We have figured out how to take the pulse of the American economy.  Go to a home and garden show.  Around here, one knows that Spring is just around the corner when the annual Home and Garden Show fills up the local convention center.  This isn’t your garden variety garden show.  This is a big deal around here.   The organizers claim over 1600 exhibitors covering nine acres of floor space selling everything from asphalt to yard barns.

Well, we stopped by and spoke with some of those 1600.  Over the years we’ve gotten some unique items at the show, ordered some great buys at the show, and picked up a dud or two at the show.  (It happens.)  One thing we always try to do before getting into a buying frenzy is find out how much we’re talking about apropos whatever the vendor before us is hawking.  Just like we won’t wait at a restaurant longer than 15 minutes before being seated, we aren’t going to wait for a pitch for an iron priced at $99.00.  Yes, we saw one of them – “the last iron you’ll ever buy” was the pitch for this one.  We know that’s not true.  First of all, if it’s the last iron we’ll ever buy, what will they sell us next year?  And secondly, that $17 iron we talked about a couple of years ago is still going strong.  (See, “I Went to a Home Show and All I Bought Were Nacho Chips,” March 8, 2012.)

Here’s what we found out this year.  Bells and whistles must cost a bundle.  We stopped at a booth where they were selling free standing roof structures for decks and patios.  The kicker to these was that the roof was actually a louver system that opened to allow light and air through but closed when the sun turned to clouds and then it didn’t let rain through.  “How much?” She of We asked.  “$8,000 for the 8×10 section you see here.”  We must have shown some alarm at that figure which is quite possible since that was more than the combined total that we paid for both of our decks.  “Of course this one has all the bells and whistles.”  “And if we rang our own bell and blew our own whistle, how much?”  “Oh, about $5,000.”  That’s $3,000 worth of bells and whistles.  If there is a $3,000 whistle out there, we’d like to see it.  While there, He of We noticed the vendor’s contact list on his podium/desk and it had quite a few names on it.  Someone out there is thinking that $8,000 for what is essentially a blind turned on its side is a bargain.  Who are these people?

Another thing we noticed while perusing the garden area of the home and garden show was the number of vendors selling hot tubs.  Many of them were also double dipping into the world of high temperature settings by offering a variety of personal saunas.  There were twenty vendors listed with hot tubs, pools, and saunas set up in the “outdoor stuff” zone.  Many displays were marked “Sold” which we’re not so sure of, but it made for a compelling reason to stop and look for that “Home Show Special” sign among the ones not so marked.  Sometimes that is not a bad deal.  That’s how we got ours several years ago.  We will tell you that the prices listed today and the price we paid 5 years ago did not resemble each other at all.  Today’s prices were reaching well into the five figure range.  And again the contact lists were filled.  And again, who are these people.

Yet another thing we noticed.  Admission to the show for children under 6 is free.  For those between 6 and 10 the price is a measly $4.  Why would you want to take a small child or push a stroller between thousands and thousands of other shoppers across 9 acres of exhibits?  Leave them at home with a sitter.  Please.  If you were to tell Mom exactly how far she was walking she’d probably want to stay home too.  We think we figured out why all of these kids were at the show.  They are, after all, free.  Sitters cost money.  So if you have to do a little saving to be able to afford the $3,000 trampoline what better place than to drag a kid to but the very place where he or she can try out the $3,000 trampoline before you commit to charging it – er, we mean buying it.  Once more, who are these people?

So what did we learn?  There’s clearly no economic crisis in America.  If we can afford $8,000 blinds complete with $3,000 worth of extra bells and/or whistles, $12,000 hot tubs, and $3,000 trampolines, we can do it without having to go on strike to raise the minimum wage.  If you need to save a little bit, find an event where children get in free and then take them there over and over again.  The more you spend on your admission, the more you save on theirs.

And let’s not forget that $99 iron.  It could be the last iron you’ll ever buy.  Until next year.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?