Tag Annoyances

None of the Above. Really.

Michael Leave a comment

Last week I had the opportunity to do something I hadn’t done in years – and years and years and years. I filled out a job application.  I’ve been quite out of sorts lately and I figured out that I was missing some structure. So either I had to start taking retirement more seriously and do some determined vacationing, hobbying, recreationing, and/or memoir writing, or I need to find a part time job and get back into the swing of things. There was a part-time faculty appointment and my alma mater that I was absolutely the best qualified for (just in case someone from the selection committee is reading this), so I said to myself, “Self, give a whirl.” And whirled I did.

I hate to admit it but the last time I seriously needed to fill out a job application it was still on paper. Actually I don’t think I actually filled out an application for the last job I had until after I had the job. That’s a post for a different time. And boy was that a different time. But I digress.

There was a time a while ago when I thought about a career move and quickly gave up on that idea when I saw that the on-line application process was, for me, a multi-day affair. I figured by now that even HR had to have caught up with technology. And they had. Applying was a simple process. Upload a resume, upload a cover letter, upload a reference list, and that was it. Done. All that remained was the EEOC survey. The what?

If an employer agrees to accept federal money for any reason – payment for services, research, tuition reimbursement, anything – the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission wants to make certain that the employer is providing equal opportunities to all applicants. Thus, all those questions that one is not allowed to ask in an interview are required answers on the survey.  They are, sex, race, disability, and veteran status. So far no questions about religion or pet preference.

Now, this post is not a commentary on the survey itself. The survey answers are kept separate from an applicant’s application and are used just for tracking purposes. As a former hiring manager I can tell you that is the case. I never knew how anybody who applied for my department answered any of those questions. When I saw them last week it was the first time I was seeing them. And one really caught my eye.

As I said, these are to determine that people are getting opportunities to apply for any jobs they are qualified for. No prejudging. Everyone gets a fair shake. So I was surprised when I saw the first question and its answer choices:

Sex:
[] Male
[] Female
[] Other
[] Prefer not to answer

Really?

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

There’s No Business Like Shoe Business

Michael Leave a comment

I was looking for shoes last week. I don’t really need them, I have more shoes than I really need but since I was shopping anyway, why not? I found out why not.

I was at the local mall with the basic department stores, a shoe “warehouse,” and some discount department stores (you know, the ones that end in “Mart”).  No real shoe stores. For them you have to go into town, to a high end shopping area, or to an outlet mall. And that’s the shame of it. You see, for a man, unless you want athletic shoes or work boots, the only places to buy shoes are the real shoe stores.

I haven’t figured it out. These same modestly priced shoe stores and departments have plenty of women’s shoes in various styles – casual shoes, sports shoes, dressy shoes, sandals, boots, clogs, mules, pumps, flats, and yes, even athletic and work shoes. Women can buy shoes to work in, play in, go gardening ,shopping or boating, can go to the beach or to the mountains, go riding motorcycles, bicycles or horses, go to church, go to a marathon as either spectator or runner, or even go shopping. Men can buy shoes to play hoops or go to the worksite. Actually, men can buy athletic shoes with steel toes so he can go the work and stop off at the basketball court after without even having to change shoes. How convenient.

Anything more than that, anything like a Scotch grain loafer, a natty cap toe, a conservative wingtip, a plain toe slip on, a basic oxford, or a canvas moccasin aren’t going to be easy to find. For them you have to clear a day, plan a trip, pack your lunch, and check your bank balance.

And you look at us and wonder, often out loud, “are you really going to wear those shoes to church?”

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Double Coupons

Michael Leave a comment

I’m so frustrated. I was doing my weekly coupon thing (you know about from reading “Past Their Prime” (Oct. 13, 2014)) and I discovered I am throwing out more old coupons than I am adding new ones. The problem is that I don’t need four cans of soup and if I did I’d like to save more than 25 cents on the transaction.

Manufacturer coupon writers are getting greedy. It’s no longer enough to encourage repeat buyers to continue repeating or to entice new buyers to try their items. Now they want to move as much product as possible in as short a time as possible.

The retailers aren’t helping much either. A few years ago it was routine to find supermarket ads with specials like 10 for $10 never caring if the buyer really bought 10, 6, 4, or just 1. They could have made the ad read 500 for $500 (a real steal as long as you have the storage space available) but the real price was actually one for one dollar (a real bargain and much less cabinet space required). (You know about this also because you read “Buy One, Get What?” Jan. 12, 2012.)  “Buy one get one” was just a fancy way of saying “half off.” That was then. This is now.

