?” But that’s just why it’s such a great Christmas story.  Of course they received whatever recompense they would for serving their employers and their employers’ guests.  But in a time when money meant more then than now they also knew that their real pay came in the gratitude of those they served.  The boxes of presents were more tips than payment, more appreciation than obligation, more friendship between those who ask and those who do than charity between those who have and those who don’t.

Boxing Day may be a tradition America could learn from.  We may live in a time and place that great household holiday festivals aren’t the norm even for the very rich.  But there are plenty of people who give up their holiday to serve.  Fireman, police, paramedics, and hospital workers are the essential servants in our time and place.  When their shifts are over on Christmas or any other holiday, they may take home boxes of presents but they do take home our gratitude for being there for us every day.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Let It Snow

Michael Leave a comment

We’re writing this on December 21.  That’s the first day of winter.  In fact, according to the weather people here it was sometime a bit after 12:30pm that the earth was at its absolute farthest from the sun making that day the shortest, the darkest, and the least absorbing of the sun’s warmth.  It’s going to be 61 degrees today.

Sixty-one degrees might be an ok temperature for Florida for the first day of winter but we’re north of the Mason-Dixon Line.  Our average temperature for this date is 30 degrees.  Three days ago when it was still fall it was 18 degrees during the day, 10 or so at night.  There was also snow.  Lots of snow covering every non-driving surface around.  (What can we say?  We have some decent road crews.)  Today there is only rain and it has melted all of the snow.

The day before the first day of winter the weather people were predicting highs in the 40’s for Christmas Eve and Christmas.  Not nearly cold enough to make for a white Christmas.  And that’s exactly how all of them led off their reports.  “They’ll be no white Christmas this year,” they all said.  One could almost hear the collective wails of every child in the greater metropolitan area.  How will Santa get their booty to them?

Then on the first day of winter, the one with a predicted high in the 60’s, the one on which the local weather people had less than 12 hours earlier declared no white Christmas, the local forecasts now called for temps in the 20’s on Christmas Eve including the possibility of snow and perhaps accumulated snow for Christmas morning.  We think it’s a conspiracy.  Somebody from the North Pole got to those weather people and made them change their forecast.  So what if they turn out wrong.  They usually do!

Actually, what we really think is, does it really matter.  Will the children find the holiday less holiday-ish without snow?  The parents will appreciate being able to drive to church and then to Granma’s on snow-free roads even if their town doesn’t have a crack road crew.  And the road crews will get to enjoy the holiday too.  Speaking of church, even though there was some snow there a few weeks ago, snow isn’t the norm in Bethlehem.  If those on the first Christmas were able to do without the white stuff, we can manage also.

Christmas isn’t about how white it can be, how many presents are under the tree, or how many new cookies were thought up for the year.  It’s a time to be with family and with cherished friends and companions.  It’s a time to unwrap one of the best gifts of all, love.  And it’s a time to wish a very special One happy birthday.  Snow or no.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Dear Santa

Michael Leave a comment

Dear Santa,

We know it’s late and we’re sorry about that.  We know you’ve been busy yourself getting all the things put together for your big ride coming up next week.  How do you do it year after year?  We’d be exhausted and retired by now.  Anyway, we have a couple of last minute gift requests we’d like to see if you could help with.

We’d like for those televised football games, which are all of them, that consist of four 15 minute quarters to take less than 3 & ½ hours of television time.  That way when we want to watch something on Sunday night we don’t have to guess when our shows are going to start or where they are in the program if we happen across one that’s already on.  It’s getting so bad that the only thing you can count on starting on time is the Sunday night football game.  But who wants to stay up until midnight the day before you have to go to work?  We always have to go to work the next day.

