Go to…where?

Oh you can just go to…where?

Before you start reading, please be warned this post contains some dramatic and often controversial concepts. Words like forgiveness, repentance, and hope are used, and not ironically.  We may even talk about politics and religion. Certainly, about the religious.

It has been a week and a day since Pope Francis was asked in an Italian television interview, how he imagined hell. He answered “It’s difficult to imagine it. What I would say is not a dogma of faith, but my personal thought: I like to think hell is empty; I hope it is.” It would seem, as Cindy Wooten wrote in an article for the Catholic News Service, to be an answer we should have expected. She wrote, “An emphasis on God’s mercy has so dominated Pope Francis’ pontificate that it should surprise no one that he said he hopes hell is empty.”

As of yesterday, social media is still buzzing. Perhaps people had to take a week to check out how their followers, connections, fellow former Twitterites, and “friends” felt about this, because we know that in the world of social media, we must all take a stand in every subject imaginable, especially after we find out what stand the loudest of the loud are taking. I won’t go into all of the ridiculous excuses people came up with to garner their 15 seconds of fame, suffice it to say that as with most issues from the Bill of Rights to the Las Vegas odds on the NFL playoffs, the loudest of the loud also demonstrated how easy it is to formulate an opinion before, and often instead of looking at obvious facts. The most often cited arguments against hoping hell has a lot of vacancies are what about Hitler (and other examples you don’t have to go back 80 years to find), what about serial killers, what about justice, and what about the devil himself.

“I like to think hell is empty; I hope it is.” None of those 11 words states nor even suggests there is no hell or there are no people bad enough to be worthy of hell, nor the existence of the devil if that is what you believe. The statement can be twisted into a more secular aspiration, “I like to think no newborn ever is sick enough to have to be admitted to a neonatal intensive care unit,” or “I like to think there will never be a car accident so bad the fire fighters have to cut an injured person out of a burning wreck.” It is a statement of hope, of desire, even of a challenge made to mankind to admit wrongdoing, confess and repent and rely on God’s mercy to save you from the sure damnation to the hell that we’d rather see empty.

I bring this up because it so reflects how far people will go to argue a point. It is not a matter of religion. We do this with statements from religious leaders, world leaders, celebrities, pretend celebrities, politicians, athletes, anybody we perceive as trying to “tell us what to do.” The arguments are universal. Much too often people don’t read, don’t listen, don’t know what’s been said before they start arguing a point, often the point they want to argue rather than whatever has been said, or to only parts of what had been said. (Note Pope Francis’ qualification “my personal thought.”) Just as big a concern are the people who have no stake in the discussion. Continuing with the Pope’s statement, there were many social media posts along the lines of “what does it matter, there is no Heaven or hell.” In that case, why even address the situation.

We do this with religion, with politics, and for too many even within our own families. It is easier to argue a point than defend it or to logically challenge it. Just look at the convoluted arguments surrounding the First and Second Amendments. People want to interpret to fit their expectations rather than read and understand what was intended.

Every religion believes in repentance, contrition, and mercy. Each has some dogma that says we can be forgiven for whatever wrongs we’ve done. Stepping outside religion, most societies also have systems of repentance and forgiveness. (“I’d like to think we are good enough to each other that prisons are empty.”) Every religion also has some prophetic personages. Ask most people of the role of the prophets and the response most probably is to foretell events. And although some prophets sometimes did, most carried messages to the people to repent. Now, ask most people what it means to repent, and the most common answer would be to express recognition of transgressions. Repentance also includes remorse and acceptance, and then recognize and correct the offensive action.

Without sounding like the street preachers of the 1960s, when you understand the process that has been created for us, the us who believe in Heaven and hell, who believe in God, a merciful God, we see it is possible to “repent and be saved,” and the Pope’s desire to see an empty hell is possible. It is improbable because there are too many people who believe themselves to be the center of all creation.

Likewise, it will be forever impossible if we never release our petty desires to always be right and if we can’t be right, do all we can to prove someone else wrong. It we can’t do that, we don’t have to worry about hell being empty. We will find ourselves already there.


