Tag Christmas

Being Glitterati

Michael 2 Comments

The dozen or so Christmas cards I’ve gotten so far are bad for my health. All but one of them is glittery. Glitter. I still shudder at glitter. (You do remember that glitter is even stronger than loofah, don’t you?)

I’m sorry, I just don’t like glitter. I willingly accept it has its places- the inside of a snow globe, the Barbie section at whatever theme park owns her rights (its rights?), strip clubs – and glitter isn’t the only reason I try to avoid those places, but it certainly doesn’t enhance them for me.

What’s become majorly disconcerting is now either due to age (apologies to optimists the world over, but no, it’s not just a number, 7 is just a number), health, or drug to maintain health, it’s not unusual for me to experience a fine tremor in my hands. Do you know what happens to a glitter gilded card when the cover of the card in all its glittery glory is scraped against the inside of the envelope while being withdrawn in a motion usually used with very fine sandpaper?

My usual mail opening spot is at the dining room table and with my newly lost manual stability my dining room table is now the perfect spot for a 21st century disco opening, for very tiny dancers.

Glitter.pngI’m not sure how I became a glitter magnet but I am. I can’t even drive past a Pat Catan’s or Michael’s without the stuff flying off the shelves, out to parking lot, through the car vent, and forever attached to me. It won’t wipe off, rub off, wash off, or as previously noted loofah off. Typically it wears off  8 to 12 weeks after bonding, so as long as I can stay out of glitter’s way on New Year’s Eve and Ground Hog Day I should be glitter free by St. Patrick’s Day and just in time for green glittered shamrock headbands.

The FDA recently issued a glitter alert. Don’t eat non-edible glitter. That’s pretty obvious yet apparently enough people eat non-edible glitter to warrant a warning. And those are people who have choices. I’m sure Hallmark isn’t using edible glitter on its greetings. I’m being glitter dusted across my eating space and not even given a choice!

So if you care for my health, when you slip my card into its envelope please scrape off the glitter. I’ll still recognize you for your sparkling addition to my holiday mood.

Don’t Wait for the Movie

Michael 2 Comments

The people at My Recipes put out their Christmas Cookie Christmas Movie pairings this week. The question why do we need to pair things notwithstanding, nor the other question why are these mostly just different shapes of sugar cookies neitherwithstanding, we really need to address, like as in once and for all dammit, is “Die Hard” a Christmas movie? Let me say, I like Die Hard. I even like its four sequels (and there aren’t a lot of people who can say that). But “Die Hard” is no more a Christmas movie even though it takes place on Christmas Eve yet was released in July, any more than “Die Hard 2” is a Christmas movie even though it also takes place on Christmas Eve yet also was released in July. Why doesn’t anybody ever argue to include “Die Hard 2” in the Christmas movie debate? You actually get more of a sense of at least winter in “Die Hard 2” than in “Die Hard” but it just hangs out there with all the other movies set at Christmas time that nobody willy-nilly-y sticks in the Christmas movie category.

For instance, when did you last hear an argument for including “The Poseidon Adventure” among Christmas movies. At least on the boat they made use of the Christmas tree. Technically “The Poseidon Adventure” and its sequel “Beyond the Poseidon Adventure” were set on New Year’s Eve and Day, but still. A Christmas Tree. As a ladder. Really. Now that’s Christmas don’t you think?

“Three Days of the Condor” didn’t have anybody climbing a Christmas tree but Good King Wenceslas and Silver Bells are unmistakable on the soundtrack. Like “Die Hard 2” it is clearly cold and snowy out there and wherever Robert Redford and Faye Dunaway go, Christmas decor is in full swing. The movie is based on the novel “Six Days of the Condor.” Nobody ever explained where those other three days went but I bet you’ll find them in somebody’s stocking hanging by the chimney with care.

The Oscar winning “The Apartment” starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine is so filled with Christmas images there is even a scene with people decorating their Christmas tree. So what if the plot has nothing to do with the holiday. By the “Die Hard” measuring stick, “The Apartment” decks the halls more than many modern “real” Christmas movies. If you haven’t seen this classic give yourself an early Christmas present or late Hanukkah present or whatever present getting holiday you celebrate and put a copy of this movie on your TV screen now! Spoiler alert, nobody is going to mistake Jack Lemmon’s bosses for the Wise Men.

