Tag Catalogs

Thinking Zebras -or- The Great Annual Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide 2015 Edition

Michael Leave a comment

Here it is, what you’ve been waiting for, the annual, official, one of a kind, nothing else like it, here for this year, the great, the yearly, the Christmas catalog shopping guide for 2015. Whew!

I’m going to have to consider changing the name of the Guide. Catalogs, although still a favorite reader for keeping on the coffee table for use during hockey intermissions, are going the way of corded telephones and VCRs. They are being usurped by their e-mail brethren and show up not once or twice a season but once or twice a day. Yet the over-riding intent is the same, to tempt you into buying the stuff that you have absolutely no idea they even made.

You don’t need me to guide you to radio controlled fishing boats, inflatable radio controlled minions, or sound activated dancing water portable speakers. No, the guide this year returns to the land of excess.

What can be more excessive than a replica Stanley Cup popcorn maker for a mere $99.99 (the popcorn maker is real, it’s the Stanley Cup that is the replica)? How about a motorized, rideable drinks cooler for a mere-er $999.95. You say you want something more sophisticated than hockey and beer? There is always the world’s largest Scrabble game. At over 7 feet by 8 feet this game will keep you on your toes – while reaching to spell a word. It can be under your tree for only $12,000, shipping extra.

The 2011 Guide featured what was then the most expensive item to appear in a catalog that appeared in my mailbox. That was the Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speakers at an amazingly unrealistic $60,000.  Why I would get a catalog with items priced at more than I paid for my last 3 cars combined I don’t know. For some reason, I continue to get mail from that company. This year, we top that by better than half. The new official most expensive item in a holiday gift guide that was sent to me (still, why?) is at $185,000 a game. They call it a simulator but it’s an arcade game for your home, a race simulator mimicking 12 different types of race cars on a variety of track and conditions. Plan on having a 6 x 8 foot space cleared out in the family room for this gem.  You should know this “car” has manual transmission. You might want to buy a beater at the local used car lot to practice your shifting if you haven’t been in a stick lately.

About the title. If spending 30-some years working in the medical field taught me anything it was never discount the obvious. We, and probably many other professions, had a saying. When you hear hooves, think horses not zebras. One of the first holiday mailings I received this year proudly displayed this year’s hottest gift for your most precocious toddler. You know, the one for whom an ordinary rocking horse just won’t do. For that little tyke, the gift (that would be THE gift) is the hand carved rocking zebra. A steal at $9,000.

It’s Christmas. Discount the obvious.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Want to see past Christmas Catalog Gift Guides?
2014 – The Great Annual Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide
2012 – And If You Order Now
2011 – Buy the Way

 

The Great Annual Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide

Michael 2 Comments

Nine shopping days until Christmas.  Go ahead and count if you like, that’s all that’s left.  Nine days.  Remember, don’t count Christmas Eve as a shopping day, there are just too many other things going on then.  Even if you do count it, that’s not a lot of days left and they almost got by without the Official Annual Real Reality Show Blog Christmas Catalog Shopping Guide.  (Yeah, we missed last year but you can find 2012’s here: “And If You Order Now…” (Dec 17, 2012), and 2011’s here: “Buy The Way…” (Dec. 1, 2011).  If fact, you might want to pull them up as quick references.)

As close as it is to the big day, He’s mailbox has been a virtual dearth of Christmas catalogs.  An honest to gosh absence of some of the biggest names – and prices – of the holiday shopping season.  So scarce are they that it will be almost impossible to top the $500 snow shoes from years gone buy, err, by.  (Ok, so they were only $470.  That was two years ago.  With inflation they have to be $500 by now or they really aren’t from a decent designer.)  True, one can always go on line to find the highest in fashion – and prices – but that’s just not the same as good old fashioned catalog shopping in a good old fashioned recliner preferably while drinking a good old fashion.  So to make up for the lack of the high end “Hammacher Schlemmer” type mailings we will make do with this year’s newspaper insert from “Five Below,” that fabulous outlet where no item is priced more than $5.00.

