I hope there are some really clean people out in my neck of the woods. They must be because they have all the soap. Not just sanitizer and hand soap. Not just bleach and alcohol. Not just detergents and wipes. But the most critical of cleansers, body wash! Specifically, my body wash.
Years of prednisone use has thinned my skin so much that removing a bandaid usually means removing the top layer of skin with it. As a result I don’t use many bandaid but I do use a lot of moisturizers. Years ago I discovered a version of Dove body wash with a deep moisturizer that complements its cream moisturizing lotion and ever since I’ve been happy in my skin. Normally I have several containers or the stuff but I found my cupboard bare and on a recent attempt to restock all that was on the store shelf in its usual spot was dust. Not only was my cherished deep moisture version gone, so were the light moisture, sensitive skin, gentle exfoliating, and something called “cool moisture” varieties, and also missing were the store brand copies of all the ones apparently considered fit to copy including the decent copy of my deep moisture. What to do?I needed something so I scanned the equally empty shelf locations of Dove’s competitors and found nothing except the odd designer wash priced to impress. (I wasn’t.) That left only one option…the men’s section.
I don’t know if any of you have ever tried to buy “men’s” soap. Where TV sitcoms would have you believe men typically shower with one all-purpose jug-o-clean combining soap, shampoo, conditioner, and deodorant, the reality is that the men’s toiletry section presents more options than the soft drinks and water aisle. It is possible to find a men’s soap that includes a decent moisturizer. What isn’t possible is to find a men’s body wash that isn’t scented. And they are all weird scents.
Men’s soaps and washes, along with the shampoos and conditioners that really do come in separate bottles, have scents not found in nature. To go along with the train of thought they have names that describe nothing. Clean. Fresh. Sport. Energizing. Invigorating. Active. Quench. Now what hell does “Quench” smell like. Actually it doesn’t matter. They all smell the same, menthol. Just different intensities of menthol.
It’s a good thing I keep bar soap in my socks and underwear drawer as my “men’s sachet.” It was either that or order some cedar and fir scented Spit and Polish (honest, look it up) which at least are two real things I might recognize when I smell them.
And don’t forget to wash your hands.
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