And now the ads are much more literal (not to be confused with literary). If the ad says PowerAde is buy 10 get 10 free you better plan on buying 10 if you want to reap any savings. But before you get carried away clearing shelf space in the kitchen, know that the buy one/get one ratio is also changing. Now you’re more than likely to see buy 10 get 5, an overall savings of only 33%, not the 50% we’ve gotten used to.

The ads are full of buy 4 get 2, or buy 2 get 1. There are still some buy one get one deals but you better plan on walking out with two items and not think you’ll get away with one for half price. On the other hand, do that twice in one shopping trip and you can use that “save 25 cents on 4” coupon you’ve been holding on to.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

In The Dark

Michael Leave a comment

I was on the road around 7:30 in the evening the other day and I noticed something. It was almost dark. It hadn’t yet turned into Fall and it was already dark before prime time television began. You do realize what that means. Don’t you? Yes, another time change is coming.

When I saw that the cars around me had their headlights on and it was only 7:30, I flashed on what it would be like only six short weeks from now. We go through this every fall. On the last Saturday of October we will turn our clocks back an hour, gaining an hour of sleep that night but losing many, many hours of sanity as the trade-off. That’s because you can’t be sane when it gets dark before the six o’clock news comes on. Or in the deepest throes of winter, before the five o’clock news comes on! The only good thing about this year will be that I won’t be leaving for work in the morning and coming home in the evening, both ways in darkness. Little consolation that will be only because I won’t be working. Instead I’ll get to sit at home and see how short the day really is as those few daylight hours march on. And march on they will, quickly, and too few of them, until March when we get to reset our clocks to DST (Daylight Saving Time or as I prefer Daylight Sanity Time).

This blog is loaded with posts on time changes. Why we change our clocks, why we change them back, who doesn’t go through this ritual, and other thoughtful answers for inquisitive minds. There are so many I can’t list them here. If you’re interested, type in Daylight Saving Time into the search box on the home page and pick a couple to review. I’ll give you a synopsis here. I don’t like it. I don’t like reverting to Standard Time every fall.

After the last Saturday of October there’ll be nothing fun left to do but wait for Daylight Saving Time to return. Ok, there will be Christmas. And New Years. And Thanksgiving. And Groundhog Day. Mustn’t forget Groundhog Day. But otherwise, the fun will be done until spring springs ahead into Daylight Saving Time and we recapture the evening sun.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Got Grammar

Michael Leave a comment

I was out shopping at a little neighborhood farm store; I picked up some $20.05 worth of meats, cheese, olives, and fish. I had no change so I gave the young lady manning (womanning?) the cash register a twenty dollar bill and a one dollar bill. She took them then stood there looking at me. I looked back at her and in time she said, “My bad. I was expecting a twenty and a five.” I don’t know why she was expecting anything in particular, as long as it added up to at least twenty dollars and five cents. But, I’ve reported on similar issues with money and people trying to figure out amounts due and to be returned without the aid of a computerized cash register. Or fingers and toes. (See “If You Give a Teen a Penny,” April 7, 2014.) But today’s post isn’t about calculating change or expecting bills. It’s a grammar rant.

It had been a while since I heard anybody other than a daytime TV talk show host utter “my bad.” I was hoping that was because it had finally worn its welcome and was relegated to the what-does-that-mean-anyway pile of bizarre phrases. It’s so bad it’s beyond bad. It should have been expected. Ever since “Got Milk” graced America’s roadside billboards, television screens, and magazine back covers we’ve pretty much given up on grammar.

I’m not trying to be the grammar police and I actually thought Got Milk was a pretty nifty advertising slogan. It was just odd enough to be memorable without being irritating. The same can’t be said for some of its spawn. It seemed shortly after the first milk mustachioed model hit the commercials we were “Gotting” everything from “Got Cookies” to “Got Religion.”

I don’t suppose your old fifth grade English teacher will come out of retirement to correct our slips down the ungrammatical slope. Many things we were taught not to do like begin a sentence with a conjunction or end it with a participle aren’t real rules anyway. If you don’t believe me, take a real good look at your Chicago Manual of Style. Ain’t nothing in there about that. And more than likely most of what actually gets published is far from perfect composition, but it is right around the corner of your average vernacular.

