Tag Annoyances

McYouWon’tBelieveThisOne

Michael Leave a comment

It was there for a while.  A little while to be sure, but to be sure, it was there.  Or they were there.  Those two words.  Those two words that are almost never heard at a fast food drive through window.  Thank you.  So rare are they that we were certain they had just been substituted by some unfamiliar phrase and thus we posted a page of translations one might find useful when pulling around to Window Number One (“The 21st Century Drive-Through Translator,”  May 8, 2014). Now, however, after a more recent visit to Drive Through Land, he is certain that those words, or lack of them, are iceberg tip zone.

It was a couple weeks ago that he was starved and needed something to eat and needed it fast.  Ahead of him he saw arches and pigtails and crowns.  Didn’t matter where he stopped, they were basically interchangeable.  He pulled into the first one and saw only one mini-van at the speaker.  This should be quick he thought.  Mini-van equals kids, equals kid meals, equals one-two-three ordering.  Wrong!

As he pulled behind the van and lowered his window he caught the sound of the lady ordering loud enough that she could have done so without the speaker set-up.  “…and a bacon ranch salad without the bacon.”  A pause presumably while she read the read-out on the speaker’s screen.  “Not a side salad.  A bacon ranch salad, hold the bacon.”  The response came through just as loud. “That is a side salad with ranch dressing.”  “No it’s not.”  Here is where he should have turned around and moved on to contestant restaurant Number Two.

Eventually the mini-van lady and the disembodied speaker voice came to an agreement of what kind of salad she was going to get (even though nobody really understands why these places serve salads anyway).  She pulled around to Window Number One and he gave his order which the headless speaker person totaled to $4.28.  He reached into his change cup, pulled out a quarter and three pennies, felt for a bill in his pocket hoping to snag either a five or a ten and was relieved to find a ten between his fingers, and made his own way to Window Number One, the very window where the mini-van was still stationed!

“…don’t ever change my order again like that.  If I ask for a salad I want that salad not a little side salad.  I know what you people make on those things.  Is that the phone number to call complaints to.  I’m dialing it now.”  And off to Window Number Two she went, probably misdialing all the way.

He took the now vacated place, the no longer headless voice repeated his total, and he passed over the bill and four coins.  The young lady in the window asked if he wanted his receipt, he said no thank you and waited for his change.  Instead of money she handed him his receipt (yes, the very one he said he didn’t need) and uttered those immortal words, “There you go.”  He continued to wait and when she didn’t get it he tried a verbal cue.  “Hmm, my change?”  “You gave me 28 cents,” she said.  “Yes,” he said, “but not with a four dollar bill.”

He looked up and saw that the mini-van was still at Window Number Two.  He wondered if the mini-van lady was ever a drive through worker.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

Some People’s Children

Michael Leave a comment

If you aren’t yet you should be looking forward to the day when you become the parent of an adult child.  Oh when you get down to it they really aren’t all that much different from the non-adult child.  Your parenting skills will still be questioned but then, so will their childrening skills.  Many of the issues you already faced yourself.  Most of the problems will be expected, if not actually anticipated, or at least remembered more clearly.  And usually more expensive.

We figure the expense of childhood issues is going to catch up with the little ones shortly.  It all has to do with the recent wave of television commercials portraying children as members of real families and part of the decision making process.  We’ve had kids in commercials since there have been commercials.  Millions of people know that “Mikey likes it” but probably have no idea exactly what it is that Mikey likes.  But Mikey was cute.  And even at today’s inflated prices, we’re talking about a $3.00 box of cereal.  Not a big budget buster.

No, today’s kids are pushing thousands, even hundreds of thousands of dollars in single transactions just by being, well, by being bad kids.  Let’s start with the youngest in the crowd who carries his blanket with him wherever he goes.  Big deal, lots of kids do that.  But this one seems to take great pride into turning his blanket into an ice cream bowl just for kicks.  Grandma scoops out a nice big portion of ice cream and the kid immediately and deliberately dumps it onto his blanket.  Here that blanket would have then been declared garbage and tossed out with the trash.  There Grandma chuckles and the kid wins.  Again, not a budget buster but far from Mikey’s cuteness and a harbinger of things to come.

