Tag Behavior

Uncommon Sense

Michael 3 Comments

The past few weeks have sorely tested my patience I wish everybody would go out and invest in some self-help books that include how to recapture some common freaking sense. Let’s start.

It’s summertime in the good old U. S. of A. which means, even in the absence of global warming, it gets hot. Glass amplifies heat. An enclosed space holds heat. Things inside hot enclosed spaces cook. And that’s how Jordan Mott came up with the oven in 1490 (minus the glass – that’s a bonus). Because we know it doesn’t count unless it happened in America, we can fast forward to 1882 when Thomas Ahern worked out the details for an electric oven. Granted, he was Canadian but that’s as close as we’re going to get unless you want to count the first person who fried an egg on the hood of a car. That had to be a “real” American, and that gets us to cars, hot cars, hot car interiors on hot summer days. There have been such a spate of kids being cooked in the back seats of cars – again. The government is mandating that by 2025 all auto manufacturers to put in systems that display and sound warning messages to check the back seat for Junior and Fido when you shut off your car. If you aren’t lucky enough to have one of the cars that already have such a warning and/or until you do, they suggest you put “something of value” in the back seat so you don’t forget your kid. Duh! Is it just me or is there nothing anybody owns more valuable than their own child? That was an honest to gosh, news piece just within the last week on most major news outlets. Don’t forget your kid, put something of value in the back with them.”

While we’re on the subject of kids, in June in a small Pennsylvania airport, the TSA confiscated a loaded handgun – in a baby stroller! According to a report on TSA.gov, “The man said that when he and his girlfriend take their dogs and child for a walk that he keeps his loaded gun in the rear stroller pocket and forgot to remove it when they came to catch their flight.” I call bull-doodoo! If you’re taking a baby on a plane with a stroller you are using every cubic inch of that to add carryon volume. And where in H-E-Double Toothpicks is this guy walking that he needs to carry a loaded gun with him when he’s out with his pseudo-family? Let’s stay with guns in airports for a while, even though I ranted about this before. Also, from TSA.gov, “Transportation Security Administration (TSA) officers detected twice as many firearms per million passengers screened at airport security checkpoints nationwide in 2020 compared to 2019, and at a significantly higher rate than any other year since the agency’s inception.” A total of 3,257 guns were confiscated from passengers carry them on their persons or in their carry-on bags, and about 83 percent of them were loaded. Those figures didn’t include the number of guns confiscated because they were improperly packed in checked baggage, or toy and BB guns. All while people on planes are beating each other up for taking too much of the shared armrest or [shudder] being compelled to wear a mask.

And now that the delta variant has bloomed in the US to where masking might become more routine again, I figure something in August I get to write this post all over again with a new set of “can you believe this” tales.

Patience. Please give me patience.

