Tag Behavior

I’ll Drink to That

Michael Leave a comment

Remember the McDonald hot coffee lawsuit from back in the 90’s? Some batty old lady spilled coffee in her lap, got burned, went to the hospital, went to a lawyer, went to trial, went to jury, and won! The verdict was something like $160,000 for medical expenses and $2.7 million (!) in punitive damages. Punitive means punishment; McDonald’s was punished for serving hot coffee.

Yesterday, a California judge dismissed a case against Starbuck’s for misrepresenting the size of their iced drinks because they contain, in addition to the drink, ice. Apparently the legal system runs hot and cold when it comes to frivolous lawsuits.

But wait! Lawyers have long argued that the McDonald Coffee Case was far from frivolous. It was a wake up cup err, call to the damaging practice of big business putting profits over safety. And the public has the efforts of the tireless lawyer people to thank for seeing that those danger-mongers pay for their negligence. Yeah, right.

I’m sure lawyers serve some purpose. Unfortunately the very visible fruits of their labors have been left out to rot. Over the last several months I, and some hundreds of thousands others, have gotten e-mails about settlements reached that protected my rights and punished companies that have taken advantage of me. I got about $12 from Barnes and Noble because somebody claimed they overcharged for e-books or some such thing. I can get $5 from Angie’s List because they might have taken money for ads from service providers, and I got two free tickets for one or several concerts that have no available seats from Ticketmaster for them being Ticketmaster. My “damages” come to a whopping not quite twenty bucks.

I would thank the lawyers who worked so diligently to get me my double sawbuck. I worked hard for my money and I didn’t appreciate those big, bad companies taking advantage of me. Of course it’s only right that they get some of the windfall. As near as I’ve been able to figure, those lawyers who worked on just these three cases made about $281 million.

I don’t know about you but if I ever figure out how to use that Ticketmaster free ticket voucher and can actually score two free tickets to something, I’m bringing a lawyer!

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

The Ultimate Participation Award

Michael Leave a comment

Anybody who has ever been at a youth sporting event medal ceremony knows they can be longer than the event. With that in mind, it’s a good thing they don’t have participation medals at the Olympics. Sort of.

There were over 11,000 athletes at the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. As it was, there were over 900 medals awarded in 306 events. Since there were several multiple medal winners that means that quite fewer than 1% of the athletes who participated in the games went home with an award.

All those participants in all those events and the only ones who stood on a podium and had gold, silver, or bronze draped over them were those who finished first, second, or third in their particular endeavor. And that’s the way it is. Only the top three contestants are awarded medals. Plus another twenty-one.

The Pierre de Coubertin Medal is a special award given to those who exemplify the true spirit of sportsmanship in the Olympics. Pierre de Coubertin founded the International Olympic Committee and introduced the modern games to the world. He felt the games were an opportunity to promote peace, unite people around the world, and celebrate the struggle of competition.

How special is this special award. Saturday it was awarded for only the eighteenth time. Maybe you saw when long distance runners Nikki Hamblin of New Zealand and American Abbey D’Agostino got tripped up during the women’s 5,000 meter preliminary event. Hamblin went down and D’Agostino stopped and urged her to get up to finish the race. They began running again and that’s when D’Agostino went down and it was Hamblin’s turn to stay with her.

The two women became the 20th and 21st people to have received the award which has been presented eighteen times since its introduction in 1964.

Even though neither was expected to medal in the event, both left Brazil with the ultimate participation award. Hamblin said of the incident, “You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose what you do about it.”  Words more precious than gold.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Crème de la Crème

Michael 1 Comment

It took me most of my adult life, which is to say most of my life, to perfect scrambled eggs. It’s easy to make good scrambled eggs, not that hard to make very good scrambled eggs, but damn near impossible to make perfect scrambled eggs. Perfect little pillows of bright, yellow deliciousness light enough to float off the plate into your mouth where they melt over your tongue into a symphony of wonderful. That kind of perfect.