Still, some things really need to stop being uttered in public. “My bad” tops that list. In fact, it tops the list of things that shouldn’t be uttered in private. And definitely never uttered in stores by cashiers trying to calculate change without the aid of a calculator.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Let Me Sleep on That

Michael Leave a comment

I had a great idea for a blog post. Unfortunately, I had it while I was asleep. Maybe “great idea” isn’t quite the right way to put that. Everything I post is real, hence the title “The Real Reality Show Blog.” This is really real. But not everything is blogworthy. (By the way, did you know that “blogworthy” passes the spell-check test? That could be blogworthy in itself.) And not everything that is blogworthy lends itself to a blog. But enough times, something happens that makes a great post. And then something happens to actually make me able to write about it.

Sometimes that something is a bit of work. I mull it over, run it through my brain, try out a phrase or two, and somehow remember it when I sit down in front of the computer where it can fall out of my head through my fingers onto the screen. One of those times was sometime last week. It was a great idea and it just about wrote itself completely in my head. Had I had a computer in front of me I could have walked away with a completed post in just a few minutes. But what I had in front of me was a pair of closed eyelids. And behind them was what turned out to be a faulty memory.

I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking or dreaming or meditating or whatever it is one does on the edge of sleep. All I remember is that I woke up thinking “that would be a great blog!” I just had no idea what “that” was.

Some people can remember every little thing they dream. They’re probably the same persons who know everything that is in their refrigerators. They can relate them at lunch to everybody at the office in excruciating detail.  (That would be their dreams, not their refrigerator contents but probably those, too.) On particularly good days they even come with critiques of the main characters in their mental movies. I can do that only if I have a particularly spicy enchilada with multiple beers after 9pm. Then I either wake up remembering my dreams or remembering an actual altercation in the parking lot between my untied shoe and a telephone pole. Neither makes for a great idea for a blog post although the shoe lace bear some promise.

So whatever it was it isn’t going to be. And instead of a great blog post, you get this. Sorry.

That’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you?

Textiquette

Michael Leave a comment

These aren’t novel observations. In fact, She noted much of this several years ago when cell phone use just exploded. To make a long story short, we need more phone use etiquette, particularly when texting. To make a short story a blog post, read on.

What people weren’t listening to just a little while ago is now hitting morning radio, Internet sites, news fillers, and feature stories. Everybody has their own pet peeve that semms to have finally reached the last straw. Now that it is happening to them, they want somebody to do something.

Some of the annoyances people are tired of include:

People who don’t answer their phones but then text back a “what’s up?”
People who don’t answer their phone but will answer a text.
People who call and if you don’t answer leave a voice mail and then text the same message.
People who call to tell you that they just sent a text.
People who can’t end a text and/or have to get in the last word.
Texts so long they require scrolling.

They don’t seem like much but they are getting lots of ink as we used to say in the old days. But then, in the old days most of this would have been covered under the general heading of good manners.

Odd, nobody mentioned texting at the dinner table.

That’s what I think. Really, How ’bout you?
hbdLB

Subconsciously Yours

Michael Leave a comment

Does anybody have any idea what our minds actually do while we are sleeping? Let me explain. Since I got out of the hospital my body has taken revenge for all those weeks that I ignored it and is making life challenging. Perhaps due to the rigors of physical therapy and a twice daily set of exercises designed to satisfy the Marquis de Sade, I am asleep every night by 8pm, up again around 2am for an hour or so, then back to sleep until 6 or 7. It’s during that second phase that the mind is now joining the body in a quest to make me wake up most mornings with “huh?” on my mind.

I rarely remember my dreams. Sometimes I’ll get a snippet of the movie my sleeping subconscious played for me, but most often I wake up blissfully ignorant of what went on inside my head those few hours. All that has changed recently.

Now I’m waking with vivid details of the sleep show. And I’ve figured out where they are coming from. One recent day I heard Pinball Wizard on the radio. I recall that iconic rock opera as one of my favorites from overture to finale. Throughout the day I was humming and singing (just to myself in my head) that famous modern aria. The next morning I arose fairly exhausted from having been chased by a silver ball in a life-size pinball machine never finding the drain that would have saved me from exhaustion.

A day or two of returned blissful ignorance and then it happened again. I was reading a novel, a favorite past-time, but was really too sleepy to have been reading with any concentration. As a result I kept reading the same passage over and again. I was at the part in the story where the good guy had chased the bad guy to a concert hall then to the concert hall’s basement, then to its sub-basement. Sure enough, the next morning found me waking wondering how I had become the good guy and chased the bad guy through several sub-basements including a fruit cellar, wine stores, utility rooms, a secret laboratory, a bomb shelter, fur storage, and garage. When I finally cornered the villain trying to hotwire a 40 year old MG Midget he surrendered and we rode an escalator back to the surface.