And how can we leave “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” out of the discussion. George Lazemby’s only portrayal of the venerable Bond, James Bond portrayed him in pre-Christmas Switzerland rescuing the world from biological weapons released by 12 unsuspecting women who go home for the holiday from the villain Ernst Stavros Blofeld’s allergy treating institute. And yet nobody considers that a Christmas movie. Tsk, tsk!

GManOn the other side of the ledger, “You’ve Got Mail” and its grandmovie inspiration “The Shop Around the Corner” are probably the most Christmas centric movies that never get credit for being Christmas movies. The story of two people who cannot stand each other’s’ physical beings but are head over heels over the inner selves they anonymously reveal in letters between pen pals (in 1940) and by email (when we get to 1998) culminates on Christmas Eve with each pair expressing their love for the people they really are, not the people they thought they knew. That’s the spirit Christmas.

Proof several times over that just taking place in late December is not enough to propel a movie into the ranks of Christmas fare. Maybe if we culled the chaff we can get some movies that really do capture the spirit of Christmas back in the theaters this time of the year.

For the record, My Recipes paired “Die Hard” with Snickerdoodles. Apparently we’re going to have to begin the discussion what constitutes a Christmas cookie.

 

 

Yes, Virginia

Michael 8 Comments

Santa Claus exists. In movies, books, cartoons, traditions, stuffed stockings, and the hearts and minds of children of all ages. Whether known as Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, Babbo Natale, Father Christmas, Father Frost, or one of many other names, he is going to visit kids sometime soon. Just ask Virginia. The only problem with Santa is that there is always some spoil sport claiming there isn’t any proof that he exists. He’s just a story. Nobody gives away something for nothing. Blah, blah, blah.

So maybe Santa does have a teeny identity problem. Or maybe not. Maybe the doubters can poke holes in Santa’s existence but not so with Jolly Old St. Nick.

Jolly old St. Nick really was jolly, really was old, and really was real. Nicholas was born March 15, 270 A.D. in the Lycia province, part of present day Turkey. His parents died in an epidemic when he was young and he was raised by his uncle who was a monk at a local abbey.

StNickAlthough the beneficiary of his parents’ significant wealth, Nicolas was raised simply at the monastery and eventually was ordained a priest and distributed his wealth among the poor. After many years in the Holy Land he returned to Lycia and was consecrated Bishop of Myra.

There have been many stories of his generosity but one of particular interest involves a poor man and his three daughters. The man had no money for dowries for his daughters and without them he feared the girls would remain unmarried and be forced to work as prostitutes to support themselves. Nicholas threw a bag of gold into the man’s window as the oldest daughter came of age and again as each of the other two did likewise. And so began the tradition of St. Nick secretly giving gifts to children.

Nicholas died a martyr on December 6, 343 and his feast day begins the Days of Giving. One particularly old custom was that children could receive gifts anytime from December 6, the Feast of St. Nicholas to January 6, the Feast of the Epiphany.

So yes Virginia, there is a St. Nicholas. If you’d like to celebrate in style, give something to someone every day for the next 30 days. You might run out of bags of gold but just a golden word or friendly gesture will do.

Wishing you the blessings of St. Nicholas today and always.

 

  • Nicholas Icon by Jaroslav Čermák (1831-1878) via WikiCommons

Day In and Day Out

Michael 3 Comments

Yesterday was a glorious day in my neck of the woods. Sunny and warm, with temperatures in the mid 60s. Very April-like which was a relief from the February-ish November we just escaped. If you didn’t know better (unless you live in south Florida) you’d not know there were only 23 days until Christmas.

SantaWhen I was a kid we always knew how long till Christmas. That goes with childhood. You could have asked any random 9 year old on May 6 how long till Christmas and without hesitation would have gotten “only 233 days!” in reply. Parents got a little extra help. Beginning the day after Thanksgiving the morning paper posted a happy Santa holding his nice or naughty list proclaiming “20 Shopping Days Until Christmas!” That’s what yesterday’s paper would have printed. Yes, back then there was a difference between days until Christmas and shopping days ‘til Christmas.