We’d like a ream of parking instruction pamphlets that we can put on the windshields of cars driven by people who still don’t get what the lines drawn in the parking lots are for.  You probably don’t have that problem as late as you come on Christmas Eve but it’s getting ridiculous trying to find a parking space.  Actually, we can find the spaces, they’re just being taken up by these monster SUVs everyone is driving.  They all seem to think that just because they are driving a truck the size of the space shuttle that they can leave it however they put it, even if it is taking up two or sometimes three spaces.

We’d like to work for people who value us.  That might be a tall order but if you could drop something into their eggnog that makes bosses a little more personable, or at least polite, we’d really appreciate it.  And that probably goes for us when we have to take on the boss role every now and then.

We’d like fire-proof outdoor lights.  Unfortunately both of us have had outside Christmas lights that sputtered, sparked, flared, and scared the heck out of us.  We’re fine and nothing too terrible happened.  When He’s went poof he was standing in the doorway looking at it and said to himself, “Did I just see a spark,” and then out loud, “Whoa! I just saw a spark,” just as the pole lamp became a match stick.  She’s mishap happened when a strong north wind blew so hard it rubbed the cord against the house right through the insulation starting a fire at the highest point of her roof.  We don’t want to sound nasty about it but could you keep your north wind to yourself.  You probably are used to dealing with it and know how to secure stuff around your roof better than we do down here.  Anyway, “proof” versus “resistant” sure would put our minds at ease.  Probably Underwriter’s Laboratory has something to do with this too but things sometimes slip through the cracks.

We’d like a little variety in the television ads here in the lower 48.  Do you know that we sometimes have to sit through the same aging singer singing the same two lines of some made up song 10 or 12 times in a half-hour show?  Better yet, how about some commercial free television.  Probably the guys who own the commercial television stations are asking you for more advertising time but maybe you can work out a deal with everybody.  If you were able to find kids who accepted the toys from the Island of Misfits you should be able to mediate something with those misfits.

We’d like calorie free Christmas cookies.  We’ve noticed that every year you make millions of stops delivering presents and most of them have milk and cookies waiting for you.  All of the pictures we’ve ever seen show an empty plate when you leave.  Ok, those pictures are on usually on Christmas cards but if you can’t trust Hallmark, who can you trust?  You eat all those cookies all in one night and even though you are a little portly (we hate to be the ones to say that) you never get any bigger.  You must have some calorie zapper or something that lets you relish in the billions and billions of chocolate chips you consume.  How about sharing that technology?  If it works for everybody we’ll see what we can do about getting you on Shark Tank next year.  You could make a fortune with that!

And before we forget, we’d like peace on earth.  Sorry if we left the hardest one for last.

Merry Christmas,

She and He

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Seasons Eatings

Michael Leave a comment

Last week the company for which He of We works sent out Christmas presents to the 3,000 and some employees it has across the country – turkeys! Not live turkeys, frozen turkeys. And as such demonstrations of largesse do so often, controversy immediately arose.

The most heard complaint (who complains about free anything?) was “What am I going to do with a turkey after Thanksgiving?” Taking a cue from perhaps the greatest Christmas movie ever released, “A Christmas Story,” the obvious answer would be to have it for Christmas. Now these birds weren’t anywhere near the size of the turkey Ralphie’s father dreams of every yule. A modest 10 or 12 pounds were these. But they were big enough to spark discussions throughout the building.

Apparently almost 40% of those in that building never had, don’t currently have, or will not have plans for turkey for Christmas. What do these people eat? A very informal poll revealed that about half of that group has ham, about half has some cut of roast beef, and about half has lobster, crab, shrimp or some other seafood. Some have sausage. A few have duck. One claimed venison if the hunting season was successful. Nobody has the classic Christmas goose. You will notice that there are well over four halves for that 40%. That’s because almost nobody admitted to only one protein at the Christmas table. Everyone, including the turkey eaters, at the very minimum double dips on the meats at Christmas.

Unlike Thanksgiving where turkey is still the biggest centerpiece on most tables, Christmas food traditions are taking a diverse path. Even the side dishes are more varied than the earlier holiday table sees. Many menus still include sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, corn, squashes, and green beans (although the green bean casserole is losing favor in our area). But next to those traditional offerings will sit root vegetables, pastas, rices, pomegranates, mac and cheese, and even quinoa.