Then there was the day I read in the paper about the upcoming art show in the city and woke up the next morning having wondered why I was painting a geometric abstract including the use of a carpenter’s square and a hand held scientific calculator straight out of the 1970s. And I was painting this masterpiece from inside the canvas.

So you can see why I’m leery of going to bed at all tonight having spent the day craving ice cream. I guess I should wear my flannel pajamas – just in case.

That’s what I think. Really. How ’bout you?

Alert, Alert, We Need More Lerts

Michael Leave a comment

Even if you’ve been in a cave (or hospital) for the past few months, you must have noticed all of the food recalls lately. Everything from ice cream to baby food tainted with everything from bacteria to broken glass has been pulled from supermarket shelves.  I have to say thank you to the consumer protection people for picking up on these and protecting us from danger and disaster.

I also have to say, ok consumer protection people, let’s stick to the disasters. Among all of the life threatening issues, a local supermarket chain recalled 17 items because they did not include “contains dairy products” on the labels.

What were these products? Two types of rolls made with butter, two cream pies, prepared ham and cheese and turkey and swiss sandwiches, and a variety of cheeses?  Who does not know that butter, cheese, and cream (cream!) are made from milk. Well, except for the cream which is milk.

One would think that if bad things happen to a person when that person has a dairy product that the person would know for sure the list of foods he or she shouldn’t take. And no store should be forced to find room in the deli counter for a sign on each cheese that says “contains dairy” regardless of what a good personal injury lawyer says. We won’t even bring up how to label where cream comes from.

Recalls to protect us from dangers, disasters, and death and good things.  Recalls protecting the stupid from their own stupidity should be recalled.

That’s what I think. How ’bout you?

No Means Why Not

Michael Leave a comment

Jerry Seinfeld once said that the only warning label people really pay attention to is “Dry Clean Only.”  He has a point.  Just about everything else we are told not to do we do and do it with gusto.  If you take a warning label, put it on steroids, turn the fabric to metal, and hang it on a pole along the side of the road you get those big warning signs.  They don’t have anywhere near the impact of “Dry Clean Only.”

Perhaps it’s because we got back to real winter weather.  Perhaps it’s because all of the stars lined up just right and all of the blind, nearly blind, and soon to be blind-sided were out driving at the same time.  Perhaps it’s because so many people take traffic laws as suggestions.  For whatever reason, yesterday was not a day to be out driving in the local business district.

There are some “No” traffic laws that are never going to be heeded.  No passing on right.  No turns from shoulder.  No lane changing in tunnel.   Most people do them and get away with them without much problem.  There are other “No” laws that are to be heeded because they are more vital to life.  They usually involve aiming the car at a point that crosses traffic and that traffic is usually high speed and busy not paying attention to its own warnings.  No left turn.  No U turn.  No turn on red.  Yesterday was the day that for every “No” the signs said there was a driver saying “Oh yes I can.”

It’s along one span of a quite large business route that there are traffic lights every 500 feet or so.  Shopping centers, malls, clusters of stores and restaurants, and car dealerships line both sides of the 4 or 5 mile stretch of roadway.  To keep unnecessary traffic out of these various shopping areas’ parking lots, most of the lights permit U-turns.  But then, most of the road is only 2 lanes in either direction.  At the two lights where the road expands to 4 lanes each way the lights are clearly signed “No U Turn.”  At both of these there were cars literally lined up to reverse their courses rather than travel the quarter-mile to the next legal switching point.  At both of these the cars were still lined up after at one intersection the U-Turning car was struck by another and at the second the U-Turning car crossed two lanes of traffic and did half a donut to avoid being struck by a car bearing down on him.

Along a different road there are two “No Left Turn” intersections that, if permitted, would require the turning car to pass in front of three lanes of uncontrolled oncoming traffic.  At the first of these I had to stop while not one, not two, but three of the four cars ahead prepared to make an unlawful left turn.  To be safe about it, they all had their turn signals on.  At the second of these there was only one car making its illegal turn.  That car was a police car.

There just isn’t enough space to detail all of the No Turn on Red turns but one was absolutely spectacular.  That will be a post for another day.

There was no indication of how many of these scofflaws needed to have something dry cleaned.  By the end of the day, I did.

Now that’s what I think. Really. How ‘bout you.