Those are the small victories that give other commercial children the audacity to demand their way or the highway.  Take the dad and child off the highway and park them on the rim of the Grand Canyon.  One of the Seven Wonders of the World and the kid sits in the car with the look of “yeah, I’ve seen pictures, so what” across his face.  Dad tries to find a way to “get to” his child, finally deciding to drive his new $30,000 car onto a bison range.  There one of the furry beasts walks up next to the car, fogs the window, and the kid is finally impressed.  You can tell he’s impressed because the voice over tells us so, and for a mere $30,000, plus travel expenses and release statement, you too can impress your child.

Perhaps the greatest display of petulance is the 9-ish year old whose parents determine that he should be part of their spending upwards of a quarter of a million dollars on a house.  House after house they look.  House after house he becomes more and more irked at the selections.  What’s missing here?  Why does he not like any of these fabulous structures?  Because there aren’t any big trees where he can build a playhouse.  It’s not just a house; it’s where you raise your family.  Or so says the pleasant voice at the end of the commercial.  Yeah, right.  And in a year he’ll forget about the tree house and for the next 10 years resent all of the leaves his parents will “force” him to rake every fall.  Them and their darn big trees.

Trust us, you’ll welcome being the parent of an adult child when most of the problems are expected.  And maybe not even more expensive.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Big Deposit, No Return – or – Politics as Usual

Michael Leave a comment

Thanks be to all that is holy – “Election 2014” is over!  Woohoo!  Now we can stop with the crazy television ads, incomprehensible radio ads, and unnerving street side campaign signs (although not far from He’s house is a hillside with signs from last fall’s election (yes, it was one of the losers (isn’t that always the case?)).  The questions have been put and answered who will “lead” for the next few years.  The big question (why them?) might never be answered.

No, this post has nothing to do with the politics of politics.  Rather, it’s the economics of politics we’re calling to our question.  Here’s a case in point.  The governor in our state will be making about $190,000 of our money every year for the 4 years he will serve.  That’s about $760,000 total.  He spent over $40 million to get that job, and according to the news, over $10 million of it was his own money.  Apparently he is pretty well off even without the nearly $200K annual stipend.  That means for his job search, he spent (of his own money) 13 times what he stands to make over the next four years.   That’s over 52 times what he spent of everybody’s money to get that job.  Hmmmmmm.  Is this really the man we want proposing a budget for the entire state?

Stop to think about you most recent job search.  If you are absolutely thrilled with your current position you probably still look to improve your standing every now and then.  If your current position pays you well enough that you could afford to spend $10 million looking for a new position we’d probably say that you are pretty thrilled and that current position is fairly secure.  Your search might include checking out an Internet job board or the careers pages of a company you have lusted over since you got into your field.  Total cash outlay, whatever you spend on computer or smart phone access which also includes your e-mail, general searches, everyday access to your favorite websites, blogs and videos, and the occasional cyber shopping trip.  A deal at maybe $500 for the year.  If you land a job that pays that same $190,000 our governor will make next year you would have spent less than one-quarter of one percent of your potential salary to make that new salary.  (You can propose our budget any time!  Have you thought of running for governor?)

Of course it could be that those willing to spend 52 times to get a job that pays what they stand to make in a year are looking at more than just a return on their investment.  For whatever reason, someone was weird enough to spend a whole lot of money to get a job that makes comparatively very little money (and not just his own money, he convinced others to let him spend millions of their dollars also).  And more people were weird enough to vote for that guy thinking that made a lot of sense.  Maybe it will.  We suppose we’ll find out in the next four years.

For now, it would be nice if they get those signs taken down.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Day After Day

Michael Leave a comment

Who knows how it happened but recently He of We’s e-mail box has been under a new assault of junk.  It’s not even good junk.  It’s mundane buy this, buy that, enroll in this class, give to this cause, apply for this job, have you thought about a cemetery plot lately?  Fortunately, hidden at the bottom, in the world’s smallest font, usually in the world’s least contrasting color to the background (ivory on white should be illegal) is the “unsubscribe link.”

