Tag Christmas

It’s Beginning To…

Michael 4 Comments

I was out shopping yesterday. Shopping is probably overstating it. I went out to pick up a prescription so it wasn’t like I was planning a spree complete with breakfast out, a break somewhere around mid-day, and tea and scones before wrapping things up and heading home with my packages. My plan was to pour the rest of the morning coffee into a travel mug, shoot down the road to the pharmacy while sucking down the leftover sludge, run past the drive up window to retrieve aforementioned prescription, then head for home where fresh, follow up coffee should be ready for the next cup.

That was the plan. And it would have worked if there hadn’t been a 3 car line in the drive through. Blame it on the rain. So I pulled into one of the every spot open in the lot spots, reinforced myself with an extra glug of caffeinated dregs, and headed inside.

I could have still stayed close to my original plan and been home before the car heater had a chance to actually heat except for the aisle that I had to walk through to get to the prescription counter. The seasonal merchandise. And the season of the hour is …… Christmas.

I can’t help it but I am a Christmas Junk Junky. If it sparkles, I will stare at it. If it blinks and flashes, my eyes will follow it. And if it has a “Try Me!” button, I’ll try it. It doesn’t matter if it’s a multicolor LED light set, a winter scene in motion snow globe, or a plush flamingo singing “Santa Baby.”

SantaBabyI must have bought the last one of those 6 or 7 years ago because I haven’t seen one since. Yes, I’m the one who’s one aisle over pushing all the buttons and laughing like I’ve just seen A Charlie Brown Christmas for the first time. (That reminds me, It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown will be on ABC this Sunday at 8.) (In case you were wondering.)

I know, for the last 6 years I’ve harped on how stores rush every season, unveiling this Christmas’s hottest toy before last Easter’s leftover remote control hopping bunny can make it to the clearance bin, but all is forgiven (temporarily) while I read the cards’ inside inscriptions or check out the dancing Santa and elves. If Christmas brings out the kid in us, it does doubly so on me. In me?

Then I realized I hadn’t even bought Halloween candy and came to my senses. As long as I was inside the store I picked up a little supply of candy for next week’s treats. I rarely get trick or treaters where I am but just in case I wanted to have something on hand. Besides, the Halloween stuff is such a great size for when you want just a bite. But it will never beat red and green M&M candies in a motorized nutcracker dispenser. Um, yeah. I got one of those, too.

 

Once Upon a Time They Lived Happily Ever After

Michael 2 Comments

Ahhh. Valentine’s Day is here. Called the most romantic day of the year, around six million Americans will become engaged tomorrow. But that won’t be the biggest day of the year for that. That distinction belongs to Christmas. Christmas and Christmas Eve actually. It depends on which day you unwrap your presents. Since there is not a Valentine’s Eve to spread the festivities over, either you’re going to be romantic on the 14th or you wait till Easter and work a ring into an egg I suppose.

snowpeopleIt’s fitting that Christmas and Valentine’s share people’s affection for romance, or at least for a desire to formally get together. Both celebrations focus on love. Unfortunately, when you don’t have a focus for your love on Valentine’s Day you probably notice it more.

As a guy, I know about losing your focus. We do it with alarming regularity. No offense to the gay community but if it wasn’t for men screwing up relationships with women, the romantic comedy movie genre would be a wasteland. It’s the perfect formula – boy meets girl, boy does something incredibly stupid, boy loses girl, boy apologizes, girl gives boy second chance, boy and girl live happily ever after or until the sequel whichever comes first. Art mimics life. Actually, that’s not the formula. Usually it’s boy does something credibly stupid. The incredible part is how often girl gives boy that second chance.

Another somewhat ominous tie between Christmas and Valentine’s is the anti-romance factor. January is the most popular month for divorce filings. Apparently those Christmas/New Year’s/Holiday parties are the perfect settings for boy does something credibly stupid and girl doesn’t fancy that second chance. But the power of Valentine’s Day shows itself in that a good chunk of those filings are withdrawn by the end of February. And the better part of those reconciliations never end up at the Clerk of Courts office again. Perhaps the mid-February apology is stronger than the end of December transgression.

No other time of the year displays as great a forgiveness factor than the Valentine season.heart So my advice to any guys reading this (and that includes any guys whose girls have not so surreptitiously passed this under their noses), is don’t wait for the boy does something stupid step and move right to boy apologizes. Heavens know we’ve done something stupid whether girl noticed it or not. If you really have any desire to move onto boy and girl live happily ever after, don’t take any chances. Make love, not excuses.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Cloudy With a Good Chance

Michael 1 Comment

It’s just a couple days to Christmas and that means children and romantics are asking will there be a White Christmas this year. Today’s weather people can pretty much tell you within one or two percentage points if it will or if it won’t wherever you are. It wasn’t always that way.