This isn’t a post about how great things were in those good old days. I just want to point out that back then the stores weren’t open on Sunday and on Christmas Eve it wasn’t unusual for many to close before dinner time so the employees could be home with their families. Not every day was a shopping day. Of course today the stores can be closed and still shopping gets done through the magic of on-line retailers and electronic charging or cash transfers. Still those places with real doors will be opening them every day until Christmas.

Except …

Not everything is open on Sunday. And I don’t mean the post office. You can receive and they do deliver mail on Sunday. No, I mean banks. Banks, those financial institutions that try very hard in their ads to convince us that they are just ordinary people like the rest of us mere mortals working to make our money work hard for us. Uh huh.

Over the years they’ve made it handy enough for us to do most banking without their input. Automated teller machines have been around for years along with on line money transfers and automated recurring payments. Just like you would expect in the 21st century. Then why in a day when a merchant can determine whether you have enough in your checking account to cover that new OLED TV with your debit card even if it is 2:00 on a Sunday afternoon, and manage to reduce your balance by the price of that TV (plus tax and extended warranty) they still make you wait three days with you make a deposit “for the check to clear.” And why do they never tell you what they are doing with that money in the interim. It seems like they don’t have to long for the good old days. They never left them.

Back to shopping though. With now just 22 days till Christmas (and if I recall last year some retailers were actually guaranteeing same day delivery of select items ordered by noon on Christmas day making it now 23 shopping days till Christmas) I better get myself in gear. I have a lot of preparations to make. No, not a lot of shopping to do. I don’t do much shopping for Christmas. I’ll still put together a small stocking for my daughter (after 29 years the Santa fantasy is now more mine than hers), but otherwise the gifts to and from the rest of the family are our love and company.

The preparations I have to make are keeping my recycle bin empty for the daily onslaught of printed “gift guides” and my “Delete Finger” limber for elimination of the electronic version of those same and similar guides from my email inbox. Has anybody noticed those gift guides all seem to bear recommendations for anybody on your Christmas list with gifts from the same store? Who would have thought your 96 year old aunt and your 7 month old great nephew can be satisfied in a single trip to the same hunting and camping emporium. And no I am not receiving that email because I requested it. I never heard of you before and where is the “click here to unsubscribe” line?

One thing I don’t have to prepare for is an unusually warm Christmas. In fact we get back to December weather later today with falling temperatures and snow by morning. For those of you living in south Florida that’s the white stuff Frosty is made of.

99

Michael 7 Comments

99.4% pure

99 bottles of beer on the wall

99 luftballons

99 parts perspiration

99 days until Christmas

SantaFrankYikes! Only 99 days until Christmas! That must explain why I’m starting to see Christmas displays and decorations for sale in the stores. They don’t have themselves decorated yet. Halloween is the theme for their own decor but there are indeed in store Christmas displays started to crop up. I went to At Home last week and walked by close to a hundred artificial trees just inside the main entrance.

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve tried (often failed but tried) to adhere to the adage “proper planning prevents poor performance” but I don’t think the first space shot took three months of preparation. Ok, that’s probably not true but still.

Since the world is giving us three months to prepare for Christmas (or whatever winter holiday you want to celebrate, I’m picking Christmas), here are 99 suggested activities. One for each day.

 