We suppose most of us would prefer not to be regimented by time, day or year but unfortunately most of us are.  Work schedules, meetings and appointments vie for our attention along with their and other imposed deadlines.  It is the deadline or action time that confuses us most.  Sometimes the measuring of time makes sense as we described in “Apology Accepted” (April 1, 2013).  Other times those times make no sense and we said so in “Past Their Prime” (October 13, 2014).  But now we found a new one that is so quite arbitrary it also should be illegal.  Or at least make somebody feel bad.

Let’s take a little detour to the early days of the home computer.  We’re not sure how many of you might have been around for those challenges but challenges they were.  Everything was written in DOS and written in some weird reverse logic notation where yes meant no and no meant uh oh.  Deleting entire files was a daily occurrence.  Deleting files, erasing directories, reformatting entire disks and drives.  There was no stopping the carnage!

So now, let’s come back to the present and that “unsubscribe link.”  You really don’t want any more e-mails from that sender so you click on it.  At least twice.  Eventually it opens a web page.  There you click on another “unsubscribe link” sometimes having to re-confirm your e-mail address.  At least twice.  Then you click on “Yes” when asked if you are sure you want to do this.  Again, at least twice.  And then you get a message.  “We’re sorry to see you go.  Please allow 21 days for your e-mail address to be removed from our files.”

Twenty-one days?  What are they doing for 3 full weeks?  We know from history that you can delete a record in record time.  In 21 days they can remove all records of all e-mail addresses ever used to send anything to anybody.  From the beginning of computer time.  To be fair, some sites can actually get the job done in ten days.  Usually these are the same sites that will gladly sell you just about anything and guarantee next day delivery.  But it takes a week and a half to delete an e-mail from a list.  Yeah, right.  Let’s all stand and applaud their efficiency.

Twenty one days.  Talk about arbitrary.  Next thing you know, banks will be calling anything that happens after 3pm tomorrow.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

And the Band Played On

Michael Leave a comment

Today is Monday.  That means yesterday was Sunday.  That means across most of America people watched football.  Regardless of which players did or didn’t play for whatever thing they did, and regardless of what companies did or didn’t advertise regardless of what players did play even though others didn’t for whatever they did, and regardless if outraged interviewees on television did or didn’t rage on about what should have happened to the players who did and didn’t play, across most of America people watched football.

Here’s something interesting about the days that led up to yesterday.  Whenever a player was questioned about what he or someone else did, the answer would have gotten anyone else fined, fired, jailed, or all the above.  Whether regarding domestic violence, child abuse, assault, driving under the influence, or possession of an illegal substance, the player almost always admitted guilt to the allegation but then went an extra step and said “but it’s not” whatever.  “Yes, I beat my wife but it’s not abuse.”  We’re sorry; did somebody change the English language?  Are the meanings of words different this month than last?  Doesn’t “yes” still mean “yes, I did it” and doesn’t “no” not mean “except in my case”?

We think those players really believe what they are saying.  They really don’t believe knocking a woman unconscious is assault.  They really don’t believe beating a small child is abuse.  It comes from the violence of the sport they play.  And the “players’ little helpers” that they take.  When the job is one of inflicting pain and incapacitating the competition it’s difficult to separate reality from reality.  And just in case that player can’t incapacitate the competition based on a somewhat normal body build, there are steroids to help. Of course they are illegal substances except for the professionals who take them.  After all, they are professionals used to declaring, and being believed when declaring, “Yes, except.”  And it gives them ‘roid rage as the standard excuse for all bad things that are done off the field.  It’s all very convenient.

Yet it’s all still very illegal.  Today, somewhere in America, a couple will have an argument.  They will say things they shouldn’t.  She will turn her back on him.  He will reach out and take her arm to try to encourage her to stay and talk it out.  She will call the police because he “laid hands on her” and he will spend the night in jail.  A far cry from punching her senseless but he doesn’t have the advantage of having thousands of fans cheering on violent behavior from him, perhaps even including his victim.  So violent or not, he gets an all expense stay at the Abusers Astoria while the football player gets people draping signs over the stadium fences declaring their undying devotion to the sot.