So let’s start with those snow shoes.  You’ll recall from 2012 that our guide was very high on picking up a family set of these offered in eight designer colors for the low, low price of $470 for the complete ensemble.  Probably not appropriate for outdoors use, Five Below does have Stompeez slippers that “come to life when you walk” at their top of the line price of $5.00, but that is for just one pair.  Outfitting the entire family will set you back a whopping $20.  But, it is Christmas.

A featured item in the 2011 guide was the double barrel marshmallow cannon with dishwasher safe magazines at a very reasonable $39.95.  The current Five Below insert really doesn’t have an equivalent item but it does include a goblet that will hold an entire bottle of wine.  Excess is after all, excess.  And it can be yours for the less than excessive price of again $5.00.

Nothing will ever compare with the $60,000 Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speakers (each requiring its own amplifier, not included) from the 2011 guide.  Imagine where that is priced out today after three years of inflation and obligatory price increases.   We suggested then that if you can afford $60,000 speakers you are encouraged to make a quite generous donation to your local symphony, opera company, musical theater, or other organization requiring pricey speakers and pocket the extra $50,000.  Otherwise, Five Below has you covered here also.  Earbuds, headphones, sound capsules, and even plain old speakers are shown throughout their flyer for your choice at only $5.00 each.  Buddy, can you spare $59,995?

There you go, nine days and one catalog to fill out your “nice list” for this year.  It could be that some of you actually got the high end catalog is your mail boxes this year.  If so, don’t pass it around.  Just keep it to yourself.  It would be a shame if someone got snow shoes again this year.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

And if you order now…

Michael 2 Comments

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. No, you’re not having déjà vu. That is the way we opened our last blog. But, it really is the season for catalog shopping and today we bring you our long awaited annual holiday gift guide. You’ll recall a few posts ago we teased you with a couple early favorites – the rechargeable illuminated wrenches with stand for $79.95 and the home cellulite smoother kit at $1,500 plus shipping. (See Welcome to Black Cyber Month (Nov. 30, 2012.) Those are intriguing but don’t compare to last year’s pick, the Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speaker at the low, low price of $60,000 for the pair. (See Buy the Way, Dec. 1, 2011.) What will this year’s top catalog pick be?

None of our catalogs has anything close to the $60,000 price tag of that space saving yet concert hall replicating powerful gem of a speaker set. Perhaps retailers feel American shoppers are saving more than spending this year. Or else, since Neither of We ordered anything from them we weren’t graced with the Truly Extravagant line this year. For whatever reason, we have a more modest selection for you this year.

Perhaps you’ve lost your dog for the last time and you aren’t going to run all over the neighborhood trying to track the canine escapist. No need to. Let the satellites track your pooch while you check out the progress at your computer desk. Yes it’s a GPS tracking device for your dog. It’s a collar. It’s a transmitter. It’s water resistant (important for dogs in flight). It’s only $95 with the first three months of tracking service included. Try as we might, we just couldn’t find the regular price for the service after the first three months.

If you want to chase your runaway the old fashioned way but you live in Blizzardville, fear not. Snowshoes are just an order away. What? You can get snowshoes at the local snow shoe emporium, you say. Perhaps so but not in 8 designer colors and in family packs. Get the whole family out looking. A set of 4 for Mom, Dad, and 2 of the 2.3 children start at $470.

Just can’t stay out of touch? How about a watch for him or a bracelet for her that connects via Blue Tooth to your phone and vibrates whenever a call or text message is received. You can check out the display and nobody at your conference table will think you’re distracted by checking on your phone all the time. You may have to explain why you keep checking your watch instead. Starting at $109.99

All these might be terrific gifts for someone on your Nice List. Our favorite though, is the folding electric bicycle. Reaching speeds of up to 14 miles per hour and running for up to 2 hours on a single charge, it’s the perfect way to get away if you don’t want to get away too far. It’s your for only $5,000 plus $300 shipping.