  1. Tell someone you love them
  2. Tell someone you love who you haven’t talked to for a while that you love them
  3. Read something you know will make you smile
  4. Watch a movie
  5. Give blood or give a donation to your local blood bank
  6. Listen to a song you used to sing along to
  7. Send somebody a card or letter – a real one, not one with an “e” in front
  8. Hug a friend
  9. Buy flowers for yourself
  10. Offer to help
  11. Take a walk
  12. Read something you know will make you cry
  13. Update your emergency contact information
  14. Splurge on yourself
  15. Pet a dog
  16. Watch a cartoon
  17. Call a friend (Don’t text!)
  18. Do something without thinking
  19. Apologize for what you did yesterday
  20. Straighten your sock drawer
  21. Meditate
  22. Hold a door open
  23. See the dentist! At least make an appointment
  24. Try something healthy
  25. Eat a cookie
  26. Try something new
  27. Retry something old
  28. Have a waffle
  29. Go to a museum
  30. Sing along to a song you used to listen to.
  31. Leave a penny
  32. Call a relative
  33. Play with a child’s toy
  34. Draw a picture
  35. Play solitaire
  36. Exercise until you like it
  37. Watch an old movie
  38. Change (or make) your email signature
  39. Read a short story
  40. Sing a song a capella
  41. Laugh for no reason
  42. Make up a knock knock joke
  43. Be nice to someone you don’t agree with
  44. Eat an apple
  45. Eat candy
  46. Unplug
  47. Talk with an accent
  48. Sleep late
  49. Put together a jigsaw puzzle
  50. Take a ride for no reason
  51. Pet a cat
  52. Hug a friend again
  53. Recycle
  54. Give something away
  55. Change the batteries in your smoke detectors
  56. Whistle a happy tune
  57. Pickle something
  58. Be bold
  59. Be careful
  60. Admit fault
  61. Talk to others nicely
  62. Tell a story
  63. Invite a friend over
  64. Talk to yourself nicely
  65. Let someone go in front of you
  66. Don’t be late!
  67. Take a chance
  68. Buy a chance
  69. Yell out loud
  70. Say something nice
  71. Give thanks
  72. Buy something you don’t need
  73. Put on a happy face
  74. Take a selfie
  75. Organize the spice cabinet
  76. Go to bed early
  77. Offer to help
  78. Have a brownie
  79. Donate something you haven’t used yet this year
  80. Smile
  81. Agree – respectfully ChristmasTree
  82. Look at old pictures
  83. Work it out
  84. Be silly
  85. Clear your mind
  86. Ask for help
  87. Disagree – respectfully
  88. Wear plaid
  89. Write a review
  90. Clean the mirrors
  91. Clean the refrigerator
  92. Tell someone a secret
  93. Learn three new words
  94. Draw something
  95. Wave to the neighbors
  96. Welcome an old friend
  97. Plan next year’s resolution(s)
  98. Take responsibility
  99. Say a prayer

 

Merry Christmas. Eventually.

What Faux Fall Flora Wrought

Michael 6 Comments

We are almost half way through September which means if you haven’t yet, you soon are going to be too late to buy any of the good Halloween decorations. I was thinking about this last weekend when I was taking stock of my meager faux fall flora for my coffee table and front door. I like fall. I like the colors. I like the calmness that seems to fall upon fall mornings. But except for fun size candy bars, I’m not so much into Halloween.

Apparently I didn’t get the memo. Last year Americans spent over $9 million on Halloween decorations. Right around 9,100,000 dollars according to The Balance e-zine. They went on to say that is because it’s an economical holiday and people “are willing to spend money on something if it provides a lot of value. Halloween does that.” I guess they didn’t see the $14 hairy spider at Big Lots. Or maybe they did and their idea of value is different from mine.

FauxFallFloraIf you crunch some numbers and divide this into that, that being how many people claim to celebrate Halloween with more than spiked cider and this being that 9 million figure, you come up with a spend of about $86 per person. I’ve spent that much on a nativity set and I have well over 50 of them. (Really. Some people are into hairy spiders, I’m into nativities. I have them, many complete with wise men, made of clothes pins, cheesecloth, corn husks, ceramic, glass, plastic, straw, bronze, wood (carved, sculpted, machine cut and assembled, hinged, and nested), bronze, stone, steel, marble, paper, wool and rubber, sawn from barn board, and cut out of paper.) It’s what I do for Christmas so I can’t say if you want to eighty-some bucks on Halloween you’re nuts. But if you’re planning on spending eighty-some bucks on Halloween, you’re nuts! Except for the little candy bars. Those are cool.

Anyway…just yesterday I was going through my email and I came across a headline “Ugly Halloween Sweaters Were Made For People Who Are Too Lazy to Dress Up.” Well, I couldn’t pass up that piece of bait and I clicked away. What I discovered is, like ugly Christmas sweaters, the ugly Halloween sweaters really aren’t. This is just my opinion but that opinion is that they are kind of cute. The other thing I discovered is that somebody’s going to have to revise that $86 per person spending estimate. Those sweaters go for about $40 per.