not-vaccinated-section-3

Selfish Is and Selfish Does

Michael 4 Comments
I’ll start right up front apologizing to all my non-US readers. You’re too kind and don’t deserve to play the innocent bystander but you should know from the start that this is not going to be pretty. 
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Now for the rest of you, my fellow Americans, just how incredibly selfish is this country getting! Not the people in this country. The whole darn shooting match. It’s now a national pastime to do whatever you want regardless of consequences. Go to parties, get on planes, play football, go to happy hour. If you’re reading this you are more than likely among to ever shrinking quantity of intelligent, courteous individuals but you probably know more than a few handfuls of whiny, reckless, selfish bastar…er, jerks. I don’t know how it is where you are (which is the polite way of saying things are getting out of control everywhere) but around here, things are getting out of control. For example: 
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Every day for the past 8 days the morning paper headlines have been [State, County, City] Sets New Record for COVID [Infections, Hospitalizations, Deaths] (they rotate the where and the what so you don’t think they just re-ran the same story). Someone on that same front page is the other inevitable headline [Party, Candidate, Congressmen, Senator] [Claims New Voter Fraud, Decries Latest Fraud Claim], sometimes all the above! While the world is falling apart, these imbeciles are busy engaging in playground “did so, did not, did too, make me!” games. Children have more sense than these disgusting, miserable, adolescent excuses for human beings. (Too rough?) 
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It’s gotten to the point that now I personally know seven people who have been tested positive for CoViD-19 and one who died from the infection. Once removed (as in know someone who knows someone) the numbers are greater than 70 infections, over a dozen hospitalizations, and 2 deaths. There were all cautious, all held fast to safe prevention practices, only one was a nursing home resident (one of the deaths), 18 were health care workers or first responders (including the other death), and a handful of other essential workers. These aren’t great numbers when you consider my state is reporting over 424,000 cases and nearly 11,500 deaths but these “numbers” are people I know. They are people I have shared space and time with, who over the years have been to the same church or party or store or hospital as I have been. They are friends and neighbors. They are not Democrats or Republicans, they are not maskers or anti-maskers, they are not cowards or daredevils. They are people. People who relied on public servants to serve their public rather than serving their egos.
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KeepCalmSo, what can we do about this? I’m staying calm but taking names. Oh sure, today I’ll write a couple letters to my so-called representatives in between  checking in on friends and relatives to see how everyone is doing and that my “numbers” aren’t going up. But some day those so-called representatives who today are busy representative themselves will surely run for office again. That’s when the real letter writing campaign begins. That’s when I will start reminding everybody that when they should have been meeting in chambers, representing us working on health initiatives, equipment and vaccine allocations, or financial assistance packages, our so-called leaders were instead meeting in courtrooms and TV studios representing themselves and working on undermining the security and confidence of the country – all in the name of “did so, did not, did too, make me.” 
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I’m sorry, it wasn’t a very pleasant post today. They made me do it.
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Gettin’ Crabby Out There

Michael 4 Comments
You may have noticed I didn’t post anything on Monday. Then again you might have a life and aren’t sitting there with nothing better to do than wait for my wisdom to fall out of the ether. Well, on Monday after I had gone back and forth on this post for a couple days I decided at the last minute I wasn’t going to post. I told myself that in a couple days I’d come up with some fluff in my life to exploit and that would be fine. Then the threat came and I had to have my say. Well, there’s nobody here to hear so if I am to be heard I have to get these words from here to there so you can hear them.
 
I don’t want to be the sad sack, the sourpuss, the moaner and groaner, but gee golly willickers, can we at least not resort to violence. Oh yes, actual threats of violence have been made. Homicide even. Read on.
 
With the full knowledge that I sound like a moaner or a groaner myself I just have to say, I knew this would happen. I mentioned last week Pennsylvania will be loosening isolation standards in phases by counties. There are roughly 12.8 million people living in Pennsylvania spread over 67 counties. As a broad statement, there are 134 versions on how the reopening plan will be implemented with about 12.8 million opinions on how to do it better. 
 
In general the state is establishing 3 levels of what I guess can be described as activity. “Red” is where we started with a stay at home order in place except for transport to and from the three Fs of essential business: food, pharmacy, and physician. (Yeah, yeah, I know, but you get the idea. Hey, it works on audio!) Restaurants are open only for takeout and delivery. “Yellow” removes the stay at home but if you go out maintain social distance and wear your masks, stores may open but curbside pickup and delivery is preferred, and no public gatherings greater than 25 people. Restaurants and bars are still restricted to take out and delivery and hair and nail salons, and gyms and spas remain closed. “Green” means you can now travel about and conduct business within CDC guidelines although there is still some question about large, large gatherings. 
 
The first phase shifted 24 counties to “yellow” on May 8. Another 13 counties turn “yellow” on May 15 and no counties go to “green” just yet. It is anticipated that there will be no further status changes before June 4. If you’ve been home schooling your kids in math the little tykes will have figured out that leaves 30 counties at “red.” Oh, and one of those “red” counties is actually surrounded by a bunch of “yellows.”
 