The one consistent thing about the Christmas feast, with or without an accompanying Christmas Eve feast, is that Christmas also ends up with many people in food comas spread across sofas watching old movies and munching on the ever present Christmas cookies.

No matter how you carve it, it’s a wonderful time of the year!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Reindeer Season

Michael Leave a comment

Not far from She of We there is a garden center that celebrates Christmas in a North Polian way. Among the decorations and the trees and the ciders sits Santa and his reindeer. Maybe, or maybe just antlered deer so common to the area. Doesn’t really matter. What matters is for 30 years parents have brought their children not only to see Santa but to see how he got there, how to feed his team, and how to act around large live animals while those parents picked their trees, selected a few new decorations and spiked their ciders. It was a win, win, win, win.
It was a big win for those deer since the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is also know in our state as antlered deer season. These guys weren’t cavorting in the woods being led to their demise by female deer scents and dodging the ultimate bullet. They had a job. Like us they might not have been wild about their job but it beat being dead.
So that paragraph was all in past tense. Did the garden center close? Nope. Did they lay off Santa and thus Santa had no need for daily transportation? Not that either. Did Santa fall for the TV commercial and trade in his eight tiny reindeer for eight shiny new Mercedes? Uh-uh. PETA (you know them – the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals – yeah, right) decided there isn’t enough controversy surrounding Christmas and whether or not to allow crèches where human beings might actually see them and then decided they should, would, and did target this inoffensive family owned garden center as animal haters. You see, the deer were kept behind fences. Sort of keeping them from wandering onto the main highway through that part of town and having to worry now about dodging a Dodge.
PETA won, there are now eight more deer in the woods for the hunters who missed all the others and now Santa has to get to the garden center on public transportation. (He spends all his money giving away toys. He can’t afford a Mercedes!)
Personally, we love our animals. We keep them indoors to protect them from the elements, feed them animal food when they get hungry, and take them to animal doctors when they get sick. And every now and then we like to pretend eight of them actually pull Santa’s sleigh across the world spreading joy where us common people messed up. He seems to be wild about his job and knows darned well it beats being dead.
Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

If not God, then who?

Michael Leave a comment

This week saw the outside Christmas display erected at He of We’s.  Display and erected may be a little ambitious for what is out there.  A few small trees and some white lights bunched behind a primitive painting of the Nativity.  Fortunately those expounding separating our state from our church haven’t wandered down He’s street where the birth of the Son of God is being celebrated en masse.

It’s the time of year for pretty trees and bright decorations, for Nativities from living to foam, for carolers and revelers.   It’s also the time of year many Americans get crazy over political correctness.  Yes there are still corporate memos distributed that say if you want to extend holiday greetings during the holiday season then those are the words you should use, “Holiday greetings.”  But exactly what holiday is it that we are celebrating…Black Friday?

This year things are looking up for those who recognize the four freedoms include freedom OF religion (versus freedom FROM religion).  A move is actually being made even by some politicians to recognize that the country was built on Judeo-Christian values and that we should start celebrating them.  This includes a push to have the country’s motto displayed at public buildings including schools right there next to the country’s flag.  It’s getting a little response from the anti-God groups but nothing like making sure we say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.

The motto itself is encouraging.  It’s not from the 1700’s when everybody included God.  It actually wasn’t adopted until 1956 when the country was coming out of back to back wars, revving up for another one, and needed God.  It was about that same time, in 1954, that the words “under God” were added to the Pledge of Allegiance.  It was a time that America wasn’t afraid to recognize a Supreme Being.