When you get down to it, scrambled eggs require only three things – eggs, fat, and heat. It is the combination of those three things that make the difference between meh and perfect. About a year ago I found the perfect combination for perfect scrambled eggs and I’ve been making them the same way ever since. Two eggs, a half ounce of half-and-half, beat until my arm is tired, then rest (the eggs, not the arm) while a half tablespoonful of butter melts in a seven inch omelet pan over medium heat. Once the butter is melted and fragrant, pour in the eggs then start moving them around the pan with a heat proof spatula, turning down the heat to low. Keep turning the eggs until they are almost set then pull them off the heat. Add any desired herbs, salt, and pepper; give them one final turn around the pan and transfer them to a nearby plate allowing them to rest just long enough to carry them to the table where coffee, juice, toast, and the morning paper wait. Alternately you can just stand over the kitchen counter and eat them right from the skillet but you will miss out on the daily crossword puzzle.

Three, four, maybe five times a week I start my day like that. The days I don’t are there just to make the scrambled egg days even more special. Yesterday was a scrambled egg day. Yesterday sucked. When I ended up with watery clumps of yuckiness my first thought was that I had a sudden brain fart severe enough to make me forgot how to cook. I almost convinced myself of that except everything else – coffee, juice, toast, newspaper – came out just fine. And my socks matched. Then I spotted the culprit. On the counter, waiting to go back into the refrigerator was the carton of half-and-half (or half-cream as the Europeans might call it). Except it wasn’t. Apparently I indeed had suffered some brain issue but it was when I was at the supermarket the day before. Apparently, that’s when I picked up a carton of fat-free half-and-half.

Who the hell makes fat-free half-and-half? What the hell is fat-free half-and-half? Half-and-half is half milk, half cream. That’s two components whose defining ingredient is fat. Real half-and-half is about 12 percent fat. I took a look at the ingredient label on the imposter. “Skim milk, corn syrup, cream*.” I looked for the asterisk and found “* Not a significant source of fat.” In other words, so little cream compared to the skim milk and corn syrup that it might have been in the same county as a cow for a short while. American skim milk is less than 0.2% fat or essentially white water.I had unwittingly tried to make my fluffy yellow clouds not with thick, rich, creamy half-and-half but with thickened water.

My shopping blunder resulted in me making scrambled eggs (which you recall require eggs, fat, and heat) with two out of three ingredients. When it comes to scrambled eggs, two out of three is bad. I’ll be going to the store again in a couple of days and I’ll replace my ersatz half-and-half with the real deal. As for the remainder of the fake stuff, I suppose I can use it on oatmeal. That’s supposed to be good for you, too.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Down Two, Then Left

Michael Leave a comment

It’s not usual for me to miss such an important day. Particularly one of such personal significance. But somehow I did. Why weren’t you keeping an eye out for it for me? I know. You don’t have to tell me. It’s because it’s no big deal.

You can tell it’s no big deal because the world hasn’t paid a bit of attention to us since the dawn of man. Who are us? And what it is that isn’t such a big deal? We’re the left handers of the world and last Saturday was International Left Handers’ Day.

It’s clearly not a priority with the rest of the world. In this time of extreme tolerance and political correctness to every special interest, no such consideration is given to the left handed who often feel left out. We also feel fear, anger, and embarrassment probably because almost everything made for manual use is best used by the other hand.

Since we all have two hands available when deciding which hand will be handier, logic would seem to determine that they should be close to an even division of left and right handers. Since logic is usually associated more with right handedness you can see where that argument was going to go. In fact, only about 10 percent of the global population is left handed. I know as a child I had been “encouraged” by teachers to use my right hand since everything at school, and everywhere else I would eventually learn, was designed for right handers. I resisted but often wondered how many of the 90 percent who use their other hand were born tending to their left.

Here we may account for only 10 percent of the population but at one point our closest celestial neighbor boasted 100% left handed inhabitants when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon in July 1969. (Michael Collins who continued to orbit the Moon while his fellow astronauts were doing their moon walks is also a left hander.) But then in November, William “Pete” Conrad became the first other hander to occupy the Moon. As best as I can tell it took until April 1972 when Charles Duke became the third and last left hander of the 12 men who had or would land on another world other than the world.