Because this system was developed by a government there are, as governments love to do, pages of specifics with a lot of whereas and wherefore sounding clauses but what I gave you is pretty much the down and dirty. And boy did people get pretty much down and very dirty.
 
In the “red” counties the biggest news stories have headlines that read like “District Attorney Will Not Prosecute Businesses That Open.” Comments to stories and posts on social media are filled with “statistics” about why somebody’s county left behind has lower infection or death rates than those moving ahead and should be declared “yellow” soonest. The talk on social media is of I’ll just cross the county and/or state line and get what I need there prompting yet additional outrage by business owners over the ingratitude of their “neighbors.” Lawyers are preparing class action suits against the Governor and Secretary of Health demanding full, unconditional reopening. 
 
In the “yellow” and soon to be “yellow” counties, after 6 weeks of hearing on the news and reading in the papers how much we need to reopen the businesses and get people back to work, the media is now reporting that business owners aren’t ready to reopen their doors. Owners are saying it will take weeks to get ready to accept customers and are asking what guarantees they will have that if somebody gets sick in their stores they won’t be held liable. Restaurants, bar, gyms, and spas are preparing plans to present to the governor demonstrating how they can function while maintaining social distancing and should be allowed to reopen. Hair salons are posting they are opening for business regardless of operating guidelines.
 
It seems there are more plans for defying the plan than there are plans to implement the plan. Not to be undone by the potential mutineers, the Governor has threatened revocation of business and professional licenses of those opening or conducting business contrary to orders to remain closed.
 
Then came the threat. This story was picked up by the Associated Press and reprinted in papers and on news sites throughout the country so you may have already seen it, but here, as first reported in the York Dispatch (12 May 2020) is the lead:
 
State police arrested a Greensburg-area man Tuesday for allegedly saying he and his buddies “have a bullet waiting” for Gov. Tom Wolf if the governor doesn’t reopen businesses closed for the COVID-19 pandemic.
 
Subsequent updates confirmed the accused who had made the threat by telephone to Wolf Home Products, a kitchen and bath cabinet manufacturer once owned by the Governor, was identified by tracking the phone he called from and located via a records search at the county probation office.
 
So our intrepid would be assassin would have been wise to spend some time during his period of isolation learning constitutional law, the state penal code, common courtesy, or at least not to use his own phone when making threats by phone. (Let that be a lesson to you future would be assassins.) I suppose that being an at least one-time loser, evidenced by the fact that he is known at the probation office, he is doing what he can to maintain a consistent Neanderthalian persona. 
 
Now I ask you, do you want to come out of isolation with a felony charge hanging over your head? Don’t be a Neanderthal! Be a neighbor instead. Maybe bake cookies to celebrate and eat them all yourself because you’re still a little unsure. Then when you do get to sit down with friends and neighbors you’ll have a funny story you can tell instead of reading transcripts from your bail hearing.
 
And don’t stop washing your hands. 
 
 
 
 

Luck O’ the Irish

Michael Leave a comment

FIFTY-FIFTY! GET YOUR FIFTY-FIFTY HERE! FIFTY-FIFTY! THE MORE YOU PLAY, THE MORE YOU WIN!

Anybody who has been to a high school football game, band festival, or cheerleading competition knows that call. The fifty-fifty raffle has long been a stalwart fund raiser for these and other family-supported extracurricular activities. I remember some years ago being on the calling end for my daughter’s high school band and color guard counting up $300, $400, sometimes $500 dollars in the Saturday competitions pots. But you don’t expect them at the professional levels.

Last Friday I was at the hockey game and thought about buying a fifty-fifty ticket orpot-of-gold eighty. Yes, at the hockey game. A professional, NHL type hockey game. Our local team’s affiliated foundation uses fifty-fifty raffles at all of the home games to help fund their philanthropic activities. To date they have raised over $3 million for local charities. That means over $3 million dollars have been awarded to lucky ticket winners. I wasn’t one on Friday even with the special Luck o’ the Irish promotion of 80 tickets for a $20 donation versus the routine 40 tickets.