What is that motto, anyway?  It’s funny, we make sure it’s on our money, we just don’t talk about it much.  In God we trust.  It seems simple enough, especially at this time of year.  After all, if not God, then who?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

(Two years ago we wrote our first controversial post, not from our perspective but some thought so.  We thought it was a very thoughtful and meaningful.  We held off publishing it for a few weeks so we wouldn’t add to the holiday fuel of Happy Holidays versus Merry Christmas.  It’s still a good read.  It’s a long read but we invite you to travel back in time with us and see why some truths are still self-evident.  “We Hold These Truths,” is from January 13, 2012 in Uncategorized.)

 

How Live Is It?

Michael 1 Comment

Two years we began the debate between live and artificial trees.  We liked it so well we repeated it last year.  (See “Is It Live or…” Nov. 28, 2011 in Life.) Little did we know there was a third choice.

On last week’s television show “The Shark Tank” a budding entrepreneur presented a business opportunity of renting live, potted Christmas trees.  They are delivered to the tree-wanter a few weeks before Christmas and picked up shortly after the holiday.  It seemed like an interesting idea even if it was available only to California Christmas celebrators and deserved some investigation.  But first, let’s see what we’ve traditionally had available for our holiday arbor traditions … traditionally spoken.

He of We has a couple of artificial trees to spread about his house.  One very large tree runs to the top of the high vaulted ceiling of its chosen room, another shorter one does its thing in the low ceilinged part of the house.  Neither would be mistaken for a live tree, with or without a pot, but they do their thing with gusto and when painstakingly decorated provide the necessary merriment for the season.  The big one looks fairly realistic and for the $300 original price tag it should.  He being frugal bought it after Christmas many years ago and dropped quite a bit less than $100 on it.  His diluted annual investment distributed over 15 years is about five tree dollars per tree year.  She of We has an artificial tree that looks more live than pretend, fills her bay window from top to bottom and side to side, and when decorated with her all glass ornaments looks like a million bucks although her diluted annual tree cost is about the same.

Last week the “live” tree lots around here opened and fresh cut trees (fresh is their word) run from $29 to $59 depending on variety and size.  You could also opt for one sold by one of the local volunteer fire companies and with delivery sometimes included, sometimes extra, but almost always available.  If you think more is better there are even mail order tree farms that will ship you a fresh cut (fresh is their word) for about twice what you would pay if you went to a local lot and strapped your selection to your own car/van/SUV/crossover roof.  Stick with the locals and your annual tree cost after agreeing to a live wreath and some live garland gets to about 85 tree dollars.

There are clearly no shortages of trees for the holidays whether boxed and pre-lit or chopped from somewhere around our neck of the woods for our neck of the woods.  You can even do your own chopping if you like.  Chopping comes at a premium starting at about $50 and then priced extra per foot for trees over 5 feet.  We hear it’s good exercise.  Wreaths, garland, door swags, cider, eggnog, and bandages are extra.

Now let’s get back to these potted living trees that give new meaning to the word live when associated with Christmas trees and December.  He did a quick search on the Internet and found said entrepreneur who is festooning California with potted plants for the holidays.  He also found several others.  Of course since they rely on local delivery and pick up if you aren’t fortunate enough to live in California or Oregon where the tree potters thrive, you’ll miss out on trying to keep a live tree living throughout the season.  Checking out the prices of these living trees he found them somewhere between those on the local lots and the new in the box.  An average price for an average tree seemed to be about $100 with about another $50 to get it to and from.  That clearly is the most expensive yearly outlay for your tree dollars but it’s your holiday bonus and you can spend it however you like.

So the question is no longer “Is It Live,” but “How Live Is It.”  It’s not a bad idea and there are probably more places around the country than just the few that made Internet history.  Now with three choices our warnings from years past still go.  Don‘t be a newscast waiting to happen.  Decorate safely, don’t overload your circuits, and may the only smoke anyone should see on Christmas Eve is that from the stump of the pipe held in Santa’s teeth while encircling his head just like a wreath.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

The Gift of Music

Michael Leave a comment

What do pumpkin cakes, ceramic penguins, dip dishes (with dip mixes in 2 flavors!), and holiday CDs have in common?  After tonight they will have all been party favors at our Christmas Eve dinner.