For myself, I’m sticking with the faux fall flora. Maybe I’ll spend my $86 on another manger scene this Christmas.

 

Why We Eat

Michael 8 Comments

It’s the time of year that posts are flying all over the Internet with main dish recipes and cookie recipes and appetizers that don’t require cooking recipes and make ahead dessert recipes and the world’s best ever side dishes recipes. I gain weight every day just opening my tablet.

Seriously, I am gaining weight every day. I know because I weigh myself every day. There might be a little vanity in there. After years of avoiding scales because my weight was approaching numbers usually reserved for poor credit scores it’s refreshing to step on a scale and see a number more closely associated with IQ test scores. (Not my IQ but I’m ok with that. The world needs average people too.) Anyway, I get on the scale every morning and I see a number just a little higher than the day before. Over the last week I’d say a couple of pounds higher.* And I know why.

It’s not because of all the cookie pictures Facebook. Although they certainly aren’t helping. I would go through this unexplained weight gain when I was working, specifically anytime I was about to go out on a business trip.

Regular readers with good memories and occasional readers who visited just the right posts know that back in a different day when I was working I worked for a national health care company. An extra duty as assigned was visiting other facilities to do operational reviews. Unlike McDonald’s or Wendy’s which have the same food from coast to coast, our hospitals did not share that familiarity. There were some pretty bad cafeterias in those places. So I think subconsciously when I knew I was going away I’d eat a lot. Why ever it was, I knew that whenever I was going somewhere I was going at least two pounds heavier than the week before.

So, if we are to believe that a) there are no coincidences, b) the past is a harbinger of the future, and c) I historically always use three examples, I am gaining that weight for a reason and it has nothing to do with water weight gain and/or Christmas cookies in the kitchen. I’m going on a trip! Now since I haven’t planned anything on my own and since neither my bank balance nor my credit score is sufficient to finance a trip much farther than 12 to 15 miles down the road**, somebody is giving me a vacation for Christmas!***

Boy I hope it’s somewhere where sun block is recommended.

*For those of you of the metric persuasion that “couple of pounds” would be about a kilogram if you subscribe that a pound is 2.2kg or 1kg=0.454lb. I used to know why the abbreviation for pound is “lb.” but I don’t remember right now and it’s not all that important anyway. Probably more important is if you are somewhere that requires me clarifying the relationship between pounds and kilograms, do you also require clarification of the American credit score (or debt score as some would insist)? If you do, well, there is no reasonable explanation but the lowest FICO score possible is 300. In the VantageScore system the lowest score is 501. See. No sense at all. Just like the lowest SAT score is 400 but the lowest PSAT is 320. Oh. What’s SAT? This is going to take another post. My weight approached the lowest FICO score, not the VantageScore.

**19 to 24 kilometers (We really need to universalize weights and measures.)

***Holiday (We really need to universalize English too.)

What Not To Buy

Michael 8 Comments

Country Living magazine recently published a list of the 29 gifts you do not want to give for Christmas. I’ll tell you up front that I disagree with 28 of them as well as the entire idea of the list.

First, why 29? That seems arbitrary. Who comes up with a Top Twenty-Nine of anything? We’re they just sitting around in the production office and tossing out things they don’t like getting while tossing back some double fortified eggnog? If you can’t be firm on a topic and declare “These are the 10 worst gifts ever!!!” why should you expect anyone to take the basket full of suggested “don’t do it” gifts with any seriousness?

NoGiftsBeyond the idea itself being of little value to normal people, the items they chose would actually make pretty wonderful gifts. Assuming you are gifting to those you care about enough to give thought and consideration to your gift giving, 28 of the 29 items could be tops on anybody’s wish list.

For example, they had to hop on the “let’s hate fruit cake bandwagon” and include the delicacy on their never ever give list. I personally like fruit cake. If you gave me a fruitcake you would go directly to top of my I Love You list. Just don’t give me one that was prepared 11 months ago in a factory that also puts out sparklers for the summer market. If you gave me a mass produced chocolate lava cake made more than 4 hours ago I would use that as a stop to prop open the front door while I threw you out on your ear. So stop knocking my decision to like fruitcake and start practicing that inclusion stuff you keep posting on Facebook!

