Tag Blog

Still more time to heal

Michael 7 Comments

Hello strangers. I have missed you all terribly. I feel like I’ve been on a sabbatical since last weekend, except even on sabbaticals, one is allowed to connect with people. I suppose I feel more like I’ve been a retreat, a silent retreat, since last weekend. 

Let me catch you up on my lost week. In 1945, Billy Wilder directed The Lost Weekend. He should have waited 80 years. He’d have had five extra days to explore.

On Thursdays, I re-work some sort of story off that Wednesday’s Uplift. This Wednesday that was A Time to Heal, probable one of the best Uplift posts we’ve done in some time. Perhaps that Diem wrote most of it had something to do with that. Anyway, go read it. I don’t have the energy to visit it here. 

Since the beginning of this week, I’ve not had the energy, particularly mental energy, to post to social media – a shame because almost 80% of ROAMcare’s visitor engagement come from social posts, and also because nearly all of my author site engagement comes from social, and especially this week because Monday was launch day. 

Since the beginning we of this week I have been on a rollercoaster with body temperature, chills, dizziness, and the Casios so when I least expect bout of nausea. But of all the times I’ve missed, it’s been connecting with you. 

I’m happy that I feel strong enough now to typed out these few words. I don’t know how that will last. Will see if I can get back to my regular Monday thing on Monday. Please read A Time to Heal. It’s really good.  And if you’re curious about what writing projects I’ve ignore this week, check out Michael Ross Media. I’d tell you more but now I need a nap. 

Like at first sight

Michael 9 Comments

There are things I like that I have no good reason to. You do too. You know you do. For me some of them are stress balls (not to de-stress with but to keep in a display among others knock knacks and dust catchers on a bookshelf), hats of any type (NOT worn backward), anything with Peanuts (the comic strip), anything with peanuts (the food), red cars (fully 50% of the cars I’ve owned were/are red). There are many many many many other things I like but they took some time getting used to or I had some reason that I like them more/better/deeper that some other version of them whatever they may be.

These things that I just like, for no apparent reason, defying explanation, or I should know better than to, were like at first sight. There was never a time I didn’t like peanut butter cups or Kung Pao chicken or chicken satay. Nor have I ever met a hat I didn’t like. You get the idea. They all made a grand first impression on me.

What is it that the dime store philosophers say about first impressions? You never get a second chance to make a first impression. I take exception to that. With that? I take exception with that. I think sometimes people’s first impressions are so innocuous that one doesn’t even recognize an impression has been made. Other times first impressions are so offensive that one puts them out of their mind. For those of us who fall somewhere between Marvin Milquetoast and Attila the Hun, well, we probably do drop into that category of people who need to be a bit careful of the first impression they make.

What do you do if you make a less than stellar first impression. Review, revise, and retry. Nothing says you can’t strive to make fabulous second, third and fourth impressions. If you don’t want to go through all that, check out Differences Among Us, this week’s Uplift post at ROAMcare. Your first impression of it might be that it has little to do with first impressions. Sorry. It really does.

Advanced planning?

Michael 2 Comments

Let me start by saying I don’t expect anything to happen soon but… Like many Americans, and maybe other Earthlings, I have planned and prepaid my, ahem, final expenses. When I first entered into the agreement? program? coercive activity? it was called pre-paid arrangements. After a while, the monthly bills would list it as pre-planned activities. (You know, activities like pickleball and croquet.)  Now, even though the arranged activities have long been paid, I still get a monthly mailing detailing new options and and additional services in what is now referred to as advanced planning. 

I have a problem with this nomenclature. Shouldn’t all planning be of the advanced type. Doesn’t the “plan” assume it’s happening “pre-“ something. What would the opposite of pre-planning be anyway? Crisis management?

It seems to me that somewhere along the way, someone wanted to capitalize on making plans but ‘plan’ all by itself sounded too weak to be a viable strategy. Plan. Dull, unimaginative, overlook-able. Can you hear the marketing guys talking about plans?

Plan? Won’t do. Much too unremarkable. We need to spice it up or people won’t go for it. Let’s call it a pre-plan. Maybe an advanced plan. How about advanced pre-plan? Too much? Okay. We’ll start with pre-plan and go from there. If in a couple years we need to goose it up a bit, we know we have ‘advanced’ in our back pocket.