You cannot make anybody like you, but you can make a place where they might. Read our take on how being honest, available, and caring can maintain healthy relationships in the most recent Uplift If You Insist.


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Fit to be untied

It’s been a year and 2 months, roughly 14 months, almost exactly 1 year, 2 months, and 2 days depending on if you consider the day that you start counting day 1 or day 0. No matter which way you want to count it, it’s been a while since I brought this up here. Why does one shoelace always come untied while you’re walking? Or sometimes even just sitting. Of course, if that happens while you are sitting, I suppose it really matters on how actively you sit that could determine just how often “sometimes” might be. Or is it just me?

Surely you remember the quandary I expressed those 429 days ago (or 428). If not, allow me to summarize. Both feet are going the same place and at the same pace. Both shoes and both laces are made of the same materials. The temperature and humidity at my left foot are pert near identical to those at my right. All things being equal, why aren’t the laces? Why does one shoelace always untie itself? And in my case, it’s always the left shoe. With one exception.

This might be why I started thinking about this all over again. That one exception is with my newest pair of footwear, which actually are slippers. (Is slippers?) (Hmm) Yeah, yeah, go ahead and question it. Why do slippers even have laces? In the world of are you a “shoe person” or a “socks or barefoot person” at home. (Bare feet?) (Bare foot?) (No, barefoot but definitely with no space.) (Whew!) And yes, feel free to question that also, although I can assure you that a detailed examination of this hypothesis revealed that the vast majority (over 50% at least) of those questioned answered one or the other. (Now where was I?) (Oh yes…) In the world of are you a “shoe person” or a “socks or barefoot person” at home, I fall squarely in the center. (Middle?) (Center?) I fall right in between. I am a “slipper person.” (Or “slippers person” if you prefer.)

I have several pairs of slippers. (several pair?) (Whatever!) I have my “nighttime walk around the house when I can’t sleep slippers.” I have my “to and from the shower so I don’t get the carpet all wet slippers.” And now I have my “wear during the day at home but look more like casual shoes but are actually slippers for a little more formal look slippers.” (I see where this post is starting to get a little personal but at least I can say I don’t have any “these are really too racy to discuss in public slippers” so you can be comfortable sticking around for the rest of the story if there are children (or not) about (or around).) And that’s how I came to have slippers with laces. Faux laces because they really don’t do anything but sit there and look lacy. (Not that kind of lacy. I said this post wasn’t racy and if it was racy lacy I wouldn’t have even brought it up.) And those are the exception. If you’ve forgotten what they are the exception to, please feel free to go back and re-read the first, no second paragraph. (I did.)

So among the shoes with laces that untie the left foot (left shoe?) (left foot shoe?) themselves… So among the shoes with laces that all by themselves untie the shoe that goes on the left foot, there is one exception, those slippers, and they untie both left and right foot. (Feet?) It totally defeats the purpose of getting slippers that look like shoes (sort of) when you end up walking around with your slippers (that look like shoes) untied. Like how is that formal? The only thing I can think of that looks less formal is walking around in a tuxedo with your left shoelace untied. (And those little waxed laces they put on shoes they expect you to wear with your tux are the worst! (worse?) (worst!)) (Hahaha. I just thought of something funny. There really are places that expect you in formal wear that let me in! Sometimes even by invitation!!) (Heeheehee)

Anyway, If anybody has any hints as to how you keep your shoelaces from untying themselves, please feel free to comment.


Prior performance may not guarantee future results, but present desire can! Read how we feel determination should be your go to asset in the most recent Uplift!


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Non-Wishes for the New Year

Happy New Year! Did you wash your hair this morning? I do hope that wasn’t too personal. I ask only because if you did, you are pressing your luck. Just as you would be if you swept your floors this morning. Odd superstition those two are. You don’t want to wash away the good luck of the year. Or sweep your good fortunes outside. It’s equally odd “they” have no qualms with vacuuming or taking a shower, presumably while wearing a shower cap. What other bad luck omens should we be avoiding this New Year day?