I remember many years ago there weren’t weather forecasts on the evening news. There were weather reports. TIROS I became the first weather satellite to watch over the Earth’s climate conditions when it was launched in 1960. Before that the weather segment was what happened, not what to expect. Probably the only weather men willing to take a risk and “predict” tomorrow’s weather were those in San Diego, or perhaps Phoenix, where you could say it’s going to be warm and sunny and get it right almost every day. Where I grew up the weathermen spoke of today’s weather in the East being pretty much what yesterday’s weather was in the MidWest. And if one wasn’t sure, it never hurt to predict “partly cloudy.”

One December back then we were closing in on Christmas Day and it looked like the only White Christmas we were going to see was the movie of the week special presentation. It was all but confirmed when the reigning weather champ said out loud, on TV, for all the world (or at least the local metro area), the next few days before the the holiday would be at best – “partly cloudy.”

I believe that was two days before Christmas and we kids sighed our sighs that even if we got new sleds (which we never did, now that I think about it), we’d not be racing downhill on them. So off to bed we went. And we woke up the following morning to about 6 inches of fresh fallen snow! Woohoo!! (Or Yippee!! as we would have said back then.)

Later that day on the local evening newscast the regular anchorman introduced a fill-in weatherman for the evening weather report. “And tonight we have John Smith filling in at the weather desk. Joe couldn’t make it in today. He’s still at home shoveling the partly cloudy off his driveway.”

So for all of you wishing for a White Christmas this weekend, I wish for you as much partly cloudy as your driveways can hold. Yippee!! in advance.

That’s what I think. Really. How ’bout you.

‘Twas the Day Before Christmas

Michael Leave a comment

It’s here, Christmas Eve. Why is it that to kids Christmas seems to take forever to get here but to adults Christmas is here before we know it? For both groups, Christmas is pretty much on the horizon.

There’s actually a third group. It seems the older I get, Christmas is getting to taking longer to get here again. Years ago there was a whole house to decorate, a tree in every room (yes, even THAT one), lights across the roofline, in the trees and stretched along the drive, wreaths in every window and a big one on the front of the house, toys to assemble, and gifts to wrap. And then there was the cooking and baking. No wonder Christmas was so soon upon me.

Then, little by little, light by light, cookie by cookie, things started to quiet down. Without recounting every step along the way, I’ve made it to this Christmas with three trees, two wreaths, and a partridge in a pea……..um, and one table centerpiece. (I still have all 34 nativities out but that’s the cross that I bear.) There are only a handful of presents to wrap and none of them require assembly. Baking cookies is now in my daughter‘s domain. Thus I am left with more time to enjoy Christmas movies and music, to actually see the lights out on the horizon, and to just plain anticipate the big event.

And that event is pretty special.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Thinking Zebras -or- The Great Annual Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide 2015 Edition

Michael Leave a comment

Here it is, what you’ve been waiting for, the annual, official, one of a kind, nothing else like it, here for this year, the great, the yearly, the Christmas catalog shopping guide for 2015. Whew!

I’m going to have to consider changing the name of the Guide. Catalogs, although still a favorite reader for keeping on the coffee table for use during hockey intermissions, are going the way of corded telephones and VCRs. They are being usurped by their e-mail brethren and show up not once or twice a season but once or twice a day. Yet the over-riding intent is the same, to tempt you into buying the stuff that you have absolutely no idea they even made.

You don’t need me to guide you to radio controlled fishing boats, inflatable radio controlled minions, or sound activated dancing water portable speakers. No, the guide this year returns to the land of excess.

What can be more excessive than a replica Stanley Cup popcorn maker for a mere $99.99 (the popcorn maker is real, it’s the Stanley Cup that is the replica)? How about a motorized, rideable drinks cooler for a mere-er $999.95. You say you want something more sophisticated than hockey and beer? There is always the world’s largest Scrabble game. At over 7 feet by 8 feet this game will keep you on your toes – while reaching to spell a word. It can be under your tree for only $12,000, shipping extra.

The 2011 Guide featured what was then the most expensive item to appear in a catalog that appeared in my mailbox. That was the Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speakers at an amazingly unrealistic $60,000.  Why I would get a catalog with items priced at more than I paid for my last 3 cars combined I don’t know. For some reason, I continue to get mail from that company. This year, we top that by better than half. The new official most expensive item in a holiday gift guide that was sent to me (still, why?) is at $185,000 a game. They call it a simulator but it’s an arcade game for your home, a race simulator mimicking 12 different types of race cars on a variety of track and conditions. Plan on having a 6 x 8 foot space cleared out in the family room for this gem.  You should know this “car” has manual transmission. You might want to buy a beater at the local used car lot to practice your shifting if you haven’t been in a stick lately.