As I saw the total pot announcement during the third period ($57,000+) I wondered what the odds were of hitting that. There were over 18,000 people in attendance. If 10% bought tickets and the average purchase was 20 tickets that would be 1:36,000 odds of hitting the jackpot. Not bad when you consider similar odds in the Powerball (1:36,525 last Saturday) will net you only $100. Actually that will gross you $100. You’ll need to spend two bucks on the ticket. Sometimes even I spend those two dollars. With winning jackpots averaging about 100 million dollars, why not. Well, the odds for one reason.

The odds of winning the Powerball jackpot change with how much is played but you can figure they’ll be around 1 in 290,000,000 (that’s million). The Mega Millions is about 1 in 250,000,000. The odds of winning the Publisher Clearing House $1 million a year for life jackpot are one in 1.3 billion (with a B), but at least you don’t have to pay for one of those chances. Long odds but for big winnings. Still, not something you want to bet the mortgage on.

I have nothing against betting. I’ve already documented my big winnings (Confessions of a Lottery Winner, July 5, 2014) and even helped out at our state lottery drawing (Pressing My Luck, September 22, 2016). But even with the unfathomable amounts that are possible out there I think I’ll stick with the local band fifty-fifties. And if I ever should win one of them, I’ll probably donate my winners back to the kids.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Have you ever hit it big in the lottery? Sweepstakes? Basket raffle?

Trust Me

Michael Leave a comment

Tonight, across America, viewers will be avoiding the season’s most unrequested multi-station premier of the new situation comedy, the U.S. Presidential Election Debate. Like all good comedies the magic starts with the scripts. Since this show was written primarily in Politispeak, the RRSB is thrilled to present to you this Politispeak-English dictionary. You may find it also handy for everyday use particularly if your day involves interactions with bosses, workers, children, parents, friends, siblings, enemies, or aliens (legal, illegal, or extraterrestrial).

 

We begin with some key phrases.

Connect the dots – I have no idea how these things go together but I’m pretty sure they are right, good, or otherwise suitable to whomever I am speaking so let’s go for broke and put all our eggs in one basket.

Hard work pays off -or- It takes hard work to get the job done – You do the work, I take the credit and/or reward, preferably monetary.

I approve this message – Although there is little if any truth in this message, my legal team tells me that there is little to nothing that anyone can prove is at all to completely untruthful.

I got your back – You really are gullible.

In all honesty – I have no idea what I’m talking about

No offense intended – You suck

People are our most important asset – People who agree with me are sort of tolerable; people who disagree with me are scum.

Together we can make a difference – I need your vote/approval to accomplish my personal goal. If you happen to get anything out of it, isn’t that a happy accident?

Trust me – Yeah, right.

What you think matters or Your opinion is important to me – You’re kidding me, right?

With all respect -Boy, you really suck!

With great power comes great responsibility – with great power come large book deals and obscenely high speaking fees.

 

In addition to key phrases, professional misleaders also rely on certain words to confuse, confound, or bewilder the listener.

Actually – “I haven’t given it any thought.” When a speaker uses “Actually” as in “this is actually what writers of the Constitution intended,” they are really saying “My advisers/handlers/trainers told me that this would be a good place to interject something thought provoking but I haven’t given it any thought myself.”  Everyday users probably recognize this as a common phrase uttered by spouses, partners, or persons otherwise of interest to yourself as in “That’s actually a good idea.”

But – Everything before the “But” is bullshit. Examples include, “You are the most wonderful person I have ever met, but I think it’s best if we never see each other again.”

Honestly – In its most basic meaning, everything after “Honestly” is bullshit as in “Honestly, I value your opinion.” Occasionally “But” and “Honestly” will be used together to create a compound incredulity. Thus, “I have the greatest respect for you but honestly I feel we need to explore this idea a little deeper” translates to “You suck and your idea does too.”