On the good side of the omens, there are plenty of options for leveraging luck and prosperity. Are you wearing red underwear? Oh darn, there I go again. Too personal. If you have already selected your undergarments and they aren’t of that shade you can still almost guarantee good luck by having lentils for dinner or are you sticking with the old standby of pork and sauerkraut. Whatever you eat be sure to serve pomegranate for fruit course. And don’t forget to roll an empty suitcase around the house if you’re looking to fill the year with travel. Ah, travel. Where would I go? Where would you go?

Good omens, bad omens, good and bad luck. New Year’s, Halloween, and Fridays the Thirteenth have to be the most superstitious days on the calendar. The most superstitious superstition may be the least well known. A wish made exactly at midnight between New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day will surely come true. Most people are too busy looking for someone to kiss and trying to remember the words to Auld Lang Syne to worry about making wishes. The wish making doesn’t happen until hours later when many are wishing they hadn’t opened that last bottle of champagne.

It’s a terrible thing to know you might have had a wish come true and missed your chance. But that chance is a lot chancier than you might think. It must be made right at midnight, the magic moment. It’s the most chancy of good luck omens because nobody knows exactly when midnight is. That’s more obviously true this year than most. This is a leap year so we are more aware that man’s idea of a 24 hour day and a 365 day year are no match for nature’s more exact timing. Even our quadrennial intercalary addition of a spare day in February isn’t enough, hence the random “leap second” inclusions from time to time. The wish grantors aren‘t going to accept man’s claim of when midnight happens. No, it must be the one, true midnight, and even when that happens changes with every westerly taken step.

Perhaps it is just as well. Wishes are no way to go through life. I know. I’ve spent the equivalent of a lifetime wishing for a better life, not knowing then the one I have that was made by hope and faith and hard work, positive energy and prayer and meditation, beats the heck out of one built on wishing. Knowing wishes rarely come true, and never without exacting some price, has been freeing. Among other things, freeing me to find someone to kiss and to remember those darned lyrics.

Happy New Year. May all your wishes never come true.


It’s time to look back at 2023. Will you be wishing for any do overs. In the most recent Uplift we look at the perils of the redo versus the practicality of the refine. Read it here!


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Can I have that in writing

Last week I bought a set of book ends. Plain acrylic book ends you put on a bookshelf to hold the books that don’t stretch all the way across the shelf. Not fancy. Not decorative. Plain L-shaped hunks of plastic designed to do nothing but hold other things up. Although not patented until 1877, they have certainly been around since there have been books. They are as utilitarian as doorknobs or shoelaces. Things that just are. Why then am I devoting so much space to the humble bookend? It wasn’t the bookends that caught my attention when I first opened the box, aquiver with anticipation that finally I can keep my books from toppling over. It was the piece of paper within the box. The – ahem – instructions for use.

I saw a post on one of the social media sites (which I don’t remember for they are becoming like 1980s era GM cars), “in a 1960s a car’s owners’ manual had instructions on setting the gap on the spark plugs; today’s warns you not to drink the battery acid.” I thought that was cute but it could be accurate. Oh, not the 1960s reference. I do indeed recall those cars. In fact, I remember a time when on the driver’s door post, in addition to the sticker indicating the recommended air pressure, there was one also noting the recommended carburetor fuel flow, the manual including details how to make those adjustments. No, I was certain the reference to not drinking the battery acid had to have been hyperbole. And then I discovered instructions for how to use book ends.

About a month ago I bought a new easel. Artist easels have been around about as long as book ends. Although they have more parts than bookends, and moving parts to boot, there are not many ways to incorrectly stand an easel. In fact, I can think of no way to get it wrong. Yet, when I opened that box, sitting on top of the collapsed wooden frame was a four-page instruction booklet. I poured over those instructions looking for the secret to paint like Rembrandt but all I found was that I should “secure the painting surface securely.” You would think if they were going to go through the trouble of hiring someone to write operating instructions, they could have at least hired someone who knows how to use a thesaurus.