Personally, I think ‘plan’ all by itself gets the message across. It’s a message we spent some time on in yesterday’s Uplift post at ROAMcare, Be prepared. And yes, had I been more prepared today, you”d have gotten this post in your mailbox hours ago.

Learning to unspeed through life

Michael 4 Comments

Hello everyone. I am much later than usual today because I finally am trying to take my own advice. Or the advice of an unknown African philosopher. Yesterday in the weekly Uplift post at ROAMcare, we quoted an African proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” Unlike these slapdash, mental meanderings, the Uplift posts are researched and written quite some time in advance, so I’ve had those words on my mind for a while now. And about a week ago, perhaps a week and a half, I started thinking that I’ve gone as far as fast as I want to go alone, which in the grand scheme of things, really isn’t all that far. It’s time to extend my outlook. Time to extend my reach. Time to find others to go far with.

The problem with that is that one can’t just order “others” off the Internet. I’m not sure Amazon even carries “others” and if they don’t, where else could one expect to find some. And that became the key point in that post, Gathering Time.

Finding others to go far with means we have to slow down so we can see the others out there waiting for us. I ended up re-writing that post to build onto that initial thesis, “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together” and that the only way you can find someone to go far with is first to go slow. Go slow, take in your surroundings and those with whom you share them. Go slow, experience what is happening right now and what is involve in those happenings.

So I’ve been doing things more deliberately, taking time to say more than just “hello” when I pass someone while out on a walk or walking through the supermarket, appreciating the few fall colored leaves rather than grumbling that everything is still green, thanking those who have contributed to my day, to my knowledge base, to my life – even the unknown African philosopher.

I hope you will take a few minutes to read Gathering Time. There’s a great story about ‘Grandma Camp’ buried in there.

I also realized I never shared the cover reveal to Bad Impressions with you guys. I shared it on my socials and on my author site but not here. Shame on me. So here it is, and here is the link to my site if you want to see the progress of “Bad Impressions” and where we stand with books 2 and 3 in the series. Rumor has it that the pre-order window opens Monday. (And if you don’t already get enough email, you can sign up for my monthly newsletter there too.)

And another thing

Michael 8 Comments

Sometimes the most obvious of things are overlooked. Other times, we are so ingrained in language and process that we fail to see the contradictions right in front of us.

I give you this opening sentence in a news article from this morning’s local paper. “A graphic video that shows the moment a homicide suspect shot a Robinson motel manager at point-blank range pushed the District Attorney’s Office on Wednesday seek a gag order in the case.” If you have an actual video confirmation of someone blowing the brains out of a different someone, is it reasonable to assume he’s gone beyond the “suspect” phase.

I’m sure some will say “it could have been AI generated!” Yeah, no. This isn’t one of our political “leaders”(hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!) trying to pretend all is right with the world and what you are seeing is just the radical lunatics attempting to distract you. This is a man who was also caught on camera in that same parking lot shooting and wounding a woman while her young son sat in the car watching it, and who shot and wounded a pursuing police officer presumably caught on body cam video. There was no attempt to deceive and apparently some pretty conclusive evidence. Shouldn’t it be time to call a murderer a murderer? Or is it fair game to ignore what our eyes tell us.

Another thing we too often fail to see is that we are not immortal. The question of what will happen when I die records low on most people’s inquisitive meter. Regardless of the visual evidence and historical proof, people don’t want to acknowledge death, particularly their own.

We put death on the forefront in yesterday’s Uplift post at the ROAMcare site and asked the question, “If you were told today would be your last day, what would you do?” Many of the answers revealed most of us don’t understand the assignment. (Some of the answers revealed not all the narcissists have Washington DC addresses, but that’s a different story for a different post.) We found one answer though most telling. Read that one and see our answer to the question what would you do if you found out today was your last day in our post, “The Last Day.”

What not to do

Michael 5 Comments

When I had my first surgery in the early years of this century, things didn’t go as well as they could have, and I spent a lot of time in bed watching television. (That could be why I don’t watch much TV now. Anyway…) There was a show I stumbled across called “What Not to Wear.” Over the course of a week distilled to a half hour or hour production, our intrepid hosts turned ugly ducklings into if not beautiful swans, better looking ducklings. The advice seemed simple enough.  Don’t follow a crowd. Don’t even do what you think you want to do. Do what works best.