We wonder if it comes assembled.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

We regret to inform you…

Michael Leave a comment

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. Whether on-line or a hard-copy catalog, people are still looking at colorful pictures, picturing loved ones in those colors, and sending off credit card numbers and waiting for packages on the porch to be there to greet them every day after work. Neither of We is any different.

Sometimes the operation is as smooth as we just described it. Every now and then an e-mail pops up that says, ‘Sorry, we regret to inform you that something bad happened and you won’t get your gift until May’ dashing hopes of holiday cheer and now wondering what to get Uncle Ed. She of We had just such an e-mail a bit ago. Well, actually, no, she didn’t. She got an e-mail not at all like that. This is what she got.

Unfortunately, we have to inform you of an error the fulfillment warehouse made which resulted in your order not shipping. Nope. Nada. None. It had not shipped as of yesterday. We are so sorry for this error!

We have confirmed that the warehouse has now fixed the error and your order will be en-route to you as of Monday 12/7 if it is not already.

Of course, the big question is: Will it arrive by Christmas? YES – you will receive it in time!

Don’t you just love it? ‘Dear customer, we made a mistake and you weren’t getting anything but we fixed it and now you will get it. And on time.’ No blaming the slowness of the mail. No blaming the foibles of electronic transmissions. No blaming volume or “this unanticipated popularity of our items.” Nope. We messed up, we fixed it, it’s on its way. And with cheerful punctuation!

‘Tis the season for catalog shopping. And ‘tis the season for occasional disappointment. We think it’s good that somebody out there takes a light-hearted approach at their job. Why be so serious? Especially when it comes to punctuation!

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Buy the Way

Michael 5 Comments

For us, the holiday season sometimes has its own special stress.  Both of We have pretty classic 9-5 jobs.  Our only time to shop, dine, do movies or theater, see concerts or sporting events is in the evenings or on weekends.  If Either of We wants to take advantage of smaller (or no) crowds it means burning a vacation day and going back to work the following day with the off day’s work still waiting to be done.  So we usually end up shopping, dining, entertaining, or being sports in the evenings and on weekends.  Or we turn to the Internet and to catalogs.

She of We is a little more adventurous when it comes to non-hands-on shopping.   The choices of what to buy are a bit limited.  Let’s face it, some things you have to touch.  But where to buy can be on line, by flyer, via catalog, or even a Sunday newspaper supplement.  He of We sometimes to his regret is little more forgiving of what but a bit more selective of where.  Oh there will be the occasional Internet purchase and once even from an infomercial, but purchases outside of a store will more likely be from an old fashioned print catalog.  And there they share the same passion though not the same mailing lists.  Catalog shopping.

You can buy anything in a catalog – clothes, electronics, books, cookware, food, furniture, novelties.  We’ve even seen walking sticks and a duct tape tie.  If you want it you can buy it from the comfort of your own living room.  But last night, tucked between the double barreled marshmallow shooter with dishwasher safe magazines ($39.95) and the luxurious double napped genuine Irish flannel men’s pajamas ($99.95) we found the most outrageous catalog offering yet.  The Optimal Resonance Audiophile Four-Way Three-Dimensional Soundstage Quality Speakers.  These little gems can be yours for the low price of $60,000 for the pair.  Yes, there are four (4!) zeros.  Plus shipping.  And did we mention that each speaker requires four amplifiers, not included. 

Maybe the local concert hall needs $60,000 speakers.  Your family room does not.  Please consider this very carefully if you really can afford $60,000 speakers.  If you can afford $60,000 speakers we encourage you to make a donation to your local symphony, opera company, musical theater, struggling musician, or local rap artist instead.  Get your name on a brick in the wall on the side of the building and ask for two tickets, orchestra center, for the next few years of productions.  Your money will be much better spent, you’ll get to see some great musicians actually playing great music, and if you limit your gift to only $50,000 you’ll have enough left over to buy a used car with a killer stereo.

 Sixty thousand dollar speakers.  Didn’t somebody recently say these are tough economic times?  And He of We was worried that $15 for a duct tape tie was extravagant.

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?