I get it. The people who make car batteries really don’t want you to crack open the battery case and suck out the “juice” no matter how long you’ve been on the side of the road waiting for service and how thirsty you got while waiting. That’s a dumb idea. And I get that somebody somewhere must have gotten exactly that thirsty, or we wouldn’t be discussing ways to discourage people from drinking battery acid. I don’t get it. Even if you used it wrong, what fate would befall you from the incorrect use of a bookend (a plastic bookend!) that would get a personal injury lawyer kicking his lips?

My warning to all of you, check those scissors, tape, ribbons, and bows before you do any gift wrapping this week for instructions. You don’t want to be the first one at the emergency room trying to explain you did what with your ribbon!


So little of this year is left. Was it as you expected or did it take a different turn? We tell a tale of how unexpected things turn out to be most welcome in the latest Uplift! (It’s just a quick 3 minute read.)


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Are you ready?

Are you ready? Only 2 weeks till Christmas. Are you ready? Only 3 weeks to New Years Day. Are you ready? Only 14 weeks until the start of Daylight Saving Time. Are you ready? Only one day until tomorrow.

It seems we are always getting ready for something. True some things need a good dose of planning. If you’re thinking of having 12 people for Christmas Eve dinner, you should be getting ready now! If you’re already thinking that you can’t wait until we change the clocks back and are standing at the grandfather clock poised to adjust those hands, you are over prepared. And even though it is only one day away, if you haven’t planned for tomorrow, you may be shortchanging yourself.

It is true, no tomorrow is guaranteed any of us, so why plan that far ahead. On the other hand, we can’t treat any day, especially one as important as tomorrow so cavalierly as to pay more attention to an event half a month in the future than to what tomorrow may mean.

Believe it or not, today is the only day you get today. And tomorrow’s today will be the only today then. if you’re lucky enough to be here then. According to data compiled by the United Nations, 150,000 people die each day. That’s a lot of people. It may seem a drop in a bucket compared to the 8 billion people the UN estimates are inhabiting this earth. Unless you’re one of those 150,000. Or related to one of them. Or a good friend of one. The point is, there is no guarantee to a tomorrow. But should we still plan for it like we do for events weeks, months, and even years into the future? I say yes. Why?

How about hope?

C. S. Lewis said of hope, “Hope is the only thing that will keep you from despair.” I believe he is telling us that if we don’t have hope, we live in fear of being one of tomorrow’s 150,000. With hope we look forward to the new experiences tomorrow’s today will bring us just in case we aren’t. It’s why we try to be ready for tomorrow by being our best today.

So go ahead and plan for Christmas, New Year’s Day, even the start of Daylight Saving Time. Did you know there are only 10 weeks and two days until Valentine’s Day. And there’s only one day until tomorrow.

Are you ready?


How do you tell friends you love them? In writing of course! We explain in the most recent Uplift we we say say Every letter is a love letter.

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It’s that time again

It’s that time again. You have one person on your list and after a month’s worth of early holiday sales, you still don’t have anything for her. Or him. Or them. Not even an idea.

Fortunately, you’re in luck. We’ve entered that no man’s land of take no prisoners marketing blitz that falls between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Get ready for it. Every day will bring a new email from some company you bought one thing from 18 years ago before you even had an email address. Your physical mailbox will be bulging with sales flyers for stores around the corner than you thought closed last April. Television and radio will exchange political ads for “The very very last chance at Black Friday savings!” sale ads. And even the grocery stores will line their entrances with poinsettias, wreathes, and 6 foot inflatable Santa and reindeer yard balloons.

Speaking of yards, I was amazed at how many yards were over-the-top decorated for Halloween this year and the number of huge (like 10 foot tall huge) skeletons and Jack Skellington replicas. I am happy to report that many of the people in my neighborhood who spent hundreds of dollars on these monster size monstrosities have repurposed them for Christmas by soliciting their giant skeletons to help string lights across the front of the house. Very festive.

Back to business though, you can also count on your sleepy neighborhood hardware store to fill their parking lot with every Christmas character from Santa and his sleigh to a life size nativity set all in inflatable forms, and a special section inside devoted to “As Seen On TV” leftovers.