Really – When used to indicate degree of something positive as “I had a really good time,” the speaker means the opposite. To imply a good time was had, the correct phrase would be, “I had a good time.” Likewise, in Politispeak, “Really” interjected into an otherwise positive phrase such as, “I am really the best option,” means, “I question my own press releases.” Note that “Really” interjected in negative phrases can be successfully removed from the phrase without changing its meaning. “You really suck,” generally translates to “You suck.”

Seriously – When used as an adjective it means the opposite of what is being modified. For example, “This is a seriously important issue,” means “This has no bearing on life as we know it.” You may be more familiar with “this is seriously good coffee,” meaning “this coffee tastes like brown toilet water.” When used as an introduction, “Seriously“, connotes a desire for the listener to consider the speaker as a personal friend of the listener as, “Seriously, you can count on me.”

 

There you have it – the official, first ever Politispeak-English Dictionary. This is seriously the most fun I’ve had writing a post. I have researched this topic thoroughly but I’m sure there are some words or phrases I have left out. In all honesty, I value your opinion, so if you think of any really fabulous examples, add them in the comments section.  Actually I know our hard work will pay off and people will soon be able to completely understand what others are saying. Honestly, I look forward to continuing this discussion. Together we can make a difference. Trust me.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Pressing My Luck

Michael 1 Comment

Today marks the first day of autumn and the transition from those lazy, hazy days into the dark, blustery days. It’s a day to reflect on what I didn’t do on my summer vacation. I’ll warn you right now this post is just a tad long, but I think you’ll find it fun and interesting.

For the purposes of this discussion, the vacation season began on the unofficial beginning of summer in May sometime during the Memorial Day weekend and not the actual but much too late first day of astrological summer in June or the anticipatory but much too early first day of astrological spring in March.

Actually, for me, every day is a vacation. I have no urgencies in life nor engagements to keep but those imposed upon me by me. The list of things urgent or imposing this summer was pretty short. One thing both of those was wear long, adult-style pants. And save for a few hours in June, I didn’t wear long pants for the entire summer. It was a great summer to let your legs hang out. A pair of shorts, a golf shirt, some comfy footwear, and I was living the great outdoors. Adding to the comfiness of my summer attire comfy, it was iron-free.

I mentioned there were a few hours that I had to dress like an adult. As much fun as I had hanging out at the pool, using much less sunscreen that I really should have, there were a few hours in June that required a traditional shirt, tie, jacket, long pants, and uncomfy footwear. No, it wasn’t a wedding. It wasn’t a graduation. It wasn’t a life-event celebration of epic proportions. It wasn’t even a night of champagne, caviar, and cocktails at a mid-summer gala. Nope, none of those. For a few hours in June I dressed and acted like an adult in order to witness two evenings of my state’s daily lottery drawing.

You’ve probably seen them or something like them. Three or four machines blow some bingo balls around and then a vacuum cleaner sucks up a few numbered balls and somebody becomes rich. All in 35 seconds of bingo ball madness. You’ve probably never wondered if somebody is watching what’s going on there. Somebody at the state lottery office did more than wonder and required that each drawing be witnessed by a member of the public. That’s why they do it. Why I wanted to was because it seemed fun and interesting.

The 35 seconds of the actual drawing probably don’t need a “member of the public” witness. In my state each drawing is conducted under the eyes of two on-site lottery officials, two on-site auditors, two cameramen (camerapeople?), one floor director, one off-site lottery official, one announcer, one off-site auditor, and the two (yes, two) “public” witnesses. In addition, each ball is tagged with a RFID chip read by a sensor as it passes through the capture tube and transmits its ID number to a computer receiver. That confirms the number you see on TV is actually the number that got sucked out of the pack. And all that is just for those 35 seconds.