Fair?  Of course not.  Expected?  Well, yesterday was Sunday.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

 

Feel free to ignore this greeting. Our menu options have not changed.

Michael Leave a comment

It seems to us that every time you call a bank, an insurance company, some retail store, the local ballet company, your drugstore, your spouse’s work, your work, anybody’s work, or even your kid’s school you are greeted with, “Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.”  Really?  And when was that change anyway?  We’ve been calling the same numbers for years and they all connect to the same recording that starts every call with “Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.

We don’t remember what the choices were from yesterday so how are we to know if they really did change today.  The only thing that we are sure of is that the option we really want – to speak with a human being – isn’t one of the options!  Never is.  We’re certain that it used to be.  We’re pretty sure the last choice was always, “Otherwise, please press zero or hold on for an operator.”  That one used to get you to a human.  It said so right in the description – hold on for an operator.  Now it’s code for “Press zero and we’ll hang up on you.”  And there used to be one that said, “If you are calling from a rotary phone, please hold on.”  That got you a real person also.  Did you ever hold on even though you were calling from a push button phone?  They couldn’t tell.  Could they?

We think we know what the problem is.  There are too many choices.  People are probably clogging up customer service lines with complaints about that company’s automated line saying there wasn’t a choice for their problem when there might have been.  But because there are menus within menus within still other menus, sometimes finding the right choice isn’t a reasonable option.  So we’re proposing our own universal auto-attendant menu that any company can use.

 

–Thank you for calling the First National Insurance Company of Discount Ticket Sellers and Drug Store

–If you want to check a balance, make a payment, transfer funds, request a quote, refill a prescription, get our mailing address, get our e-mail address, access your most recent statement, access older statements, buy a travel mug with our logo on it, order tickets for a sporting event, concert, live theater event, movie, ballet, upcoming auto, home, garden, flower, RV or boat show, commend an employee, or file a complaint, hang up and go to our web-site and take care of business there.  If you’re willing to do it by phone you’ll do fine with it on-line.  With the proliferation of tablets, mobile sites and apps, you don’t even need a real computer to take care of business on line.  You can stay put on your couch, access our site during the commercial, do whatever you want to do, and never miss any of your show.  If you don’t have a tablet you can use a smart phone but the screen is a little small.  Don’t complain to us if you hit a wrong virtual button on a cell phone screen.  Now really, we’re well into the twenty-first century and you don’t have a tablet?  Next you’ll claim to still have a rotary phone.

–All other callers please hold on and listen to our commercial for easy to use personal tablets.

 

There you have it.  It has only two choices and it even works with rotary phones.  And it’s guaranteed not to need changing.  Ever.  Or until somebody invents something more convenient than cell phones or personal tablets.

Now that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you.

True Lies

Michael Leave a comment

It’s been twenty years since Arnold Schwarzenegger kept the fact that he was a spy from his movie wife Jaime Lee Curtis in True Lies. She really wasn’t lied to as much as just not told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Not unlike a lot of stuff that’s going on now.

Even though it’s Spring and we are still getting legitimate bad weather, we do find ourselves with clear skies and no snow every couple of days a week. The weather forecasters, now used to a season’s worth of viewers hanging on to their every isobar must crave the days when something on their radar screens actually shows potential “Severe Weather.”   No problem. If the local forecast has no precipitation nearby, they just bring up some neighboring radar. And, voila, there we have the greens, and the blues, and the whites, and the greys we are used to seeing and they can say with all honesty, “This storm could dump another couple of inches before it’s all over.” Just because it’s 200 miles away doesn’t make it untrue.

Recently a sales brochure showed up in the mail. We think it was a sales brochure. It had glossy pages, colorful pictures, and big fonts declaring “$10 off!” But it never said $10 off what. Of a regular low, low price? Off an already discounted price? Off the manufacturer’s suggested retail price (AKA modern fiction)? There was no indication of what the starting or final price was or is. Ten dollars off, true. Cost to you, who knows.