Excluding paper routes and summer grass cutting/winter snow shoveling gigs, the first real job I had was working for Gimbels department stores during college semester breaks. Admittedly that was in a different century, way way back in a different century when the day after Thanksgiving was just the day after Thanksgiving, no fancy name to it other than the “official” start of the Christmas season and sales were still four weeks away. You wanted door-busters back then, show up at 7 on the morning of the day after Christmas. Now those were sales! Anyway, I still recall being told I was not only there to run the cash register and suggest our gift wrapping services available at the service desk. I was also there to help, make suggestions, and see that the customer found what he, or she (those were the only choices then) wanted.

If you haven’t had any luck shopping for that elusive perfect present for your special him or her or it while shopping over the previous week’s many iterations of Pre-Black Friday, Every Day is Black Friday, Black Friday, Black Friday Weekend, and Cyber Monday, and toss in Small Business Saturday, you aren’t going to get it now, so don’t bother to look any more. Instead, maybe check out the crafts aisle in the dollar store, spend a ten spot and make something personal for the one person in your list you can never buy anything for.

She or he or they probably won’t like it, but they’ll love you for trying because after all that is what the season is all about. And don’t bother with a gift receipt. It won’t be returned.


Especially during this season, we know we can never say it enough. Read why we say saying thank you for the little things in your life makes a big difference to it. We can never say it enough is our most recent Uplift! article, and did we thank you for reading it yet?


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A prayer for Thanksgiving, one more time

ThanksgivingPrayerI first published this in 2017 then most recently in 2021. Each time I read it, even though I wrote it, I seem to find something different to ponder. For example, this year – “while I think of all that I am thankful for I’ll manage to miss most of them.” We take too much for granted, our blessings, our talents, and most sadly, our fellow humans, often even the ones that occupy space right there next to us.

Wednesday at the ROAMcare site we will post our annual Thanksgiving greeting, this year encouraging all to express their gratitude for the many little things done for us throughout the day, things that seem to just happen like that extra cup of coffee you didn’t have to get up for. Maybe by concentrating on, and being grateful for, and expressing our gratitude for the little things, the big things will fall into place like they just seem to happen.

I’ll start – thank you all for opening your computers or tablets or smart phones and reading along with me. Your virtual presence adds to my day and lets me know I’m valued.

Enjoy the run-up to the holiday! May your week be filled with expressions of gratitude for all the little things you do. You know, the ones that don’t just happen.


Today is Thanksgiving in the United States. It was or will be likewise around the world. Everybody is thankful for something and most nations have managed to work in a holiday to legitimize the feeling.

I don’t know how others do it but Americans have been managing to delegitimize feelings quite efficiently lately. We’ll tout our tolerance and claim to accept all and then slur anyone who doesn’t feel the same and blur want for welcome. We support everything and everyone as long as it or they support us in the manner to which we think we should be accustomed. Our gratitude for what we have is matched by our appetite for what we don’t.

Sometime today while I think of all that I am thankful for I’ll manage to miss most of them. So will everyone else. Mostly we’re not bad people as much as clueless ones. Clueless to the differences between our reality and the one that’s really out there. And clueless to how much we rely on what we don’t even know is happening.

So when you give your thanks today that hopefully you won’t restrict to just today I offer you the prayer I started today with.

Heavenly Father, this is the day set aside to give thanks for Your surpassing goodness to human beings. Let me give proper thanks for my blessings  –  those I am aware of as well as those that I habitually take for granted. And let me use them according to Your will.

Happy Thanksgiving today and every day you think to be thankful.



Do you feel like the time from Halloween until the day after New Years Day is your Winter Holiday Stress Zone? We do and we wrote how Toilet Paper Wisdom makes things roll along a little more smoothly. Check it out at Uplift! It only takes 2 minutes. You can spare that in your holiday prep plans and maybe even walk away a little de-stressed.