So if those guys were able to accomplish what they did, I guess I can manage with ball point pens and kitchen shears designed to be operated by a right hand. And I’ll be content in the knowledge that if our personal worlds are indeed controlled by a cross-wired brain, then I am undoubtedly in my right mind.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

GYM? I thought you said GIN!

Michael Leave a comment

The Olympics are here! The Olympics are here! Oh, wait, that’s how I began the last post. It still applies. I’ve noticed that since the Olympic coverage started on TV that the gym has been getting a real work out. (Yeah, I know. That was terrible. Sorry.) I may be wrong but I think the former definitely has something to do with the latter.

I remember as a young boy being taken by the Olympic spirit every 4 years. At least I was once or twice every 4 years before it settled in just how much work it took to land on the front of a Wheaties box. While the 1964 Olympic cycling events were being dominated by the Italians, this young Italian was pedaling his way through his own backyard qualifying heats. I didn’t fare much better than the 18 Americans who made it to Tokyo that October but my newspaper route never got delivered faster than during those two weeks.

How long have parents been trying to get their children outside for some physical activity – before the Pokémon Go craze even? For generations the Olympics gave parents a hand doing just that. Personally, I think it’s cool that the exercise bug is biting a slightly older crowd now.

Maybe we’re just getting to be a slightly more physical people and that’s why more folks are exercising. Or it could be that old drive to see oneself immortalized in breakfast food that is driving so many people to the fitness center. All I know is that where once I had my pick of machines I now have to arrive early lest I am forced to tackle my cycling on the outside on a bicycle that actually goes somewhere. I mean, sure, I have one of those but I haven’t seen my paper bag for years now.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

The First Shall be Last

Michael Leave a comment

Now that the “major party” conventions are over the ads and pundits (neither having anything to do with reality) can begin. It was less than a week ago that news broadcasts, outlets, websites, feeds, and editors began remarking on the nation’s first woman candidate for president. Someone even went so far as to note that this fall, the US voters will get to cast ballots for their first woman, first outsider, or first third party president. And that on the heels of the outgoing first African-America president. Actually, none of those labels are correct. I’ll ‘splain that later. First, let’s look at some legitimate firsts that really have happened over this last year.

Actually the first first hasn’t officially happened yet but some games have already taken place and the opening ceremonies will take center stage tomorrow night in Rio. That first is the first Olympic games to be held in South America. The odds have been against that particular continent since the games re-appeared in 1896. That’s because South America is almost completely in the Southern Hemisphere. In the 120 year history of the modern Olympics this is only the third time the summer games have been held in the Southern Hemisphere. (The other two times have both been in Australia.) The Winter Olympics have never taken place south of the Equator.

The second first just happened in the past few days and it got very little press even within the United States which is odd since every news broadcast, outlet, website, etc., etc. was so big on talking about firsts. That news was that for the first time the Center for Disease Control released a travel advisory for within the US encouraging travelers not to do so in South Florida. They even came up with some suggestions for the people who live there – try to stay inside.

The third first is (and here let’s dispense with individually numbering each first and collectively address all the remaining firsts as “remaining firsts begin with”) Cuba now has wireless internet service for the first time. Sticking with computers, the US Food and Drug Administration approved a drug manufactured by 3D printing for the first time. (High dose Levetiracetam for epilepsy). Still with computers but heading back south, the Rio Olympics will be the first games where every event will be available somewhere on-line.  In entertainment of a different kind, a film grossed over 500 million dollars in its opening weekend for the first time (Jurassic World). And speaking of DNA (Jurassic World, remember) human trials on T-cell augmented cancer treatments using the body’s own cells to fight cancer began this year. And if you want to write about that and be grammatically correct while addressing a particular test subject without knowing his or her sex, you may now officially use the third person singular and not be chastised by your grade school English teacher.

So the next time you have to hear about the first woman running for president consider that there have been 5 women nominated by recognized political parties on general election ballots for president. In fact, 1884 the Equal Rights Party presented an all woman ticket for president and vice president. And the next time you have to hear about the first outsider running for president consider that four sitting presidents never held an elected position before being elected president. And when you next hear of how a third party candidate could win this year’s election consider that of the 44 elected presidents, only 30 have been republicans or democrats. One (Washington) had no party affiliation (and yes, there were political parties then), and one (Tyler) changed parties while in office.