Christmas Eve is a special time for us.  It was the first holiday that we combined families at a formal gathering.  It was the first holiday that we lightened up a formal gathering.  And it’s probably the holiday that almost everybody most looks forward to.

Christmas Eve has also become a holiday that we never know exactly how many people will be with us.  Our core families will be there.  But there always is at least one extra couple and never invited by Either of We.  We don’t care.  There’s always room at the table.  But it makes those favors a bit interesting.  This year we decided on holiday music CDs.  You can’t beat a good Christmas Carol.  We have the gamut from Carol of the Bells to Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.  We’re planning on 10 at the table but we got 14 CDs because we’re never really sure.

A formal dinner for 14 might seem a bit extravagant to begin with.  Neither of We hit the rich mark in the ‘how well off are you’ scale.  We still manage to put together a traditional Italian feast of the seven fishes (for He of We’s side) and a traditional seafood themed American Christmas Eve (at She of We’s urging and to the great relief of many on He or We’s side).  With all that seafood, how do we manage to put together a dozen unique favors especially when they are favoring our guests with the gift of music, usually not an inexpensive offering.  He of We will take credit for that one.

We were out shopping and not even thinking of favors for Christmas Eve.  We had just finished up with Thanksgiving and were trying to shift ourselves from one holiday to another.  We ended up in one of our favorite, but not routinely visited stores.  It has literally everything.  Water heaters, garden flags, canned goods and canning goods.  Local sports teams doo-dads and needlework craft sets.  Hoses and hooks.  Books and — CDs.  While checking out the holiday themed flashlights He of We spotted a pair of spinner racks at the end of an aisle.  Thereupon sat hundreds of CDs.  All Christmas music, all the time.  And every one of them priced at one dollar.  One hundred cents, ten thin dimes, a buck a piece.  They had “favor” written all over them.

But (isn’t there always a but in a perfectly good favor find?), but, who gets what?  Who likes what?  We have a most eclectic Christmas Eve group.  We run the gamut from refined, retired ladies to a couple who met on an oil drilling rig.  Not to say that a well driller isn’t refined.  But there are probably differences in musical taste.  Do they get the CD with Mariah Carey, or the one with the studio group singing “Good King What’s His Name?”  And not only is the group eclectic.  So are the CDs.  Let’s face it, these are dollar CDs.  You aren’t getting the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for a dollar.  Well, actually, now, there were two of them that had selections sung by just that choir.  And some had Glen Campbell.  There were those with the London Symphony and there were those while listening you could Swing and Sway with Sammy Kaye.  Every case we turned we saw names we’d not imagine would see on a dollar CD.  Every couple of cases would actually bring out a little vocalization.  Yes, people did turn when She of We waved one she found with Liberace!  Most probably because she shouted, “Liberace!”

So we stood there, Each of We stationed at a spinner, sorting through the jewel cases like little kids picking out candy in the corner store.  Would this one work for She of We’s 28 year old son.  What about He of We’s cousin who grew up at the symphony.  Does anybody like country?  Does anybody like operatic?  Which semi-regular couple friend of a relative will show up this year?  Plan for both, we’ll never get another chance.  How could we resist?  It’s hard enough to be creative but to be creative on a budget is a million times harder.  To be creative for over a dozen people for less than a 20 dollar bill was a Christmas miracle.

Almost an hour later we were done.  Fourteen individual CDs plus a couple for our cars.  If you were to show up at our table this evening we’d probably have something to fit your taste.  You’d get something.  Everybody gets something.  It’s a rule.  And if you bring a lot of friends with you everybody will still get something.  We might run out of CDs but there are always the holiday crackers.  Maybe you’ll be the lucky one to sit through dinner wearing the paper hat.