Not news is good news

There is a news column I read every Friday that amazes me, week after week, without fail, no matter how busy or slow the week has been. That column is from Associated Press, “NOT REAL NEWS: A look at what didn’t happen this week.” It’s not just the boring round-up of social media posts that only a complete idiot would believe. For those you can go any day of the week to apnews.com and click on “Fact Check” in the menu bar. No, the weekly summary has the most egregious findings, sprinkled with one or two that will tickle even the most astute news hound.

For example:

A couple days after Halloween, the AP debunked the claim made in a video of drones erecting a skeleton next to and the size of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, the tallest building in the world at more than 2,716 feet tall (actually 2,716 feet and 6 inches or a little less than 2&1/2 Empire State Buildings). The video with the caption, “Dubai’s #Halloween drone show takes an eerie turn with a spooky skeleton in the sky,” was viewed on TicToc over 8.5 million times and shared to other social sites including the one formerly known as Twitter where some yo-yo claimed the decision to erect the skeleton “sparked outrage among many muslim countries, who view Halloween a ‘satanic holiday’.” The yo-yo notwithstanding, I think it’s hilarious that anybody could believe a corps of 200 drones could build a 2700+ foot skeleton and nobody on the mall next to the building noticed. (In the video, people, at the location were just walking about like nothing was going on. (Imagine that!)) I wish I had a copy of the video to share but it’s since been removed.

Or how about this:

Did you know that the Salzburg Airport in Austria has a help desk specifically for people who intended to fly to Australia? I myself saw that post sometime during the last week of October on the site formerly known as Twitter and said to myself, “Self I said, ‘hahahaha!’” Apparently enough people believed it that the airport posted a clarification on their Facebook page that no such help desk exists, and the AP (and others) published a fact-check on it. It’s a story that illustrates the power of the internet and the stupidity of the human. There really was such a sign, sort of, made as an advertisement by home security company Commend International that hung in the baggage claim area as part of an ad campaign they ran in 2009!
Notice the differences including the original tag line, “Commend provides security…for even the most unlikely of situations”:

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Sign at Salzburg Airport (📷Facebook (Commend International))

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If you’re having a bad day, just remember that the airport in Salzburg, Austria has a counter for people who flew to Austria instead of Australia. (Social media post (📷 apnews.com))

Naturally not all the fake news they uncover is fun stuff like these. There are the usual suspect ballot stuffing, voting machine flipping, he said/she said accusations, and general mis- and disinformation pieces that fill most of the column, but the occasional fun ones make up for those you scratch your head over and wonder why someone would bother putting something together that is so outlandish.

I wade through the nonsense so I can get to the fun nonsense and have a good chuckle over it all. There’s always something there to laugh at. Especially around the holidays. I can’t wait for Christmas when they will be fact checking stories of a fat man wearing a red suit breaking into some politician’s house through the chimney, with the intent of keeping the politico from appearing at the next debate or something equally stupid.


Did you ever stop to think that maybe all motivation is self-motivation. We did and we wrote about in the most recent Uplift! See what we had to say about it then tell us if you agree.


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Gratefully yours

Yes, November is Gratitude Month and before it is over, we will also have celebrated Thanksgiving in the USofA. (I wonder… In Canada, Thanksgiving is celebrated in October. Is October Gratitude Month up there? C’mon, Canadian readers, fill me in!) To be honest, Thanksgiving and Gratitude Month in any country are not what I was thinking when I typed in that title. I was thinking more along the lines of letters. No, not A B C letters. Correspondence letters.

I was just at the post office buying stamps, stamps that have gone up in price again since the last time I bought them. (I go back to 5 cent first class postage, 4 for second class. Do we still have second class postage?) (Anyway…) As I was swiping my debit card through the card swiper I was thinking to myself for as often as the price has gone up, what a bargain postage still is. For 66 cents you can send a letter or card up to one ounce anywhere in the country. (For the curious, 4 sheets of paper + envelope is about an ounce.)  For $1.50 you can send that same card or letter (or one very similar) to 130 different countries, as close as Canada (remember than next October if you want to wish a Canadian friend Happy Thanksgiving), or as far away as Australia (the Australian territory of Norfolk Island celebrates Thanksgiving the last Thursday of November so you better and get your card to the post office now since it will take 2 to 3 weeks to get there). (I said it was a bargain, not a rush.)