If you should hear about any of these “firsts” feel free to mention to the speaker to not worry, there are lots of other real firsts going on all around us. All they have to do is pick their head out of their – ummm… All you have to do is look.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Change for the Better

Michael Leave a comment

Who said, “Oh please don’t change?” Change is good! The only constant is change. Change makes things happens. You know what I mean by change. Loose change. Pocket change. Coins.

Yes, coins. Every night I empty my pocket of change. I don’t specifically hoard change. During the day if I can spend change I use those coins. Sometimes I might even drop a few into the “Need A Penny Take A Penny” dish at the cash register at the farm market up the road. But at the end of the day I relieve myself of my metallic burden and each morning I start with empty pockets – some mornings more easily than others.

Does it ever amount to anything? Well, there is a new commercial on TV during the daytime that proposes that if you are between 50 and 85 you can come up with enough spare change to buy life insurance for a month. I don’t spend mine quite so impulsively.

About twice a year I sit down with my Mason jar wherein I toss my daily haul. Back when I was working and was spending more time on irresponsible buying I used a big old pickle jar like you’d see on a counter of an old-fashioned country general store. But I digress. Last weekend we had a couple rainy days so I spent my indoor time putting off rolling coins for a while. After sufficient procrastination I broke down and counted and stacked and rolled. And when I added it up I’ll head off to the bank in the next couple days with about $134.00.

It’s not much but enough that I refuse to spend it on food or shelter. I’ll find something to blow it on and sometime after New Year I’ll do it again and I’ll blow that wad.

Now let’s see. What can I get with this new found money? A field level seat at the ball game? A couple of tickets to a play? A round trip to one of a few destinations on a low-price budget airline with advance purchase? Sixty-five round trips to several destinations on Mega-Bus with advance purchase? A really, really cheap cruise? Half a TV? Quarter of a phone? More life insurance? Whatever It is I’ll probably write about it some time. Stay tuned. Change is exciting!

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Another One Bites the Dust

Michael Leave a comment

Another era has come to an end. Surely you’ve heard the news by now that the last VHS tape player has been manufactured. The consumer video cassette recorder market is no more.

It seems amazing that the VHS player/recorder was still being produced. The last studio release in VHS format was in 2006 and the last blank cassettes were sold two years later. But its longevity shouldn’t surprise you. JVC’s VHS format’s biggest competition in video tape, Sony’s Betamax, saw its machines cease production in 2002 but still manufactured blank Betamax format tapes until March of this year!

If you thought VHS and Beta were the only two choices in home video tape you are wrong. At one point there were 13 different tape formats. In the late seventies while the early tape formats bid war against each other, the LaserDisc format was also vying for space in home theaters claiming, and providing, superior video and audio than the available tape formats but not able to record. The maker of the last VHS player, Funai Electric (you might know as Sanyo) entered the video market making players in its own format, the Compact Video Cassette (CVC) in 1983.

Today everybody can take movies with their phones. Fifty years ago, handheld 8mm film cameras captured cherished family moving memories. In between them, young fathers exercised their arm and back muscles as they hoisted bulky VHS format cameras, basically video recorder/players with lenses, onto their shoulders. The advantage was that you could go home from the football game, dance recital, high school musical, or family reunion volley ball tournament and watch the proceedings on your television right then. A true modern miracle.

Various compact formats (Video8, MiniDV, MicroMV) made for smaller handheld cameras and the miniDVD format brought disc recording to the amateur videographer. Phones and digital cameras take DVD or better quality movies. But the proliferation of video streaming services may make any in home “movie player” obsolete before too long.