But the actually witnessing started a couple of hours before those frantic on-air seconds. It took three different people to disengage the alarm and unlock the room and cabinets where the machines and balls are kept at the television station where the drawing was held. Once inside, the witnesses select the machine that will be used for each game and the ball set that will be placed into the machine. One lottery official verifies the weights of the balls and the operation of the machines. Another official places the selected ball set into the chosen machine for a particular game. On the first night that I witnessed, six games requiring six machines and 16 separate ball sets were scheduled. Six machines out of a possible 12 were selected for the four daily number games and 14 sets of 10 balls each were picked from 30 possible locked sets. Four two additional games two machines out of a possible 8 and two different sets of balls (one of 42 and one of 47) were chosen from 6 possible sets of each. All of the ball sets were confirmed to be complete and properly weighted. Each chosen machine was loaded and confirmed intact. Then all the machines were moved from the storage room to the studio by lottery and studio employees under the eyes of the auditors and witnesses. And under the eyes of at least a dozen security cameras that I was able to spot plus who knows how many other.

Once in the studio each game was simulated three times to confirm proper operation and allowed the auditors to confirm that all drawn numbers were within appropriate randomness limits. Then a rehearsal was held, the 35 frantic seconds played out, a final round confirming each machine’s operation run through, the machines locked, returned to the storage room, and the sequence reversed where the machines were emptied and put into their places, the removed balls were re-weighed, reset in their cases and lock away and the three people locked the various cabinets and doors, and the alarm was reset.

Twenty-one hours later I returned to the studio for day two of my witnessing obligation which was more of the same except that there was one less game and thus one less machine and one less set of drawing balls required.

Because on one of those days I would appear on camera I had to be dressed at least a little less like Ernest Hemingway on Key West. And because the TV station where all this was taking place is about 200 miles from home, those clothes made the trip in a suitcase. So wouldn’t you know it, the only times I had to not only be in long pants and a real shirt I also had to iron them.

It was still fun and interesting.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

And now, the start of the story…

Michael 4 Comments

Let me start right out of the gate and say this post is going to be a little different. Not much humor, useless trivia, or sarcasm in this one. Depending on how long you’ve been following this story you might know that a couple of years ago life was interrupted by a bout with cancer. It seems that for so many today, cancer is just an interruption. Cancer strikes this celebrity, that athlete, or this actor and they recover, return to their former lives with an even greater performance, voice, or achievement.  For me, cancer was maybe more than an interruption. But one thing it was for sure, it was inevitable.

Fifteen years ago I was diagnosed with one of the rarer immune system abnormalities. Not one of the many rheumatoid conditions that today have so many wonderful drugs advertised on TV so you can get back to golf, fancy restaurants, delightful carnivals, volunteer work, or unashamed workouts from high energy spin classes to meditative yoga. Nope, the one I got wasn’t even in researchers’ microscopes looking for a sometime-in-the-future remedy. Treatment for me meant high doses of prednisone and immunosuppressive agents once used in the early fight against cancer. I knew from the start that over several years the treatments themselves could cause problems like renal failure, heart failure, liver failure, or the cancers they were initially developed to treat. I also knew from the start that left untreated, over several months my condition could cause problems like death and dying.

I chose Door Number One.

Then three years ago I found out I had cancer. I knew that I most likely wouldn’t come out of it with an even greater performance, voice, or achievement. For me it wasn’t that one thing I had to overcome. It was just another thing in the yet increasing number of things that had happened, and will continue to happen to me.

Over the years I’ve had so many pieces of me removed, replaced, or rebuilt that I could give Lee Majors a strong run for the Six Million Dollar Man title role.  Over the years it’s gotten harder to say if the latest ache, pain, or procedure is due to the condition or the cure. Last week I spent a day in an outpatient surgery unit having an artery and vein in my right arm tied together to form an entry and exit site necessary for dialysis. It was inevitable and got me thinking about that cancer diagnosis from three years ago.

By then I had already been given about a dozen extra years since choosing Door Number One. In those 12 years I had gotten to see my daughter graduate high school and college and discovered the difference between being a father and being Dad. I had met new people who I would never forget who before I could never have ever imagined. I had earned national recognition in a field that itself is rarely recognized. I had earned about a million dollars, spent about a million and a half, and probably would do it the same way all over again.