I was thinking about that when I was reading this week’s major news stories – the releasing of National Guard on the nation, Cheesedoodle Donny and Pentagon Petey berated career officers, and of course, the government shutdown. All, yes all, a result of some people who just do whatever pops in their heads without consideration, without thought, without doing what would work best. They need a makeover show called “What Not to Do.”

Here in Pennsylvania, there has been a budget impasse for three months. They’ve not approved a budget on time in 10 of the last 14 years. It doesn’t matter what party is in the Governor’s office, the Democrats and the Republicans loyal to their party rather than their constituents, drag on and on, while on their way to eventually passing the same budget the Governor presented them well on time, all the while making news time for themselves, recording soundbites over what’s wrong with the other party, and how they are doing this “for the people who elected me to work for them.”

Over in Washington, the last time there was a shutdown over a budget fight was the last time the orange menace tried to run things his way. For 35 days the two parties listened to whatever their party leaders told them to argue about rather than to their constituents. It ultimately ended when the air traffic controllers, who hadn’t been paid for 35 days, walked out, leaving many politicians stranded in DC, unable to take their lobbyist paid junkets. All they had to do 35 days earlier was the right thing.

In yesterday’s Uplift post, The way of love, we discussed the right thing, how to get there, and how to stay there. It’s worth the few minutes to read it. Then maybe forward a copy to your Senators and Congresspersons.

Do as you say, or do as you do

Michael 5 Comments

Do you do what you say? Apparently, according to some social media reports I’ve seen, some half million people do. They are the ones who cancelled their Disney vacations, Disney weddings, and Disney+ and Hulu subscriptions. Not so many cancelled their ESPN subscriptions. Football trumps principles. That’s the verb, not the anthropomorphic cheese puff.

Perhaps it was because it was so easy. Boycotting Target had its success but the people more hurt by it were the Target employees who were “downsized” to keep the share holders happy. The outrage against CBS and Paramount never gained actionable speed probably because no one was certain what Paramount does nowadays. Should they maybe not go to a movie? But Disney, everyone knows Disney and not patronizing Disney stuff is easy. And nobody gets hurt. Just a company. No people. The Disney family members are protected bystanders rather than innocent bystanders (see Target sales associates) in such that regardless or how many or how few people travel through the various Disney parks, they still require the same number of people to work. (Think like if a play is performed in from of one dozen people or 120 people, if still takes the full company and crew.) It  is truly a matter of the only ones affected are the stockholders, the executives, the rich people at the top of the food chain.

Regardless if you are on the left side or the wrong side is not important here. Those who do what they say to do, or some might phrase it what they threaten to do, have an certain honesty in their lives, a level or respect for their words by turning them into their actions.

A good example of one who does what he says is a non-person, a character, a fictional figure – Atticus Finch.

We wrote about a great lesson Atticus Finch taught his children. His belief that all people deserve to be treated equally? Yes but no. His respect for life? Yes but no. His integrity? Yes but no. We brought all that up in yesterday’s Uplift post, Being Atticus, but his trait we were most taken by was his consistency is doing as he says and how he taught his children to do as he does. Whether you’re a movie fan of To Kill a Mockingbird, or a reading fan, or both, you are familiar with either the line, “I have to be the same in town downtown as at home,” or, “Atticus Finch is the same in his house as he is on the public streets”  that calls to mind that what you believe in your heart you should not hesitate to express.

Take some time, click that link and read Being Atticus and then be him. We need more like Atticus and some of them need to be real people.

Unburden yourself

Michael 7 Comments

Have you taken on the burden of caring for a loved one? SHAME! Being a loving human being, generous with compassion and care, offering time and patience, is not an unpleasant experience. And indeed, the caregiving individual in a caring situation often benefits as much as the cared for person. I can’t say it better than we did in yesterday’s Uplift post, Unburden yourself. Check it out. 