Fine print is annoying in print ads usually requiring a good strong magnifying glass. Fine print on a television ad is basically useless. It’s at the bottom of the screen, still requiring a magnifying glass even with a 50 inch picture. And just as you are ready to focus in, it disappears. But now we have to deal with fine print on radio ads! If after the ad you hear a breathless individual who manages to speak at an annoying 720 words a minutes all in a near whisper, assume that everything you just heard clearly in the body of the ad has now been modified, restricted, or limited. The ad was absolutely true. You can indeed get cell phone service for 87 cents a month. However, the additional access, roaming, internet, texting, calling, receiving, and bill paying fees add up to $220 for the life of the contract unless the phone company decides to raise any or all of them.

These are just a few examples of today’s true lies. You can come up with many more if you think about it for thirty seconds or so. True? Absolutely. Misleading? Even more so. And it doesn’t take a spy to figure out what’s wrong with those pictures.

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?

 

Him again?

Michael Leave a comment

Today, a mini-rant.  We, as most of the world, are trying to make ourselves better people.  Persons?   We do good for our friends, neighbors and co-workers.  We give to charities.  We contribute to our local food bank.  We let trucks pull in front of us.  We’re nice people wanting to be nicer.  Isn’t everybody?

Two things nice people do are practice patience and exhibit tolerance.  Yet there are some folks that try even the most patient person’s tolerance.  These are the behaviors we’ve noticed again over just the past few weeks and the ones we can do without while we’re being nice to the rest of the world.

The clerk trying to make life easy for him or her and damn the customer.  Recently He of We was checking out at one of his favorite stores when at the end of the transaction instead of the computer cash register printer spewing forth the printed record of his purchases it made an awkward sound, shimmied a bid, then did nothing.  The clerk said that printer had been giving him problems all day and did He really want a receipt.  “Not if you’ll be available to stand up for me if I should have to come back with an unwanted item within 30 days and with a receipt.’’  The clerk then proceeded to repair the printer which apparently meant re-loading the paper properly.

The boss who gleefully reminds the workers who’s the boss.  Whether after a meeting, lunch, or a special celebration, there is a boss who will remain anonymous whose call to return to the business of taking care of business is “back to your holes and do something.”  Not a particularly well taken suggestion particularly when some of those being spoken to have windowless offices down a blind hall.  (That’s his good point.)

The guy who abuses the express check-out lane.  We’ve brought up this one before and we’re not talking about someone with 13 or 14 items in a 12 item lane.  We mean the person who pulls up a loaded cart with 30 or 40 items.  These people know the rules but they also know that the cashier isn’t going to say anything lest he or she (the cashier) ends up with an unsatisfied customer.  Instead, the overly patient cashier waits until the next person in line is up and apologizes for the inconvenience.

The party at the restaurant who continues to use the table for 30, 40, even 60 minutes after paying the check.  We’ve mentioned how we don’t wait for food and encourage everyone to practice table waiting restraint.  If it’s more than a 15 or 20 minute wait, there’s probably another restaurant nearby with the same menu.  Spread your wings.  What we never conjectured was that the waits are caused by people who consider their tab and tip admission to their table for the evening.  If you aren’t finished socializing after the coffee and deserts move to the lounge, a local bar, or somebody’s house for goodness sake.  (Thanks to Daughter of She for bringing up this brand of irritant.  She was waiting at a restaurant where the hostess told her and company of the reason for the wait.  That should have signaled the end of that wait!)

As we said, we’re trying to be nicer than we already are.  Can’t everybody?

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

And the winning irritant is…

Michael Leave a comment

A while ago we were listening to the morning radio show on the way to work and they were reading from a survey of things people dislike.  And then they added their own.  We have to say this was a pretty inclusive list and it held some new dislikes.  Gone is the old, I don’t like clowns, I don’t like lines, I don’t like taxes.  Today’s dislikes are not your average pet peeves.