About the title. If spending 30-some years working in the medical field taught me anything it was never discount the obvious. We, and probably many other professions, had a saying. When you hear hooves, think horses not zebras. One of the first holiday mailings I received this year proudly displayed this year’s hottest gift for your most precocious toddler. You know, the one for whom an ordinary rocking horse just won’t do. For that little tyke, the gift (that would be THE gift) is the hand carved rocking zebra. A steal at $9,000.

It’s Christmas. Discount the obvious.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Want to see past Christmas Catalog Gift Guides?
2014 – The Great Annual Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide
2012 – And If You Order Now
2011 – Buy the Way

 

Does this sweater make me look fat?

Michael Leave a comment

You have one more week to plan for it. National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day is next Friday, December 18. Those of you in a different nation do not fret. Even though titled “National,” the Ugly Christmas Sweater Day event is celebrated the third Friday of December worldwide.

Celebrate is certainly appropriate. Only in its fifth official unofficial year it has sparked a national 5K run benefitting Save the Children and a once a year excuse to wear something comfortable to work.

I think it’s your basic tons of fun (or kilograms of cool for those metrically inclined). But this is from someone who used to wear a tux, top hat, and groundhog lapel plush to work every February 2. Wearing a brightly (and sometimes lighted) pullover to work is almost conservative dress.

What I don’t understand is why we insist on calling it an “Ugly Christmas Sweater?” They may be loudly colored, gaudily patterned, and outrageously unflattering but that doesn’t make them ugly. Indeed, ugly and Christmas are two words that just don’t go together.

Not at all. Not at all indeed.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Brown is the New Gold

Michael Leave a comment

NOTE: My apologies. Obviously those of you who like brownies know that National Brownie Day is December 8, not the generic “tomorrow” stated here. This wasn’t supposed to be released until Monday, Dec. 7. (It hadn’t even been proofed don’t you know!) Even in the best of worlds, things get screwed up and I’m hardly the best in this world – or any other even. Anyway, During this time we all get way too much in our e-mails so to give you who follow the RRSB at least a little break, I’ve held back what should have been posted today until Monday, and here today is the final (and finally proof-read) version of Brown is the New Gold. And it’s only 4 days early – but you don’t need me to tell you that! Have a great weekend.

——————–

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who like brownies and somebody else somewhere.

Pity poor Gingerbread Man. This close to Christmas, Mr. Man’s main season, and he has to follow National Brownie Day. That’s right, tomorrow is National Brownie Day but since you’re one of those who like brownies, you don’t need me to tell you that.

I don’t think anybody really knows exactly who started baking brownies. There is that cute story about the wife of the guy who owned the Palmer House in Chicago (that would be Mrs. Palmer the wife of Mr. Palmer who owned the Palmer House in Chicago) who needed a unique dessert for a women’s group (that would be Mrs. Palmer) so he (Mr. Palmer) asked the Palmer House chef to make something unique. Just like that. And just like that he did. But that was like in 1902 and there seemed to be recipes floating around for brownies since 1894 but you don’t need me to tell you that.

Of course, those early, early brownies were more like today’s blondies which had and still have no chocolate so how can they be brownies even though they use brown sugar or maybe back then molasses which is how you make brown sugar and that could be the origin of the name brownie but you don’t need me to tell you that.

The first recipes for brownies with chocolate seemed to show up sometime between 1899 and 1904 which put Mrs. Palmer’s unique dessert right in the middle of it all but of course, as one of those who do rather than the one somebody else, you don’t need me to tell you that. (Did you ever notice that even though unique is a dandy Scrabble word you never get the other tiles you need when you draw the Q?) (But I digress.)

I think that brownies are probably the universal dessert because you can make them however you like – chewy, cakey, with nuts, without nuts, with powdered sugar, with chocolate icing, with nothing at all, with whatever strikes your fancy. Or your plain. But then, you don’t need me to tell you that.

But I’ll tell you this, it doesn’t get any better than that. Happy Brownie Day!

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Merry Christmas – Literally

Michael Leave a comment

Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good start for
a healthy, happy new year!

Buon Natale

Frohe Weihnachten

Veselé Vánoce

Joyeux Noël

Nollaig Shona

Priecīgus Ziemassvētkus

Feliz Navidad

Hyvää Joulua

Boldog Karácsonyt

Feliz Natal

Nadolig Llawen

Mutlu Noeller

Geseënde Kersfees

Selamat Hari Natal

Linksmų Kalėdų

Gëzuar Krishtlindjet

Sretan Božić

Glædelig jul

Maligayang Pasko

Häid jõule

Wesołych Świąt

Καλά Χριστούγεννα

Lorem Nativitatis

 

Merry Christmas!