The more I think of it, the more I think how lucky I am to have gotten to that cancer diagnosis. I got to hear a doctor tell me that I had a potentially terminal condition long before I had cancer. By the time I heard a doctor tell me “You have cancer,” (though more delicately than that) I had 12 years that I wouldn’t have had if I had chosen the path that didn’t include the possibility that treatment might cause cancer.

I wish everyone who ever has to hear a doctor say “You have cancer,” (hopefully more delicately than that) all the best things that life has in store for you. And although I can’t argue that having cancer is ever one of the best things that life has in store for you, there really are some things worse than having cancer. Sometimes, even not having it can be worse.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

5-1/2 Reasons that Numbers are Better than Letters

Michael Leave a comment

Do you remember the Top 40 Countdown? Do they still have a Top 40 Countdown? Who decided on 40? Why not 50? Was it perhaps a conscious attack on the Top Ten? We all have some fascination with numbers. Sometimes that fascination becomes an obsession, sometimes a compulsion, and sometimes a headline writer’s dream.

I noticed something the other day while perusing the headlines on a national news web-site. Once I got past the REALLY BIG BANNERS IN LARGE, BOLD FONTS, about half of the headlines were counting something.  22 Terrible Songs by Terrific Artists, 5 Hottest New TV Shows, 7 Things that Trigger Alzheimer’s. Again, once you get past the REALLY BIG stories, these are the articles that get mouses clicking. Why is that?

I proposed these reasons why we are fascinated with numbers.

1. Numbers are universal. There is no question that numbers are everywhere. And wherever they are, they are almost always the same. “Five” might be “five,” “cinco,” “cinq,” “cinque,” “fimm,” “viisi,” “besh,” or “ezinhlanu,” but “5” is just plain “5.”

2.  Numbers are easier to read than letters. Until they get really, really big, like 1,817,654,427,003 your brain sees, reads, identifies, and processes “117” much faster “one hundred, seventeen.”

3.  Numbers play favorites. Go ahead, ask someone what his or her favorite number is and you will certainly get an answer. Favorite numbers end up in passwords, on security keypads, on roulette tables, and being played in the daily lottery drawing. Ask someone what his or her favorite letter is and you will get a blank stare.

4.  Numbers are memorable. Spirit of 76, Apollo 13, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. All you have to do is think of the number portion and right away you know the significance of what you’re seeing. That’s why ATMs use PINs, not PILs.

5.  Numbers are pleasing to the eye. Seriously, numbers are attractive little devils. Rattle off 36-24-36 and everybody knows exactly what picture to paint in your imagination.

5-1/2. Sorry, there is no 5-1/2 but it sure did make the title of this post more memorable, didn’t it?

Numbers. As the Science Officer aboard NCC-1701 would say, “Fascinating.”

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

I Didn’t Know That (Ooops, corrected copy)

Michael 1 Comment

I recall a time when a graduate student would say something and by gosh, that was the way it was. It was sort of like the 1970s (ugh) equivalent of the Internet. You know darn well that 99.9% of what is on it would be disallowed in a court of law as hearsay, unfounded, or speculative, yet there is that part of you that is sure if you read it there, just as we used to be sure if we heard it from them, then it must be true.

There is no end to the things that I am sure are true. Well, that’s probably a bit overstated. I’m sure there is some end but I figure my end is closer than that end so to me it’s all endless. However, there are still some things that I don’t know that I want to add to the things that are true before one of those ends shows up around the bend.

For example, I know exactly where dust comes from. (If you don’t, don’t look it up, it’s disgusting! Ok, I’ll tell you. It’s mostly sloughed off skin. Yuck.) But I have no idea how I get dust inside a closed cabinet. Is that where the kitchen fairies who clean up the messes and put the dishes away hang out and let their skin hang out with them. If so, why are they just hanging out in my drawers and cabinets and not wiping the kitchen experiments gone awry off the counters and walls.