I still write cards and letters, and not just at Christmas. There is something wonderfully personal about getting a greeting in the mail among all the sales flyers and invitations to open a new credit card. (But as much as you will hear me complain about spam email and text messages, I will never disparage junk mail. Those bulk mailers are spending a lot of money on postage and keep our postal expenditures manageable.) If you want to really say thank you to a friend for nothing more than just being a friend, you’d be hard pressed to come up with a more delightful way to do so than with a card or a hand written letter. Hand printed works too.

That’s all I got for now. No, one more thing. As I was resetting clocks over the weekend I realized how, even in this day of everything being connected (and/or “smart”), how many clocks I have that still need set by hand. And I still haven’t gotten to the cars. How about you?

Okay, so now get out and send your best friend a thank you card for putting up with you. Heaven knows they likely deserve one!


Speaking of best friends, deep friendships exist to remind each other that people are lovable without having to perform for it. But not without having to work for it. Read what we have to say about the work it takes to love somebody in the most recent Uplift! Love’s Struggles. (Approximate reading time – 4 minutes. That’s not so bad.)


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Time zones

I just hung up from what I consider the most annoying, most useless, and most aggravating of all phone calls. Even more of all the above superlatives than the calls that promise they can submit my paperwork and get me the payroll reimbursements for my personnel costs during the pandemic shutdowns (which considering I have no business and thus no employees I would have paid, that would be such a great trick they should go on the Las Vegas stage with it). No the most annoying, most useless and most aggravating of all phone calls are the doctor appointment reminder calls.

I am absolutely serious about that. Those are the most of all the above and I hate them. Despise them. Abhor them. And yes, I’m probably making too much of them, but by gosh they bother me.

First of all, they aren’t the pleasant receptionist at the office going through the upcoming week’s schedule making the calls. They are the cheapest versions of the most primitive robotic callers that make the computer on the original Star Trek series sound like Barbra Streisand.  You must know the script.

“Hello. This. Is. The. Office. Of. Doctor. VeryImportant. Calling. For. PatientFullName. If. This. Is. PatientFullName. Please. Press. One. If. This. Is. Not. PatientFullName. Please. Press. Two. I’m. Sorry. I. Did. Not. Understand. Your. Response.  If. This. Is. PatientFullName. Please. Press. One. If. This. Is. Not. PatientFullName. Please. Press. Two. Thank. You. This. Is. The. Office. Of. Doctor. VeryImportant. Calling. To. Remind. PatientFullName. Of. An. Appointment. On. Tuesday. October. Twenty. Fourth. At. Ten. O. Clock. In. The. Morning. Please. Press. One. To. Confirm. This. Appointment. Or. Press. Two. To. Speak. With. Someone. To. Reschedule. I’m. Sorry. I. Did. Not. Understand. Your. Response.  Please. Press. One. To. Confirm. This. Appointment. Or. Press. Two. To. Speak. With. Someone. To. Reschedule. Thank. You. We. Look. Forward. To. Seeing. PatientFullName. Soon. Para. Continuar. En. Español. Presione. La. Tecla. Estrella.

If that’s not bad enough, these calls come after the text message reminders, email reminders, and reminders through the hospital system patient “Portal.” Portal schmortal. It’s an app just like McDonalds or Dominos!

Maybe I’m just a bit overly sensitive to these intrusions because after being discharged I now have follow-up appointments with every doctor I’ve ever seen in the last 18 months and each one wants to make sure I get there without delay. Sheesh!

Who they really should be calling are the doctors to remind them they have an appointment with PatienFullName Tuesday morning and get your ass into the office on time!


We start as one of one. Some find another as one of two. Some love others selflessly as one of one-plus. The luckiest of us learn to love and share as much as we can as one of many, becoming community. You read one of one and one of one-plus here, now read the rest of the story, one of many at Uplift!


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