 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

The Last Minute – A Special Piece of Real Reality

Michael Leave a comment

Regular readers know that Real Reality strikes on Mondays and Thursdays.  If you didn’t know that it doesn’t make you irregular.  You just have to read more often.  And/or more regularly.  Anyway, for this to show up on a Wednesday you know it must be something special.  Well, tomorrow is something special so that could make today special too.  It certainly makes today down to the wire.  (No race track analogies in 2015.  Three in a row are plenty for any couple of years!)

Regular readers also know that in Realityville, Christmas Eve is not a shopping day.  Christmas Eve has enough of its own tasks and charges.  You have had plenty of shopping days going back to Black Friday Eve (aka Thanksgiving).  Ask any major retailer.  If you’re not done by now you are on your own.  But don’t bother asking any major retailer.  They lie.

Back to Christmas Eve.  Don’t you have more Christmassy things to do today than shopping anyway?

There are Christmas Eve dinners to attend to.  Is the most recognizable Christmas Eve dinner the Feast of the Seven Fishes?  Perhaps so.  An Italian tradition on a day that Italian Catholics abstain from meat, this vigil meal will be served in many households.  In Eastern Europe, many cultures add a couple more meatless dishes to their Christmas Eve dinner to make nine or eleven choices.  Russians prepare twelve selections of fish and grains.  In Germany and Austria, Christmas Eve may be spent preparing carp, potatoes, and salads for dinner after sundown.

You’re not a big eater you say?  Then you’ll probably spend today wrapping all the presents you carefully selected and bought with plenty of time to get under the tree before Christmas.  Did you know that, television families with piles of beautifully wrapped presents under their trees weeks before the big day excepted, most holiday wrapping happens on Christmas Eve.  Much of the gifts planned for destinations outside the home if not wrapped sometime on Christmas Eve, usually during cooking breaks, are wrapped the day before and sometimes the day of the planned giving.

If you happen to be reading this in Sweden you aren’t wrapping your gifts today.  You’ll be unwrapping them since the day you exchange Christmas presents is today!  That would be in Sweden and many other countries where the wrapping happened yesterday in anticipation of exchanging them on Christmas Eve.

In Australia where it’s nice and warm today, many people will be out caroling this evening.  While singing they will light candles together hoping for a clear night that their light can join the stars.

And if your wrapping and cooking and eating and singing all get done early and you are still looking for something to do besides more shopping, today would be a good day to thank God for getting us all through another year.

Merry Christmas.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Just About the Last Minute

Michael Leave a comment

 

It’s down to 3 (three!), 2 (two!), 1 (one!), Merry Christmas (!) and we are at the clubhouse turn.

The clubhouse is pretty appropriate here.  This year’s Real Reality of Christmas season started with “Let’s Go Clubbing” (Nov. 17, 2014).  In that post there is the outrageous suggestion that this year everyone would be consumed with cooking, baking, and decorating.  And that seemed to be a pretty fair estimate of outrageousness just as it is most every year, at least around here.  One thing it didn’t seem to be was all consumed with shopping.

Shopping was quite tempered this year from the lack of catalogs (see “The Great Annual Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide,” Dec. 15, 2014) to the lack of fellow shoppers (see “Next to the Last Minute,” Dec. 18, 2014).  We’re wondering might that be due to the lack of stuff.  It seems that every year there is more and more stuff that you only see at the holidays.  Advertisements bear this out.

Think about what you have seen recently on your television.  If it weren’t for the commercial air time between Thanksgiving and Christmas you would think nobody ever drinks liquor, sparkling wine, or pomegranate juice.  If not for those four or five weeks (and the week before Mother’s Day) jewelry stores would close.   Women’s fragrances, perfumes, and colognes appear not to be bottled except for this time of year (and that week in May).  Men’s fragrances are not even bottled this one time each year but they are dusted off and shipped to the stores who agree to build even bigger displays of the always more lucrative woman half of the couple version which are bought by the gift-clueless man half of the couple.  If the Christmas season did not exist, neither would DVD versions of “classic” movies and television shows.  And do we even have to mention Chia Pets?

In some cases it is not just the product that only appears at the end of all years.  Sometimes there are entire stores, even entire categories of stores that only show themselves during the Yule season.  In addition to the already noted jewelers, fitness equipment makers (infomercials excepted) and fitness centers, kitchen gadget specialists, and book sellers rarely make themselves known other than during this holiday period.

With all the extra time bought up by these specialties you would think that the routine advertisers might be a bit miffed.  They are, after all, missing out on a lot of chances to push their products.  Don’t worry about them.  As the number of Christmas movies and specials increase, even though there might be fewer numbers of ads for the commercial staples, the interaction between seller and sucker – err, customer – remains at least the same, if not better.  With some well-timed offerings and a new catchy jingle or two those companies will somehow manage to stay in front of the buying public until at least the Super Bowl.  There will always be enough people buying cars, beer, soup, and cell phones.

And do we even have to mention Chia Pets?

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.