Another thing I can’t figure out is radio. I’m an educated person, a science educated person, who actually understands (and can spell) gluconeogenesis. I understand the theory of radio waves and how transmitters excite the air and receivers replicate the original wave patterns. But I have no idea how they know which is which. They say (“They” being the grad students of the 70s from whom I first heard this and “They” also being the Internet of the new millennium where I confirmed this just yesterday) that radio waves never stop. Whatever has been still is. So if everything ever transmitted – radio, television, cell phones, CB radios, walkie talkies, blue tooth, satellite radio, GPS, and the thousands of other things that I’ve forgotten or never knew about – is still floating around out there, how does my car always know what station to pluck out of the air for me? Personally, I think it’s magic.

They (there go them again) claim that it takes more calories to eat celery than celery contains making it a true negative calorie food. Assuming that you consider celery food. I’ll buy that because I can read how many calories celery contains (6 calories per stalk according to some sources) and how many calories it takes to chew, swallow, digest, and -ummm- eliminate celery (8 calories based on a University of Warwick study when extrapolated per stalk). I even know what a calorie is. That is, the energy needed to raise one gram of water one degree centigrade. And I know that the US FDA wants to require that calorie content of food be included in labeling, menus, even on vending machines. What I have no idea of is how you figure out how many calories a food has. Does burning that one stalk of celery raise one gram of water by six degrees? Or to make it more easily measured would you burn 1,440 stalks of celery to attempt to raise the temperature of one cup of water 240 degrees? And how would you even do that with a Quarter Pounder with Cheese or an Extra Crispy Chicken Little Sandwich, or a pack of Grandma’s Famous Chocolate Chip Cookies (the vending pack)?

So, in an Internet filled with people proclaiming all the things that they know, there you have a few things I am willing to admit that I don’t know. If you do, please feel free to add your comment and add to the things that I know and help me get the end a little further away from that other end. One thing though, even if you do know, I really don’t want to know how to measure how many calories are burned by digesting a bowl of chocolate moose tracks ice cream. Some things are best left a mystery.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

You have the right. . .

Michael Leave a comment

I don’t listen to satellite radio often, but when I do I prefer the commercial free channels. The funny thing about satellite radio is that on the channels that are not commercial free, a great many of the ads are for credit repair, an unusual sponsor for a service that charges hundreds of dollars a year in subscription fees. Or maybe not. One in particular caught my ear lately.

It began, “You have the right to reduce your debt.” My first thought was, no you have an obligation to reduce your debt and it’s called bill paying. Actually, my first thought was to switch channels but I fought that off, not because I need to reduce my debt but that once upon a time I was so heavily in debt that your average homeless person had a higher credit score than I. I reduced my debt by stopping indiscriminate buying, selling off assets, paying off creditors, and closing credit cards. I was pretty sure the fellow espousing my rights to un-indebtedness didn’t have those notions in mind.

I’m sure there are many reasonable ways to reduce debt. Just because most governments haven’t figured out a way to do it doesn’t mean that we have lower ourselves to their levels. Especially on this weekend – Labor Day weekend. Huh? The thing is, you don’t want to reduce debt that’s going to cost people their jobs. Huh?

It doesn’t matter if a business is a 12 seat diner owned by the guy down the street or a multi-national banking business run by a bazillionaire. If you take money away from them they will work out a way of making it up. Either that means raising prices or lowering expenses – and the biggest expense of any business is its human resource.

Yes, you have a right to reduce your debt. It’s not right up there with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But then again, maybe it is. If it makes you happy, you should reduce. You also have a responsibility to reduce honorably. When you sign an agreement to accept the terms of credit it includes the expectation of repayment. It’s what the people who lend you money deserve.  And it’s what the people who are paid their salary based on the money you pay them deserve.

Back to that ad – while most of it was playing I was mentally drifting thinking about most of what you just read. But I came back to earth in time to hear the tag line – “Don’t let the credit card companies trick you into thinking that you have to pay them what you owe.” Huh?

Happy Labor Day.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?