Another item in their list of taboo tchotchkes is fitness equipment lest you send the message that your giftee is in need of some serious body work. If your friend or family member is an avid exerciser would he or she not appreciate that your share their enthusiasm for self-improvement? One of the best gifts I ever received was my fitness tracker. It provides daily encouragement to keep moving else I find myself behind a walker again. Interestingly, among their suggestions in lieu of exercise equipment is a pocket wine aerator. Now isn’t that just the perfect thing to gift to you closest drunk on the go?

I could go on 26 more times but you get the idea. Gift guides are fun because you can look at stuff out there you may never have thought of and know somebody who would be just right for this or that. But non-gift guides are just mean! They send the message that if you considered any of those items that you’re a lesser person. You know what those on your list like and appreciate. Don’t let somebody you don’t know tell you what your friends and family want!

Oh, what was the one thing on their list I would agree with being a less than thoughtful present? Toilet paper. Yep, toilet paper. Did that really have to be on a list at all? Then again, we are the culture that came up with pet rocks (still available!) and designer sweatpants (on sale now!!).

Remember, only 7 shopping days until Christmas. Happy Holidays!

(No, I don’t get any compensation from the pet rock people, Saks Fifth Avenue, designer anybody, lava cake bakeries, the Association for the Ethical Treatment of Fruitcake (EAT-Fruitcake), toilet paper, and Country Living magazine.) (Although I do subscribe to Country Living so if they want to gift me a couple years renewal I won’t argue.) (If they want to cancel me, I will argue.) (If you haven’t already figured it out, EAT-Fruitcake doesn’t really exist, at least as far as I know. That was supposed to be funny.) (Come on! I said supposed to.)

Games People Play

Michael 6 Comments

Christmas is coming. You can tell by the way TV commercials have taken their annual bend towards toys and games that most companies don’t spend money on during the year.

RaiseTheFunHasbro has taken a different approach to marketing some of their classic boxed games on their “Raise the Fun” commercial suggesting you add challenges to some of their games. I personally like the idea of Pillow Twister*. But of course that got me thinking, why stop there?

So, as I have said from time to time, since yes, I do have that kind of time, I came up with a few of my own combinations. (You should probably see ** about this next section.)

Remote Control Life: No, this game is not about telecommuting or “working from home.” It’s played like the regular Game of Life but instead of the little plastic cars you use remote control cars to navigate the game board. For bonus points you can raid the kids’ doll collections to replace the traditional stick figure-ish tokens.

Basketball Monopoly: Play progresses like regular monopoly but you can’t buy or build on any property until you successfully toss the deed through an indoor basketball hoop like you mount on the back of your office door at work. (I had thought of Real Money Monopoly but that would limit players to only movie stars and politicians, the only demographic groups that want you to believe they are just regular folk but are actually the only ones with enough money to pull off the game.)

Macaronic Scrabble: Each player constructs words in a different language.

Drone Strike Battleship: Upon completely identifying an opponent’s vessel it is sunk in an actual drone strike. WARNING: this game should be played only outdoors and with all warnings traditionally reserved for lawn darts.

Bubble Wrap Lawn Darts: Like Pillow Twister for the more adventurous set. See warning above.

Clay Pottionary:  Three dimensional Pictionary with Play-Doh.

Candy Candy Land: Candy Land with real goodies. Should not be played within 4 hours of bedtime.

Strip Mahjong: For the older crowd. Players identify a varicose vein that has been stripped each time tiles are removed from the board. (You weren’t expecting that, were you?)

* Hasbro did not pay me or anyone in my family or any close friends in cash or by other financial considerations. I just really like the idea of Pillow Twister. Being around when it was first released I have a special spot for the game. Maybe that was because I was a young teenager when Johnny Carson and Eva Gabor played it on the Tonight Show and, well….

** None of the owners of any these games paid me nothing neither. See if I ever mention them again!

Twister

Image via Global Toy News