Remember, everybody gets something.  It’s the rule!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

And if you order now…

Michael 2 Comments

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. No, you’re not having déjà vu. That is the way we opened our last blog. But, it really is the season for catalog shopping and today we bring you our long awaited annual holiday gift guide. You’ll recall a few posts ago we teased you with a couple early favorites – the rechargeable illuminated wrenches with stand for $79.95 and the home cellulite smoother kit at $1,500 plus shipping. (See Welcome to Black Cyber Month (Nov. 30, 2012.) Those are intriguing but don’t compare to last year’s pick, the Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speaker at the low, low price of $60,000 for the pair. (See Buy the Way, Dec. 1, 2011.) What will this year’s top catalog pick be?

None of our catalogs has anything close to the $60,000 price tag of that space saving yet concert hall replicating powerful gem of a speaker set. Perhaps retailers feel American shoppers are saving more than spending this year. Or else, since Neither of We ordered anything from them we weren’t graced with the Truly Extravagant line this year. For whatever reason, we have a more modest selection for you this year.

Perhaps you’ve lost your dog for the last time and you aren’t going to run all over the neighborhood trying to track the canine escapist. No need to. Let the satellites track your pooch while you check out the progress at your computer desk. Yes it’s a GPS tracking device for your dog. It’s a collar. It’s a transmitter. It’s water resistant (important for dogs in flight). It’s only $95 with the first three months of tracking service included. Try as we might, we just couldn’t find the regular price for the service after the first three months.

If you want to chase your runaway the old fashioned way but you live in Blizzardville, fear not. Snowshoes are just an order away. What? You can get snowshoes at the local snow shoe emporium, you say. Perhaps so but not in 8 designer colors and in family packs. Get the whole family out looking. A set of 4 for Mom, Dad, and 2 of the 2.3 children start at $470.

Just can’t stay out of touch? How about a watch for him or a bracelet for her that connects via Blue Tooth to your phone and vibrates whenever a call or text message is received. You can check out the display and nobody at your conference table will think you’re distracted by checking on your phone all the time. You may have to explain why you keep checking your watch instead. Starting at $109.99

All these might be terrific gifts for someone on your Nice List. Our favorite though, is the folding electric bicycle. Reaching speeds of up to 14 miles per hour and running for up to 2 hours on a single charge, it’s the perfect way to get away if you don’t want to get away too far. It’s your for only $5,000 plus $300 shipping.

We wonder if it comes assembled.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

We regret to inform you…

Michael Leave a comment

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. Whether on-line or a hard-copy catalog, people are still looking at colorful pictures, picturing loved ones in those colors, and sending off credit card numbers and waiting for packages on the porch to be there to greet them every day after work. Neither of We is any different.

Sometimes the operation is as smooth as we just described it. Every now and then an e-mail pops up that says, ‘Sorry, we regret to inform you that something bad happened and you won’t get your gift until May’ dashing hopes of holiday cheer and now wondering what to get Uncle Ed. She of We had just such an e-mail a bit ago. Well, actually, no, she didn’t. She got an e-mail not at all like that. This is what she got.

Unfortunately, we have to inform you of an error the fulfillment warehouse made which resulted in your order not shipping. Nope. Nada. None. It had not shipped as of yesterday. We are so sorry for this error!

We have confirmed that the warehouse has now fixed the error and your order will be en-route to you as of Monday 12/7 if it is not already.

Of course, the big question is: Will it arrive by Christmas? YES – you will receive it in time!

Don’t you just love it? ‘Dear customer, we made a mistake and you weren’t getting anything but we fixed it and now you will get it. And on time.’ No blaming the slowness of the mail. No blaming the foibles of electronic transmissions. No blaming volume or “this unanticipated popularity of our items.” Nope. We messed up, we fixed it, it’s on its way. And with cheerful punctuation!

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. And ‘tis the season for occasional disappointment. We think it’s good that somebody out there takes a light-hearted approach at their job. Why be so serious? Especially when it comes to punctuation!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?