One from Column A and/or

Michael 11 Comments

Did you ever pick your one from Column A and after you chose those two from Column B you wondered if the choice from Column A was the right one? Of course you did. Who hasn’t picked some selection, made some choice, committed to some decision, and then wondered if that was the right one to go for?

(For the younger crowd, Chinese restaurants once were noted for menu choices made from two columns, the first typically the proteins and the second were the sides. Do they still do that anywhere? They don’t here. More often than not, complete meals are presented, or aka carte choices can be picked from the entire menu.)

For me, messing up a menu selection would have significant impact, so strong is my love of food. Of course, I have made more significant yet errant choices throughout my life. I once turned down a promotion because I was concerned that I was being chosen over others who had significantly more time in their positions. After reflection, I realized that yes, they had more time, but I was vastly better at doing the actual work. As you would suspect, it was impossible to un-say no.

Just yesterday I was busy assembling the agenda for an upcoming meeting. Throughout the morning, I was interrupted by calls and messages and made little progress. I finally said to myself, “Self,” I said, “there’s nothing that important that comes through your phone any more. Ignore the darn thing and wrap this up so you can get back to your book and enjoy the afternoon.” So I put the darned thing on silent, finished the agenda, then got back to my book. It after lunch (naturally) before I checked to see if I might have missed anything. Of course I had. Unfortunately, one of them was indeed pretty important and I spent the afternoon trying to connect again without any luck.

Choices made because of rigid or poor thinking, each affecting my life rather significantly. We don’t have to do that. We can be creative in our thoughts and in our choices. I could have told my boss that I was honored to have been her choice, accepted the opportunity that frankly I had wanted and would have been good at rather than “magnanimously” stepping aside to make way for seniority. Or I could have configured the phone in myriad other ways than simply ignoring it, allowing important calls through while filtering the unwanted to a holding area.

Yesterday’s Uplift post, Certainty Unsure, looked at that very topic, how we can be certain we are unsure of what we’re doing. Or perhaps how we can be unsure of what we are certain of doing. The bottom line is that we don’t have to be certain. We aren’t restricted to a single path through life. We can choose our own way and it will be okay. I missed out on one opportunity, but I had many others come through. And I might have missed a phone call but like (all our) mother(s) told us, if it was importantly, they’d call again. Be certain to decide to pop over to the ROAMcare site and check it out.

Humble is as humble does

Michael 12 Comments

It has been said that you can tell the measure of people by how they treat someone who can’t do anything for them. Perhaps by doing something as simple as pausing, paying attention, or making eye contact, or as life changing as being there for someone who just lost a loved one, is acclimating is new city, or by stepping up to volunteer after a natural (or manmade) disaster we can increase our measure.

Too often we either ignore those around us or if we do offer help or comfort, we expect praises of gratitude and a lifetime of holding someone in our debt for having done them a “good deed.”

There was a time I was probably one of the bigger violators of what is really just another way of loving our neighbors as we do ourselves. In some weird twist of expectations, I felt I was entitled to others loving me as much as I loved myself. I had become a big fish in a decidedly little pond, and it was easy to assume everyone knew me and knew I controlled what went on in my world.

Then I moved into a big pond and fish my size were decidedly quite numerous and on the little side. My only entitlement was if I did a good job this week, I could be allowed to come back and work next week. There was no longer the staff willing to do whatever I wanted but was now a team that needed to be convinced that I was capable of being a part of the solution.

It was then I learned to appreciate those working with me, others as smart and as experienced as I was but with slightly different backgrounds to pull from. I learned we pull harder when we pull together and soon was helping even in projects I was not directly responsible for but knew I or my team would be able to contribute.

I became a part of the community and was accepted as “one of them,” ultimately becoming “one of us.”

Pope Leo recently said, “May no one think they have all the answers. May each person openly share what they have.” We have wonderful gift at our disposal. Humility. For that is genuinely what being humble means. We can hurry along our way, ignore those around us, and when we do reach out it is to see what we can pull back. Or we can slow down, ignite those around us, and bring enthusiasm and joy to others without the expectation of recognition or recompense.

This week’s Uplift recounts the story of a most famous individual and perhaps his most humbling experience and how we can all learn that it is not the best known who brings the most to others, it is the one who contributes enthusiasm and joy. Check out The Humble Moviegoer at our ROAMcare website.