Until then, I better start looking for DVD or BluRay versions of my personal favorites that I still have in VHS. Casablanca, Singing in the Rain, and Breakfast at Tiffany’s are all available on disk. But where will I ever find a digital copy of the 1935 version of Scrooge starring Sir Seymour Hicks? (Great version, really. Look it up.) Well, that’s what flea markets and garage sales are for.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

A Matter of Opinion

Michael Leave a comment

Last night I was reading when this feeling came over me. Hunger! Not just any hunger. Something specific. Something a little chewy, a little crunchy, a little sweet. Cookies!!!

There must be cookies somewhere. Checking the kitchen cabinets I found no cookies, no Twinkies, no cakes, Danishes, donuts, ice cream sandwiches, or overly sweet chocolate flavored breakfast cereal. I did find an empty PopTart box and that is so not like me. Must have been a previous Cookies!!! craving.

I did however find brown sugar, honey, cinnamon, eggs, butter, flour, and oatmeal – aka Cookies!!! the DIY version. Unfortunately the butter was frozen, all the measuring devices, bowls, and baking doodads were in the dishwasher for their semi-annual “good” cleaning, and I had graciously donated my stand mixer to my daughter’s kitchen. Roughly an hour later the butter was softened by sitting under the grow lamps in the seed starter that had been sitting empty in the corner of the dining room since the herbs got transplanted to the patio pots, the bowls and other necessary doodads were dry
ing in the rack (and would be redeposited into the dishwasher upon completion of their appointed tasks), and I found a hand mixer buried in the bottom cabinet behind the counter top fryer that someday I have to find counter toCookiep space for.

I spare you the measuring, mixing, dropping, b
aking, cooling details. Suffice it to say that roughly another hour later I
was reading when I dribbled cookie crumbs into the book’s gutter when this feeling came over me. I never had dinner. No wonder I was hungry before. That’s ok. I just marked the food diary that indeed I had dinner – oatmeal with a splash of honey and a few raisins. Sounds healthier than the burger and fries I probably would have had.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Word

Michael Leave a comment

The other day I was reading the dictionary – because…yes, I really do have that kind of time [sigh] – and I was taking note of this year’s new words.  It seems “they” came up with a few hundred new words yet they still seem to be missing some that are quite desperately needed.

It’s always fashionable to address fashion fashionably. Another way to put it would be that it’s always in style to address style stylishly. Thus each year must have this year’s just right word or words to go along with this year’s just right trend or trends. Personally I think the new “mom jeans” meaning unattractive women’s denim is as tasteless as “granny panties” from a generation ago but it probably will be the one to stick. If you’re going to lobby for a word describing ugly ladies’ fashion (that’s ugly fashion, not ugly ladies) somebody better be working on what to call those pocket linings that stick out below the equally unattractive shorts that are so short the longest part of them is the zipper. A positive citation from the fashion police is the new modifier “athleisure” to describe athletic wear that can be pressed into service as casual wear. Much more useful than the “hostess wear” of the 60s in an attempt to make people believe lingerie can be turned into formal attire with the indiscriminate use of costume jewelry.

Although “manspread” has been around for a few years it formally made its way to legitimacy this year. So now we have a word to describe sitting with one’s legs apart to take up too much space on a shared seat. But we still don’t have a word for the spread of humanity when a mom walks down a grocery store aisle pushing a shopping cart with two small children each holding onto opposite sides of the cart and attempt to pull cart, and mom, apart. I propose “familyspread” but I don’t see it catching on.

“Misgender” is the official term for calling an individual by a “noun, pronoun, or adjective that inadequately represents the person’s gender.” Inadequately? According to what I read the definition notes it is especially applicable when addressing a transgender individual but I know people who have been calling “ma’ams” “sir” and vice versa for decades especially when speaking on the phone representing a marketing firm and when the improperly addressed individual is a 3 pack a day smoker (sir for ma’am) or an anabolic steroid abuser (miss for sir). We still don’t have a word for calling an individual by a noun, pronoun, or adjective that inadequately represents when a person isn’t pregnant but is asked when she is due.

My favorite new word is an activity I had taken part in many, many times. “Al desco” is the long awaited, accepted term for eating lunch at one’s desk. This year’s most useful and most memorable new word.  Now I think the only furniture related word we are missing is one for the impressions left in the carpet when you re-arrange your living room. I propose “furnident.”

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?