So what are some of the things people don’t like?  Some of them are related to new technology.  One of the new dislikes is that little animation that every network puts on the lower corner of the screen during its television shows.  You know that ones.  Something that’s coming up next or maybe next week.  It starts as a blurb or maybe a blotch.  It grows to a fuzzy representation of whatever or whoever the show is about.  The it grows to encompass the bottom third of the current broadcast, rendering most of the action – and all of the closed captioning if set to “bottom” – invisible.  The characters dance, chat, and otherwise interact all on top of the current show.  Then it retreats to the corner, disappears, and lies in wait until the next show segment.  We hate those too.

Another technological irk is the rash of new-fangled pop-ups on computer pages.  No longer is the cyber advertising world happy with springing a new window open over the one you are reading.  It’s much too easy to click a tab and get back to your screen without much fuss.  Now we have pop ups slide across a page or scroll down the display right along with you. 

She of We is particularly un-fond of a most annoying type of pop up that looks like a page of a newspaper folding over the current display.  We have a local newspaper that is particularly fond of that one.  Did you ever try to find the little “X” to click to close one of those things?  Devilish they are.

Some semi-high tech things that nobody is wild about are crawls on television screens, the fine print voice on radio ads for drugs or mortgages, and cell phones screens that you can’t see in bright light.  

There are also some things that people do that many others don’t care for.  Nobody likes the person who speeds down the highway, changing lanes every other car, and does it within inches of other cars.  And nobody likes to be behind the person at the express checkout lane with a shopping cart full of items.  Nobody likes slow pizza delivery, cold pizza delivery, or crushed pizza delivery.  Not even pizza delivery people.

What does He of We not like?  Wet newspapers.  Somebody has to be low tech. 

Now, that’s what we think.  Really.  How ‘bout you?

 

Apology Accepted

Michael Leave a comment

It’s the first of the month and for us that means cell phone payment time.  In the past we’ve been known to complain about the lack of customer service we almost always get from banks, insurance companies, the cable company, and assorted utilities. Well we’ve discovered one service that we find quite customer-friendly.

Both of We have the same cell phone carrier.  We’re not ones to drop names but someone will ask and we’re quite happy with it so why not share.  Our service is the one that comedians seem to relish poking fun at for their customer service and we don’t understand why because we’ve received stellar service from ours.  Ours is Sprint.

Both of us arrived at Sprint separately, after horrendous customer service disasters at the hands of our previous carriers, the two biggest and fastest and bestest carriers of them all.   At least that’s what they say.  They don’t say that they are the worst customer oriented companies in the phone service marketplace.  So bad are those two, or perhaps just so big are those two, that when Each of We told our former carrier that we were leaving them, we were actually told to go right ahead and leave.

So why do we think Sprint is so good.  Both of We have had issues that required warranty service or contract questions and all of those issues were handled quite conscientiously and quite handily by human beings.  One minor point is that we did once tried to pay a bill to a human being and the idea of money seemed a little confusing to her so we stopped doing that.  What we do is pay on line, at a kiosk in the store, or most often by phone.  That’s not surprising.  Probably close to 99% of all phone users do the same.  What we notice every month when we pay is that we get a happy recorded voice who guides us through their menu of do you want to pay your bill, this is how much you owe and do you want to pay that amount, and finally do you want to use the same payment method as last time?  That’s all.  No enter your 12 digit account number, your 10 digit phone number, your 5 digit ZIP Code.  No user names.  No passwords.  Just 3 questions, a couple of quick pushes on the number 1, and then the pleasant voice says, “Your payment has been accepted.  Please be aware that it may take up to 15 minutes to be recorded throughout our system.”  Other companies say that it will take up to 3, 7, or even 10 business days to credit your account so please write down this very long confirmation number and plan on someone calling you later to ask for more money.

Anybody who has ever checked out his or her bank account on line minutes after making a phone or computer payment knows that within those same minutes that payment has already been syphoned out of the bank.  Why aren’t all of those payments just as immediately posted as paid at the company that is doing the syphoning?  Yet the one company that almost immediately posts the payment apologizes because it’s not as immediate as they would like it.  Maybe that’s something the other companies can figure out how to do just as fast while they are figuring out who’s the fastest of them all.

Can you hear us now?

Now, that’s what we think. Really. How ‘bout you?